Something Fishy Going On

Ever feel like something just ain't quite right? Something that is just believed and never questioned could be wrong? Or maybe that something NOT believed might be right? The other day a lifetime of zodiacal skepticism was justified and verified by science. I don't mean that I was skeptical about the whole thing! We all know how helpful horoscopes and astrological personality predictions are! Especially when meeting new people at the bar. I mean I just didn't feel much like an Aries. There were a few things in the Aries personality profile that I felt were accurate for me but not many.

Aries, according to the babble.com food section, are adventurous and energetic. Hello? I've been doing NOTHING for 6 months! And their zodiacal food would be walnut trail bars to pack along on adventures. Yuck!

But I look at Pisces who are compassionate and kind and might bake chocolate chip cookies or brownies for the ones they love. I DO that! And while my chocolate chip cookies may have a few chopped up walnuts in them, they are so much better than walnut trail bars.

Astrological discrepencies such as this have been haunting me my whole life! I was born on April 14th making me a member of the first zodiacal sign: Aries. Apparently Aries mentality is very often, "Me first!" I don't want to be and am just not like that! Jefferson, (Apr. 13),and Da Vinci, (Apr. 15), are a couple of the curious, energetic movers and shakers always delving into new areas that personify the Aries. And when an Aries is "on the cusp" of Taurus they can have very powerful personalities gone bad. For example Adolph Hitler!!!, (Apr. 20). Aries are sometimes referred to as "Arians!" Who WOULD want to be an Aries?!?

On the other hand, Aries ARE forthcoming and direct. No ulterior motives or hidden agandas. I'm brutally honest and it sometimes gets me into trouble. It's one of the hardest things about living in Asian societies where lying is preferred and expected in so many social scenarios. Aries tend to get bored easily leaving lots of unfinished projects in their wake. If I could finish HALF of the stories I've started writing I'd be Stephen King! And Aries are opinionated. It's my opinion that I fall into that category too.

However, they are territorial about possessions, very competitive and hate to lose. Survey says, NAAAHHHH! I don't know how many times I've railed on about how people have gone overboard with their passion for property. "I belong to you. And you belong to me too." That's supposed to be a romantic line in a Lenny Kravitz song. I happen to think it's psychotic. (good tunage though) And although I absolutely LOVE sports and winning, I have tried to share that feeling with others more times than I can count by playing a bit below my best so that I am easier to beat. I enjoy putting up stiff competition but allowing the other player to win. It makes them feel great and THAT makes me feel almost as good as them. How Ariesish does THAT sound?

Many Aries are self-employed or managers and foremen. They enjoy having authori-TAH over other people. I have been asked many times to be camp supervisor, head teacher etc. and just don't want, (or need), people to respect my authori-TANH! Suggested jobs for Arians are military, politics, driving or outside sales. I would plain SUCK at every one of those careers!

Aries are supposed to be more intellectual than spiritual. Here again it's not true. Although, my spirituality IS quite a bit more intellectual than some. I like to study and intellectualize about spiritual matters regardless of religion. "Rafah Ramah Karuna, Agape Prema Tzedakah, First or last or in between, the love you show is the love that has been seen. Love. We got love. Yeah we got love, and that is all we need." This is a line from a song I recently, uh, wrote. It's sung to the tune of "I Got You Babe" because it's simple and I can play it on my harmonica. But anyway, not very Aries-like.

And an Aries won't marry unless he can wear the pants in the relationship. This in large part has been the problem with my Asian girlfriends. I don't want to wear the pants. I don't want to own a woman. I don't want to beat her "passionately" to make her love me, (and respect my authori-tanh).

BUT, thanks to the wobbling of the Earths axis, and some sagacious astrologers, I am now a Pisces! Let's see what mysticalblaze.com says about Pisces, shall we?

Pisces, being the last zodiacal sign, are patient. Almost 15 years of teaching. Nuff said. They are perceptive, spiritual, imaginitive and consider the feelings of others. Some famous Pisces are Michelangelo, (sculpted David), Einstein, (said, "Imagination is more important than intelligence."), and Dr. Seuss, (does not like green eggs and ham). We have so much in common!

Pisces are often thought of as scatterbrained and messy but experts know that these are not our dominant traits. Sure my desk, bedroom, house, truck ARE messy but I know where exactly everything is. Pisces are regal, compassionate, reliable and if pisces weren't so tactful we might brag about it. They often appear to be workaholics. They work hard and do a great job not to gain material possessions but because they believe through their work they are helping people and doing good. You can go to the next entry in this blog to find examples of this in my life. Just scroll down. Money and stuff we buy with it are means to an end, not our goal. My employers never understand my priorities. I've even offered to work for free.

But hold on now... Pisces are devoted parents and spouses who are very understanding and NEVER COMPLAIN. Not a parent, not a spouse and I am an EXPERT complainer! I've said before that if I had a job as suntan lotion applyer at the Playboy Mansion I'd find something to complain about. In Pisces not complaining causes them to internalize their feelings and that can lead to excessive alcohol and drug use. Both Oscare Wilde and I agree that too much of anything is bad for you, especially moderation. I've been known to pop a cork but afterwards anything, though there is never much, that had been internalized till then comes out dragging all my stress behind it. But all of this might change if I were a parent and spouse.

Pisces are passive and agreeable. You don't believe me? Okay, maybe they're not. You're right. These traits make them easy targets for bullies. Hey, I had an entire class of bullies for 2 or 3 years. I had one or two good friends, my brothers, the family dogs and my imagination. And I was fine! This is textbook Pisces. Maybe I was a bit of a loner but I had a cheerful, if unusual, outlook on life even though everyone at school treated me like shit.

Pisces need to be needed. I haven't found a wife who needs me yet. We have the intellect to excel but don't want to be leaders. I could run my own English camp or even a school but I just want to teach. Pisces have home-based hobbies. You're reading one of mine. They are easy going friends who are creative, caring and will surprise with witty and deep insights. To all my friends remember this: You are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Lazy at times but when motivated will be energetic. That's me. When angered can hurt with words. I surprise mySELF sometimes how I can hit a person right in the weak spot just with words. This may be because of the incredible sensitivity and understanding pisces have of other people's feelings.

It all makes sense now! When I was young I was an Aries. Now I've gone through a kind of zodiacal reverse evolution from a ram to a fish. I wish, like the picture at the top, to keep my horns, however becuase they will prove most useful in my new home beneath the water. But I suppose I won't be needing my lungs, wool, or legs any more. So I will maintain a few Aries characteristics but for the most part I'm now a fish.

As for which horoscope to read, I think I'll just read both and choose the best one.

A Few Korean Oddities

Although Koreans seem to have all learned from the same lesson in the same book they all used at one time or another, that "Korea has 4 seasons!"; and although I have sometimes instructionally replied, "Canada has lakes and rivers!"; they seem to have it in their heads that we're in the tropics over here. Every winter several things happen that make you think it might be the first year of winter in Korea.

For instance, one of my favourites: "undol" floor heating. It's hot water pumped through pipes in the floor folks and for some reason there are almost always poorly insulated, (or uninsulated), pipes that lead to the source of the hot water: the boiler, which is almost always OUTSIDE. Water freezes. That's what you have in your cocktail to keep it cold. It freezes, or gets hard, when it's 0 degrees or below and, yes, every year just about everywhere in Korea it gets down to 0 degrees or below. That's Celcius for any Americans reading. I don't know from Fahreignhoit???

Every winter I go to stores or friends' houses or the pub to see people in a panic ripping styrofoam off the pipes and hitting them with the hairdryer or calling in the repairman, or locking the restroom and putting a sign on it that says, "Out of order..." And while we're on that, I sometimes think we've overgeneralized that phrase. I think it was invented for vending machines or restaurants or places where you choose something and order it. Now it's used for anything that's broken and it always makes me think, in situations like the toilet, "hmmm, (that's my thinking), What were you expecting me to order from the toilet?" Anyhoo, it's even worse when it happens at MY place.

Another oddity here in Korea is what I will call "door etiquete." I've blogged about some examples of this before. First, the bathroom door. In a public bathroom, (that isn't "out of order"), if you are using a stall, Koreans will knock. There is no need for a verbal response, just knock back. It's beautiful! A wonderful little slice of door etiquette that makes you think Korean people might just understand what doors are for. Then you are brought back to reality when some Korean just walks in on you. Not in the can but in your home. Usually some jagoff come to check the oil reading, install your cable internet or, you guessed it, to thaw frozen undol pipes or fix your exploded boiler. I'd say over the years about HALF of the Korean people who have had business in my house or apartment have not knocked before barging in. The hilarious part is after totally invading your privacy and walking in on you while you're surfing porn, taking a shower, playing with your Hello Kitty dolls or something like that, they ALWAYS take off their shoes! What is the reasoning? "I don't mind accidentally seeing this person having tantric sex with his wife on the kitchen floor, BUT I certainly don't want to get dirt on it." Or do they just take off their shoes to warm their feet on the undol? If so why does the guy coming to FIX the undol remove his shoes? Connundrum!

It's not just repairmen though. I've had landlords, pizzaboys, friends, students, church recruiters, advertisers and probably some others I have forgotten, walk in on me. It's worse when it happens in winter because, oddity number 3, they'll just leave the door wide open! People who are coming; people who are going. Sometimes they just stand in the wide open doorway. That's a VERY popular Korean passtime, blocking entrances and exits. Maybe that would be oddity #3 1/2.

So today is the coldest day of winter so far. I was up all night watching football. At about 8 AM I made some scrambled eggs and used a little water from the kitchen tap in them. But somewhere around 9:30 when the second football game is ending and I'm getting ready to start watching hockey, BLAM! My door sticks and it's made of sheet metal. It can't be opened or closed quietly. I go out to the kitchen and some stranger is looking at my sink full of dirty dishes. He demonstrates that there is no flow of water from the kitchen faucet. Again my dilemma of not knowing how to effectively relate sarcasm to Koreans. "OH! Well then it's no wonder you walked in without knocking, left the door wide open and checked the bathroom as a bonus knowing I was in the bedroom while you're snooping around my home. Please, make yourself a sandwich while you're at it. Or while you're costing me money by heating the outside why not put your foot through my TV screen? Oh wait, I know why, because you're not wearing your shoes! Thank you for removing your footware. You are SO polite!" It just wouldn't have any effect. And neither did the knocking gesture I made and the "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK," I was saying over his Korean explanation.

But I didn't really even try to make my point. It's an exercise in futility. I'm a nub. So while EVERYBODY, and there were like 6 of them, was barking out orders in unintelligable Korean and asking me questions I didn't even try to understand or answer I turned on my boiler. My undol. I knew within an hour the water would be flowing again. Meanwhile I could see, THROUGH MY WIDE OPEN DOOR, a couple guys digging up the cement in the courtyard to get at some water pipes they thought might be the problem. They had all manner of equipment. And my poor landlady was gesturing to me saying, "Mool mool!" That means "water." And even pointed at the hole in the ground, shook her head and at one point said, "Whatchagonnado?" Ha ha ha. She's so cute!

Just nicely into the second period of the game I heard the water start flowing again. BLAM! A different guy this time triumphantly demonstrating the water flow in my sink full of dirty dishes. Again door wide open and shoes off. People came and went all through my place for the next half hour. Finally the action settled down. Then around the third period, BLAM! It was my landlady. Shoes off and door swinging wide open she turns on my kitchen faucet and demonstrates that I now have water. Then tells me some stuff I didn't understand. I think it was like keep some water running so the pipes don't freeze. A common practice in winter in Korea. You know, rather than installing proper heating systems just waste thousands of gallons of water every winter.

What I'm going to do is turn on the undol every now and then to make sure the water doesn't freeze in the uninsulated pipes. A costly, useless practice since I have a small electric heater in my room that keeps it nice and warm. The undol heats the whole house, which I don't need. Especially now that I'm not working. And why am I not working? Korean oddity number 4: The Korean "yes."

I tried to get a Kia Tigers official jersey made for me one time. Since all Korean bodies conform to the economic convenience of making all shirts one of 4 sizes, (95, 100, 105 or 110), I had to get a shirt custom made. I went to the custom made jersey store and asked if it was possible. He said, "YES." But I had to wait 2 weeks. I went back 2 weeks later and he had the right size and colour of shirt but he then went to the back room and started ironing on some letters and decals. I had made it clear to him that I wanted the real embroidered thing. So he finally tells me the truth, that he can't make a shirt like that after having wasted 2 weeks and gotten my hopes up.

"Do you understand?" YES "Will you abide by this contract?" YES "Can you handle this?" YES "Are you telling the truth?" YES It's an oddity I have grown accustomed to and again, I'm a nub. I've given up trying to fight it. This is what's happening in my work search of late. I was told YES I had a job at Dongshin for Jan and Feb but that didn't happen. The worst thing about that was there was another camp advertising that I could have done. 2 million for 11 days! But I didn't apply because I was waiting for the contract from Dongshin.

Anyway, before the landlady and her daughter left I asked the daughter, (who speaks a little bit of English), "Did they fix the problem?" She replied, "YES!"

My New Year's Resolution

Things are not great here in the "land of the morning calm (after the previous night's half-cocked salvo of lunacy.)" I've had yet another job offered to me then taken away for reasons that have yet to be discovered. Sometimes I feel like a suffering saint. You know like any one of the 10 or 15 who attempted and failed to tackle Marshawn Lynch the other day while giving up 41 points against a 7-9 team. Actually I counted 9 but that's pretty dadgum bad! And I, in my infinite support of the Saints, chose Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Garrett Hartley, AND the N.O. defence in my nfl.com playoff pool. Drew and Garrett did me proud but Reggie wasn't healthy I guess. They kept using Julius Jones for plays, like the short screen, that are Bushes bread and butter. My grievance with my football team parallels one of my main complaints about life and I kept yelling it at my computer screen as I watched: More Bush! We need more Bush!

But I suppose it wasn't their fault. Reggie ended up missing a lot of the second half with a bum leg. Would they have won if it was Reggie running on 4th and goal instead of Wynn, an untested rookie? It doesn't matter I guess. When the opposing quarterback is throwing moonshots with the football like he's playing a game of donkey on the basketball court and the ball is somehow NOT being intercepted but landing in the hands of the correct receivers who then run for touchdowns through a defence that can't tackle, then you know the Saints are suffering.

I feel like that sometimes. I'm on this unwanted holiday because of a school that expressed interest in me back in August, called me, told me they'd send me their offer the next day, never got back to me and made it impossible to get back to THEM. That was Nam Seoul University. This last week I put in a resume for work at Dongshin University in Naju and within an hour I got a response. I was asked to do some intensive courses in January and February. Again I agreed and they said they'd send me their offer and they disappeared.

I got an offer within an hour of application. They were all excited about hiring me and then just changed their minds. What causes that? Are they googling me and finding naked pics? With some of the schools I'm pretty sure they called my previous employer and were told how I'm a terrible worker because I'm honest and hard-working so I make them all look bad, but I didn't include them on the resume I sent to Dongshin U. But I'm sure I have been considered and rejected by many of the places to which I've applied.

I also have a few people in Naju who know me and work for the school board there who expressed interest around Christmas time in finding me some work. I did two camps with them and they loved my work at the camps and were really excited about the prospect of hiring me to teach full time. They pretty much told me not to worry, they'd find me work. I haven't heard from them since and am just a little paranoid that the same thing might be happening with THEM. I was actually a little worried that they might hear about me (almost) getting work at Dongshin and think I was looking for other work behind their backs. For that reason I used them as references when I applied, but who knows what goes on?

So things are a bit tense right now. I don't know if I should continue searching for work or should I wait for the Naju job. I am about ready to give up on the whole university/college thing and admit that I'm not likely to be happy no matter where I work. I could take the attitude that I'm liable to run into the same problems with jealous, incompetent people who resent how good I am at my job and how much better I would be at THEIRS who, like little children, try to sabotage my efforts and get pissy when I end up fixing what they broke and making things even better for everyone. I could decide that I'll just do a really mediocre job the next place I work. Mail it in. Fuck the dog. That'll make everybody happy! But I'm just not like that.

Instead I'm counting on my theory that this type of person embodied in the corrupt businessman, lawyer, politician etc. trying to gain a little prestige and some false morality by posing as an "educator" tends to gravitate toward the universities and colleges of Korea. This is, in a nutshell, why I've had such trouble here. I'm hoping for some maturity and appreciation from the Korean public school system. Hopefully the people I work for there will see that I'm not trying to show them up, I'm doing a good job and helping the school. Hopefully nobody will brandish this edgeless, antiquated, nonsense weapon of "FACE" against me if I do something differently or improve upon one of their ideas. Practically all of the morons I've worked for in universities and colleges around this country could shoot somebody 6 times in the head in front of me and with smoking gun in hand protest at my calling them a murderer. "You are costing me face here!" they would say.

Like Penis. My last supervisor, Na Ki Deok, gave me a class of 50 despite a verbal agreement I made with the college to not exceed 30 students per class. He assured me that some students would drop the class but I'd fallen for that before. It doesn't happen. So I propose to him a simple solution whereby the class is split in half. "Impossible," is the familiar reply. Well before you say that listen to my proposal. I show him the schedule, which has convenient openings, offer to teach the newly created class FOR FREE, and outline just a few points of classroom dynamics that will ensure a much better learning environment in a class of 25 than one of 50. "Impossible," he repeats. Why? Because the students already have their schedules. It's the beginning of the semester and I haven't taught a class yet. Let's go talk to the dean of the department and see if it would be okay. "It's impossible, David, why are you wasting my time?" Eventually I convince Penis to go and the dean of the department says, "Sure." and all is well. Do I get a commendation for improving the education of 50 students? For teaching 34 hours FOR FREE? For possibly setting a valuable educational precedent at the school? Nope! I am despised by Penis because my sole purpose was OBVIOUSLY to try to make him look bad. I don't ever need to do that. These idiots tend to do that job, (and maybe ONLY that job), very well.

It's because they aren't educators. Their sole purpose is to make money. They are much better than educators at GETTING the jobs as authority figures in universities and colleges throughout Korea, but abysmal at DOING them.

This brings me to the point of this entry. When I started working here in Korea I had a much higher tolerance for the shenanigans that regualarly occur when people are trying really hard to LOOK like they can do jobs they know nothing about. In the leisure possibly brought about in part by this lowered tolerance I am noticing a lot of other areas in my life where my expectations have risen thereby increasing the possibility and frequency of disappointment. And, with this in mind, I have noticed it in other folks through world news and current events.

There are areas where higher expectations lead to advances that justify them. For instance computers. I can remember when I had to rush to the computer room at my school at lunch time, forego eating lunch so as not to damage the computer, insert my floppy disk, wait about 3 minutes for "High Res Cannon" to load, account for wind speed and trajectory, take a shot, wait about a minute for it to either hit the other player or explode on the ground around him. Then wait a few minutes while the other player did the same. THIS was fast and furious high tech. entertainment!

Nowadays 10 seconds is an eternity to wait for almost anything to load. And graphics that would have absolutely blown my mind 20 years ago are, "Meh."

George Carlin says kids are never given a chance to just sit on the ground with a stick. Not any more. You never even SEE a stick any more. How long could I, as a kid, sit there with a stick and dig holes or make piles of dirt or peel the bark off and maybe taste it or rub it on cement somewhere to sharpen it or poke a hornet's nest with it or tie some string to it and make it into a bow so you can shoot OTHER sticks at the hornet's nest with it? Endless hours of imagination strengthening, formative play. Nowadays a kid would sit with the stick for 2 minutes, huck it away and go inside to play Xbox. And so would I!

What happens to us? We get bored of everything! How can we somehow learn not to take stuff for granted? Because I've had good jobs over the past few years I have just finished my 6th month of vacation. And that included a pretty expensive trip to Canada. And STILL I bitch about those jobs as evidenced above. I wish I had a sort of M.I.B. pen that I could flash in front of myself so that all my expectations could be lowered to an early time in my life when times were not so prosperous. And I wish that even in my prosperity I could maintain the pure joy in the little things. Find joy in small good things and don't sweat the small bad things. What an absolute PLEASURE I would be to hang around then! But what a crotchety, bitchy, buzz killer I can be!

I think most folks know that I won't complain about things that I don't care about. If I'm bitching about Korea or Canada or education systems or friends or family or people in general it's just proof that I care about them enough to want to improve them. You don't ever hear me railing on about the sport of cricket or picking apart the fine art of interpretive dance. But I could be more positive.

So that is my resolution for 2011. I will try not to bang my fist on my desk when my computer takes 5 seconds to do something that should only take 2. I promise myself to remember a few things every day that I would have almost killed to have, that I HAVE now and never use. Like my Wii, my bike, my own house. Well, okay I DO use the house, but I'm pretty lucky to have it and don't think much about that. I can wash my dishes or take a hot shower whenever I want. Couldn't do that last year or the year before.

I can watch almost any TV show or movie I want, make almost any food I want, drink almost any drink I want, read almost any book I want. I can travel almost anywhere I want, fish, no wait, swim in almost any lake I want, hike up almost any mountain I want, and make friends with almost anyone I want. I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul!

Now if only I can find some new waters in Korea into which to steer that ship and challenge my fate... AH HA! Why don't I change from teaching at universities and colleges to teaching in the public school system? What a great idear!

Invictus!

Crime in Asia

If you read my last entry, and any number of others you'll have some idea of the utter corruption in business in the ESL industry and in government agencies in Korea. That idea will not be wrong either. My experiences to whit are not the worst I've heard. Not even close. I'd say about average. But it may come as a surprise to you when I say that, at least here in Korea, I feel incredibly safe walking the streets. The low occurrence of crime in a society that still regards a lot of their laws as behavioural advice that can be ignored in times of convenience seems a bit odd. Low crime rates throughout Asia persist. I've thought pretty hard about it. Harder than I probably should have. And here's what I've come up with. These will be opinions shared by few or maybe none, but for the sake of argument...

Blame it on Buddha. Argument number one. Buddhists believe in reincarnation. In the face of a raging Christian revolution, there is still a heavy Buddhist influence here in Korea. If a guy has any thoughts of going out and committing a terrible crime for which he knows he might get a triple life sentence... theoretically, he can serve it! All three lives of it! Maybe that serves as some sort of deterrent to a population with remnants of Buddhism still persisting. Although you will notice I wrote, "theoretically." The concept would involve finding someone born at the exact second the criminal died, arresting the baby and throwing him into prison. I dunno, maybe since all babies are innocent they'd let him grow up to when he becomes a teenager. NO teenagers are innocent so put that boy behind bars for his second life.

Think of the parents of this kid. What an easy job they've got! Why would they take the time and trouble to raise him right? I mean if he's caught shoplifting or fighting at school why bother with the discipline, he's got lots of that coming!

Criminals in the west can be quite cavalier if they have life sentences already. They can rob convenience stores, kill people, basically do what they want and say, "What are they gonna do, give me more time?" In a Buddhist society the cops or judges can just say, "YEAH!"

There are, of course, a few bugs in the system, such as suicide. A guy could commit suicide in the first week of all three sentences and he will have successfully served triple life in less than a month. There is stringent suicide watch in prison, but the criminals can find ways. Stabbing themselves with chopsticks, hanging themselves with Tae Kwon Do belts, they can find ways.

Another big bug is that since there's no guarantee that a guy who commits a heinous crime as a human will come back as a human, problems arise. What if he comes back as a tortoise or a Methuselah tree? Would it be fair if his second sentence were 5000 years? And then there's the opposite argument: What if he returned as a mayfly? Some of them only live 30 MINUTES! That's a pretty light life sentence by all accounts. And just imagine the problems facilitating a Buddhist prison! All the different types of food, holding cells, entertainment for all the different species! What a nightmare that must be! What if a guy who came back as a lizard ate a guy who came back as a cricket? Would the lizard criminal get ANOTHER life sentence added on to his time? Would the cricket's untimely demise qualify as a full life sentence served?

And what about Karma? If a man's crime was really heinous won't Karma punish him by forcing him to live his next life as a dung beetle, a cicada or some other tragic existence? So can they justify adding punishment to what Karma gives? That's a toughie.

What if the criminal is a Buddhist and the judge is a Christian? The problems are limitless if you really, (have the spare time to), think about it. But then again, since we've known about DNA I have yet to hear of a case where someone/thing alive had the same DNA as someone/thing dead. I'm not sure that there are many searching for such a match although it would seem to imply reincarnation. Perhaps there are DNA researchers in India comparing people's DNA to dead trees, bugs, corpses and such. Not sure but it would seem to me that the longer we go without ever having found such a match, the weaker belief in reincarnation will become. Then again, it's quite possible that some great yogi or being who attained enlightenment has told the Buddhist world that your DNA changes during reincarnation. BLAM! Religion saved! And, Kablamo, my theory is completely shot down. I guess that's why I haven't yet seen or heard of any Buddhist prisons. There must be a different reason...

Argument number two: I'm not going to say that I'm for or against harsh penalties for crime or even capital punishment but a friend of mine was riding on a train in China with his wife and two daughters. I may be embellishing but it just might have been the Orient Express. Suddenly the wife noticed that her digital camera was missing and reported it to the porter. The train was stopped and members of the railway police rounded up about 5 people they thought were likely suspects. They were lined up and searched outside the train in full view of the other passengers. Lo and behold, the camera was found. As it was returned to my freind's wife the thief was shot and left for dead on the sides of the tracks. I suppose some nearby undertaker was alerted to the business. My friend's wife was agape as her camera was returned. She couldn't even say thanks. But as the train rolled on funny things began to happen. Children obeyed parents and didn't misbehave; chairs were pulled out and doors were opened for women; the elderly were cherished and every waiter/waitress was tipped 21%. And I am quite sure a guy could have left the Hope Diamond on his table to go to the toilet and wash up and there it would have been upon his return.

It's fairly certain that despite misleading statistics, death is a strong deterrent to the average man and for those who are not deterred by it, it is probably best suited. Fascinating though they are, I am not interested enough in why a guy murders and eats a young girl then mails the recipe to her parents. It is not an intriguing enough mystery to me what curing and tanning techniques were used to enable a killer to make flesh suits and lampshades from his victims' skin. I feel OK about making everyone just a little bit safer by eliminating these interesting and unique individuals instead of making them cult heroes, publishing their songs and books and spending enough on maximum security facilities on each one of them to support entire trailor parks full of families. Furthermore I would imagine that their disregard for the sanctity of human life would perversely allow THEM to be OK with their own lives being taken from them as a sort of fine for their actions. An equitable punishment that suits the crime. A Dantean "contrapasso" as it were.

How many Asian serial killers do you know of? Whether they are just not well publicized or whether they just don't exist, point made. In Taiwan there's a sign at the airport that says anyone who is found with drugs will be executed. We've heard of all kinds of harsh punishment and death penalties meted out in Asia and I think that THIS is probably what leads to the lower crime rates.

But let's go back to argument number one in conclusion. If there were a really awful crime committed by somebody in Asia and if reincarnation is true, maybe it's punishment enough for that criminal to have to come back and struggle through another lifetime trying to get it right. THAT could be part of the thinking behind capital punishment in Asia too. So maybe both arguments hold water. Or soju. Or sake. I'll tell you if I ever find out for sure.