Freedom from free

I've been pretty much responsibility free for the entire football season having no job, no wife, no kids, no teams, groups or clubs, no volunteer work, no family within a thousand miles and not much of a social calendar to speak of. Life's been dull since the season's opening kickoff. PERFECT! That way I had nothing to distract me from watching as many games as I could through the year. And I did, boy howdy!

I was active in about 5 football pools making trades every week and following my players live. I think the more I watch the games the WORSE I get at those damn pools though. "Chicago will probably beat New England this week because Devon Hester has gone two games without a return for a touchdown and last time he went three was never. Although, Tom Brady DID cut his throwing index finger making a breakfast bagel last Wednesday. He'll have three days to heal but will that be enough? Then again BenJarvis Green Ellis can't possibly handle all those names AND the football. He's overdue for a fumble. But will Cutler be able to capitalize if he fumbles. He's only 1 for 7 this season scoring on drives immediately following fumbles by guys with too many names. As opposed to Brady who jumps all over opponents fumbles. But you can't count on Forte fumbling because hangin on to the ball is, (fake "well"), his Forte! But Tom Brady's answered plenty more than one fumble with scores this season. By the way, that 1 score for Cutler was a 48-yard field goal. And speaking of field goals the forecast calls for heavy winds blowing sideways across Soldier Field and that's gonna hurt BOTH teams." and so on and so on.

I woke up at all hours of the morning all season long and missed only one week of football this season. Only one week when I didn't watch a game. Then came today. Super Bowl Sunday in America, and Super Bowl Monday morning in Korea. I was called for an interview and told it'd be right after the lunar new year holidays, either Monday the 7th or Tuesday the 8th. When I got the email confirming the time and giving me directions to the school I copied it down and was gutted! Monday morning at 10 AM. I had to travel to Daejeon, about a 2-hour trip for me. Absolutely the worst time possible. The Super Bowl was from 8-11. I didn't see even a minute of it.

But here's the fun part: I got to the interview over an hour early. The directions were very easy to follow. I told the receptionist in the office who I was there to see and she called her. I got on the phone and introduced myself and told her I was there for my interview. I didn't know why the receptionist had given me the phone or why she had called the interviewer so I just said, "Don't worry I know I'm early, I will just wait." She was oddly silent but made a sound of agreement. When she finally arrived after I had waited over an hour the first thing she showed me was the interview schedule. I was down for 10 AM alright, THE NEXT DAY!

She says, "You really ARE early!" Man, I felt terrible! I had probably forced her to come to work when she hadn't planned on it. Plus I had needlessly missed the Super Bowl! AARRRGGGGHHHH! And who knows WHAT she's going to think of my organizational skills when I can't even get the date of the interview right! Last thing I need with all the people who have been waving jobs under my nose and then snatching them away at the last second over the past 7 or 8 months. I kinda think I am starting to develop a theory on that too.

But it may have been all for the best. I find I'm saying that a lot these days. You see my computer is old and ready to call it quits. The latest thing to go has been live streams. I can't even watch the Daily Show any more. I get about 3 seconds of it then a 20-second pause, then 2 more seconds and so on. I recently found a website with a whole bunch of documentaries posted in their entirety online and have been O.D.ing on them. But can't watch them any more either. MUCH too slow. Then I tried today to do some maintainence. I did an Adaware spyware scan with my free adware program. Adaware is good. And actually free. For now. I also downloaded about 4 "free" virus scans including norton and even one that was in German. They all told me my computer was infested with bad stuff but wouldn't get rid of it unless I purchased their product at the reasonable price of yadda yadda yadda/shprechen shprechen shprechen. Raise your hand if that's NEVER happened to you.

Then I tried to do a system restore. My computer has had problems but only minor ones and until just recently has been good enough. I figured I'd just restore to a few days ago. I got a message that I can't use my system restore. I checked if it was disabled and it's not. So I'll probably have to haul my computer into Jay's Computer Repair, like I did 6 months ago, and get everything re-installed. That's my computer. It's just old. "OLD" Like 4 years. ANCIENT!

So anyway, I got back from the interview remembering that the last time I turned my computer off it worked extremely well when I started it back up. I hoped for the same result but couldn't even get onto my homepage. Then just for kicks I tried to go to the place where I had watched about half the football I watched this season WITH COMMERCIALS. Check out THIS Big Brother action! Right at Super Bowl time! Spoilsports! Literally.

Now, I've been watching a LOT of documentaries lately so my mind is just awhirl with all the folks, well all the entities, agencies, boards, commissions, brotherhoods, clans, and corporations that I can blame for all my problems. Let's start with Mr. Gates. Oh SURE he's trying to get rid of polio worldwide and has almost succeeded, but I know he's just doing that to maintain a healthy market for his made-to-break Microsoft products. He's not the first. Why do you think electric cars didn't work? Not just because oil companies were going to take a hit but because they were too well built. Very low maintainence. Repairmen, garages, dealerships woulda lost millions! They were marketed poorly, on purpose, and STILL caught on. You had to go through intense interrogation to qualify to get one and you couldn't buy it! You had to lease it. Then when they started getting just a bit too good, they were all rounded up and crushed.

I bet if somebody made computer parts that don't get old or deteriorate, THEY would all be recalled and crushed too! Wouldn't they? You KNOW they would! Don't try to fool us with that schoolboy charm, Gates. You and your disease-fighting, Skull and Bones belonging, New World Order, Free Mason, Illuminati, Bilderberg team aren't pulling the wool over MY eyes. And even if you got rid of cancer, AIDS and mosquitoes, I still wouldn't... well hang on. Then, I, uh, er... Well he hasn't done that, has he?

And who's to say these new parts are any better? They're probably just like pharmaceuticals. Zoloft, Viagra, the purple pill. They have generic brands that are exactly the same and 10X cheaper. But you can't buy generic computer parts yet can you? Well, I dunno, maybe you can but I'm sure Bill doesn't want us to.

It's all a conspiracy. They're all against us. We must be vigilant! And what about sharing stuff online. Well, SHARING just isn't something we're supposed to do in the capitalist world, is it? NOOOooo! I get a grainy, herky-jerky picture that I have to sit far enough away from to get a first down before I can make out what's happening. My picture times out once a quarter, usually when it's 4th and goal or during a close in cheerleader shot. I have audio that sounds like John Madden and Frank Gifford are underneath an overturned bathtub and I get ALL of the beer, pizza, burger, car, video game, movie and snack commercials that make me crave stuff I CAN'T GET over here! But the NFL wants me to PAY for that!

Or maybe they just want a credit card transaction from me so they can keep closer tabs on what I buy, where I am and what I'm wearing when I watch the games. Who's to say your government doesn't put a little tiny cam in your monitor. Why do you think it's CALLED a monitor. It's monitoring YOU! You KNOW it's possible! And if you ever want to expose the people who installed all this Big Brother surveillance equipment inside your computers, they'll dredge up some pretty incriminating footage of the last time you were all alone in your room surfing pinkbunnynose.com.

Why, I wouldn't be surprised if they're montoring this blog entry right now. It may appear differently than originally written. And maybe, just maybe, writing THIS kind of stuff is the reason I'm such a fantastic teacher and I can't find a job teaching over here even in a FAKE school! Eerie isn't it? Did you hear that? And why was it that just a few days after finding this site where all this information is just tantalizingly available my computer myseriously goes on the blink. They now KNOW I'll be going to Jay's to get it fixed and they'll give him some extras to put into my old computer to surveil me. I gotta get underground. Soldier on readers! Stay the course. Even when I'm gone. My next entry might be made from a cave.

Something Fishy Going On

Ever feel like something just ain't quite right? Something that is just believed and never questioned could be wrong? Or maybe that something NOT believed might be right? The other day a lifetime of zodiacal skepticism was justified and verified by science. I don't mean that I was skeptical about the whole thing! We all know how helpful horoscopes and astrological personality predictions are! Especially when meeting new people at the bar. I mean I just didn't feel much like an Aries. There were a few things in the Aries personality profile that I felt were accurate for me but not many.

Aries, according to the babble.com food section, are adventurous and energetic. Hello? I've been doing NOTHING for 6 months! And their zodiacal food would be walnut trail bars to pack along on adventures. Yuck!

But I look at Pisces who are compassionate and kind and might bake chocolate chip cookies or brownies for the ones they love. I DO that! And while my chocolate chip cookies may have a few chopped up walnuts in them, they are so much better than walnut trail bars.

Astrological discrepencies such as this have been haunting me my whole life! I was born on April 14th making me a member of the first zodiacal sign: Aries. Apparently Aries mentality is very often, "Me first!" I don't want to be and am just not like that! Jefferson, (Apr. 13),and Da Vinci, (Apr. 15), are a couple of the curious, energetic movers and shakers always delving into new areas that personify the Aries. And when an Aries is "on the cusp" of Taurus they can have very powerful personalities gone bad. For example Adolph Hitler!!!, (Apr. 20). Aries are sometimes referred to as "Arians!" Who WOULD want to be an Aries?!?

On the other hand, Aries ARE forthcoming and direct. No ulterior motives or hidden agandas. I'm brutally honest and it sometimes gets me into trouble. It's one of the hardest things about living in Asian societies where lying is preferred and expected in so many social scenarios. Aries tend to get bored easily leaving lots of unfinished projects in their wake. If I could finish HALF of the stories I've started writing I'd be Stephen King! And Aries are opinionated. It's my opinion that I fall into that category too.

However, they are territorial about possessions, very competitive and hate to lose. Survey says, NAAAHHHH! I don't know how many times I've railed on about how people have gone overboard with their passion for property. "I belong to you. And you belong to me too." That's supposed to be a romantic line in a Lenny Kravitz song. I happen to think it's psychotic. (good tunage though) And although I absolutely LOVE sports and winning, I have tried to share that feeling with others more times than I can count by playing a bit below my best so that I am easier to beat. I enjoy putting up stiff competition but allowing the other player to win. It makes them feel great and THAT makes me feel almost as good as them. How Ariesish does THAT sound?

Many Aries are self-employed or managers and foremen. They enjoy having authori-TAH over other people. I have been asked many times to be camp supervisor, head teacher etc. and just don't want, (or need), people to respect my authori-TANH! Suggested jobs for Arians are military, politics, driving or outside sales. I would plain SUCK at every one of those careers!

Aries are supposed to be more intellectual than spiritual. Here again it's not true. Although, my spirituality IS quite a bit more intellectual than some. I like to study and intellectualize about spiritual matters regardless of religion. "Rafah Ramah Karuna, Agape Prema Tzedakah, First or last or in between, the love you show is the love that has been seen. Love. We got love. Yeah we got love, and that is all we need." This is a line from a song I recently, uh, wrote. It's sung to the tune of "I Got You Babe" because it's simple and I can play it on my harmonica. But anyway, not very Aries-like.

And an Aries won't marry unless he can wear the pants in the relationship. This in large part has been the problem with my Asian girlfriends. I don't want to wear the pants. I don't want to own a woman. I don't want to beat her "passionately" to make her love me, (and respect my authori-tanh).

BUT, thanks to the wobbling of the Earths axis, and some sagacious astrologers, I am now a Pisces! Let's see what mysticalblaze.com says about Pisces, shall we?

Pisces, being the last zodiacal sign, are patient. Almost 15 years of teaching. Nuff said. They are perceptive, spiritual, imaginitive and consider the feelings of others. Some famous Pisces are Michelangelo, (sculpted David), Einstein, (said, "Imagination is more important than intelligence."), and Dr. Seuss, (does not like green eggs and ham). We have so much in common!

Pisces are often thought of as scatterbrained and messy but experts know that these are not our dominant traits. Sure my desk, bedroom, house, truck ARE messy but I know where exactly everything is. Pisces are regal, compassionate, reliable and if pisces weren't so tactful we might brag about it. They often appear to be workaholics. They work hard and do a great job not to gain material possessions but because they believe through their work they are helping people and doing good. You can go to the next entry in this blog to find examples of this in my life. Just scroll down. Money and stuff we buy with it are means to an end, not our goal. My employers never understand my priorities. I've even offered to work for free.

But hold on now... Pisces are devoted parents and spouses who are very understanding and NEVER COMPLAIN. Not a parent, not a spouse and I am an EXPERT complainer! I've said before that if I had a job as suntan lotion applyer at the Playboy Mansion I'd find something to complain about. In Pisces not complaining causes them to internalize their feelings and that can lead to excessive alcohol and drug use. Both Oscare Wilde and I agree that too much of anything is bad for you, especially moderation. I've been known to pop a cork but afterwards anything, though there is never much, that had been internalized till then comes out dragging all my stress behind it. But all of this might change if I were a parent and spouse.

Pisces are passive and agreeable. You don't believe me? Okay, maybe they're not. You're right. These traits make them easy targets for bullies. Hey, I had an entire class of bullies for 2 or 3 years. I had one or two good friends, my brothers, the family dogs and my imagination. And I was fine! This is textbook Pisces. Maybe I was a bit of a loner but I had a cheerful, if unusual, outlook on life even though everyone at school treated me like shit.

Pisces need to be needed. I haven't found a wife who needs me yet. We have the intellect to excel but don't want to be leaders. I could run my own English camp or even a school but I just want to teach. Pisces have home-based hobbies. You're reading one of mine. They are easy going friends who are creative, caring and will surprise with witty and deep insights. To all my friends remember this: You are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Lazy at times but when motivated will be energetic. That's me. When angered can hurt with words. I surprise mySELF sometimes how I can hit a person right in the weak spot just with words. This may be because of the incredible sensitivity and understanding pisces have of other people's feelings.

It all makes sense now! When I was young I was an Aries. Now I've gone through a kind of zodiacal reverse evolution from a ram to a fish. I wish, like the picture at the top, to keep my horns, however becuase they will prove most useful in my new home beneath the water. But I suppose I won't be needing my lungs, wool, or legs any more. So I will maintain a few Aries characteristics but for the most part I'm now a fish.

As for which horoscope to read, I think I'll just read both and choose the best one.

A Few Korean Oddities

Although Koreans seem to have all learned from the same lesson in the same book they all used at one time or another, that "Korea has 4 seasons!"; and although I have sometimes instructionally replied, "Canada has lakes and rivers!"; they seem to have it in their heads that we're in the tropics over here. Every winter several things happen that make you think it might be the first year of winter in Korea.

For instance, one of my favourites: "undol" floor heating. It's hot water pumped through pipes in the floor folks and for some reason there are almost always poorly insulated, (or uninsulated), pipes that lead to the source of the hot water: the boiler, which is almost always OUTSIDE. Water freezes. That's what you have in your cocktail to keep it cold. It freezes, or gets hard, when it's 0 degrees or below and, yes, every year just about everywhere in Korea it gets down to 0 degrees or below. That's Celcius for any Americans reading. I don't know from Fahreignhoit???

Every winter I go to stores or friends' houses or the pub to see people in a panic ripping styrofoam off the pipes and hitting them with the hairdryer or calling in the repairman, or locking the restroom and putting a sign on it that says, "Out of order..." And while we're on that, I sometimes think we've overgeneralized that phrase. I think it was invented for vending machines or restaurants or places where you choose something and order it. Now it's used for anything that's broken and it always makes me think, in situations like the toilet, "hmmm, (that's my thinking), What were you expecting me to order from the toilet?" Anyhoo, it's even worse when it happens at MY place.

Another oddity here in Korea is what I will call "door etiquete." I've blogged about some examples of this before. First, the bathroom door. In a public bathroom, (that isn't "out of order"), if you are using a stall, Koreans will knock. There is no need for a verbal response, just knock back. It's beautiful! A wonderful little slice of door etiquette that makes you think Korean people might just understand what doors are for. Then you are brought back to reality when some Korean just walks in on you. Not in the can but in your home. Usually some jagoff come to check the oil reading, install your cable internet or, you guessed it, to thaw frozen undol pipes or fix your exploded boiler. I'd say over the years about HALF of the Korean people who have had business in my house or apartment have not knocked before barging in. The hilarious part is after totally invading your privacy and walking in on you while you're surfing porn, taking a shower, playing with your Hello Kitty dolls or something like that, they ALWAYS take off their shoes! What is the reasoning? "I don't mind accidentally seeing this person having tantric sex with his wife on the kitchen floor, BUT I certainly don't want to get dirt on it." Or do they just take off their shoes to warm their feet on the undol? If so why does the guy coming to FIX the undol remove his shoes? Connundrum!

It's not just repairmen though. I've had landlords, pizzaboys, friends, students, church recruiters, advertisers and probably some others I have forgotten, walk in on me. It's worse when it happens in winter because, oddity number 3, they'll just leave the door wide open! People who are coming; people who are going. Sometimes they just stand in the wide open doorway. That's a VERY popular Korean passtime, blocking entrances and exits. Maybe that would be oddity #3 1/2.

So today is the coldest day of winter so far. I was up all night watching football. At about 8 AM I made some scrambled eggs and used a little water from the kitchen tap in them. But somewhere around 9:30 when the second football game is ending and I'm getting ready to start watching hockey, BLAM! My door sticks and it's made of sheet metal. It can't be opened or closed quietly. I go out to the kitchen and some stranger is looking at my sink full of dirty dishes. He demonstrates that there is no flow of water from the kitchen faucet. Again my dilemma of not knowing how to effectively relate sarcasm to Koreans. "OH! Well then it's no wonder you walked in without knocking, left the door wide open and checked the bathroom as a bonus knowing I was in the bedroom while you're snooping around my home. Please, make yourself a sandwich while you're at it. Or while you're costing me money by heating the outside why not put your foot through my TV screen? Oh wait, I know why, because you're not wearing your shoes! Thank you for removing your footware. You are SO polite!" It just wouldn't have any effect. And neither did the knocking gesture I made and the "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK," I was saying over his Korean explanation.

But I didn't really even try to make my point. It's an exercise in futility. I'm a nub. So while EVERYBODY, and there were like 6 of them, was barking out orders in unintelligable Korean and asking me questions I didn't even try to understand or answer I turned on my boiler. My undol. I knew within an hour the water would be flowing again. Meanwhile I could see, THROUGH MY WIDE OPEN DOOR, a couple guys digging up the cement in the courtyard to get at some water pipes they thought might be the problem. They had all manner of equipment. And my poor landlady was gesturing to me saying, "Mool mool!" That means "water." And even pointed at the hole in the ground, shook her head and at one point said, "Whatchagonnado?" Ha ha ha. She's so cute!

Just nicely into the second period of the game I heard the water start flowing again. BLAM! A different guy this time triumphantly demonstrating the water flow in my sink full of dirty dishes. Again door wide open and shoes off. People came and went all through my place for the next half hour. Finally the action settled down. Then around the third period, BLAM! It was my landlady. Shoes off and door swinging wide open she turns on my kitchen faucet and demonstrates that I now have water. Then tells me some stuff I didn't understand. I think it was like keep some water running so the pipes don't freeze. A common practice in winter in Korea. You know, rather than installing proper heating systems just waste thousands of gallons of water every winter.

What I'm going to do is turn on the undol every now and then to make sure the water doesn't freeze in the uninsulated pipes. A costly, useless practice since I have a small electric heater in my room that keeps it nice and warm. The undol heats the whole house, which I don't need. Especially now that I'm not working. And why am I not working? Korean oddity number 4: The Korean "yes."

I tried to get a Kia Tigers official jersey made for me one time. Since all Korean bodies conform to the economic convenience of making all shirts one of 4 sizes, (95, 100, 105 or 110), I had to get a shirt custom made. I went to the custom made jersey store and asked if it was possible. He said, "YES." But I had to wait 2 weeks. I went back 2 weeks later and he had the right size and colour of shirt but he then went to the back room and started ironing on some letters and decals. I had made it clear to him that I wanted the real embroidered thing. So he finally tells me the truth, that he can't make a shirt like that after having wasted 2 weeks and gotten my hopes up.

"Do you understand?" YES "Will you abide by this contract?" YES "Can you handle this?" YES "Are you telling the truth?" YES It's an oddity I have grown accustomed to and again, I'm a nub. I've given up trying to fight it. This is what's happening in my work search of late. I was told YES I had a job at Dongshin for Jan and Feb but that didn't happen. The worst thing about that was there was another camp advertising that I could have done. 2 million for 11 days! But I didn't apply because I was waiting for the contract from Dongshin.

Anyway, before the landlady and her daughter left I asked the daughter, (who speaks a little bit of English), "Did they fix the problem?" She replied, "YES!"

My New Year's Resolution

Things are not great here in the "land of the morning calm (after the previous night's half-cocked salvo of lunacy.)" I've had yet another job offered to me then taken away for reasons that have yet to be discovered. Sometimes I feel like a suffering saint. You know like any one of the 10 or 15 who attempted and failed to tackle Marshawn Lynch the other day while giving up 41 points against a 7-9 team. Actually I counted 9 but that's pretty dadgum bad! And I, in my infinite support of the Saints, chose Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Garrett Hartley, AND the N.O. defence in my nfl.com playoff pool. Drew and Garrett did me proud but Reggie wasn't healthy I guess. They kept using Julius Jones for plays, like the short screen, that are Bushes bread and butter. My grievance with my football team parallels one of my main complaints about life and I kept yelling it at my computer screen as I watched: More Bush! We need more Bush!

But I suppose it wasn't their fault. Reggie ended up missing a lot of the second half with a bum leg. Would they have won if it was Reggie running on 4th and goal instead of Wynn, an untested rookie? It doesn't matter I guess. When the opposing quarterback is throwing moonshots with the football like he's playing a game of donkey on the basketball court and the ball is somehow NOT being intercepted but landing in the hands of the correct receivers who then run for touchdowns through a defence that can't tackle, then you know the Saints are suffering.

I feel like that sometimes. I'm on this unwanted holiday because of a school that expressed interest in me back in August, called me, told me they'd send me their offer the next day, never got back to me and made it impossible to get back to THEM. That was Nam Seoul University. This last week I put in a resume for work at Dongshin University in Naju and within an hour I got a response. I was asked to do some intensive courses in January and February. Again I agreed and they said they'd send me their offer and they disappeared.

I got an offer within an hour of application. They were all excited about hiring me and then just changed their minds. What causes that? Are they googling me and finding naked pics? With some of the schools I'm pretty sure they called my previous employer and were told how I'm a terrible worker because I'm honest and hard-working so I make them all look bad, but I didn't include them on the resume I sent to Dongshin U. But I'm sure I have been considered and rejected by many of the places to which I've applied.

I also have a few people in Naju who know me and work for the school board there who expressed interest around Christmas time in finding me some work. I did two camps with them and they loved my work at the camps and were really excited about the prospect of hiring me to teach full time. They pretty much told me not to worry, they'd find me work. I haven't heard from them since and am just a little paranoid that the same thing might be happening with THEM. I was actually a little worried that they might hear about me (almost) getting work at Dongshin and think I was looking for other work behind their backs. For that reason I used them as references when I applied, but who knows what goes on?

So things are a bit tense right now. I don't know if I should continue searching for work or should I wait for the Naju job. I am about ready to give up on the whole university/college thing and admit that I'm not likely to be happy no matter where I work. I could take the attitude that I'm liable to run into the same problems with jealous, incompetent people who resent how good I am at my job and how much better I would be at THEIRS who, like little children, try to sabotage my efforts and get pissy when I end up fixing what they broke and making things even better for everyone. I could decide that I'll just do a really mediocre job the next place I work. Mail it in. Fuck the dog. That'll make everybody happy! But I'm just not like that.

Instead I'm counting on my theory that this type of person embodied in the corrupt businessman, lawyer, politician etc. trying to gain a little prestige and some false morality by posing as an "educator" tends to gravitate toward the universities and colleges of Korea. This is, in a nutshell, why I've had such trouble here. I'm hoping for some maturity and appreciation from the Korean public school system. Hopefully the people I work for there will see that I'm not trying to show them up, I'm doing a good job and helping the school. Hopefully nobody will brandish this edgeless, antiquated, nonsense weapon of "FACE" against me if I do something differently or improve upon one of their ideas. Practically all of the morons I've worked for in universities and colleges around this country could shoot somebody 6 times in the head in front of me and with smoking gun in hand protest at my calling them a murderer. "You are costing me face here!" they would say.

Like Penis. My last supervisor, Na Ki Deok, gave me a class of 50 despite a verbal agreement I made with the college to not exceed 30 students per class. He assured me that some students would drop the class but I'd fallen for that before. It doesn't happen. So I propose to him a simple solution whereby the class is split in half. "Impossible," is the familiar reply. Well before you say that listen to my proposal. I show him the schedule, which has convenient openings, offer to teach the newly created class FOR FREE, and outline just a few points of classroom dynamics that will ensure a much better learning environment in a class of 25 than one of 50. "Impossible," he repeats. Why? Because the students already have their schedules. It's the beginning of the semester and I haven't taught a class yet. Let's go talk to the dean of the department and see if it would be okay. "It's impossible, David, why are you wasting my time?" Eventually I convince Penis to go and the dean of the department says, "Sure." and all is well. Do I get a commendation for improving the education of 50 students? For teaching 34 hours FOR FREE? For possibly setting a valuable educational precedent at the school? Nope! I am despised by Penis because my sole purpose was OBVIOUSLY to try to make him look bad. I don't ever need to do that. These idiots tend to do that job, (and maybe ONLY that job), very well.

It's because they aren't educators. Their sole purpose is to make money. They are much better than educators at GETTING the jobs as authority figures in universities and colleges throughout Korea, but abysmal at DOING them.

This brings me to the point of this entry. When I started working here in Korea I had a much higher tolerance for the shenanigans that regualarly occur when people are trying really hard to LOOK like they can do jobs they know nothing about. In the leisure possibly brought about in part by this lowered tolerance I am noticing a lot of other areas in my life where my expectations have risen thereby increasing the possibility and frequency of disappointment. And, with this in mind, I have noticed it in other folks through world news and current events.

There are areas where higher expectations lead to advances that justify them. For instance computers. I can remember when I had to rush to the computer room at my school at lunch time, forego eating lunch so as not to damage the computer, insert my floppy disk, wait about 3 minutes for "High Res Cannon" to load, account for wind speed and trajectory, take a shot, wait about a minute for it to either hit the other player or explode on the ground around him. Then wait a few minutes while the other player did the same. THIS was fast and furious high tech. entertainment!

Nowadays 10 seconds is an eternity to wait for almost anything to load. And graphics that would have absolutely blown my mind 20 years ago are, "Meh."

George Carlin says kids are never given a chance to just sit on the ground with a stick. Not any more. You never even SEE a stick any more. How long could I, as a kid, sit there with a stick and dig holes or make piles of dirt or peel the bark off and maybe taste it or rub it on cement somewhere to sharpen it or poke a hornet's nest with it or tie some string to it and make it into a bow so you can shoot OTHER sticks at the hornet's nest with it? Endless hours of imagination strengthening, formative play. Nowadays a kid would sit with the stick for 2 minutes, huck it away and go inside to play Xbox. And so would I!

What happens to us? We get bored of everything! How can we somehow learn not to take stuff for granted? Because I've had good jobs over the past few years I have just finished my 6th month of vacation. And that included a pretty expensive trip to Canada. And STILL I bitch about those jobs as evidenced above. I wish I had a sort of M.I.B. pen that I could flash in front of myself so that all my expectations could be lowered to an early time in my life when times were not so prosperous. And I wish that even in my prosperity I could maintain the pure joy in the little things. Find joy in small good things and don't sweat the small bad things. What an absolute PLEASURE I would be to hang around then! But what a crotchety, bitchy, buzz killer I can be!

I think most folks know that I won't complain about things that I don't care about. If I'm bitching about Korea or Canada or education systems or friends or family or people in general it's just proof that I care about them enough to want to improve them. You don't ever hear me railing on about the sport of cricket or picking apart the fine art of interpretive dance. But I could be more positive.

So that is my resolution for 2011. I will try not to bang my fist on my desk when my computer takes 5 seconds to do something that should only take 2. I promise myself to remember a few things every day that I would have almost killed to have, that I HAVE now and never use. Like my Wii, my bike, my own house. Well, okay I DO use the house, but I'm pretty lucky to have it and don't think much about that. I can wash my dishes or take a hot shower whenever I want. Couldn't do that last year or the year before.

I can watch almost any TV show or movie I want, make almost any food I want, drink almost any drink I want, read almost any book I want. I can travel almost anywhere I want, fish, no wait, swim in almost any lake I want, hike up almost any mountain I want, and make friends with almost anyone I want. I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul!

Now if only I can find some new waters in Korea into which to steer that ship and challenge my fate... AH HA! Why don't I change from teaching at universities and colleges to teaching in the public school system? What a great idear!

Invictus!

Crime in Asia

If you read my last entry, and any number of others you'll have some idea of the utter corruption in business in the ESL industry and in government agencies in Korea. That idea will not be wrong either. My experiences to whit are not the worst I've heard. Not even close. I'd say about average. But it may come as a surprise to you when I say that, at least here in Korea, I feel incredibly safe walking the streets. The low occurrence of crime in a society that still regards a lot of their laws as behavioural advice that can be ignored in times of convenience seems a bit odd. Low crime rates throughout Asia persist. I've thought pretty hard about it. Harder than I probably should have. And here's what I've come up with. These will be opinions shared by few or maybe none, but for the sake of argument...

Blame it on Buddha. Argument number one. Buddhists believe in reincarnation. In the face of a raging Christian revolution, there is still a heavy Buddhist influence here in Korea. If a guy has any thoughts of going out and committing a terrible crime for which he knows he might get a triple life sentence... theoretically, he can serve it! All three lives of it! Maybe that serves as some sort of deterrent to a population with remnants of Buddhism still persisting. Although you will notice I wrote, "theoretically." The concept would involve finding someone born at the exact second the criminal died, arresting the baby and throwing him into prison. I dunno, maybe since all babies are innocent they'd let him grow up to when he becomes a teenager. NO teenagers are innocent so put that boy behind bars for his second life.

Think of the parents of this kid. What an easy job they've got! Why would they take the time and trouble to raise him right? I mean if he's caught shoplifting or fighting at school why bother with the discipline, he's got lots of that coming!

Criminals in the west can be quite cavalier if they have life sentences already. They can rob convenience stores, kill people, basically do what they want and say, "What are they gonna do, give me more time?" In a Buddhist society the cops or judges can just say, "YEAH!"

There are, of course, a few bugs in the system, such as suicide. A guy could commit suicide in the first week of all three sentences and he will have successfully served triple life in less than a month. There is stringent suicide watch in prison, but the criminals can find ways. Stabbing themselves with chopsticks, hanging themselves with Tae Kwon Do belts, they can find ways.

Another big bug is that since there's no guarantee that a guy who commits a heinous crime as a human will come back as a human, problems arise. What if he comes back as a tortoise or a Methuselah tree? Would it be fair if his second sentence were 5000 years? And then there's the opposite argument: What if he returned as a mayfly? Some of them only live 30 MINUTES! That's a pretty light life sentence by all accounts. And just imagine the problems facilitating a Buddhist prison! All the different types of food, holding cells, entertainment for all the different species! What a nightmare that must be! What if a guy who came back as a lizard ate a guy who came back as a cricket? Would the lizard criminal get ANOTHER life sentence added on to his time? Would the cricket's untimely demise qualify as a full life sentence served?

And what about Karma? If a man's crime was really heinous won't Karma punish him by forcing him to live his next life as a dung beetle, a cicada or some other tragic existence? So can they justify adding punishment to what Karma gives? That's a toughie.

What if the criminal is a Buddhist and the judge is a Christian? The problems are limitless if you really, (have the spare time to), think about it. But then again, since we've known about DNA I have yet to hear of a case where someone/thing alive had the same DNA as someone/thing dead. I'm not sure that there are many searching for such a match although it would seem to imply reincarnation. Perhaps there are DNA researchers in India comparing people's DNA to dead trees, bugs, corpses and such. Not sure but it would seem to me that the longer we go without ever having found such a match, the weaker belief in reincarnation will become. Then again, it's quite possible that some great yogi or being who attained enlightenment has told the Buddhist world that your DNA changes during reincarnation. BLAM! Religion saved! And, Kablamo, my theory is completely shot down. I guess that's why I haven't yet seen or heard of any Buddhist prisons. There must be a different reason...

Argument number two: I'm not going to say that I'm for or against harsh penalties for crime or even capital punishment but a friend of mine was riding on a train in China with his wife and two daughters. I may be embellishing but it just might have been the Orient Express. Suddenly the wife noticed that her digital camera was missing and reported it to the porter. The train was stopped and members of the railway police rounded up about 5 people they thought were likely suspects. They were lined up and searched outside the train in full view of the other passengers. Lo and behold, the camera was found. As it was returned to my freind's wife the thief was shot and left for dead on the sides of the tracks. I suppose some nearby undertaker was alerted to the business. My friend's wife was agape as her camera was returned. She couldn't even say thanks. But as the train rolled on funny things began to happen. Children obeyed parents and didn't misbehave; chairs were pulled out and doors were opened for women; the elderly were cherished and every waiter/waitress was tipped 21%. And I am quite sure a guy could have left the Hope Diamond on his table to go to the toilet and wash up and there it would have been upon his return.

It's fairly certain that despite misleading statistics, death is a strong deterrent to the average man and for those who are not deterred by it, it is probably best suited. Fascinating though they are, I am not interested enough in why a guy murders and eats a young girl then mails the recipe to her parents. It is not an intriguing enough mystery to me what curing and tanning techniques were used to enable a killer to make flesh suits and lampshades from his victims' skin. I feel OK about making everyone just a little bit safer by eliminating these interesting and unique individuals instead of making them cult heroes, publishing their songs and books and spending enough on maximum security facilities on each one of them to support entire trailor parks full of families. Furthermore I would imagine that their disregard for the sanctity of human life would perversely allow THEM to be OK with their own lives being taken from them as a sort of fine for their actions. An equitable punishment that suits the crime. A Dantean "contrapasso" as it were.

How many Asian serial killers do you know of? Whether they are just not well publicized or whether they just don't exist, point made. In Taiwan there's a sign at the airport that says anyone who is found with drugs will be executed. We've heard of all kinds of harsh punishment and death penalties meted out in Asia and I think that THIS is probably what leads to the lower crime rates.

But let's go back to argument number one in conclusion. If there were a really awful crime committed by somebody in Asia and if reincarnation is true, maybe it's punishment enough for that criminal to have to come back and struggle through another lifetime trying to get it right. THAT could be part of the thinking behind capital punishment in Asia too. So maybe both arguments hold water. Or soju. Or sake. I'll tell you if I ever find out for sure.

World Jr. Hockey Championships - Team Canada Program

The wait to open up gifts is over! And for me the wait to start the World Jrs. is a day longer and it's over too! I'll be up at 5:30 eating Cheerios in my PJ's and watching team Canada start its way out of the Group of Death by beating the Russians. Team Canada is in with The Czech Republic, Sweden and Russia. One of these teams is done after round robin! I don't think it'll be the Swedes because they outplayed Canada in pre-tourny action. So I have to hope the Czechs and Russians didn't put together as strong a team as the Swedes. We'll see.

My pre-tournament guesses as far as line match-ups were, uh, not so good. But I put a lot of guys together based on what hand they shot and one of the huge trends in hockey nowadays: off-wing one-timer goals. I'll concede that Dave Cameron probably knows who plays well together a wee bit better than I do. So the lines we've seen are probably better than mine. And to show you how good DC is, he actually HAS paid attention to the off-wing one-timer trend and has been putting Ellis a right-handed shot on the left point, and Schwartz, a left-handed forward on the right point on the power play. And check the vid kids, it's already working. They both have one-timer goals and are getting good chances like that.

So the following are the revised lines player by player with their stats and performance rating by me.

Line 1

C Brayden Schenn- He Only has a goal and an assist so far. He didn't score in the first game against the Swiss either. But he was my pick for player of the game vs. the Swedes. He's making sweet moves close in and looking like the NHLer on the squad.

RW Jaden Schwartz- Got a goal in game one, 2 assists and lots of shots in game two and set up a goal in game three vs. the Fins. He'll get lots more to add to his 4 pre-tourney points if they keep him on the right point on the power play.

LW Louis Leblanc- Spectacular in game one! Got a goal and an assist. He set up Schenn's goal against Sweden but didn't get credit for an assist. He played a more defensive role in the second two games. I hope he gets back to offense against Russia.

Line 2

C Sean Couturier- Leads team Canada with 6 points, 4 of them in game one vs. Switzerland. He is MAGIC with Foligno although I've heard the same about Hamilton. Although the second line isn't the one I had picked, they have been the best.

RW Zack Kassian- He's not with the linemates I chose for him but he has been a bull in a China shop as expected. He got no points in game one but his linemates got 6 and he was a big part of that. In game two he drew a penalty barging to the net then scored on the ensuing power play. And in game three he got two assists and showed some good hands. He's already hitting everything that moves and scoring well. I still like this guy!

LW Marcus Foligno- I picked him as the first star of game one. He was a darkhorse to make team Canada but has done EVERYTHING for them so far. Got a goal and assist game one and put up a screen on another goal. He threw more hard hits than anyone in game two, got an assist and hit the post on an open net. Solid in game three as well although Cameron was experimenting with lines.

Line 3

C Ryan Johansen- I predicted he might center a line and he is doing so. Getting better every game too. He didn't score in game one but hit the post twice and got lots of power play time. Got a goal and an assist in game two and was the best player in game three in which he became the first Canuck to get his second and third goals AND he was a screen on the Ellis goal. However he had such a great game without Eakin and Connolly. This line is probably done for.

RW Cody Eakin- Hasn't been all that noticeable and probably should be the 13th forward for this team. Hasn't played bad at all though. Got an empty net goal in game 2 and an assist in game 1. I think he'll be used mostly for penalty killing and sparingly on offense.

LW Brett Connolly- Looked like the sniper he is in game one putting a lot of rubber on the net and hitting the post once but only got one assist. Also set up Barrie for a sure goal but he didn't score. Unfortunately he got sick and we saw less of him in game two and none of him in game three. Hope he's back for the opener vs. Russia.

Line 4?

C Cody Cizikas- Got a goal and an assist in the first game. He has looked good but not outstanding. I think coach Cameron will find him a spot on a line with Howden and Ashton for the tourney. And it will be line 4.

RW Quinton Howden- He has been a stand-out in every game. Got an assist in game one but sort of disappeared in favour of Hamilton in the third period. Some great penalty killing and 2 assists in game two. Then got third star of game three. He got an assist and a goal. Missed on the first but not the second. I think he's just getting stronger.

LW Carter Ashton- I think he's been playing mostly right wing but it doesn't matter much. He's a big, skilled player and versatile. Got a goal and assist in game one but hasn't scored since. I think when he gets some regular linemates and figures out their chemistry he'll be back. Till then he'll just keep throwing punishing body checks.

#13 Curtis Hamilton- Didn't notice him too much in game one; good penalty killing in game two; and he played very well in game three. Had one awesome rush to the net that got him an assist. I think he'll become a fixture on the third line and get lots of either Eakin's or Connolly's ice time.

The D

Ryan Ellis- An assist in game one, 2 key shot blocks and a post in game two and second star of game three with a goal and assist. He established himself on the left point of the p.p. getting some good one-timers and showing NHL composure. I predicted he was the likely choice for captain and DC agreed. He IS the man!

Jared Cowan- I think he's been the second best defenceman so far. His experience is showing.

Tyson Barrie- Got a goal and an assist in game one. He was good offensively but I don't think he gels with Ellis. I think Cameron has decided team Canada doesn't need his offense so much. He didn't score in games 2 or 3.

Dylan Olson- He's been very good.

Calvin De Haan- Also very good. Got a goal in his junior home rink in game one and played solidly in games two and three. Had some great power play chances but hasn't cashed in for a while.

Eric Gudbranson- Haven't noticed him and that means he's playing exactly the way he's supposed to.

Simon Despres- You may never notice this player in this world championships unless there's an injury. Riding the pine a lot so far.

Well time to hit the hay. I'm setting the old alarm clock for 3 AM so I can watch the football but I'll be switching over to hockey at 5:30 AM. I'm so glad I am not working right now!!!

Pension/Severance Fiasco

Part one: The Deception

Since I haven't been doing much here in Korea over the last 3 or 4 months I thought it might be fun to try to get severance pay from Seokang College. If you have read this blog you know that after my first year there they didn't pay, and I didn't ask for, severance pay because I was treated well. But over the past two years the jagoffs in charge of the language program at Seokang, Jung and Peter have lied to me; asked me to commit fraud every semester at grade submission time; locked me out of my home on numerous occasions; refused to provide a better apartment for me even though I found one that would actually save the college money over keeping me in the dorms; threw away my mail or just kept it for several months before giving it to me and refused to implement a simpler mail plan I had provided that would solve the problem; invented reasons to refuse permission for me to teach camps; scheduled exam conflicts in almost every class every exam period for me; broke their promise of keeping class sizes below 30 and now have classes of over 70; said, "Impossible!" when I asked to split a big class in half and even offered to teach the resulting new class for FREE; refused a camp that I proposed which would make the college MASSIVE piles of cash even though I took care of everything in the camp except the facilities, (which would have been Seokang College); tried to sabotage my hiring by giving me a contract with the wrong date; broke all the contracts they made with me; and I'm sure I'm forgetting lots of specific incidents. Suffice to say they have cherished their hatred of me and bent over backwards to make things as difficult for me as possible, sometimes even at their own expense!

Why? Because I'm too honest. That's what it boils down to. To give you an example, my second contract included a starting date of Sept. 1st. Jung was given my schedule from the school where I was working at the time and I told him I would only have the last week of August to move and do all the immigration nonsense. He said at the interview, "I hate your schedule," but never once mentioned that I had to start work at Seokang the last week of August when I had just told him I had planned to move. The result was that I was informed at the last minute and had to quit with no notice, pay another teacher to cover my Mokpo classes, pay expensive weekend rates for moving, run around Korea getting things stamped and sealed and verified and was miraculously able to make it to work at Seokang on time.

Did Jung say, "Thank you?" Nope. Did he offer to help with the extra expenses HE was responsible for? Nope. He just whined like a little girl about losing face when I pointed out that it was his negligence that had led to all my unnecessary expense and misery. And hated me more. During the immigration process I told him we needed to get everything done RIGHT NOW. He called immigration and they told him it was, "Impossible." I told him we were in a rush and that we would have to go down there and get things rolling and not accept the old Korean favourite, "Impossible." as an answer. While he whined about how he had other things to do and I never ONCE pointed out that if he hadn't given me a contract with the wrong date on it, we wouldn't be so rushed, we went to immigration and guess what? POSSIBLE! We got everything done. But this only made him hate me worse because AGAIN I had cost him face by showing him that I knew more about immigration, (i.e. HIS job), than he did.

Noticing a pattern? I was hated for helping. The whole time there I was trying to solve problems at Seokang and make things work better and it just made the people in charge hate me. The extent of their hatred I still don't know but it is becoming clearer and clearer as the pursuit of my severance pay continues.

A while ago I read something online, possibly at efllaw.com, that said that according to the Labor Standards Act of Korea any business that employs 5 or more people must pay severance in an amount of no less than a month's wages for every 12 months worked. I didn't read about any exceptions. In fact, I remember being paid pension AND severance pay at Chonnam U. and Hankuk University of Foreign Studies. I THINK that if I had worked a full year at Mokpo U. I would have received both as well. The private institutes I had worked for paid both too except for my first "hagwon" which told me at the end of my contract, "Sorry, sorry. No severance. IMF crisis. But please re-sign. BIG bonus! David good teacher!" It occurred to me that Seokang, a place where they regularly commit academic fraud and seem to regard labour laws like most Koreans see traffic laws: as just suggestions, might just be withholding my severance pay illegally. I figured that forcing them to obey the laws might be a perfect way to get some semblance of satisfaction, and, yes, revenge for the crap they had put me through for being honest and law-abiding.

So I went to the labor office in late August just before my contract with Seokang ended. I had been on vacation since mid June so my work was finished, just not the contract period. I went to the labor office to investigate the chances of getting severance pay. I went with my friend Guns, a Korean, as my translator. We met with an old, thin guy who told us that I was indeed entitled to severance pay from Seokang College. That was great news! I heard Guns talking and I heard the man speaking as he called Peter on the phone and "yeon geum" was never mentioned, only "dwei jigeum." Yeon geum is pension and dwei jigeum is severance. The result of the phone call was Penis lying to the guy and saying that Seokang had every intention of paying severance pay when our contract period was over. I told the guy that they hadn't paid me severance for my first year, or my second year and nobody who had worked there during my 3 years of service had ever received it. He said we'd have to wait until the contract lapsed.

Part two: The Wait

Through September, October and November I wrote emails, called, texted and talked in person with Penis about my severance pay and he always faked like he didn't know what it was. I even used the word "dwei jigeum" to him. He just ignored every attempt. So I returned to the labor office a couple weeks ago in early Dec. The old, thin guy was there but he was busy with other people. A girl named Shin Hye Jin asked me to have a seat somewhere and when I communicated in English that I was waiting for the old guy she went over to him and said something in Korean after which he looked at me and gave a head-shaking hand wave. It was either that he didn't remember me or that he didn't want to be bothered with me. At any rate the girl took down my information and made ANOTHER call to Penis. I was with my friend Amber who works at Gwangju U. and she had one of the workers there write on a piece of paper in Korean that I was after my severance pay. I saw it in black and white, "dwei jigeum." When she saw this, Shin Hye Jin said I was entitled to dwei jigeum, took down some particulars and called Penis. Peter had the gaul to ask the chick to hand me the phone. I get on and he says, "What's up?" I said he knew what was up because I had told him a million times in every messaging media except post. He said exactly this: "David, you should know that Seokang College doesn't pay severance pay." I said that I knew but I was pretty sure they had to according to the law. He hung up on me.

The girl did her best with her limited English and said a meeting would be set up and that I would be mailed a notice with the date and time of the meeting on it. Then I would have to come back to Gwangju again. But because of the language barrier I was a bit confused about what, if anything, had been accomplished at that meeting. I was told by both the old, thin guy and the girl that I was entitled to my severance. I didn't understand why there was a need for a meeting and why at the labor office, they couldn't just look up the labor laws and make a ruling on the case then and there. So I contacted the Gwangju International Center where they help foreigners with problems they sometimes have in Korea. A very nice gal named Karina Prananto helped me out by calling the girl who had dealt with me at the labor office. Then I received an email, from the GIC, NOT the Labor Office, at 10 PM Monday Dec. 20th that I was supposed to meet Penis and a labor mediator, arbitrator or judge or whatever on Dec. 21st at 10 AM. Obviously, since it takes me 5 hours to get to the labor office by train and/or bus I could not make it. I got pretty frustrated and went out for a few scotches that night wondering if I'd be told I had forfeited my severance pay. I was also very suspicious about why the mail notice was not sent and how the impossible meeting ended up being scheduled.

Next day I received a call from Penis who was at the labor office with the labor mediator named Park Sung Yoon. He sounded giddy when he told me that if I didn't make it to the appointment I wouldn't receive my severance pay. Interestingly I could hear Park Sung Yoon in the background talking to Peter almost as if he was telling him to ask me if my fridge was running or if I had 10 pound balls. At one point Penis even handed him the phone and he spoke to me in really fast Korean knowing full well I can't speak Korean.

As luck would have it, my buddy Guns had called just a bit before 10 that morning saying that he was driving to Gwangju and asking if I still needed help with the severance pay issue. I told him about the scheduling fiasco and gave him Shin Hye Jin's number. While Park Sung Yoon to bombarding me with Korean I managed to say to him, in Korean, that my Korean friend is calling Shin Hye Jin right now. He then handed the phone back to Penis. He had no more taunting to do so he hung up. Guns called moments later saying that we had a new appointment the next day at 5 PM. So Guns came over and we drove to the Ju together.

Even though I was not feeling 100% because of the scotches the night before, it was good to see Guns. I felt kind of bad for dragging him into the mess and told him I appreciated his help. We had some sam gyup sal with a couple of Guns' friends, hit a few baseballs then I went to Gwangju U. and visited with Amber and Maria and stayed for free in Bill's dorm room. I paid for Guns' gas and the sam gyup sal. It was the least I could do.

The next morning I went with Guns to my bank and got my transaction history printed out so that I could show the mediator all the deposits Seokang College had made to my account. I got the ENTIRE history of my bank acct. EVERY transaction. It was a misunderstanding but that turned out to be good. The teller also printed out just the Seokang deposits. It cost me 1000 won.

Part three: The First Judgement

Guns and I got to the labor office early and since Guns had his I phone and computer he killed time by finding out more info. He called ANOTHER place that said I was entitled to severance pay. We were both pretty sure the meeting was just gonna be a formality. At 4:45 we got to the office where Park Sung Yoon's desk is and we reported to him. He told us to wait in the waiting room. Then a few minutes later I got a call from him saying, "Deureoyo." I'm not sure of the spelling but this means come in. If you can find 5 people above the age of 5 in Korea who can't say, "Come in." in English I'll eat my dirty underwear. Throughout the entire meeting Park Sung Yoon rarely spoke to me directly but when he did it was like he was assaulting me with Korean. It was pretty clear to me that his behaviour and in all likelihood the unreasonable rescheduling of the meeting were both Peter's influence.

The meeting started out with Peter trying to explain that Seokang had paid my pesion and acting as if he didn't know the difference between pension and severance. In fact he produced a document that said just that. I told Guns to tell the mediator that Peter was acting right now and that he is very aware of the difference. I'm not sure how exactly Guns was translating but for the better part of an HOUR we were farting around with semantics. Severance is paid by the employer at the end of the work relationship, or when it is "severed." Pension is money for old age that I contribute to and it's paid pursuant to an agreement between the Canadian govt and the Korean govt. There are two different words in Korean. Why do you suppose that is if they are the same. I showed in my bank records where Seokang had paid pension and it said, "Yeon geum" on the bank printout. It was about that point when the mediator made his final ruling. He sided with Peter.

I then told Guns to tell him that there are lots of schools around Korea that pay both severance and pension. In fact I had worked for some. He said, "Prove it." So I showed the deposits made to my account by H.U.F.S. The severance payment was there and the pension went to my Canadian account when I left the country. He started to change his mind a little bit thinking that I wasn't just taking a piss here. He also started making documents that he hadn't prepared until after his initial "judgement." I think he wanted to make sure he did this thing correctly just to cover his ass if I was right.

At this point he said that I had to contact my former employers and obtain written proof of them paying me both severance and pension. I said to him that what those schools paid me had no bearing on the case, what HE needed to do was make a judgement from a position of certainty. I asked Guns to ask him, "If I get these written statements from the other schools, what will you do then?" I asked that same question at least 3 times. Again I am not sure but I think Guns was translating correctly. I never received an answer. I told Guns to tell him, that the onus is not on me to prove anything. It was up to HIM to make a fair judgement and I repeated that it had to be from a position of certainty. The only certainty is the law in the case. We were at the labor office. Surely there must have been some access to labor laws there! I told Guns to ask him, (like 4 times), "Are you saying that Seokang College is a private school and therefore can pay pension in lieu of severance?" AGAIN I never got an answer. It must have been this fucking face nonsense again because I was essentially telling a guy who didn't know his job how to do it. I actually said a few times that I could not believe that he didn't actually KNOW the laws regarding severance pay and the difference between it and pension. Whether Guns translated accurately or not, I know the guy understood that and got defensive. He told Guns to tell me that I was the very first person who had ever come into the Gwangju Labor Office with this problem.

HEY me and Guns are Pioneers! Anyway, in the end he took back his hasty "judgement" and decided to give both Peter and me some tasks. Peter had to find the difference between severance and pension, (remember he told me Seokang doesn't pay severance and he KNOWS they pay pension so he is well aware of the difference), and he wants me to get proof I was paid both pension and severance from some other employers. Then he wants us to return AGAIN on Dec. 28th. We had been at this an hour and 45 minutes and it was pretty clear to me that this guy had no intention of doing what it was his job to do: look up the labor law that applied to our situation and make a ruling according to it. I have no reason to believe he will do that when, or rather IF I return on Dec. 28th. But he drew up some official LOOKING papers that I had to sign and fingerprint in about 8 places to make it LOOK like he had done his job.

I left the office thinking that if I could get a labor lawyer or a representative from the labor standards office or somebody like that to scare this dude a little, maybe he might look up that laws and make a ruling. I still admitted to Guns that I had thought that all these people were positive that I had severance pay coming to me but maybe THEY were confusing pension and severance too. I mean the old, thin guy, Shin Hye Jin and whoever Guns called. Maybe the laws, (which I read on EFLlaw.com are written by former politicians, lawyers and lawmakers who become heads of schools, and they are written purposefully vaguely in order that they may be used for their school's purposes.), DO say that Seokang is able to pay me pension instead of severance! Well I did some searching, again online so I don't know if it's accurate or up-to-date but I have found that in the Labor Standards Act of Korea in section 34 SUBSECTION 4 it appears to say almost exactly that! And there's ANOTHER piece of legislation called the Pension for Private Teachers and Staff Act which allows private universities and colleges to put retirement pension statements in their contracts instead of severance pay.

If this is the law of Korea that we are currently operating under, and it wasn't just thrown up there by one of the private colleges and universities who want to exempt themselves from paying severance, then I don't think I'm gonna get any severance pay. But this begs the question, how is it possible that I was informed by two labor office representatives that I was entitled to severance pay and a third made a ruling that I WASN'T entitled to it before he had any idea what the hell it was?!?! And why oh why doesn't anybody at the labor office know this law? Even after I said this almost verbatim and asked if a law like this existed! 3 or 4 times!!! One of the laws in the Labor Standards Act of Korea states that any workplace with 5 or more employees, like the Labor Office, MUST have a copy of the Labor Standards Act readily accessable. There are actual penalties including jail time if they don't. I seriously doubt I'd be able to find a copy at the Gwangju Labor Office. It looks to me like just another professional LOOKING office in a professional LOOKING building where the peope do little more than nothing but do it busily enough to appear industrious. That's MY judgement.

The aftermath

And then they have the unmitigated gaul to look down their noses at a guy like me and call me "lazy!" I'm not lazy I'm just a helluva lot more efficient than you, you asshole and that frees up a lot of spare time for me to get some well-earned relaxation.

I'm talking to Penis and Park Sung Yoon. You see, after the meeting was over, I got some interesting information from Guns about what was happening in Korean. First of all I am pretty sure the meeting was pushed ahead in order that I might not have the time to find a translator and so that Penis would be able to MIStranslate everything I said to the arbitrator. And the arbitrator was undoubtedly aware of all of this. I have a strong suspicion that he was paid too. Guns said there were several instances when Penis TRIED to translate what I had just said INcorrectly and Guns had to straighten him out.

There was also a little chatting and a little laughing between Guns and Peter. I found out from Guns that Penis was trying to do to him what he had obviously done to the arbitrator. He was schmoozing Guns saying that he shouldn't be friends with me. Saying I was good in my first year at Seokang but not the last two. AND calling me lazy because I haven't learned how to speak Korean. He was insinuating through slick sophistry that Guns was a bit of a sell-out and a traitor to Korea for helping a foreigner I have no doubt. The arbitrator did nothing to keep the atmosphere at the meeting professional. In fact his refusal to practice the common courtesy of speaking English to me in situations when he could easily have done so, made his position obvious. This racism, (I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and call it xenophobia because Penis is not afraid of me he hates me), was at the heart of every instance of Peter and Jung trying to make my life difficult at Seokang. This was why even after I threw them the olive branch of the camp that would have made them both a ton of money while I did all the work, they cherished that racist hatred of me so much that they ignored the offer. But not before trying to get from me the numbers and names of the contacts I had in Naju that were in charge of the camp and wanted me to make it happen. They wanted to steal it for themselves the bastards.

There is no doubt in my mind that when Seokang College is contacted by future prospective employers Peter will spin his yarns about what a terrible teacher and person I am. There is no chance I will get a good recommendation from them despite the 3 years of excellent teaching there and everything I did to make the place better. I have to wipe 3 years off my resume now and ensure that at every interview I will be asked about that and my answer will be scrupulously and skeptically received. I have little doubt that although I have applied at quite a few places, the fact that as yet I have had only one interview has a lot to do with Penis and/or Jung. And the length of time spent on my relationship with Seokang College at my interview for Jeonju U. leads me to believe that it was Peter's handiwork.

But I'm actually okay with the whole thing. It is giving me confirmation that I need to go in a different direction. I have given the university thing far too much time to work out and I have received no indication that it ever will. I have a pretty good job opportunity in a different area.

But that is for another entry. I will conclude by saying that I'm not going to do the bogus search for records from any of my past schools and I'm not going to that bogus meeting scheduled for Dec. 28th. The fact that Penis will have to make time for it makes me a little happy. I hope he has to miss something important. I really don't think it is fair to ask Guns to go back to that place either. So what I guess I might do is send the appropriate laws to Park Sung Yoon IN FUCKING ENGLISH, and ask him why he doesn't know them and why he was messing around when the whole mess could so easily have been solved. But there's no reason for me to think I will get any reply to that question or that anybody will learn anything at the Gwangju Labor Office from this. But they'll all be glad that the possibility of actually having to maybe DO something, embodied in me, will be out of their lives. Maybe I'll write something up about this and put it in the Gwangju News. I dunno.

World Jr. Hockey Championships

It's the most wonderful time of the yeeeeeear! Before the advent of NHL Gamecenter Live, which I've had the past couple years, the best hockey I had to look forward to over here in Korea was the annual TSN.ca televising of the World Jr. Hockey Championships. I love watching this tourney as much as American basketball fans love their March Madness and for a lot of the same reasons. These are young, hungry kids playing their hearts out to win for their team and country more than impress scouts. Not yet rich, spoiled businessmen playing to maintain their financial status without risking it through injury.

Last year the Canadian team came within a goal of the gold medal. It was the first time in quite a while anyone has taken it from Canada. But full marks for the US team. They were good. Aparently they are gonna be good THIS year again too and their playing in their own country. So team Canada is set up to do exactly what they had done to them last year. There are 4 guys on the team who settled for silver last year and they'll no doubt be telling the others how nice it was to get those medals. ANNNHHH! They'll be stomping on them, throwing them at walls, and grinding them down in the skate sharpener to ensure the boys know that nothing but gold is good enough.

The final rosters have been entered and the pre-tournament games begin on December 20th. I'm not sure if those will be aired on TSN.ca or not but I'm pretty sure I'll be watching livecasts of games provided by TSN.ca even if I'm teaching at a camp and have to be up at 3 AM to do so. Here's the sched: http://www.tsn.ca/world_jrs/feature/?id=4124

Nice thing is they keep them archived for NON-live viewing. The problem is accessing them without accidentally seeing the score. It's better just to watch them live. Hope you'll all be watching with me.

Here is a brief rundown of some of the players to watch. I don't know much about them but I'm crunching stats and a-googling. Here's what I've come up with.

Line 1?

Brayden Schenn is probably the class of the forwards on the team. A strapping farm boy from Saskatoon, he's already playing Center in the NHL for the LA Kings this year. He's got 2 assists in 8 games but is being used very sparingly. He scored 99 pts. in 59 games for the Brandon Wheat Kings last year so he got game. Some think he'll be the leading scorer for team Canada. I'm not so sure.

Jaden Schwartz is another Saskatchewan product. Though he is also a center he'll likely be on the wing with Schenn setting him up. He's a Colorado college boy right now but taking a break from the books to get some business done. He's got 26 pts. in 17 games with Colorado College this season.

Louis Leblanc is, (as the name would indicate), a Quebec Major Jr. Hockey League player for the Montreal Juniors. He's got 29 pts. in 24 games so far this season. Both Leblanc and Schwartz are a bit small, and they're both centers but since Leblanc shoots right and Schwartz shoots left they'll probably play right and left wing respectively. My UNtraditional wisdom says that should be reversed to get them some SWEET one-timers, but nobody ever listens to me.

Line 2

I think line two will be FAR more productive for team Canada.

Brett Connolly is a right handed sniper from Campbell River, BC who has 22 goals in 30 games for the PG Cougars in the WHL this season. He's a lanky 6'2 181 but he'll have some protection to his right that will allow him to freewheel. He'll center the best line of the tourney if it's put together.

Zack Kassian could be the guy folks. His 20-game suspensions and bar fights have taken a lot of attention away from the fact that this guy is a HUGE 6'3 226 bull-in-a-China-shop right winger who could run roughshod over this tourney. He'll barge into the opponent's zone, get the puck and set up one of his two sniping linemates a LOT if things are as they should be. He's got 48 pts. and 33 assists for the Windsor Spitfires this season. I sure hope this line is together!

Quinton Howden is an Oak Bank, Manitoba boy who ALSO has 22 goals this season. He plays for the Moosejaw Warriors in the WHL and got his 22 goals in only 29 games. He's a smooth skating left winger who will be the perfect complement to Kassian and Connolly.

Line 3

Sean Couturier He has the same initials as Sidney Crosby and is being compared to him all the time. Of course it's way too early but he IS someone who has a lot of eyes on him. This might be a detriment. He'll still get his share of points but the fact that he'll be targetted and the first line will get a lot of focus is just going to make line two better. He's from Bathurst, NB and has 51 pts. and 35 assists for Drummondville in the QMJHL this season. He has 3 more points than Kassian after having played 7 more games in a league where I think it's a little bit easier to score. But SHHHH, don't tell the other teams in the tourney.

Cody Eakin from Winterpeg, Manitoba is a character player. I think his nickname should be "Seth" because he looks like Seth Green. He's a natural center but has played on the wing. Good at forechecking and penalty killing he may be used in these roles. But he also has good hockey sense and rarely makes a bad pass. He has 18 goals and 39 pts. this season for the Swiftcurrent Broncos in the WHL.

Marcus Foligno seems to be a wildcard. He hasn't played in all the under 18, world jrs., world championships, etc. that everyone else on the team has played in. He has just gotten better at a staggeringly fast rate. At 6'2 200 lbs. he's a powerful left winger and he likes to get his nose dirty. Nobody will mess with Couturier or they'll go toe to toe with Marcus. But he's got 15 goals in 28 games with the Sudbury Wolves! He's no slouch. The 48 penalty minutes may be what got him on this team though. I am anxious to see this guy play.

The fourth line

Casey Cizikas is better known for his rugby play than hockey. Let's hope THAT changes this year. He aparently pile-drove a guy who was headlocking him in the midst of a rugby game. The guy already HAD head injuries and was medically ordered not to play but he died from head injuries and Casey was charged for manslaughter. Okay enough of that, I want to see him slaughter a few men as a member of what will probably be a hard-hitting 4th line for Canada. I think if this line is together and positioned properly they could do some scoring too. He's got 36 pts in 28 games with the Mississauga Majors in the OHL this season.

Carter Ashton is yet another Saskatchewan hockey playing lad who is a left-shooting right winger. I LOVE this idea because of the one-timer goals that leads to. He's also a big 6'3 219 grinder for the Regina Pats in the WHL who has 44 penalty minutes already. Hopefully he accumulates penalties wisely.

Ryan Johansen is a right shooting center who I think should be put on the left side of this line. I remember watching olympic and world jr. hockey last year and seeing a couple huge trends. One was the ease with which off-handed wingers were piling up the one-timer goals. I felt Canada, (as usual the more traditional thinking team), was probably taking the LEAST advantage of this tactic and could have made things easier for themselves if they had. Will they try it this year. I doubt it. But Johansen has 36 pts. in 31 games with the Portland Winterhawks in the WHL this season. He might center a line but I like him here.

That's it for the forwards. The defence I will just sum up. Jared Cowan is back. I loved his big hits at last year's World Jrs. and am looking forward to the same this year along with his stifling defence.

Ryan Ellis is the all time leading scorer amongst Canadian defencemen in the tourney. And he's back to extend his record. He's a tiny 5'10 154 but he'll be buzzing around and scoring more than most forwards. He's already got 40 pts. in 27 games as a defenceman with the Windsor Spitfires of the OHL. I think he'll be my favourite guy on the team. I can't wait to see how he does in the NHL!

Calvin de Haan returns this year to avenge his silver medal from 2010. He's steady and will have the confidence of being in his second WJHC.

Simon Despres is 6'4 222 but he's supposed to be a guy who can also score. He's a smooth skater and good shot blocker. He plays in the QMJHL where, as I said, I believe it's a bit easier to score, and I've heard has been kinda disappointing so far in training. We'll see...

Tyson Barrie is an offensive-minded defenceman. He plays for the Kelowna Rockets of the WHL and has 25 pts. in 23 games this season. He's a mainstay on their powerplay. Could be a good pairing with Ellis for power play situations.

Dylan Olsen is the only Alberta boy on the team. He's 6'2 222 and has 9 assists in 12 games for the NCAA college Duluth team this year. I imagine he'll be a stay-at-homer.

Erik Gudbranson was the captain of the Canadian under 18 team that included some of these same players. He's a rock solid 6'4 211 and the Kingston Frontenacs of the OHL will tell you he doesn't let many guys past him. He's a very physical player in his own end. But he also has a great outlet pass and hard shot from the point. Leadership is strong and I wouldn't be surprised to see him as the captain though Ryan Ellis might be the more likely choice.

So watch out for Canada this year! They're predicted to be not so much a one-line team and I think that will be good for them. It will spread the other teams thinner so we can take advantage of our depth. Usually that's Canada's biggest strength.

GO CANADA GO!

Full on or casual?

Full on or casual? It's a question isn't it? So was that. But really in so many ways we think full on is just going to be better and I am certainly starting to see a lot of examples where it isn't. Casual is always easier and sometimes it's just better, despite what we may be trained to believe. Of course examples will have to follow. And they will:

Parenting. GREAT example! Nowadays parents are full on protectors, instructors, disinfectors, nurturers and projectors. But kids aren't any better for it. Might be worse. Then you look at some of the sadsack, lazyass parenting of the past THAT WORKED and we gotta give this one to the casual. Kids can do stuff on their own. They can! And it's actually GOOD for them!

Education. Same thing in a lot of ways. Here in Asia where they spend twice the time in the classrooms as we, in so many very important ways, they're only half as smart. The only Koreans I've known who have managed to achieve a level of English I would consider to be totally fluent didn't get it the Korean way. They got it hangin' out with, dating and partying with English speakers. I always try to keep my classroom casual and administrators, (and lots of students), think I'm just lazy. And they are amazed how well they are able to convey that to me using the English they learned in my class playing games and doing fun exercises.

Religion. I don't want to pick on one so I'll be very vague here. But the full on militant religious are probably the same in all religions. They look at individuals very closely to see past the good, pick out all the details in the doctrine that differ so that they can pinpoint the sinners' exact routes to hell, (or its equivalent), talk with like-minded believers about how glad they are that Jesus, (or his equivalent), has delivered them from such evil ways, (as far as those like-minded believers know), then do a little self-congratulatory back slapping as humbly as possible, and finally pray for their lost souls. This takes a tremendous amount of study and effort! I prefer the Dalai Lama's casual approach. He believes we should just seek happiness. It's what we do anyway, right? But he cautions that improving your station in life, your means, your financial position, that's nice because it makes life easier but it differs from true happiness because it's not spiritual. Spiritual happiness comes from making others happy. If you want to make someone happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Just be nice to people! Casual and effective. That's the way for me! What the world needs now, is love sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of. What the world... and so on.

I was in Pyeong Taek today shopping at E-Mart. If you know Korea you know a lot of E-Marts have Mcdonalds and the one in Pyeongtaek does. And if you know Korea you know we haven't had 1/4 pounders at Mcdonalds. Until NOW! Just recently. So to tell you the truth it wasn't absolutely essential for me to go to E-Mart, I think about 1/4 of the reason I went was to eat Mclunch. And it was worth it!

But a funny thing happened at the Mclunch counter today. Not new, but funny. I ordered a 1/4 pounder set with 6 Mcnuggets. The cashier says no problem, rings me up and takes my money. Tells me about the 4-minute wait but doesn't mention there is no sweet and sour sauce in the place. I see her huck a little container of barbecue sauce on my tray. Now this is not a big thing but I can't tell you how many times this EXACT same thing has happened to me in Korea. Well occasionally it varies in the flavour of the sauce. But that's all. I always just ate my nuggets with mustard, barbecue sauce and even a few times with that awful chilli sauce for dipping the Mcwings. Ew. But I WANT sweet n sour! That's all. And why don't they TELL me? Easy, because they know the order was made, the nuggets might be in the oil already, a nice person will just take what he's given. Today I said DAMN THAT!

So I asked if there wasn't any sweet n sour sauce. She made a show of looking to make me think she hadn't been trained to hide that fact from me, then said no. So I said, "Okay forget the nuggets. Change them for a Big Mac." She yells something to the cook who yells something back to her. Then she says, "No." I just laughed. So did the Korean guy behind me. "NO?" And I laughed a bit more. So I downshift into English and say politely, "I don't want the nuggets if I have to eat them with barbecue sauce." She relents and tells the cook to fire up a Big Mac for me. Then asks me for the extra 900 won. I checked my burgers for spit and didn't find any.

Why this story? It just gets me thinking about Korea. Maybe thinking too much. You be the judge. But if I were working at a bulgogi restaurant and that chick walked in and ordered bulgogi I would TELL her if I had no bulgogi sauce, only barbecue. I wouldn't give her pork covered in barbecue sauce. She'd freak! Probably torch the restaurant, start a candlelight vigil, I'd be deported and soon the government would hastily enact a law that forbids all foreigners from serving meat with barbecue sauce on it in Korea. Okay maybe a little too much.

"We do it all for you." "Have it your way." "The customer is always right." Those probably don't even translate into Korean. The fact is, if they ran Mcdonalds in Korea the right way it'd be fast food not medium speed food. It was 1:00. Lunch time. There should have been a few Big Macs and at least one box of nuggets in the tanning bed so there would have been no problem. The problem originated in the kitchen. The cook had already started cooking the nuggets and didn't want to waste them. I remember going to Mcdonalds where they had egg timers on the counter. Two minutes. If your order took longer you got some sort of deal. 4-minute waits just shouldn't happen. And furthermore, had I stuck with the nuggets I would have been given my fries. Then 2 minutes later my burger. Then after the 4-minute wait, the nuggets. I don't want to eat in installments! But that's how they do it in Korea. They think it's better. Because it's their idea.

I'm getting to the point. If you go to the bank and open an account they give you a bankbook much like if you order fries at Mcdonalds they give you a packet of ketchup. The bankbook is optional. You can use it if you want. Same as the ketchup. But then suddenly on a Friday night when you are far from home you go to a bank machine to take out some cash to pay for the train home and your card is refused. You try 10 other machines and get the same result. You have to go the entire weekend without money. Plans are cancelled and people are disappointed. You go to your bank on Monday and they tell you the bank book MUST be regularly updated. If not your account is closed without notice or explanation. Of course you ask why and you get the robotic, "It's a rule." or "It's our policy." So you start up a new account, get a new bankbook, tear it up and throw it in the garbage in full view of the shocked bank teller who learns exactly nothing from the display. Never once does the thought cross the wide open transom of her mind, "Yeah, why DO we have that stupid rule?"

There IS a point coming. Trust me here. The bank teller and the Mcdonalds worker both have similar experiences with many other foreigners and develop a distaste for them. So they get jobs at the immigration office. There they are trained to ask for every piece of documentation the foreigner can possibly be required to produce. Whether or not it is necessary is not for the trainee to decide. They even tell people that they must leave the country while their work visas are negotiated even though that's not true. They have full information on their screens saying that the foreigner's degree has been verified three times but they make him do it again at his expense. They refuse provincial criminal record checks that are all just federal record checks requested by municipal police stations. They make the foreigner get the identical federal criminal record check directly from the federal police. At his expense. Plus they require sealed transcripts from the university as proof of attendance despite the fact that on the screen the verification of his documentation is crystal clear. They do this for a while and grow tired of being yelled at by irate foreigners even though it was fun at first. They now hate foreigners so they get jobs at airport immigration and customs.

There they tell folks that they need to surrender their alien cards and assure them there will be no troubles when they return to Korea on a visitor's visa. They know the stupid foreigner won't even be allowed onto the plane to Korea without a ticket OUT of Korea in his possession. And there are hastily enacted rules almost every day to decrease the number of things you can do without an alien card. They confiscate cigars and bottles of scotch to enjoy on the weekend. They get yelled at some more by foreigners and despise them.

They get married to a full-blooded Korean man, squeeze out 2.5 kids while falling out of love, obssess over the kids to make themselves forget about their husbands fillandering, and train their kids to do exactly the same things that have made their lives so "happy."

And now, finally the point. One of my favourite Rush songs is Subdivisions. In it there are some awesome lines that always make me think of Korea. "Growing up it all seemed so one-sided, Opinions all provided, The future pre-decided, Detached and subdivided, In the mass production zone, Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone. Korea is a mass production zone. People are trained, not educated. They are like this because Korea is as full on a capitalist society as can be. People are numbered consumers. They matter little in the grand scheme of Korea.

So the final addition to my list of things that are better casual than full on would be capitalism. Or I suppose any government. If Korea could loosen up a bit I bet they would blow right by Japan and maybe even China. But I fear I'll never be proven right.

I poured my ice into the ice-hole, deposited all the paper products into the trash and even tamped it down a bit. There was a tray on top with a big pile of ketchup on it. I lifted that tray and put mine underneath it in the stack. The girl from the counter came over, smiled and wished me well in the Korean way, (peace be with you). I said the same to her and smiled nicely. My smile was genuine though I'm not sure about hers.

I'm pretty sure I'll just take whatever sauce I'm offered next time.

Another Dave's Top 10 list: Top 10 Things That Bug Me About Survivor

I LOVE Survivor. It is one of my favourite shows of all time. If it were only animated! Dang! But seriously, it is not animated because it features real life. I know reality TV is to reality what Life cereal is to life but I like watching these folks who are usually "even better than the real thing", and in situations that are anything BUT normal because in every season there is a lot of real life. The show's creator, Mark Burnett prefers to think of it as "unscripted drama." It's not what these people would normally do since they are watched by millions. I'm sure there would be more fighting, swearing, and getting it on if they weren't. Probably even MORE lying, cheating and stealing too! But it's watered down life that I enjoy watching as a bit of a guilty pleasure.

Considering I've been in Korea, a foreign land where I can't eat what I want, can't do what I want, don't have a lot of the comforts of home, am forced to act nicely to a lot of people I don't care for, am in constant competition with other people who want the same money I want, am forced to sometimes make alliances with people I do and don't like, have watched lots of my friends go home and leave me on the peninsula, and for me and just about everyone else here, it's all about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I reckon I've been playing Survivor for 10 years. But I'd prefer the TV show to my version of it.

On the other hand, there are some things that consistently bug me about the show. A lot of them are probably because the participants can only be Americans, and not being American, some of the things they do boggle my mind! There'd probably be some of the same things and some different if there were a Canadian Survivor. Although the first prize would likely be an Amana Radar Range or a Brother Sewing Machine. Ha ha ha. Canadian game shows! So cheap! Anyhoo, here is my list of things that bug me about Survivor.

10. I like Jeff Probst. He's a good host and although a lot of his questions are most likely written for him by sociologists or whatever, I've seen him do some pretty good thinking on his feet. However, he has a speech impediment! How does a guy get the best job in the world, most of it requiring speech when he can NOT say "skull" or "ultimate" or "ultra". Skoal, oltimate, oltra. I think it was Survivor 12 in Panama when they had an Exile Island named Skull Island and the challenges often had skull themes, I nearly muted the show a few times. I kept getting an odd urge for a pinch of chewing tobacco between my cheek and gums. (Skoal) And it usually bugs me when he says the most often heard redundancy in TV, "Once again, immunity is one more time, back, again, up for grabs another time." Okay I added some but saying immunity is once again back up for grabs is like saying AM in the morning or basic fundamentals or honest truth or round circle, or soda pop or any of several that bugged people so much THIS list was made. I know it's a small thing but it's number 10.

9. During the final episodes called the reunion episodes where the people gather to read the votes and see who wins the million bucks, everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY is wearing WAY too much make-up. And it's not just because we're used to seeing them in their natural states. Survivor is never going to win any awards for make-up if there are any in TV. I know they have Academy Awards for make-up artists. Even the dudes get plastered with product. Sometimes it's so bad it looks like they used Homer Simpson's make-up gun! I think the worst two examples ever were Ozzie, who shoulda WON Survivor Cook Islands, (DAMMIT!), and Steph, ALL THREE times she was on! She is PLENTY hot enough without make-up!

8. There has never been a Survivor in which people weren't constantly talking about how they need protein or food energy to perform well in challenges, yet, aside from Survivor 14 in Fiji where it was survival vs. THRIVAL, and the team with all the luxuries like food won every challenge, I am POSITIVE, (and I've seen 'em all), that the hungry tribes have won more than their share of challenges. The survivors who go on reward challenges that include meals just don't have the killer instinct they might if they weren't recently full to satiety. This is why athletes NEVER eat before games. Fighters have been known to starve themselves in other ways, if you know what I'm saying. No nookie turns a pugilist into a murderer who might bite off your ear or threaten to eat your children.

7. I absolutely hate watching the episodes where the survivors get letters from home or relatives visiting the island or whatever. Almost EVERYBODY cries. When somebody DOESN'T cry, I am usually a much bigger fan of theirs. It's a month, probably less, away from your family. Survivor lasts 39 days and it's usually before day 30 that they have these episodes. Who among the survivors has never WISHED for a month away from their families? I always wonder if they're not just playing it up to get some sort of sympathy votes or to look sensative in the eyes of the viewing audience. For a wife or husband or especially a kid I could understand a bit more but it happens with Moms, Dads, friends, I think some of the survivors would have cried in the arms of locals that were hired because Survivor couldn't track down any loved ones. Do average American families see their Moms and Dads every month? Every single month? And if it's longer than that do they blubber and wimper like Lucille Ball when they meet? I guess this is part of that UNreality the cameras add. If it's not, it sure gives me doubts about the intestinal fortitude of the average American! If I want waterworks I'll watch the Biggest Loser. I wish they'd lose these episodes, but millions disagree. I dunno. I don't get it.

6. This one is one I'm usually entertained by, but in principal it bugs me. It's those sore losers on the jury who lambaste the final two or three for lying, cheating, stealing, breaking promises and doing immoral things, BETTER or SOONER than they did. I find that people who play honest games are almost always proud of the way they played and the fact that they can sleep well at night is reward enough for them. It HAS to be cuz let's face it, they never win! The ones who make fools of themselves reading the riot act to the people who make it all the way to final tribal council are almost always people who either failed at the deceit game or didn't get a chance to employ it. I think this is A LOT like life. Probably the best example is Sue from Survivor 1 and All Stars who went ballistic on both shows.

5. There is almost always some loser at the very end who did absolutely nothing while people were falling like dominoes around, (usually), her. Someone who is useless in challenges, has no charisma, did little or no game playing or manipulating, is lacking in social skills, intelligence, athleticism and even sometimes work ethic, but made some very fortunate alliance early in the game with a powerhouse player or two who keeps, (for the most part), her around because she'll be easy to beat in the final two or three. Then when the jury criticizes her for all that she says, "I must have played the game better than you since I'm here and you're on the jury." Even Probst has said it a few times! I suppose Sue would qualify from Survivor 1. Tina won Survivor 2 because of Colby. Was voted off first in All Stars. Kim from Survivor Africa rode coattails all the way as Big Tom said. Then Survivor 4 the final TWO were people who fit the category. One coattail rider and one who flip flopped any time people came to her with a new alliance. She never proposed an alliance, never worked, naver really made friends, was terrible in challenges but because of a purple rock she got a mil. Danielle and Arse, (Aras) were a useless final two and stole the game from one of the best ever survivors: Terry. Actually, no, Arse was pretty good. Just an arse. I could go on and on... But here again Survivor is very much like life. And we'll go to number 4 for the next one...

4. The person who deserves to win almost never does. In fact the person who wins almost never deserves to. I'll give you a list that I think would be very well accepted as the people who were the smartest/most athletic/best social players/hardest workers and had a winning combinations of assets that SHOULD have won them the game. 1. Greg (9th), 2. Colby (2nd), 3. Tom (4th)though I think Ethan deserved the win, 4. Hunter (13th), 5. Brian (1st time!), 6. Matthew (2nd) 7. Rupert (6th), 8. Lex (9th), 9. Sarge (9th), 10. Tom (2nd and last time!), 11. Steph (2nd), 12. Terry (3rd), 13. Ozzy (2nd), 14. Yau Man (4th), 15. Chicken (lol okay maybe some would disagree with this), and so on. This year it'll probably be the same. But that's life.

3. As in life when people say stupid things to reason away the travesty of the inept rising to power and wealth while the worthy get shafted such as, "It's just business," "Don't take it personally," "Just trying to feed my family," or other such crap, Survivor has its own version: "It's a game!" Hey, it's NOT a game! There's a million dollars PLUS on the line. Nothing could be farther from the truth. These guys are all playing for endorsement deals, public appearances, vehicles, the easy life. It's not a game. People just say that when they've realized they don't deserve to win as much as someone else so they lied, cheated or stole. Once again, just like life! The greatest example of this was when the appropriately named Dreamz made a deal with Yao Man that in exchange for about a 60,000 dollar vehicle, if he won immunity for the final 4, he'd give it to Yao Man. Dreamz had that same money sickness that causes businessmen/women to say, "It's just business." He somehow DREAMED that after shafting the most deserving guy in the game he'd get even ONE vote from the jury. Of course he didn't and has been lying his ass off ever since saying it was his "game" strategy. I call BS because he wouldn't have sworn to God right away when Yao Man proposed the deal OR talked about how proud his kid would be of him when he turned over immunity to YM. He was only talking to the camera when he said that so it absolutely COULD NOT have been strategy. Was it his strategy to lie to the viewing audience? Dangle money in front of some people and just sit back and watch the show. A million bucks makes for some real entertainment!

2. I absolutely hate it when people ally based on sex. For the men it's a bit more understandable because they are better suited for a lot of the challenges. But the WOMAN POWER alliances really bug me. This is one of the big reasons why we end up with so many duds at the end of a lot of seasons. But even worse I hate when the races hook up. For a long time if there were two black people on Survivor, you could bank on them hooking up. Even the one time when Ghandia accused Ted of sexual harrassment, they were a brothah/sistah alliance beforehand. The most obvious example to me would be the alliance of Yul and Becky the two Koreans. They were talking about how they had such a "strong bond" from like day 2? Two things have caused that kind of "bond" in the history of Survivor: A rockin' bod and racism. And since they were very clear about not ever thinking of each other in those terms after the season ended, I think we know what it was that brought them together. And knowing Koreans and the way they feel about the importance of blood, how they have special words for racist ideas in Korean like "jeong" the special love only Koreans can share, it's a no-brainer. Quite fitting that a racist-based alliance won the season where the tribes were initially separated by race.

1. The thing I hate worst about Survivor is what I call the "blah blahs." These are those people who say stuff like, "If I put my mind to it I can blah blah blah." "I believe that there's nothing I can't do if blah blah blah." And so on. These hyperpositive and hyperconfident people almost NEVER turn out to be even close to as good or fast or socially adept or funny as they claim in their hooray-for-me, self-congratulatory back slapping. And Americans have never been accused of having too LITTLE confidence in themselves. Watching this Dunning/Kruger effect and witnessing the absolute crash and burn failure of its sufferers is almost as sweet as watching the truly good players win. I'm not actually sure which I like better. This Dunning/Kruger effect is only theory but that's why it's so fun to watch. It really looks to be evident. It's basically when someone has an illusion that they are really good when in fact they suck. But the same delusionary thinking that makes them think they're good at something is what keeps them from realizing they suck. They also judge others to be of similar judgement and ability to them. It also works in reverse with the great players. They usually underestimate their abilities and overestimate the abilities of others to be about on par with their own. Probably the best example of the former was Rocky. He won exactly nothing but if you asked him about his performance on Survivor he'd probably tell you he was dominant. And almost every season you'll have people who compare themselves in their profiles to past survivors. Like I'm as devious as Russel or as funny as Tyson. They're usually nothing close. Of course it doesn't work for everybody! Russel thought he was the smartest guy alive and it was sweet to see him proven wrong. Tyson was absolutely in love with himself too. Then there's Boston Rob. But they weren't blah blahs. They had some game to back up their cocky talk so I dislike them slightly less. But the thing I like the least is also the thing I like the most. Guys like Ozzy, Tom, Rupert, Rodger, Paschal, Ethan, Greg, Hunter, and QB Gary had the positive D/K effect. So did girls like Steph, Amanda, Danni, Kathy, Sandra, Helen, Elisabeth, Colleen. But I'm not talking about the things I like best about Survivor. The blah blahs make it tedious sometimes. Especially when watching alone and I can't slag them to someone else. Oh I still do but there's nobody around to hear me. Maybe I need a dog.

Anyhoo, that's what's got me typing this time. Nothing much happening since last entry. See ya next time.