If you put bamboo shoots under John Yoo's fingernails, would he cry like a Bybee?

I recently watched the news. To me the news is the Daily Show with John Stewart. He had John Yoo on the show. John Yoo is a law professor at Berkeley. He also is infamous as the co-author of a little memo called the "Bybee Torture Memo" by some. It's a memo that tries to define the limits of interrogation techniques that are allowable by the U.S. military in overseas combat. It was written shortly after 9/11 and it has been pretty contraversial. One of the "enhanced" interrogation techniques that has been up for discussion is "waterboarding" in which a person is tied to a board with his/her head tilted back and water is poured over his/her face so that it goes into the nose and the victim feels the sensation of drowning.

Yoo admits in the John Stewart interview that he was approached to write it a year after 9/11 and shortly after the capture of a very high ranking, (#3), Al Qaeda terrorist who was resistant to standard interrogation techniques.

John Stewart suggests that he was asked to increase the limits of what is legal to do in an interrogation and Yoo claims he was asked to simply define what was legal to do. I wish John Stewart had pursued this more because it seems to me, after reading up, that Stewart was right and Yoo was stretching the truth a bit. For example, if I have a gun in my hand and there's a pitbull attatched to my leg who is gnawing his way up to my crotch and I ask a lawyer who is passing by, "Hey, dude, can you define what it is legal for me to do in this situation?" I'm really not asking for parameters and the lawyer knows it. I'm asking if it would be legal for me to shoot the dog.

This is something like the line of questioning I wanted J.S. to take. He didn't. He seemed thrown by Yoo's calm demeanor and his sparkling rhetoric.

A little background that will give you an idea of why I wish J.S. had slam dunked this guy. And this is to the best of my knowledge. I'm going by my own internet research so it might be wrong. The Bybee memo was co-written by Yoo and a judge named Bybee. It was an attempt to give the U.S. military a wider range of interrogation techniques by using simplistic and flawed logic to justify these acts under existing laws as "allowable" and burying the flawed logic so deep in legal jargon that it wouldn't be noticed by the general public. If you read it closely it IS permission to torture. At least that's what I get out of it.

The existing laws that govern the limits of interrogation techniques are referred to as Sections 2340 and 2340A. Yoo and Bybee conclude in the memo that taken as a whole these sections prohibit only "extreme" acts declining to require criminal penalties for cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment. These are all okay.

They reason that "extreme" acts result in "severe pain" whether mental or physical and they go ahead and use their own misguided, (and I think intentionally misleading), methods to better define what these mean legally. They decide that they need to look elsewhere in the U.S. Code to see where Congress had previously used the phrase, "severe pain." They found it in statutes defining emergency medical conditions. An emergency medical condition is one "manifesting itself by acute symptoms of blah blah blah including 'severe pain' such that a prudent lay person, who possesses an average knowledge of health and medicine could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in placing the health of the individual in serious jeaopardy, serious impairment to bodily functions, or serious dysfunction of any bodily organ or part." So severe pain is an indicator of a medical emergency.

Nothing wrong so far.

Then they make their giant leap. "The statutes suggest that 'severe pain' as used in section 2340, must rise to a similarly high level in order to constitute torture."

To me this is either a stupid mistake or purposely flawed logic. And we can see from the Daily Show interview, John Yoo is no dummy.

Let's simplify this in case you haven't noticed the logic leap. Imagine these jokers were writing a medical manual on what to do in case of a brain aneurism. A headache is one indicator of a brain aneurism so by their logic every patient with a headache should be operated on to get their brain aneurisms removed.

Medical emergencies and torture both involve severe pain but they are completely different things. That is pretty obvious. So it needed to be written in legalese that nobody would bore themselves to read in order to make it less obvious while accomplishing the objective of legalizing torture.

If you think this is wrong, take the guidelines proposed by this memo and apply a technique commonly agreed upon as torture to them: putting bamboo shoots under the fingernails. This will not put the victim's health in serious jeopardy, it won't impair any bodily functions, (unless you include typing or piano playing as bodily functions), and it will not result in a serious dysfunction of a body organ or part. So it's cool! Same with waterboarding. Same with a LOT of other things that are only limited by the torturers' imaginations.

It's too bad John Stewart concentrated so much on the President's ability to just do whatever he wants anyway in war time. This is something I agree with Yoo on. If there's a guy who has the knowledge to disarm a doomsday device that will kill a billion people waterboard the shit out of him! I don't care! 1 bad guy compared to a billion innocent people is a no-brainer of an executive decision. But as for torture, I think everyone, including guys the Americans call terrorists, deserve humane treatment.

Throughout the interview, and I watched the entire interview, I sympathised with J.S. Yoo, (who is Korean American), is VERY much like a lot of the people I deal with over here. They have their dishonest objectives and even though I totally noticed their not-so-clever ways of trying to hide them, they talk in circles to the point where the stress of trying to explain your point to them far outweighs the suffering created by the dishonest objective. I can't tell you how often I've felt like soaking my head in ice water after meeting with the supervisor here trying to explain how they are supposed to do things that they promise to do in the contract, or other such things. Now Jon Stewart knows what it'd be like to work in Korea.

The holiday virus

JONG! JONG! JONG JONG JONG! ... JONG JONG! Jong. That's the JONG! sound I got when I JONG JONG got back from JONG JONG JONG JONG vacation and started up my computer. It's the error sound. I got a barage of about 15 of them. Only one error message came up though. It was a RUNDLL, Error loading fimp.elo The specific module could not be found.

Of course I have no idea what that might mean so I ran it through google and it turns out I have a virus. I also checked all running programs and found "userini" was using up a lot of my computer memory. Ran THAT through the old google search too and THAT'S a virus.

Used to be when I caught a virus it meant I was sick. And I've always been one to catch them during the holidays. Nowadays I get computer viruses and they ALWAYS seem to pop up when I get BACK from holidays. It's happened almost every time I've traveled around SE Asia. I used to wonder if somebody was sneaking into my room and contaminating my computer but just how sick a person would that have to be? But my computer is fine when I leave and messed up when I get back. Even NHL Gamecenter Live, which I had bought wasn't working. The video was grainy and jerky. How does that happen?

Anyways, I started doing everything I knew how to do to try to fix things up cuz I wanted to have a smooth running computer for the NFL playoffs this weekend. I watch the games on streaming TV. If my computer isn't working the games are all herky-jerky and they're not worth watching.

So I scanned disks. I defragged. I downloaded the programs the experts on google mentioned that would get rid of these viruses. I got SuperAntiSpyware and ran a full scan. 3 hours later it finished. Then I had to restart to kill all the bugs. So I rebooted and sure enough the same warning came up. But this time with only one JONG. PROGRESS!

Then I went to Microsoft and downloaded the anti spyware program MADE for Windows XP and ran that. 4 hours later it finished. Same thing - I had to reboot to get rid of all the bad stuff. So I did. There was no more warning! Yeehaw! I'm a genius! I am a computer EXPERT! Thank you Bill Gates!

Then I decided to go online and see how the video streams were working. But I couldn't get on the internet. For some reason I had lost my internet connection. I tried to repair my internet connection, then manually install my IP address again and neither worked. So I had to do a system restore.

I did that and wouldn't you know it... JONG JONG JONGJONG JONG! Jong JONG JONGJONG! So I started all over. After doing all the other stuff again I found ANOTHER program from Microsoft that does a scan for viruses. Specifically designed for Windows XP. That took another 3 hours. Then I had to reboot.

JONG JONG JONGJONGJONG! etc. Another system restore.

I got my computer working so that video streams are good now. But I still get that warning when I start up. And a few weird things are happening. I'm still not rid of the viruses. But I watched the football games this morning. The Jets beat the Bengals and Dallas whooped the Eagles.

Tomorrow morning at 3 AM the other two wildcard games are on. I'm gonna try to watch them both. Go Cards go! And I'm not sure who I want to win between the Patriots and the Ravens. I have a feeling New England will win though.

Anyway after all that I really need to figure out how to fix this computator of mine. Anyone have any hints for me?

Congratulations to the U.S. but wait till the Olympics

Well as expected the Canada/U.S. game today at the World Jr. Hockey Championships in Saskatchewan was great! I was on the edge of my seat the whole game and out of it at the end of the 3rd period. The Canadian boys have no reason to hang their heads. They had a good tournament. They were outplayed in the last two games. The Americans deserved the win. I thought the Canadians were lucky to get the win in the game before and they would have been very lucky if they had won this one. U.S. earned the gold medals.

Now I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but... Okay, yes, I am one. So I'm now gonna. If you read my blog entry about the Canadian Olympic team you will see where I mentioned two things that I am noticing this year and that are changing hockey for those teams who pick up on them. One is the fact that the big, booming shot from the point is fast becoming a thing of the past because of all the players dropping in front of pucks. Shot blockers are better, and more to the point, faster than slap shot takers. The wind up gives shot blockers plenty of time to drop down and get in the way. I said that the wrist shot from the point is better for 3 reasons: 1. It's tougher for shot blockers to drop in front of because it takes virtually no time to get the shot away. 2. It's easier for teammates of the wrist shooter to tip the puck into the net because the speed is just a bit slower. 3. It's still just as hard for a goalie to stop a deflected wrist shot because the reduction in speed makes a direct shot easier to stop, but not a deflected one. Unless we're talking about a really BIG difference in speed, which we're not.

We saw this all game long. It was the story of the game really. Team Canada all tournament long had been taking wrist shots from the point and tipping them in with regularity. Probably because of adrenalyn, this game they were going more for the big wind-up slap shots and the U.S. team were blocking them with regularity.

The second thing I mentioned in that blog entry was how dangerous a right handed shot on the left wing can be. Take a look at the last three goals of the game. The 5-4 goal and the 5-5 goal by Jordan Eberle, (a right hander one-timing a shot from the left wing), had me jumping up and down here! I'm sure all over Canada it was the same. Then in O.T. if I'm not mistaken the game winning goal for the States was scored by a right handed shooter coming down the left wing.

I'm telling you, it will be NO different in the Olympics. These things will STILL be MAJOR goal generators and the teams that miss out might be going home. It's too early to tell who will be linemates for the Olympic teams so there's no way to know who will have the dangerous right handed left wingers but I'd be willing to bet, especially on the power play, the Fins will take advantage of this by putting Teemu Selanne on the left side getting set up by his teammate Saku Koivu.

Canada has the possibility of setting this up. They got Bergeron on the team because of his phenomenal chemistry with Crosby at '04 World Jrs and '06 World Championships. I think Gerome Iginla will play on a line with those two so either Iginla or Bergeron will be a right handed shot on the left side. Also Getzlaf and Nash have shown great chemistry at past world championships. If they make up a line with Perry, who is magic with Getzlaf for the Ducks, he'll probably go on the left wing and being a right handed shot - DEADLY!

The Czechs will have Krejci, Hejduk or Hemsky they could put on the left wing shooting right.

The U.S. has Langenbrunner, Callahan, Drury, and Pavelski who could play this role. A lot of people were wondering at these choices for the U.S. team. Maybe this is why.

The Swedes just might throw Daniel Alfredsson there.

But I think the team that will most take advantage of this phenomenon, and it could win the gold for them, will be the Russians. The number one player on their team and the number one goal scorer in hockey, Ovechkin, a right handed shot who plays left wing. A lot of folks think Alex Semin would be just as good if he didn't play on the same team as OV. Can't have two first line left wingers. And many people will tell you the best pure goal scorer isn't either one of them, it's Kovalchuk, who is a right handed shot on the left wing playing in Atlanta. That's three lines with a deadly left winger who shoots right. But almost as deadly is a right winger who shoots left. They have Radulov and Morozov. And with guys like Datsyuk, Malkin, Fedorov and Kozlov at center watch out for a LOT of one timer goals from the Russians.

However, don't give up yet. I'm not sure the one-timer to the off-handed winger is quite as effective as the wrist shot from the point being tipped in. And EVERY team has an even chance of getting a lot of goals THAT way.

So it'll probably still come down to depth, goaltending, special teams, and basic things like face-offs, shot blocks, chemistry, not taking penalties, and even penalty shooting. And there's always those elusive "intangibles"... For almost all of these I give the nod to our Canadian boys. Here's why...

The U.S., Finland, Russia and maybe the Swedes have a better number one goalie statistically with Miller, Kiprusoff, Bryzgaloff and Lundqvist but we have Marty Brodeur playing at home! Could be better than all of them. Or we could even have Luongo playing in his home country AND home NHL city. You never know how much that could help.

For depth NObody comes close to Canada. It's always that way. Canada's second team is as good or better than the other teams. Canada could quite possibly win the gold if every single one of their first team players gets injured between now and Olympic time. And there ARE a lot of players on every roster who will be injured. This could be a large factor. This benefits Canada who have far superior second choices for every position. It's not likely any other country's second team would even win a game.

Chemistry is something I put a lot of stock in. You need to play the game to know that no matter how good a guy is, sometimes he clicks better with players who aren't the best players for that position. The best example will be Bergeron with Crosby. If anyone had seen these guys play together Bergeron would be a no-brainer of a pick. I'm embarrassed that I forgot about him when I picked MY Team Canada.

Same thing happened with Nash/Getzlaf/Heatley in the World Championships. I think it would be crazy to put this line together since we have the power play for the San Jose Sharks in Thornton/Marleau/Heatley and I think Getzlaf/Nash/Perry would be just as good. But we'll see.

Canada also has defensive chemistry, which just might be MORE important. They have Keith and Seabrook who play together in Chicago. And they have Neidermayer and Pronger were nominated for the Norris trophy while on the Ducks together! That's some powerful chemistry!

When you look at special teams you have to give the power play to the Russians. Theirs should be the best, NO question about it. But I don't think other teams will be far behind especially when you get into the second line of the power play. I would have to give second place to Sweden. Daniel/Henrik/Forsberg then Zetterberg/Holmstrom/Backstrom or maybe throw Alfresson out there? He'd be awesome with the twins! But Canada will be third at worst.

When it comes to penalty killing Canada will be number one. If I were to pick a perfect penalty killing line I think I might pick Kris Draper, Jordan Staal and maybe Tyler Kennedy, Darren Helm or Matt Cooke. But I only think ONE of those guys has the skills to be picked for the Canadian team. Coincidentally, his brother is on the almost perfect HIGHLY SKILLED penalty killer line for team Canada, which includes Brenden Morrow, Eric Staal and Mike Richards. This is a coach's wet dream of a checking line and it's even better for killing penalties. They will be rock solid on D and they will score short handed. Mark my words! This is why these guys were picked by Yzerman and his crew. These guys will make other teams wish they can wave off penalties called against Canada. That's if they're used in this role and I can't imagine they wouldn't be.

Penalty shooting is why we have Jonathan Teows. He hasn't played well enough this year to get on the team but a penalty shot could win an Olympic hockey game. As much of a travesty as some people think that is, you have to prepare for it. Teows is the best. Anywhere. Bar none. And he DOES have the skills to make the team.

One more thing to watch for on team Canada. I've been noticing Scott Neidermayer this year looks like he's at the end of his career. He's not making mistakes defensively but he's nowhere near the threat he used to be offensively. I've watched a TON of L.A. King games this year. In fact I've seen them play more than any other team. Drew Doughty belongs on this team and he will take over more and more of Neidermayer's minutes as the Olympics wear on. At least he should in my opinion. He is just a kid but he has plenty of international experience and he knows almost all of the guys on this team. I was very happy to see him picked.

So here's what I expect to happen at the Olympics. And, of course, this all depends on injuries.

Team Canada - Gold medal at home! Fans go crazy! Canada wins not one but 23 gold medals in Canada after getting shut out at Montreal and Calgary.

U.S. - Best defensive team in the tourney. They'll be REALLY hard to score on. But just can't put it all together. All their players will perform well but Parise, Kane, Brown, Kessel, Malone, Pavelski, Stastny, Ryan will be too young and will make too many small mistakes. They only have three guys with Olympic experience: Rafalski, Langenbrunner and Drury. Parise, Kane and Brown should finish near the top in scoring but the U.S. will finish out of the medals. At least I hope they will because I hate defensive hockey and I REALLY hate seeing offensive stars playing it. These guys won't be able to let their stars out. I fear that's what this team will be. Offensive guys being forced to play D. The U.S.'ll have to be satisfied with beating Canada at the World Jrs.

Russia - I always expect so much from Russia because they usually have the best offensive team in the tournament but then the players look like they're on vacation in the games and get knocked out early. Not this year??? They TURNED DOWN Yashin and Kovalev for this team. Not to mention Zherdev and Khabibulin. They're deep and when you look at their best players, they ARE the best players. Why they won't easily win the gold is because of the little things. I think Canada just plain has more heart. But Russia will give them a run for the gold. I think they'll have to settle for silver though. Can't wait to see Sergei Fedorov again!

Sweden - Any team that can refuse Franzen, Samuelsson and Hedman must be pretty good. They'll be great to watch but they'll wish they had picked Hedman for some extra offense from the D and to add some youth to an old bunch of guys. Not to say slow. They'll be skated around a lot and Lundqvist will be expected to stop a LOT of rubber. He can but I don't think he'll be good enough. I think they'll score a lot of goals but they'll have a lot of goals scored on them. In one of the shockers of the tournament they'll be beaten by the Czechs in round robin but will get revenge in the bronze medal match. It will be AWESOME to see Peter Forsberg play again!

Finland - A solid team. Just not spectacular. Kiprusoff will have to win the tourney MVP if they have any chance at a medal.

Czech Republic - The surprise of the tourney. If they had chosen Kotalik and Prospal for their team I think they might even have won a bronze. I will be REALLY interested to see Jagr play again. Is he a porked up floater or does he still have that Lemieux-like dominance. If he does, (which I highly doubt), Czechs will contend for a medal. They have a lot of guys that are, (or were), great NHLers but little known like Vasicek, Krejci, Fleischman, Michalek, Hejda, Erat, Plekanic, Polak, Cajanek and some who are well known like Jagr, Kaberle, Elias and Havlat. But I just don't think that'll be enough to beat the well established stars on the Swedish, Russian or Canadian teams.

So there you have it: Canada beat Russia for gold and Sweden beats the Czechs for bronze.

And I just hope Canada lays a beating on the U.S. for breaking our string of 5 World Junior Championships in a row. How dare they!

Another travel adventure

So I'm in Peng Sung visiting friends over the holidays. It's just outside Pyeong Taek where there's a subway/train station. It's time to go home. But a guy like me just doesn't hop on the train and go home. What would I write here if I did???

Scott and I watched the first Canada/U.S. game in the World Jr. Hockey Championships. It was a good one. Canada won in a shootout. Neither of us like that though. So I sez to Scott, "I hope they meet again in the gold medal game to settle this the right way." Lo and behold, Canada and U.S. will play again for gold.

I strongly urge anyone who likes hockey, (or Canada or the U.S.), to tune in to that game. Here in Korea it's on at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I'll be up for sure eating bacon and eggs and watching that one. The last game they played was a comeback, shootout win for Canada. The game before that was the best game ever played in the World Jr. Hockey tourney. I think this is going to be a good one. If you miss it live you can watch it at tsn.ca on video on demand.

Anyhoo, I told Scott after watching the game on Sunday night, that I'd be going home the next day. I got up around 9 in the morning. It had snowed quite a bit the night before so I flipped on the TV. ALL OVER the Korean channels there were reports of traffic jams across the snowed in country. Schools were closing, accidents were happening, Godzilla was rampaging... There was about 9 inches of new snow. Sigh.

So I KNEW the trains would be extra crowded since nobody would be taking the buses. But I gathered up all my stuff plus all the stuff that had accumulated over Christmas and a visit to Costco. I had a hockey bag completely packed and a big, heavy Costco bag. All in all it was pretty much 100 lbs. of luggage. If not more. Luggage is the word cuz I was lugging it down the snowy street to the nearest spot to get a taxi. So after showering, shaving and putting on fresh, clean clothes, 5 minutes into my trip home I was sweaty, wet, and huffing and puffing. Great start.

But there were taxis waiting so I got right up to the first one in line and some guy darts in front of me actually brushing my bags away and takes MY taxi. Didn't he see me carrying my baggage that was easily heavier than him? Didn't he understand that if I could lift this much baggage, how easy would it be to lift him over my head and deposit him into the fresh new curbside snow? But, I wasn't about to add, "pissed off" to my list of conditions so I just tried my best to ignore him and kept saying to myself, "There are other cabs. There are other cabs." I get into the second taxi before anyone could steal it from me and we CRAWL down the street. It wasn't clean but it was only a little slushy. It wasn't like people were sliding all over. But I had all day so I didn't let that bother me at all.

We get to Pyeong Taek station and the meter reads 5000 won. I pull out 5000 won. The taxi driver won't take it. He want's more because of the weather conditions. I think he was expecting more than the SIX thousand won I gave him but I didn't let THAT bother me either.

When I got to the station it was busy but not as crazy as I had expected. I had to wait in line for about 15 minutes before purchasing my ticket but that wasn't too bad. The chick I bought the ticket from told me that it was a 10:45 train but the train had been delayed 22 minutes. So I do some quick mental calcutationing and figure out that I will be getting on my train home to Gwangju at about 11:07. That should get me home by about 2:30 in the afternoon. Not too bad at all.

I pick up my 100 lbs. of luggage and go down to the platform, (platform 4), where the chick had sent me to wait for my train. In less than a minute there's a train pulling in and on the loudspeaker I hear an announcement in Korean. I figure out that it's the announcement for my train, the 10:45, that will be arriving 22 minutes late. I look around at the clocks and I see three of them all showing 10:45. So I figure I have to wait 22 minutes. Not so bad. It's snowing but it's not too cold on the platform.

So as the train on platform 4 is loading I notice it's a Gwangju train. Could this be my train? Just then the announcement in English comes on, "The 10:45 train to Gwangju WILL BE ARRIVING 22 minutes late because of certain conditions of the train. We appologize for inconvenience." So now I'm really not sure. The announcement would have said, "...is now boarding" or "...has arrived" or "...will be DEPARTING shortly" or something in the proper verb tense surely! I decided to get on the train just in case. But as I picked up my 110 lbs. of luggage to try to make a break for it, the doors closed and the train pulled away.

I don't wear a watch. The only thing I have with the time on it, particularly during the holidays, is my cell phone. So now I have to find out. I dig out my cell phone from my luggage and check the time. 11:07. FUCK. Evidently all those "clocks" had been indicating the time the train was supposed to have arrived, not the present time.

So now I'm on the tracks with 120 lbs. of luggage a floor away from a long line-up in front of the ticket window where I need to change my ticket. I can either walk up the stairs with my 140 lbs. of luggage, or lug it way down the platform to the escalator up. I make a judgement call. I LEAVE my luggage on the platform. I wouldn't do this in Canada. No way, now how! But this is something I have found doable in Korea in the past. Besides there are folks milling about on platform 4. They will probably all assume the stuff belongs to one of the other millers.

So up the stairs I run. I wait another 15 minutes in line and explain that I missed my train. While in line I hear an announcement for a train, "The 10:55 train bound for Yong San Station IS NOW ARRIVING and WILL DEPART at 11:10, 15 minutes late. We are sorry ...blah blah blah." WHY OH WHY wasn't there a clear announcement like that for MY train???

However, without bothering to argue about correcting the grammar on ALL the P.A. announcements, (not just the ones for Seoul), the same ticket window gal refunds my money for the ticket. So I ask when the next train to Gwangju will be. She says, "Direct to Gwangju, 3:00." It's just after 11. No WAY am I waiting around with my 155 lbs. of luggage in Pyeong Taek station for 4 hours! So I say, "How about INdirect?" She says, "Well you could go to Asan. It's an 11:14 train but it's 25 minutes late." Then she shows me the sched. and from Asan I could have bought a seat on the train to Gwangju that gets me home by 2:30. Probably MY empty seat! So I buy a ticket to Asan and she says, "Car 1, seat 7A. Go to platform 4." What luck! That's where by bags are waiting for me!

I go back down to platform 4 and all the millers are gone. But, there they are, my bags, untouched by honest railriders of Korea! Bet you didn't expect THAT! So I wait. The time is 11:39. That's when my train is supposed to arrive. I keep waiting. Probably around 11:50 or so a train arrives. It has no marking for "Asan" on it. I think it was a train for Pohang. But that's in the right direction, (I think), so on I got.

My car, (car #1), is a short one. My seat, (7A), is not vacant. There is no room for my 160 lbs. of luggage on the overhead racks so I just keep it in the toilet area and end up standing there since no seats are available. The trip to Asan is only supposed to be 22 minutes anyways. 30 minutes later I'm starting to think that this isn't the right train. Just then a fellow expat comes up to me and asks if I need any help. "Are you new to Korea?" he asks. I replied that I'm new to the trains, which I sort of am. I usually take the bus or at least HAVE in my days here. He tells me that he doesn't know where Asan is but I can go a couple of cars ahead to the car with a bar, snackbar, computers and, yes, singing rooms. There I can find a girl in a red uniform who can tell me what to do. So I leave my bags unattended again and go to that car. No girl but they had Gatorade and lugging around 175 lbs. will deplete the old fluids. So I bought a Gatorade then went back.

At LEAST an hour after boarding we got to Daejeon Station. This is good news! I know that from SEO Daejeon station I can get home to Gwangju. I know this because that's where Costco is! So I get off the train probably having shorted Korea Rail several won since a trip to Asan is cheaper than on to Daejeon. Not MY fault.

I carry by 180 lbs of luggage through the Daejeon Station, past MASSIVE ticket lineups and out to a cab. He takes me about 10 blocks down the slushy road, does a U-turn and the meter is already over 3000 won and we're back at Daejeon Station again. I have to conserve my energy so I don't say anything to the guy. We GET to Seo Daejeon Station but the guy parks in the taxi line rather than driving me to the door. Just a little farther to haul my burden.

At the top of the escalator into the station I see what I had feared the entire cab ride over: an anacondan line-up for train tickets. No wonder in that since wickets 1 and 4 were closed and wicket 2 was reserved for the handicapped, passengers exchanging tickets or hooking up with boats. Essentially there was one girl providing tickets for all of Seo Daejeon Station. Probably some other workers couldn't come in because of the 9 inches of snow on the ground. (eye roll). So after standing in ticket lines and on the subway platform for about an hour, standing on the wrong train for over an hour, I now have to stand in line to get a ticket to Gwangju. Long story short, THAT took an hour too. It was 1:47 when I got my ticket home. Luckily for me it was a ticket for a 2:47 train so I'd only have to wait an hour for the train.

I drag my ass and 199 lbs. of luggage over to the waiting area, in which EVERY seat is full, and stand for yet another hour. Well to be honest I didn't stand there for the whole hour. I wanted to make double sure I caught my train to I took my 200 lbs. of luggage down to the platform, (platform 2 this time), and waited for my train.

Whilst I awaited I heard an announcement, "The 14:47 train to Gwangju WILL BE ARRIVING 08 minutes late because of certain conditions of the train. We appologize...yada yada yada." Just then a train marked for Gwangju pulls in. I looked at my phone. It was 2:45 I think. I'm in a quandary. Last time this happened it was a grammar mistake and because I wasn't pushy enough, and because I exhibited far too much faith in Korean English usage, I missed my train. Should I just barge my way onto this train? If it was the wrong one I could just act stupid. I made a judgement call: I waited.

It turned out to be the right call. And when the 14:47 train arrived 08 minutes late at 14:55, there was an announcement saying the train was NOW ARRIVING on platform 2. Again, if there had been a proper announcement like that on my first train... grrrr.

So I hoist my cargo onto the proper train. The hockey bag should be stored in the large baggage area but, of course, it's full. I leave it unattended and take my Costco bag into my car. I try to put it in the overhead area above my seat but it doesn't fit. I have to take it to the back of the car and put it behind the last seat. I then find the porter and ask what I should do with my big bag. I suggest putting it in the overhead storage area where there's a big space. He says, "Okay," then just looks at me. Of course he's a young guy and certainly didn't sign up for Korea Rail to deal with a lift like that so I had to take care of it.

It's not a comfortable thing to do. Even less comfortable for the poor passenger directly below my big bag because as I'm struggling to wedge it into a space barely big enough for it, my naughty bits are right in his face forcing him into the passenger beside him. The guy actually put up his hand to block me actually touching the front of my jeans at one point. So after successfully stowing my hockey bag, I go to my seat where there is a mother who had also had my naughty bits in her face while I was trying to put my Costco bag above my seat. And the whole car has seen the entire show and is now murmuring. I'm just thinking, "FINALLY I get to sit down!"

At about 5:00 the train arrived at Gwangju Station. I had to be the last guy off the train because my bags were at opposite ends of the car. The girl in the red jacket thought the train was empty and I startled her by heaving my hockey bag out the door and onto the platform in front of her. She thanked me as it was her job to do and gave me a look of surprise when I packed on my 250 lbs. of luggage for the long trudge through the Gwangju Train Station and out to the incredibly long taxi line-up. I waited about 30 minutes for a taxi and finally lugged my 280 lbs. of luggage into the trunk of it lowering the back considerably then giving the springs a proper stress test by flopping my SELF into the back seat too.

I was surprised to see the dorm doors open and the Idon'tcaretaker opened the door for me so I didn't have to use my card. I said, "Sae hae bong mani badeusayo," as I unloaded 300 lbs. of luggage at my door. That's like, "May you have good luck and good fortune in the new year." So I had succeeded in turning about a 4-hour trip from Peng Sung to Gwangju into a 7-hour odyssey and one helluva workout!

And now, the morning after, my arms, shoulders and traps feel like I've been to the gym. The snow has made its way down to Gwangju. It was just raining yesterday here when I got home but today there's a good build up of new snow on the ground. I dunno if I have enough energy yet to make a snowman though.

Like every year I am swearing to myself now that I am NEVER NEVER NEVER doing this crap again! But I probably will. Otherwise, what would I write about here?