I have to admit to a tiny bit of admiration for a guy like Charles Ponzi, or the guy who invented pyramid scams, or that dude who withdrew a penny from everyone's bank accounts and made a gozillion bucks. These people have taken an unhealthy lust for money, total disdain for their fellow man and a bit of creativity and made it work for them.
I think that anyone who cheats me out of money in a creative way that is a good idea and that I didn't see coming makes me feel just a little bit like they've earned some or all of that money. They have outsmarted me and made me the wiser for the next time.
The term "con-man" comes from the fact that the dupe gives his or her confidence to the "confidence-man", (or woman), who then breaks that trust. The confidence may be acquired by appearing to have lots of money, appearing to be in some official position of authority, or maybe just by being a smooth-talker.
In any of those cases, there IS some skill involved and the con-man deserves some kind of, I don't think "respect" would be the word but something akin to it that we can bestow on a complete asshole.
Then there are these people you hear about who actually DO deserve respect because they are exploiting the unhealthy greed and disdain for man in OTHER people to take their money. A great example of this can be found in the movie "The Sting" in which a con lead by Redford and Newman's characters is run on rich, greedy mobster Doyle Lannegan. They tell him they are getting horse race results early and convince him to bet a big pile of money on one race.
Because of this thing called a conscience con-men often try to convince themselves that they were exploiting some bad quality in their victims. But most of the time that quality is greed, the very quality that lead to the invention of the con in the first place. So I rarely see any legitimacy to this Robin Hood heroism or morality instruction the con-men con THEMSELVES into believing is the main reason for their work. It's almost always just to make cash. Still, there's something to be said for con artists who put some thought into their cons.
There is absolutely nothing to be said for people who just plain lie for money. This is not clever. A person who believes a lie is not stupid nor is he/she in need of moral instruction. You are not creative or more clever than anyone you flat out lie to. You are just a common scumbag.
This seems to be becoming the con of choice around these here parts. And I'm getting real sick of it. My ticket to Thailand I bought at Unique Travel in Itaewon was an example. The guy who sold it positively knew the ticket was only good for a month and impossible to extend. He also knew that he'd be sending me an e-ticket and that little tidbit of information wouldn't show up on the e-ticket. I told him I would likely stay for 6 weeks or more and would need to extend my one-month visa and my plane ticket. He said that would be no problem.
I called the offices of Thai Airways and informed them that this is what was happening. Do you think they cared? Unique Travel will probably get a commendation from the airline. Thai Airways aren't innocent. In fact my ticket HOME was with Macau Air, a subsidiary. Stewardesses and crew all wore Thai Airways uniforms. Macau Air IS Thai Air. And it was the cheapest ticket I could find when I was looking to replace the return ticket I could no longer use. I THOUGHT it was going to be cheaper anyways. It turned out that golf bags are NOT free on Macau Air and they only allow 20, not 40 kilos of luggage. So I paid over 100 bucks extra to bring my golf clubs home. Again, I had an e-ticket and just assumed the free golf bag and 40 kilo rule from Thai Airways would apply to their subsidiary. Think about it. Who's gonna go one-way from Thailand to Korea with less than 20 kilos of luggage? I'm sure they make lots of money on overweight luggage charges. Assholes.
Then there are cable companies. When I was in Mokpo I got scammed by Hanaro Telecom. They assured me that if I opted out of my 4 or 5-year cable contract early there would be no penalty. I was positive I wouldn't be in Mokpo for 4 or 5 years. I got dinged for I think 120,000 won and because my cable bills just came directly out of my bank account, they GOT that money.
Now I am trying to get KT Telecom cable internet. It was part of the deal for me to sign on for another year here at Seokang. I asked for a place off campus and that was refused. So I asked for a raise AND my own internet. I told my supervisor that if I were staying in the dorms another year I wouldn't be sharing with the students. The internet here is WAY too slow. But I said we'd talk about that after I got back from vacation. He said okay, I signed the contract and went on vacation.
He has called KT about getting internet set up and they informed him of a 130,000 won outstanding balance from my account a few years ago when I was in Yangju. I'm pretty sure that this is not regular charges because I met with the landlord, future tennant and real estate agent and paid ALL the money I owed at that apartment before I left. What it probably is is ANOTHER fee for ending my contract with KT early. I am positive they told me there would be no early cancellation fees as well. And I had the internet for almost 2 years there.
But what can you do when people just lie to you? Especially in a country like Korea where I am just a foreigner with literally no legal recourse. I'll be damned if I am going to just start thinking EVERYbody is always lying to me. What kind of life would that be? But it's probably safer here. The lie is such an attractive option! It's amazing the frequency people go with that option over here. What is with that? I have a couple theories.
Firstly it is NOT Confucius's fault! Though he does shoulder a lot of the blame, he wouldn't condone this nonsense. Nor would Sun Tsu who in The Art of War says that almost all warfare is based in deception. Hello? Asia? World? Business is NOT warfare! Sun Tsu lied to save the lives of his soldiers. Assholes who equate that with their scamming, lying and cheating just so they can make a little more money to throw into the pile are just that: assholes.
The population problem has something to do with it too. If you lie to a customer, no problem, there are a billion more to lie to. This in a nutshell is the Chinese business model. And they're slowly learning the hard way that it doesn't work very well outside of China. If you lose a friend or co-worker by lying, again, there's plenty more where that came from.
And if you think you "save face" by lying consider one of the many recent examples I have to offer. It's my fifth semester here at Seokang College. Just about everything I do here goes through my supervisor, Jung. He gives me my schedule, collects my curriculum, attendance, marks etc. He's the guy who interviewed me for the job and gave me my contract. He's the guy who I negotiated my raise and cable internet with. But lately I'm starting to wonder how much of this stuff is really part of his job. And if I make requests to someone that aren't within the sphere of his/her job why wouldn't the person just tell me it's not his job or even better, tell me whose job it IS? No, being Korean, Jung chose the obvious course of action: the lie.
This session, last session and the session before that I have had at least one class where I walk into the room, introduce myself, pass around pictures or my family, friends, me fishing and golfing and petting a baby tiger, hand out the syllabus for the session, usually, (because I never have a class list by the first class), pass around a piece of paper to get the students' names and student numbers, I explain my marking scheme, I show them the textbook, I give them my email I do all this stuff before some brave soul amongst them tells me that I'm in the wrong classroom. Then I call Jung and he says the same thing: "There was some miscommunication." The fact that up until yesterday I've believed him shows what a trusting person I am. Perfect victim for the lie.
I've always thought it strange that when Jung gives me my schedule it never includes room numbers. And he always seemed a bit confused when giving me the numbers. He was confused because he was pulling them out of his ASS! Same thing this session. I even had a class in physical therapy, a class I had last session, and he told me language lab 1 on the fifth floor. I taught them last session on the first floor. I said to him, "Aren't they in the room on the first floor?" He mumbled some answer that really wasn't an answer. I went to the fifth floor classroom and got a call from one of the students telling me the class was waiting for me in the same classroom on the first floor.
Then on Wednesday I was supposed to be teaching dental assistants in, (hmmmm), lab 1 on the fifth floor. I went in and taught one of the greatest classes of my life - to the wrong people. I got them to give back the papers I had handed out, threw away the attendance list and went hiking. While I was out Jung called me. I told him what had happened and that now the dental students are a week behind. I also asked him if he was making the classroom numbers up. Of course he lied and said he wasn't and that there was, "some miscommunication." That's also when he told me about the outstanding 130,000 won fee and said that getting internet would be impossible. He then hung up on me without saying good bye or anthing.
I called back and said, "Get me my own internet or I don't teach." I was angry and started yelling about how I get no results when I try to be nice to him, that he never listens to me when I talk in person or on the phone and I was tired of him hanging up on me. He hung up on me.
He sent me a text message that said, "Please understand I am not your secretary."
That got me wondering. How much stuff had he been doing for me that really wasn't his job? And why in the wild wild world of sports has it taken him two years of working together and many disagreements, lies and arguments to finally grow a pair and TELL me? I had mixed feelings. I wondered how much stuff he had been doing just as a favour to me over the years. I was grateful for that and feeling like I should apologize. But then I thought of all the times when I had asked him to do something and it seemed like he had purposely ignored the request or done a piss-poor job of it. He was probably doing that just to discourage me from asking him to do stuff in the future.
So I sent him a text saying something like okay I'm going to talk to somebody and see what's what. I intended to go to the guy in charge named Park but on the way to his office I saw Peter. In my first year here it was Jung and Peter who shared the duties that now only Jung has. So I talked to Peter. Several times I asked him what exactly Jung's job is and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. I'm sure that some of the stuff he hasn't been doing IS part of his job but I think some of the stuff I assumed was part of his job wasn't. Anyway Peter was more receptive and seemed far less willing to give up on the internet. He told me to find receipts if I could from three years ago. Like ANYbody keeps receipts that long! But I was able to find the number of my real estate agent. I'm sure he could straighten things out. But I'm also sure that because he speaks very little English, if I called him I wouldn't be able to explain the situation. That's why I need someone Korean to do it. Also Peter just looked at a piece of paper and gave me the room number for my dental assistant class. 215.
So, here's the burning question: Jung knows that Peter has this magic room number paper. He knows I know who and where Peter is. Yet when I ask him for room numbers he just lies to me. Does he ENJOY causing me problems? Does he ENJOY lying? Does he think this is saving him face? Is he trying to give me wrong information to discourage me from asking him for ANY information in the future?
Whatever the case may be there is a lot of frustration and anger around here and it ALL could have so easily been avoided if somehow people could just try to be honest while working together. But there's no way Jung could know that cuz it's never been attempted here in Korea. I think this fascination with lying is a very modern part of the culture here. It's not the fault of ancestors, Confucius or Sun Tsu, it's lazy people looking for short cuts and quick fixes. Trying to explain it away through traditional business practices, thinking and morality would just be lying some more.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Settling back into Korea
Every time I think I might post something good about Korea, Korea jumps up and slams me. I swear to God I was just about to sit down and talk about how it's nice to be back here. The air smells great around campus, the Tigers are winning and I'm in a place where I am comfortable. I know what to expect. You know, accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. And then something happens to get me turned right back around.
Today it was a phone call. Or two to be exact. Some dude phones me and when I answer with "Hello" he says, "Yoposayo!" Not like a greeting, but like an order. As if to say, "No! Not hello! Yoposayo!" So I sez, "Hello?" and he repeats the lesson, "Yoposayo!" Only louder. So in Korean I tell him I can't speak Korean and he has the wrong number. In any other country in the world that would be that. NOT KOREA!
He calls back. I say, (now with a facetious musicality to my tone), "Hello?" and he shouts "YOPOSAYO!" So in English this time I say, "No I haven't learned to speak Korean in the three seconds since you last called." He hangs up.
This has happened to everybody who's ever lived here, oh, a thousand times. The thing of it is this was probably an important phone call. I am trying to get my own internet installed so I don't have to share with the students this semester and was told it would be okay today. So maybe someone called and ordered it for me and that was a service technician.
Now here we go. I'm gonna accentuate the negative now and eliminate the positive. If this was a service tech. or somebody who found my lost Lotte Mart card or someone from immigration informing me that I need to do something else for immigration or SOMETHING important there is absolutely no doubt he would have known I was a foreigner. Not just because he would have my name and David MacCannell doesn't sound like ANYTHING Korean, but because I am not a person here, I am a foreigner.
This is my rant for the day.
I went yesterday, as mentioned, to meet with my supervisor here, Professor Jung. I just call him Jung. Or the Jung. Part of his job is to make things easier for me since he speaks English and I can't speak Korean. They have these liason officers at every school in Korea. They do things for foreign teachers like set up mail service, order cable, internet, change gas/electric and other bills into your name, talk to landlords, repairmen, students or neighbours or anybody that you might need to talk to who can't speak English. At least that's what the good ones do. And there are fewer and fewer of those.
Over the years here I've learned that it is far better an FAR faster to try to get things done on my own. I've had several problems here at Seokang College but most of them Jung doesn't even know about. Like my office for instance. Here in Korea you can expect a certain amount of stuff to be available in order for you to do your job as an English teacher. They have the basics pretty much everywhere. Like a photocopier, a computer, internet, a printer, scanner, desk, phone, mail. Here I have an office with a desk and a phone. That's it. But I've solved the other problems by using my computer at home; telling people not to bother sending me mail; copying hundreds of copies every week at my own expense; using my OWN printer and scanner; giving students my email address instead of my phone number and fixing other problems that may arise.
If I have a problem I just can't fix, then and only then to I go to the Jung. He's got it pretty easy with me lemme tell you. If you read my blog regularly, (and who am I kidding, nobody does), you will know that I had trouble getting into my room in the dorm last year. The Idon'tcaretaker was getting his jollies from locking me out. I told Jung about this and it only took him half the year to solve the problem for me. He made a 30-second phone call. All that work took him half a year to prepare for. So you can see why I try not to involve him.
However, this year I desperately need a good internet connection because I'll be watching the winter olympics in CANADA and I'll need enough bandwidth to get live streams of hockey or video on demand. When the kids are here in the dorm neither is possible. And I NEED to watch online so as to avoid the Korean coverage that will be Kim Yu Na and short track speed skating on an endless loop. I am going to try to catch at LEAST every game the Canadian hockey team plays. Go for gold boys!!! Also I can watch Tigers games, NFL football, the World Series etc.
So anyway, the point I am skirting here is that during the meeting yesterday I asked Jung to help me with this, I told him what books we'd be using and I mentioned that when I opened the door to my office the alarm went off. I needed to get that worked out. Every other teacher has a little keychain thingy they swipe in front of the alarm eye before going into their offices. Last year the alarm was just shut off for the whole year. Now they're thinking of giving me the keychain thingy. Only took a year. So far...
Anyhoo, Jung had a few phone calls to make. He had to tell the people in the bookstore what books my students would be needing so he made that call. Then he called the same Idon'tcaretakers who probably turned my alarm on just to get their jollies while I was on vacation and told them to get me a keychain thingy. Then he called someone in the computer center of Seokang College to talk about the internet. In all three calls I never once heard my name mentioned but within five words "waygook" was mentioned. That's the Korean word for "foreigner".
Now here's the thing: I know why he does this and it's probably not his fault. He's just trying to expedite the situation. You see if he called up and said, "Professor MacCannell needs Interchange Intro and English Firsthand 1 for his classes," the first question would NOT be something like, "How many copies will he need?", or "What are the publishers of these books?", or "How soon will he need them?" or something like that, guaran-damn-teed their first question will be, "Mek ken null? Is he a foreigner?" Jung would say yes and they'd say, "Why didn't you lead with that?" So really Jung is just trying to get past that oh-so-essential step and get some business done. But it still bothers me. EVERYBODY does that too.
My point is pretty obvious: why is it so important to preface everything I do or have done to me or for me with the fact that I'm not Korean? To give Korea some credit, they are pretty good compared to a lot of other countries in some of the ways they treat foreigners here. For instance I pay what Koreans pay for stuff I buy. It's not like that in Cambodia, Thailand, the Philippines, China etc. In fact in Thailand while golfing I met a guy who had worked sevaral years in China and said there they have about 5-10 different prices for different people: One if you're a country Chinese, one for city Chinese, one for Hong Kong Chinese, one for white guys, one for Japanese etc. Most things are not like that here. But there certainly IS a difference in treatment and service. And as I've been saying here I am perceiving that difference to be getting larger instead of smaller.
Just one last ditty then I'll stop. After my meeting with Jung I went downtown to Top Bookstore to get the teacher's casette for one of the books I'm using and to shop for other secondary resources. It's a great store. While waiting for a taxi about half a dozen Korean boys gathered to my right and one Koran girl ate a fudgesicle on my left. They were all about the same age, like 10ish, and I assume they were waiting for their parents to pick them up after school was let out. There's a middle school attached to Seokang where I work.
It seems like EVERY time I come within earshot of the students from this school they are trying to impress their friends by being rude to the foreigner so I wasn't feeling very good surrounded by these little bastards. But none of them said anything! It was the first time in a long time that had happened! I was impressed! I didn't hear the word "waygook" in the boys' conversation, nobody spoke any English to me to be funny, I was actually pretty upbeat until my cab came.
An older guy, 60 or 70, was in the back and saw me flag down the cab and waiting outside his door. It took about 5 minutes for him to get out of the cab. Then after opening the door and getting out he slams the door shut, walks straight toward me and tries to shoo me away like I were a fly. Angry face shooing and he said something unpleasant in Korean as he did it. So in English I said, "Asshole." Then I reached for the door and it was locked. The fucking scumbag actually LOCKED the door before he slammed it on me! Then he proceeded over to the children and stroked a few of the boys' heads and shared some words of wisdom with them. Is it any wonder things are like this? So, there went my positive Korean moment.
All that golfing and sightseeing was therapeutic for me. But I don't think it'll be long, the way things are going, before I need some more of it.
SIIIGGGHHH...
Today it was a phone call. Or two to be exact. Some dude phones me and when I answer with "Hello" he says, "Yoposayo!" Not like a greeting, but like an order. As if to say, "No! Not hello! Yoposayo!" So I sez, "Hello?" and he repeats the lesson, "Yoposayo!" Only louder. So in Korean I tell him I can't speak Korean and he has the wrong number. In any other country in the world that would be that. NOT KOREA!
He calls back. I say, (now with a facetious musicality to my tone), "Hello?" and he shouts "YOPOSAYO!" So in English this time I say, "No I haven't learned to speak Korean in the three seconds since you last called." He hangs up.
This has happened to everybody who's ever lived here, oh, a thousand times. The thing of it is this was probably an important phone call. I am trying to get my own internet installed so I don't have to share with the students this semester and was told it would be okay today. So maybe someone called and ordered it for me and that was a service technician.
Now here we go. I'm gonna accentuate the negative now and eliminate the positive. If this was a service tech. or somebody who found my lost Lotte Mart card or someone from immigration informing me that I need to do something else for immigration or SOMETHING important there is absolutely no doubt he would have known I was a foreigner. Not just because he would have my name and David MacCannell doesn't sound like ANYTHING Korean, but because I am not a person here, I am a foreigner.
This is my rant for the day.
I went yesterday, as mentioned, to meet with my supervisor here, Professor Jung. I just call him Jung. Or the Jung. Part of his job is to make things easier for me since he speaks English and I can't speak Korean. They have these liason officers at every school in Korea. They do things for foreign teachers like set up mail service, order cable, internet, change gas/electric and other bills into your name, talk to landlords, repairmen, students or neighbours or anybody that you might need to talk to who can't speak English. At least that's what the good ones do. And there are fewer and fewer of those.
Over the years here I've learned that it is far better an FAR faster to try to get things done on my own. I've had several problems here at Seokang College but most of them Jung doesn't even know about. Like my office for instance. Here in Korea you can expect a certain amount of stuff to be available in order for you to do your job as an English teacher. They have the basics pretty much everywhere. Like a photocopier, a computer, internet, a printer, scanner, desk, phone, mail. Here I have an office with a desk and a phone. That's it. But I've solved the other problems by using my computer at home; telling people not to bother sending me mail; copying hundreds of copies every week at my own expense; using my OWN printer and scanner; giving students my email address instead of my phone number and fixing other problems that may arise.
If I have a problem I just can't fix, then and only then to I go to the Jung. He's got it pretty easy with me lemme tell you. If you read my blog regularly, (and who am I kidding, nobody does), you will know that I had trouble getting into my room in the dorm last year. The Idon'tcaretaker was getting his jollies from locking me out. I told Jung about this and it only took him half the year to solve the problem for me. He made a 30-second phone call. All that work took him half a year to prepare for. So you can see why I try not to involve him.
However, this year I desperately need a good internet connection because I'll be watching the winter olympics in CANADA and I'll need enough bandwidth to get live streams of hockey or video on demand. When the kids are here in the dorm neither is possible. And I NEED to watch online so as to avoid the Korean coverage that will be Kim Yu Na and short track speed skating on an endless loop. I am going to try to catch at LEAST every game the Canadian hockey team plays. Go for gold boys!!! Also I can watch Tigers games, NFL football, the World Series etc.
So anyway, the point I am skirting here is that during the meeting yesterday I asked Jung to help me with this, I told him what books we'd be using and I mentioned that when I opened the door to my office the alarm went off. I needed to get that worked out. Every other teacher has a little keychain thingy they swipe in front of the alarm eye before going into their offices. Last year the alarm was just shut off for the whole year. Now they're thinking of giving me the keychain thingy. Only took a year. So far...
Anyhoo, Jung had a few phone calls to make. He had to tell the people in the bookstore what books my students would be needing so he made that call. Then he called the same Idon'tcaretakers who probably turned my alarm on just to get their jollies while I was on vacation and told them to get me a keychain thingy. Then he called someone in the computer center of Seokang College to talk about the internet. In all three calls I never once heard my name mentioned but within five words "waygook" was mentioned. That's the Korean word for "foreigner".
Now here's the thing: I know why he does this and it's probably not his fault. He's just trying to expedite the situation. You see if he called up and said, "Professor MacCannell needs Interchange Intro and English Firsthand 1 for his classes," the first question would NOT be something like, "How many copies will he need?", or "What are the publishers of these books?", or "How soon will he need them?" or something like that, guaran-damn-teed their first question will be, "Mek ken null? Is he a foreigner?" Jung would say yes and they'd say, "Why didn't you lead with that?" So really Jung is just trying to get past that oh-so-essential step and get some business done. But it still bothers me. EVERYBODY does that too.
My point is pretty obvious: why is it so important to preface everything I do or have done to me or for me with the fact that I'm not Korean? To give Korea some credit, they are pretty good compared to a lot of other countries in some of the ways they treat foreigners here. For instance I pay what Koreans pay for stuff I buy. It's not like that in Cambodia, Thailand, the Philippines, China etc. In fact in Thailand while golfing I met a guy who had worked sevaral years in China and said there they have about 5-10 different prices for different people: One if you're a country Chinese, one for city Chinese, one for Hong Kong Chinese, one for white guys, one for Japanese etc. Most things are not like that here. But there certainly IS a difference in treatment and service. And as I've been saying here I am perceiving that difference to be getting larger instead of smaller.
Just one last ditty then I'll stop. After my meeting with Jung I went downtown to Top Bookstore to get the teacher's casette for one of the books I'm using and to shop for other secondary resources. It's a great store. While waiting for a taxi about half a dozen Korean boys gathered to my right and one Koran girl ate a fudgesicle on my left. They were all about the same age, like 10ish, and I assume they were waiting for their parents to pick them up after school was let out. There's a middle school attached to Seokang where I work.
It seems like EVERY time I come within earshot of the students from this school they are trying to impress their friends by being rude to the foreigner so I wasn't feeling very good surrounded by these little bastards. But none of them said anything! It was the first time in a long time that had happened! I was impressed! I didn't hear the word "waygook" in the boys' conversation, nobody spoke any English to me to be funny, I was actually pretty upbeat until my cab came.
An older guy, 60 or 70, was in the back and saw me flag down the cab and waiting outside his door. It took about 5 minutes for him to get out of the cab. Then after opening the door and getting out he slams the door shut, walks straight toward me and tries to shoo me away like I were a fly. Angry face shooing and he said something unpleasant in Korean as he did it. So in English I said, "Asshole." Then I reached for the door and it was locked. The fucking scumbag actually LOCKED the door before he slammed it on me! Then he proceeded over to the children and stroked a few of the boys' heads and shared some words of wisdom with them. Is it any wonder things are like this? So, there went my positive Korean moment.
All that golfing and sightseeing was therapeutic for me. But I don't think it'll be long, the way things are going, before I need some more of it.
SIIIGGGHHH...
Friday, August 14, 2009
My golfing sched.
I don't think many of you will give a rip about this but I want to put it up here because I want to remember where I golfed on my vacation to Pattaya. It's recorded on gshandicap.com but those are only the cards that were handed in. There are a few missing. So here is, as near as I can figure, my golfing schedule from vacation '09.
June 29 - Crystal Bay A&B 93/44 I got to town June 27, the night of a big golf tourney put on by the Fairway, a bar owned by my friend Gord. That's where I stayed and that's the bar that I golfed out of while there. The next day I went to the driving range and balls were flying everywhere. I sucked. My first day of golf had to be the next day. We went to Crystal Bay. Never golfed there before and it had been two years since I even touched a club apart from that nightmare at the driving range. I DID AWESOME!!! I shot 93 and that included a birdie on my third hole; 5 pars and on the back nine I got three pars in a row! I got a 43 only because I got a triple bogey on number 10. All other holes were par or bog. Needless to say with a 44 stableford I kicked everybody's ass that day in the competition! Almost everybody was worried about the new bandit. I played with Ken, Andy and Owen. Ken-Brit, Andy-American, Owen-Aussie. That's Ken in the cart and Owen writing on his scorecard. The other guy is Andy. In the pic to the right that's my caddy. She was great! I'm sure she saved me like 10 strokes. And she was fun to shoot a round with. Makes a BIG difference to me if I have a fun caddy.
July 2 - Bangpra (Monkey Course) 104 I came back to earth on the Monkey Course. Never golfed very well there. It was my third time including once in a Texas scramble where the other guys wanted my long drives and I drove like a girl's blouse. Didn't do terrible but Larry heard about my drives and wanted to see how I got such a good score the time before. He didn't see too many good drives or good holes. He ended up beating me but I got 3rd. And we only saw one monkey all day long. You can see Andy and Paul and everybody's caddies in the pic. The caddies dressed like ajumas.
July 3 - Crystal Bay B&C 106 That's what it says on the website that figures my handicap but I am pretty sure we golfed Khao Kheow this day. I think I played with Gord and Ken. Ken won. I got 3rd again.
July 6 - Century Chonburi 109 I was getting progressively worse. Not to mention all the golfing and practicing had led to cramping in my lower back. Just had to be at its worst on this day! I played with a pro named Scott and a REALLY good old golfer named Tom. It started raining just after me and Scott teed off. So we all made a break for the clubhouse but didn't make it there till everything was soaked. After we got back out, (and I was even with the pro after parring hole number 1), it rained again as we were teeing off on number 2. Scott was fun to watch. He didn't fare well in the sand because on this course the sand was more like gravel. I absolutely sucked mishitting almost everything but tee shots. Scott got two tap-in birdies but Tom ended up winning the thing. I was just glad to stop. I'm not gonna use the pain as an excuse but it didn't help. In the pic are Scott (l) and Tom (r).
July 9 - Phoenix L & O 102/32 It was good to see Phoenix again. The course I had golfed more than any other in Pattaya. I think this was my fifth time or so. I played with Tony and his big friend Roy. Roy was hilarious. Not good, but hilarious. He was looking for his ball in some shrubbery and got stung by a bee. Ha ha ha. Had a terrible day but he was still happy to be golfing. You gotta like guys like that. Today was my day to get off the shnide and like a Phoenix rise from the ashes of my recent golfing disasters. And I did. I think I coulda topped my first round IF I could have made even one good putt all day long. I got 18 and 14 Stableford on the front and back nines respectively. I could have been well into the 40's if I didn't putt like an asshole. To give you an idea on the last 5 holes 4 putt, 4 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt. Absolute bollocks! Aaron got 34 and beat me but I went out and practiced putting after THAT round. Here's me with the Buddha mountain in the background. You have to click on that pic and zoom to see the golden Buddha carved into the mountain. And the other pic is me trying to get Buddha's help. Buddha doesn't do putting. That's my conclusion. Actually there's a better shot of the Buddha mountain below. Come to think of it I was starting to look a lot like Buddha by this point in the vacation. Golfing wasn't helping my figure much.
July 10 - Bang Pakong 102 I did Walking Street the night before. I was hungover and only managed to get a couple hours of sleep the night before. But that's not enough to stop me! Never golfed Bang Pakong before. It was far away from Pattaya and in my opinion not worth the drive. I actually came close to puking on the drive there. And once we got there although I was golfing okay I had a LOT of trouble with the rough there. It's like muskeg. It sucks up your ball. And even if you miss the green by an inch you can have a completely covered ball for your next shot. I didn't have any solution to the grass. It reached out and yanked your club one way or another. And I managed to have several pretty good shots that ended up DEEP in that grass. Only 5 people came out so we golfed together. Scott, Larry, Paul, Jenny and me. It was a really good day. I managed to get a couple birdies and a couple pars on holes where I avoided that grass. And everybody was putting well including me. Some long putts were sunk. Scott got all the closest to the pins and Larry won the day. Jenny got a par on the final hole. It was her first par on a par 5.
July 13 - Green Valley 102 I just can't seem to get anything but 102! Phenomenal! But after this day Green Valley became my favourite golf course in the Pattaya area. What a pleasure it was to golf such a nice course! Unfortunately I had about the worst caddy on the face of the earth! She was very cute but she was a big sourpuss. Always hanging her head. And she wouldn't give me any clues about what hazards the hole had or which way the greens broke. Cost me many strokes. But it was a good day on a great course.
July 15 - Pleasant Valley 97 This course is under some pretty heavy construction! And it's VERY tight. On some holes you will be teeing off and you can hear the conversation of guys on the green to your left and on another tee to your right. It was target golf. Not my forte! On the third hole I hit my first ball into the water on the left, my second out of bounds on the right and my third out of bounds again. So I was a spectator for that hole. It's so tough a lot of people call it UNpleasant Valley. BUT, I had a really good day. Not spectacular but very steady.
July 16 - Plutaluang 102 Back to my usual score. For the life of me I can't remember anything about this course. Ahhhh, now I remember because of the pic. This course I know better as Thai Navy. I've played it a few times but never played the famous lighthouse hole till this day. Here's a view from where you get the carts. And the other pic is the dreaded lighthouse island par 3. It's REALLY tough to hold the green on this hole! The pic on the bottom is my caddy going to mark my ball. The guys I was golfing with had already been in the water twice each. I got closest to the pin and parred the hole thank you very much. If you click on the pic to blow it up you can see my ball AND the marker on the green. We play closest to the pin in TWO shots so I had one more shot to beat that mark. I think I put it a couple feet from the hole and then made that putt for par.
July 17 - Pleasant Valley 99 I had been put in charge of the golf by Gord. He had to stay at the bar to take care of some business so he gave me the card that had several stamps on it. Each stamp was a green fee but with the card we saved money on the green fees. The girl at the course didn't give the card back to me and I didn't ask her for it back. So I had to hunt around for a golf society playing Pleasant Valley. I went out with the Bunker Bar. A good bunch of fellas. I golfed with a couple Brits and an American guy named Heath. I forget the other guys' names. Heath was funny as hell. And a pretty steady golfer. I had another bad caddy. She argued with me about shots refusing to give me the club I wanted trying to get me to play safe. And she couldn't understand anything I said. They don't allow you to drive the carts on the course there either which totally defeats the purpose and makes for a lot of unnecessary walking. One hole I was just off the green but against some rough taller than the ball. I couldn't putt so I asked my caddy for a 3 wood. She makes the long journey back to the cart and comes back with a 6 iron or something. So I used a club I shouldn't have and screwed up. Again the caddy cost me several strokes. But had a good day. And got the card back. In the first pic is Pleasant Valley hole #1. The pic to the right is Heath and another of the guys I golfed with. Maybe Jerry? I forget.
July 20 - Bangpra 102 Saw more monkeys this time. Had another bad day of putting. But decent score despite the putting woes. You have to zoom in on this pic too. You can see monkeys crossing the fairway. Even one momma witha monkey on her back. On this day my putting was a monkey on MY back. Also in the pic you can see Scott in the middle of the fairway and I think that's Larry headed for a second shot from the bunker. The other pic is the par 3 12th hole. It's supposed to be one of the top 100 short holes in the world. But I don't like it. I always get a bad score on it for some reason. And this time it's Kim wearing the orange. Orange seems to be a popular colour on the courses around Pattaya.
July 22 - Mountain Shadow 94/39 I shot 45/49 94 on the day but in the computer it says I got 98. So I'm wondering how accurately my scores have been submitted. I usually can't keep my scorecard. It gets submitted in order to adjust my handicap and keep things current. But Gord inputs the scores by computer. Maybe he's having trouble reading some of the scorecards or something. I've got the scorecard in front of me right now. The only reason I have it is I forgot to give it to Gord. As you can see my handicap was adjusted. When I got a 93 at Crystal Bay my first time golfing I was playing off 30. That was my handicap from 2 years before. But I don't think that was accurate. Not long after that we just decided to drop me to a 25. I think that was more accurate. And by this time I was golfing off an official 22.6 (23) handicap. But even still I got 39. If I had used the 25 handicap on my first day I would have got a 39 so I consider this day to be tied for my best day. I hope the other scores were submitted accurately.
July 25 - St. Andrews 107/28 This was a long time goal of mine. I wanted to play this course for a few reasons. First it's gorgeous! Secondly it has two par 6 holes. And thirdly now I can say I've played golf at St. Andrews. We were supposed to go on Friday with the Fairway but only Larry and I signed up so it was cancelled. Luckily Larry found a bar called the Rabbi Elephant Bar that was a regular customer at Green Valley on Saturday. Since Green Valley had a tournament that Saturday the Rabbi boys got Green Valley prices for St. Andrews. Larry and I decided to go along with them. And what a group we had! Larry, Larry, Terry and Dave. lol. St. Andrews was as great as I imagined. And I was cruising along pretty well. 107 isn't a bad score at all. I had 27 Stableford after only 13 holes. But I only got 1 on the last 5 holes. What happened was I hit a great drive on a hole that had an elevated tee box. WAY elevated. It went a little off the fairway but it was a wide open area where it must have landed. Problem was nobody could see it land. That happens when you hit the ball really far. And I really layed into that drive. We were all sure we would find it so I didn't hit a provisional. Nobody could find it and there was already a group on the tee box behind us so I had to take a wipe, (8), for that hole. Next hole I hit another good drive a bit off the fairway and AGAIN couldn't find it. So I was just pissed off the rest of the day and couldn't golf for shit. If I had averaged 2 on the last 5 holes I woulda come out with a 37. That's one better than my handicap. A good effort on St. Andrews! So it was a really great day. The first pic is #1 at St. Andrews. I started the day off right by putting my tee shot about 300 yards down the middle of the lake on the left. Sigh. That's Larry wearing orange in the second pic. I was in orange that day too. Just look at the waterfall and the landscaping! Every hole is like that! What a beautiful course! The 3rd pic is a view from the first par 6. The view is from my ball which is, ahem, way in front of the other guys' balls. Sometimes distance is a blessing but sometimes it's a curse. I chunked my third shot but still chipped onto the green for 4 but then 3-putted and took a 7 on my first par 6 ever. The final picture is of Larry and Larry on the 14th hole. This is the elevated tee box where I CRANKED a huge drive that landed on the fairway and rolled off between the 2nd and 3rd knuckle. Shoulda been easy to find right? That was a beautiful drive that was never seen again. And if you look directly above the tee block, that's the rough I lost my tee shot in coming right back on the next hole. It's where everything started to unravel for me on the day.
July 27 - Green Valley 102
July 29 - Burapha B/D 97/37 I would say this was my best day. Not my best score but it was the most fun I had on the golf course the whole vacation. There were only four of us, Andy, Paul, Kim and myself. We all had carts and we all stayed fairly close together on the day and talked while were were golfing. It was a real pleasure. Not just fun but really competitive. We were all within 4 shots the whole way. I ended up winning and Paul and Kim both got 36 I think. So they shot their handicaps which is very good. And Andy got 33. The next day I went to Cambodia.
August 3 - Green Valley 96 I remember having a really steady day. Then I think it was on the 15th hole I made the mistake of saying, "I think this is my best day so far. I haven't had any disaster holes yet and I've scored on every hole." I then proceeded to put two drives WAY out of bounds and just took an 8 and watched that hole. I think the next three holes were pretty rough too but even still 96 is not bad. I think that's 35 Stableford. I probly got something that day.
August 5 - Burapha A/B 104 I don't know what happened! I had caddy #211 who helped me to my 97 round. I felt good. I just lost a lot of tee shots. I got snake bitten a couple more times too. Hitting nice shots and not being able to find them. I hit a really long drive on one hole that was on the fairway to our right. It was wide open where the ball should have landed and there was a group of people hitting their balls when I got there. I think one of them probably hit my ball or picked it up. But that happened to me twice. And nothing pisses me off more. My caddy was so nice too apologizing. She says, "You hit too much far. My eye can't see!" It was not a good way to end my vacation.
However, all in all I had a blast! And it was great golfing with such a fine group of guys. I'll probably golf with them again. I think there were one or two rounds that didn't make it onto this list. But I can't remember much about them any more. I shoulda been more vigilant in taking notes about every day. But when I got home from golf there was eating, drinking and partying to do. Not a lot of time to record the day's events.
Nice courses though eh?
June 29 - Crystal Bay A&B 93/44 I got to town June 27, the night of a big golf tourney put on by the Fairway, a bar owned by my friend Gord. That's where I stayed and that's the bar that I golfed out of while there. The next day I went to the driving range and balls were flying everywhere. I sucked. My first day of golf had to be the next day. We went to Crystal Bay. Never golfed there before and it had been two years since I even touched a club apart from that nightmare at the driving range. I DID AWESOME!!! I shot 93 and that included a birdie on my third hole; 5 pars and on the back nine I got three pars in a row! I got a 43 only because I got a triple bogey on number 10. All other holes were par or bog. Needless to say with a 44 stableford I kicked everybody's ass that day in the competition! Almost everybody was worried about the new bandit. I played with Ken, Andy and Owen. Ken-Brit, Andy-American, Owen-Aussie. That's Ken in the cart and Owen writing on his scorecard. The other guy is Andy. In the pic to the right that's my caddy. She was great! I'm sure she saved me like 10 strokes. And she was fun to shoot a round with. Makes a BIG difference to me if I have a fun caddy.
July 2 - Bangpra (Monkey Course) 104 I came back to earth on the Monkey Course. Never golfed very well there. It was my third time including once in a Texas scramble where the other guys wanted my long drives and I drove like a girl's blouse. Didn't do terrible but Larry heard about my drives and wanted to see how I got such a good score the time before. He didn't see too many good drives or good holes. He ended up beating me but I got 3rd. And we only saw one monkey all day long. You can see Andy and Paul and everybody's caddies in the pic. The caddies dressed like ajumas.
July 3 - Crystal Bay B&C 106 That's what it says on the website that figures my handicap but I am pretty sure we golfed Khao Kheow this day. I think I played with Gord and Ken. Ken won. I got 3rd again.
July 6 - Century Chonburi 109 I was getting progressively worse. Not to mention all the golfing and practicing had led to cramping in my lower back. Just had to be at its worst on this day! I played with a pro named Scott and a REALLY good old golfer named Tom. It started raining just after me and Scott teed off. So we all made a break for the clubhouse but didn't make it there till everything was soaked. After we got back out, (and I was even with the pro after parring hole number 1), it rained again as we were teeing off on number 2. Scott was fun to watch. He didn't fare well in the sand because on this course the sand was more like gravel. I absolutely sucked mishitting almost everything but tee shots. Scott got two tap-in birdies but Tom ended up winning the thing. I was just glad to stop. I'm not gonna use the pain as an excuse but it didn't help. In the pic are Scott (l) and Tom (r).
July 9 - Phoenix L & O 102/32 It was good to see Phoenix again. The course I had golfed more than any other in Pattaya. I think this was my fifth time or so. I played with Tony and his big friend Roy. Roy was hilarious. Not good, but hilarious. He was looking for his ball in some shrubbery and got stung by a bee. Ha ha ha. Had a terrible day but he was still happy to be golfing. You gotta like guys like that. Today was my day to get off the shnide and like a Phoenix rise from the ashes of my recent golfing disasters. And I did. I think I coulda topped my first round IF I could have made even one good putt all day long. I got 18 and 14 Stableford on the front and back nines respectively. I could have been well into the 40's if I didn't putt like an asshole. To give you an idea on the last 5 holes 4 putt, 4 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt, 3 putt. Absolute bollocks! Aaron got 34 and beat me but I went out and practiced putting after THAT round. Here's me with the Buddha mountain in the background. You have to click on that pic and zoom to see the golden Buddha carved into the mountain. And the other pic is me trying to get Buddha's help. Buddha doesn't do putting. That's my conclusion. Actually there's a better shot of the Buddha mountain below. Come to think of it I was starting to look a lot like Buddha by this point in the vacation. Golfing wasn't helping my figure much.
July 10 - Bang Pakong 102 I did Walking Street the night before. I was hungover and only managed to get a couple hours of sleep the night before. But that's not enough to stop me! Never golfed Bang Pakong before. It was far away from Pattaya and in my opinion not worth the drive. I actually came close to puking on the drive there. And once we got there although I was golfing okay I had a LOT of trouble with the rough there. It's like muskeg. It sucks up your ball. And even if you miss the green by an inch you can have a completely covered ball for your next shot. I didn't have any solution to the grass. It reached out and yanked your club one way or another. And I managed to have several pretty good shots that ended up DEEP in that grass. Only 5 people came out so we golfed together. Scott, Larry, Paul, Jenny and me. It was a really good day. I managed to get a couple birdies and a couple pars on holes where I avoided that grass. And everybody was putting well including me. Some long putts were sunk. Scott got all the closest to the pins and Larry won the day. Jenny got a par on the final hole. It was her first par on a par 5.
July 13 - Green Valley 102 I just can't seem to get anything but 102! Phenomenal! But after this day Green Valley became my favourite golf course in the Pattaya area. What a pleasure it was to golf such a nice course! Unfortunately I had about the worst caddy on the face of the earth! She was very cute but she was a big sourpuss. Always hanging her head. And she wouldn't give me any clues about what hazards the hole had or which way the greens broke. Cost me many strokes. But it was a good day on a great course.
July 15 - Pleasant Valley 97 This course is under some pretty heavy construction! And it's VERY tight. On some holes you will be teeing off and you can hear the conversation of guys on the green to your left and on another tee to your right. It was target golf. Not my forte! On the third hole I hit my first ball into the water on the left, my second out of bounds on the right and my third out of bounds again. So I was a spectator for that hole. It's so tough a lot of people call it UNpleasant Valley. BUT, I had a really good day. Not spectacular but very steady.
July 16 - Plutaluang 102 Back to my usual score. For the life of me I can't remember anything about this course. Ahhhh, now I remember because of the pic. This course I know better as Thai Navy. I've played it a few times but never played the famous lighthouse hole till this day. Here's a view from where you get the carts. And the other pic is the dreaded lighthouse island par 3. It's REALLY tough to hold the green on this hole! The pic on the bottom is my caddy going to mark my ball. The guys I was golfing with had already been in the water twice each. I got closest to the pin and parred the hole thank you very much. If you click on the pic to blow it up you can see my ball AND the marker on the green. We play closest to the pin in TWO shots so I had one more shot to beat that mark. I think I put it a couple feet from the hole and then made that putt for par.
July 17 - Pleasant Valley 99 I had been put in charge of the golf by Gord. He had to stay at the bar to take care of some business so he gave me the card that had several stamps on it. Each stamp was a green fee but with the card we saved money on the green fees. The girl at the course didn't give the card back to me and I didn't ask her for it back. So I had to hunt around for a golf society playing Pleasant Valley. I went out with the Bunker Bar. A good bunch of fellas. I golfed with a couple Brits and an American guy named Heath. I forget the other guys' names. Heath was funny as hell. And a pretty steady golfer. I had another bad caddy. She argued with me about shots refusing to give me the club I wanted trying to get me to play safe. And she couldn't understand anything I said. They don't allow you to drive the carts on the course there either which totally defeats the purpose and makes for a lot of unnecessary walking. One hole I was just off the green but against some rough taller than the ball. I couldn't putt so I asked my caddy for a 3 wood. She makes the long journey back to the cart and comes back with a 6 iron or something. So I used a club I shouldn't have and screwed up. Again the caddy cost me several strokes. But had a good day. And got the card back. In the first pic is Pleasant Valley hole #1. The pic to the right is Heath and another of the guys I golfed with. Maybe Jerry? I forget.
July 20 - Bangpra 102 Saw more monkeys this time. Had another bad day of putting. But decent score despite the putting woes. You have to zoom in on this pic too. You can see monkeys crossing the fairway. Even one momma witha monkey on her back. On this day my putting was a monkey on MY back. Also in the pic you can see Scott in the middle of the fairway and I think that's Larry headed for a second shot from the bunker. The other pic is the par 3 12th hole. It's supposed to be one of the top 100 short holes in the world. But I don't like it. I always get a bad score on it for some reason. And this time it's Kim wearing the orange. Orange seems to be a popular colour on the courses around Pattaya.
July 22 - Mountain Shadow 94/39 I shot 45/49 94 on the day but in the computer it says I got 98. So I'm wondering how accurately my scores have been submitted. I usually can't keep my scorecard. It gets submitted in order to adjust my handicap and keep things current. But Gord inputs the scores by computer. Maybe he's having trouble reading some of the scorecards or something. I've got the scorecard in front of me right now. The only reason I have it is I forgot to give it to Gord. As you can see my handicap was adjusted. When I got a 93 at Crystal Bay my first time golfing I was playing off 30. That was my handicap from 2 years before. But I don't think that was accurate. Not long after that we just decided to drop me to a 25. I think that was more accurate. And by this time I was golfing off an official 22.6 (23) handicap. But even still I got 39. If I had used the 25 handicap on my first day I would have got a 39 so I consider this day to be tied for my best day. I hope the other scores were submitted accurately.
July 25 - St. Andrews 107/28 This was a long time goal of mine. I wanted to play this course for a few reasons. First it's gorgeous! Secondly it has two par 6 holes. And thirdly now I can say I've played golf at St. Andrews. We were supposed to go on Friday with the Fairway but only Larry and I signed up so it was cancelled. Luckily Larry found a bar called the Rabbi Elephant Bar that was a regular customer at Green Valley on Saturday. Since Green Valley had a tournament that Saturday the Rabbi boys got Green Valley prices for St. Andrews. Larry and I decided to go along with them. And what a group we had! Larry, Larry, Terry and Dave. lol. St. Andrews was as great as I imagined. And I was cruising along pretty well. 107 isn't a bad score at all. I had 27 Stableford after only 13 holes. But I only got 1 on the last 5 holes. What happened was I hit a great drive on a hole that had an elevated tee box. WAY elevated. It went a little off the fairway but it was a wide open area where it must have landed. Problem was nobody could see it land. That happens when you hit the ball really far. And I really layed into that drive. We were all sure we would find it so I didn't hit a provisional. Nobody could find it and there was already a group on the tee box behind us so I had to take a wipe, (8), for that hole. Next hole I hit another good drive a bit off the fairway and AGAIN couldn't find it. So I was just pissed off the rest of the day and couldn't golf for shit. If I had averaged 2 on the last 5 holes I woulda come out with a 37. That's one better than my handicap. A good effort on St. Andrews! So it was a really great day. The first pic is #1 at St. Andrews. I started the day off right by putting my tee shot about 300 yards down the middle of the lake on the left. Sigh. That's Larry wearing orange in the second pic. I was in orange that day too. Just look at the waterfall and the landscaping! Every hole is like that! What a beautiful course! The 3rd pic is a view from the first par 6. The view is from my ball which is, ahem, way in front of the other guys' balls. Sometimes distance is a blessing but sometimes it's a curse. I chunked my third shot but still chipped onto the green for 4 but then 3-putted and took a 7 on my first par 6 ever. The final picture is of Larry and Larry on the 14th hole. This is the elevated tee box where I CRANKED a huge drive that landed on the fairway and rolled off between the 2nd and 3rd knuckle. Shoulda been easy to find right? That was a beautiful drive that was never seen again. And if you look directly above the tee block, that's the rough I lost my tee shot in coming right back on the next hole. It's where everything started to unravel for me on the day.
July 27 - Green Valley 102
July 29 - Burapha B/D 97/37 I would say this was my best day. Not my best score but it was the most fun I had on the golf course the whole vacation. There were only four of us, Andy, Paul, Kim and myself. We all had carts and we all stayed fairly close together on the day and talked while were were golfing. It was a real pleasure. Not just fun but really competitive. We were all within 4 shots the whole way. I ended up winning and Paul and Kim both got 36 I think. So they shot their handicaps which is very good. And Andy got 33. The next day I went to Cambodia.
August 3 - Green Valley 96 I remember having a really steady day. Then I think it was on the 15th hole I made the mistake of saying, "I think this is my best day so far. I haven't had any disaster holes yet and I've scored on every hole." I then proceeded to put two drives WAY out of bounds and just took an 8 and watched that hole. I think the next three holes were pretty rough too but even still 96 is not bad. I think that's 35 Stableford. I probly got something that day.
August 5 - Burapha A/B 104 I don't know what happened! I had caddy #211 who helped me to my 97 round. I felt good. I just lost a lot of tee shots. I got snake bitten a couple more times too. Hitting nice shots and not being able to find them. I hit a really long drive on one hole that was on the fairway to our right. It was wide open where the ball should have landed and there was a group of people hitting their balls when I got there. I think one of them probably hit my ball or picked it up. But that happened to me twice. And nothing pisses me off more. My caddy was so nice too apologizing. She says, "You hit too much far. My eye can't see!" It was not a good way to end my vacation.
However, all in all I had a blast! And it was great golfing with such a fine group of guys. I'll probably golf with them again. I think there were one or two rounds that didn't make it onto this list. But I can't remember much about them any more. I shoulda been more vigilant in taking notes about every day. But when I got home from golf there was eating, drinking and partying to do. Not a lot of time to record the day's events.
Nice courses though eh?
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