Dave's Top Fives

Well it's summer movie season. There are some good ones coming out that people are all excited about. I'm not all that excited myself. I was going to give you the top ten reasons why, but to avoid any copywrite infringement, I'll give you two of Dave's top fives. And in deference to the Dude, I'll start a new paragraph for both!

Top five reasons I won't go to see Mission Impossible in the Korean theater:

5. Teaching E.S.L. in Korea is action and adventure enough for me.

4. Chinese videos of the filming of M.I. III with hilarious Kung Fu dubbing available months ago on internet.

3. Free Scientology tracts with the purchase of any sized beverage.

2. Pesky Korean subtitles always covering hot female co-star's cleavage.

1. Korea/Japan Dokdo negotiations much more impossible and free on T.V.

Top five reasons I won't go to see The DaVinci Code in the Korean theater:

5. Teaching E.S.L. in Korea is mystery enough for me.

4. Chinese filming of the movie complete with hilarious Kung Fu dubbing available for months on internet.

3. Tom Hanks? Did they really need to him to make this project fly?

2. Rather support the struggling Dan Brown by buying the book. Again.

1. Saving up to get my own Mary Magdalene.

News of the Weird

It's sports week at Seojeong and I got a 5-day weekend! What do you do in Yangju on a loooong weekend? Last night I drank some pretty good triple distilled vodka and bowled online till about 6 in the morning. Today I have been surfing the net. I don't do that often enough. It's pretty educational. I found out that the company that produces more frozen french fries than any other is Canadian. Yup, McCain. And they have a big factory in Scarborough. No, not Scarborough, Ontario, Scarborough, England. Why would a Canadian company make its product in Canada? I continued reading this article and had a good laugh. I wonder if this explains the explosive properties of Tater Tots when they are microwaved. Ever try that? It's cool! I guess that's what they get for importing their potatoes from Normandy. Then they really would be French fries wouldn't they? Or are they actually "chips" since their made in England? Anyway, there's no cause for alarm. The blast of any incendiary device hidden in a Canadian french fry would be neutralized by the gravy and cheese on top of it. Mmmmmmmmmmm auuuuugggghhhh poutine..... Then I read about this guy named Michael Smith who robbed a bank a long time ago, escaped from prison in '68 and has recently been located and put back in jail. 38 years of lambing it. What was he up to? Well for one thing he was running track for Canada. He was our flag bearer at the Barcelona Olympics for crying out loud! When you think about it jumping, running, vaulting, no wonder they couldn't keep him locked up. I wonder if he robbed the bank at javelin point. Just look at that face! Is that not the face of a hardened criminal? I guess he got older and had to quit track and field so he settled down to a new career as interior decorator to the stars. You KNOW he'll have the coziest prison cell anywhere now that Martha Stewart is out. Most recently he has been writing songs such as "The Dutchman" and "Spoon River" after obvious skin lightening surgery. He's only got two years left on his sentence. It looks to me like this guy is rehabilitated. Let him go. I'm going to make myself a "Free Michael Smith" t-shirt tomorrow. Want one? Then I read about a Canadian Cree school co-ordinator who is a big fan of the Edmonton Oilers. He gave the team a necklace made of deer and moose droppings and assured the team that it would help them win the Stanley Cup. The necklace will bring good luck to those who wear it. According to ancient Cree legend hunters would smear their weapons with dung for good luck. It all ties in. Hockey players are as close to modern warriors as we get in Canada. When hockey was in its infancy as a sport in Canada it is said that since pucks didn't yet exist, frozen cow patties were used. And since the gift was given the Oilers haven't lost! They're leading the Mighty Ducks 3-0 so far in their latest series. If they win that they will get to the Stanley Cup finals. Spooky! I wonder which of the Oilers is wearing the necklace. Probly Roloson the goalie judging by the way he's playing. And if you've ever been in a hockey locker room you'll know that the goalie's equipment won't smell any worse with the addition of this new accessory. The things you learn when you have too much free time!

Dark comments from the Dude

Dear Duder,
I'd like to know how you got such a long comment! I can't seem to post a comment more than a few lines long on other blogs I read. I sure did appreciate your comment though. I was beginning to think people had stopped reading my blog. And since I can't adequately comment on your comment in a comment of my own I figured I'd make another post. We are in agreement although it may not seem so from your comment. In fact your comment, and if I may say so, your marriage, goes a long way toward illustrating the points I was making. To paraphrase what I think you said, the laws are designed to "protect" women who are in marriages that are "joint ventures". I believe they should be protected. And I think it's just common sense that in a joint venture, any profits or losses from the institution of the partnership to its solvency should be equally shared. That's pretty much the definition of one. You guys have a dream marriage and you're probably the perfect wife. And I don't think either of you is looking for the sweetheart deal. But I think you are unfortunately the exception nowadays. I've witnessed enough divorces and I've seen plenty of good people become greedy grinches in divorce court to know that the purposes of these laws are not usually what they are used for. They are more often used to vengefully get every penny that can be gotten whether or not it's warranted. This is the ugly perversion I was talking, or "whining" about. Waaahh! These circumstances are what have lead to the creation of the prenuptial agreement. And here's another of the womanly wiles used in the matrimony negotiations: Why is it that marriage, which is protection for women, (usually), is roundly viewed as romantic while when the prenup, protection for men, (usually), is offered, the first thing the recipient says is, "That's not very romantic." Perhaps there needs to be a wildly expensive formal ceremony with guests and cake and flowers and music and grain throwing to accompany the serving of the prenup. At any rate, I think your last line was the best support you gave me. And believe me, if I could learn to suck cock and like it, I would be very happy. Because if I found a mate, got married, (which is a benefit my country offers that won't be taken advantage of by me), I wouldn't have to worry about an ugly divorce. We'd probably just settle out of court like business partners in a joint venture and with a handshake, or even, (ewwww), a kiss, be on our ways. But I'm still lookin for a gal who wants one of those joint ventures. And call me crazy but I'm looking for love, friendship, companionship, and a partner I can share a few laughs with. We are the only species that does that. Well apart from hyenas I suppose. And some species of birds. Dogs smile. Oh and sorry to hear about your little kitty. That was sad. And keep the Mommy mobile in the shop as long as possible! Cherokees ROCK! That might be what I'd get if I could pick any vehicle and if gas wasn't so expensive.

I've Grown Accustomed to Your Cash

I think before I sign my next contract I'll try to include a clause that says that if I should end the working relationship, my employer will have to support me "in the manner to which I have grown accustomed." How many takers do you think I'd get? None of course. If you disagree, please let me work for YOU. In fact, I think I'll quit my job tomorrow and get myself a divorce liar to hit my present boss with this old faithfull creation of theirs. It always comes up in divorce court even if the couple has only been married for a short time. Let's use a recent example. Ummmm I don't know, how bout Paul and Heather? The spirit of this argument is that Heather has grown accustomed to wearing clothes dripping with jewels, eating food that turns into flower scented shit, and if she does need to use the toilet a team of ass wipers, washers and powderers will make the experience a pleasant one. You get the idea. Paul McCartney is worth over a billion so his wife has lived in absolute luxury for the past 4 years. Is the fact that she has grown accustomed to this really a good enough reason for Paul to have to perpetuate it for the rest of her life? And how valid is it to say that these four years have made her completely forget about the rest of her life and rendered her incapable of living in the manner she did before her wedded windfall? If you drive a Rolls for 4 years, will you be incapable of driving a Corolla? I don't buy it. And why should I? It's just the slick sophistry of a lawyer. And what about Paul? He's grown accustomed to boning her. Lady Heather won't have to perpetuate that. It's just one of the examples of how man has perverted the ceremony of marriage and created more ulterior motives than honorable ones to enter into that blessed sacrament. If you look at it from a business standpoint, marriage is that evanescent "sweetheart deal" that all businesspeople spend their lives chasing but never catching. At least it is for one of the two parties entering into it. The sweetheart deal is the deal that can't possibly lose you money. And if you think people don't enter into marriage with this knowledge here's a test: Go out and get yourself married. Then quit your job. See how long the sacred bond lasts after that. It's just a matter of culture over the years that has made the bride into the usual business partner to which marriage is this financial gold mine. And you gals have come up with some really nice euphamisms and tactics to cover this scam up. How many times have you heard things like, "I want a man who is going places." "I want a man who is ambitious." "I want a man who knows what he wants and goes out and gets it." "I want a COMMITMENT." "It's the right thing to do." And my personal favourite, "I want you to make an honest woman of me." If you ask me, marriage accomplishes the opposite in a lot of cases. I'm living in a country where women make no bones about going for the gold in marriage. Love is nice, but the business of marriage still overrides the Disney aspects of it here in Korea. In fact, I believe it's like that in a majority of countries. And I'm starting to see the wisdom of it. It's more honest than saying, "I love you. Let me have fifty bucks." It's more like selling the services of a wife. Among those services is sex but the openness about this makes it seem more honourable to me. This looks very much like an attack on women. I just think selling sex is a very common thing. Whether it's done on a streetcorner or in the church makes no difference. But the man is not much better in this merger we call marriage. Throughout history and still today, men have sought out virgins for their brides. Not so long ago the wedding party and guests would accompany the couple to the consummation and wait for the proud groom to produce a bed sheet stained with the virgin bride's blood. Or a not-so-proud groom to produce a sheet stained with ketchup. Either way it's an illustration of another idea that I find disturbing about this thing we call marriage: the idea of ownership. I hope someday to own a house that nobody has lived in, a car that nobody else has driven, or probably a truck, but I am not at all concerned about owning a woman nobody else has slept with. Many men are. And forget about the virgin thing, the idea of ownership is the more repugnant of the two. Ownership of a person, new or used, is a sickening idea. But it's one of the main reasons I'll never get a business owner to sign a contract to support me forever, but I just might get a rich sugar Mamma to do it. I'll have to spend some hours at a gym and plastic surgeon but it's a possibility. So after I get my buns back to steel and my abs back to iron; once I have more hair on my head than my back; once I liposuck this and tuck that; once I find a rich woman who I may or may not have some affection for, I can make this offer: Support me for life and you will own this body for life, maybe. I just can't figure out why people get married. Scuse me while I go throw up.

Saturday afternoon sonnets

So Barry Bonds is closing in on Ruth.
They are two hitters of a different class.
The cleanliness of Bonds requires proof,
While Babe hit homers drunk half off his ass.

The pundits and the purists prattle on,
about the homerun totals they amassed,
and all the pressure has been put upon
young Barry who could be Babe Ruth's grandson.

The seven hundred and thirteenth homerun
was the last dinger Bonds hit o'er the fence.
Since then he has been under the press gun
to hit one out and prove his dominance.

And soon he'll beat the Babe, but I can not avoid
thinking how great he would have been taking steroids!


Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are through.
His wife? I thought she died God rest her soul.
Oh he remarried? Geez, I never knew.
Almost four years ago? What do you know!

Without my knowledge quietly he wed
the virgin Heather Mills pure as the snow.
A household name it surely can't be said.
But now she'll fill the tabloids there's no doubt!

But let's not hate the Beatle heiress yet.
These times are trying for sweet sweet Heather.
It's undetermined how much she will get.
What fraction of a billion waits for her.

And come on, she deserves the fortune to be sure!
He would be absolutely nothing without her!

Bespectacled, bebearded and bemustachioed, mine is not an aspect which elicits conceptions of that daily bloodletting ceremony known euphamistically as shaving. Let it be known, however, that to keep my Palaeozoic look from diminishing into Cambrian or altogether Precambrian, I do endeavor to tend the edges of my manly shock of facial hair on a daily basis. Nor am I averse to extracting partially masticated victuals with a comb, or eliminating hairs of incongruous colour with tweezers. Deviant culinary habits notwithstanding, I presently reside in a country where canine hair is more abundant and thereby more frequently in need of trimming than facial hair. It is this national deficiency of testosterone that has regrattably led to my weekly use of a pet grooming device to ensure my follical concord. At any rate, it was not the intention of this posting to reveal personal hygene or grooming secrets, rather to contemplate the wonders of certain specific articles of toiletry that have recently earned my personal approbation. This very morning I inattentively used two of the finest products man may purchase. Indeed the very apotheosis of value they are the last bastion of toilet utility at a reasonable price: Barbasol and my new Gillette Mach 3 razor. The circular oxidation stain beneath my shaving cream recepticle is testimony enough to its value. It is an heirloom I aspire to hand down to my first male progeny, or optimistically, my second. Admittedly, one male heir is optimism enough for me, but whatever his name, perhaps Ignatius, he just might be the beneficiary of my present can of Barbasol. A rock solid investment of $3.49! Were it the owner of a passport, it would have the stamps of 9 different countries on it, soon to be more God willing. And it remains as yet half empty. Or half full in keeping with the temperament of this composition. My Mach 3 razor has scarcely been used but I am exceedingly impressed that since its purchase the better part of a month ago, it has had but one blade affixed to it. More precisely, three blades in treble series and perhaps therein lies the engine of its miraculous longevity. I would that I had more sheer chin acrage to experiment with 4, nay 5 or even 6 bladed implements. But I mustn't be overzealous lest I raze the entire crop of woolen frontage in a frenzy of pure product satisfaction. In summation, if you don't shave now, try it. If you do, do it in the knowledge that you are a wise consumer.

What Burns Me

I was just watching the Jeff Foxworthy show tonight and he's got a little bit he does called "What Burns Me". Well I always find those interesting. I got a couple. The fake "well". Everybody's heard it, we just haven't given it a name yet. It sounds something like this: "That foul ball was, well, it was just foul." I guess it's supposed to indicate that the speaker is just saying the comment spontaneously when it's clear to everybody that it's planned in advance. "The winners go home as champions, the losers, well, they just go home." Not very spontaneous! And another thing that burns me is TV shows and movies where somebody gets themselves a drink and doesn't drink it. Especially at a bar. They just leave the place without ever touching the drink. That burns me. Those drinks are expensive! It just kills the realism of the show. But speaking of the Jeff Foxworthy show, he did a skit where three rednecks were scared out of their wits and ran out of the bar yelling and screaming leaving three full bottles of beer on the table. Then one of them came back in, still yelling and screaming, picked up the three beers and yelled and screamed his way out of the bar. Now that's reality TV! And I'm really tired of "at the end of the day". Who started this anyway? I've heard all kinds of people using it from atheletes to politicians. Usually, whatever they qualify with this is the same at the beginning of the day too. So what exactly does it mean? I dunno, maybe I'm just watching too much TV. But, at the end of the day, these things just, well, they just burn me.

This was going to be a post about the long weekend I spent in Seoul, but I read yet another story out of Canada that reminded me of one of the reasons why I'm not there. Has anyone heard of Cecilia Zhang? Her tragic story was actually on America's Most Wanted in 2003. She was kidnapped, killed, dumped and missing for a Canadian winter before her skeleton was found. Well her killer is being tried right now in Brampton, Ontario. It is a story that will probably be duplicated again and again before my stupid country can overcome our national pathological fear of giving offense to foreigners and face some hard facts. There was a very simple step that should have been taken that would have prevented this tragedy. But because of our hypersensativity toward foreigners, this step is no longer taken in Canada. In fact it is roundly regarded as kind of racist. Look at paragraph 5 of this article. Now, I'm no expert on student visas but Min Chen was not attending class for a long time. He should have been deported! He should not have been in the country idly whiling away his hours thinking of what rides to enjoy at the Devil's playground. I did work at a Chinese school in Vancouver for 2 years. At the time it was one of well over 200 foreign schools in that city. Half of the students in my school NEVER came to class. This is obviously a breach of their student visa agreements. Min Chen was in Canada on a student visa and had quit school months before committing his crime. Somebody at Seneca College may very well have reported his violation to the appropriate ministry, but it wouldn't have done any good. I know this because I phoned that appropriate ministry twice during my days at Kingston College in Vancouver where half of the students were illegally in Canada on false student visas. The first time, after the requisite 30 minutes of phone gymnastics you go through when you call any government agency, a woman answered the phone, heard part of my story, called me a filthy racist and hung up on me. I called again, suffered through the 30 minutes of frustration and got through to a man. He eloquently and politely told me that there is absolutely nothing that can be done. By his office or anyone in Canada. In short, we no longer enforce our student visas. I am positive that many of my students were working while studying in Canada too. Another violation. Recently in Vancouver a Chinese guy named Michael Ng became the first person on trial for human trafficking in Canada. I wonder if HE was a "student" in Canada as well. I'm not going to defend these two criminals, but I am really not convinced that the government officials who are making and enforcing our immigration and visa laws in Canada really understand what they are doing. From all accounts I've heard from people who are from China or who have lived there, and all the information I have gathered, I would guess that the average wage of a worker in China is about a dollar a day. It's a very educated guess and probably quite accurate. More in the cities, but less in the country. Let's say for convenience that minimum wage in Canada is 8 bucks an hour. An 8-hour day equates to 64 times the salary an average guy can make in China. And it only goes up from there. And let's not kid ourselves, how many Chinese people do you know who don't scoff at a lazy 8-hour day? Do you suppose this might be why? Do you suppose this might also be one of the reasons our government officials are illegally allowing so many Chinese into Canada? They are the perfect labour force. Not like us Canadians who demand worker's rights, coffee breaks, pension, health insurance, extra portions of tartar sauce with our fish etc. etc. The most recent announcement given in Canada was 2 million Chinese in our country. Go to Vancouver or Toronto and you'll understand how laughable that statistic is. But as Henry Ford once said, "There are three kinds of lies: white lies, damned lies and statistics." I don't know about you but I'd work at least 16 hours a day if I could multiply MY salary by 64. Now think of how many laws you would be willing to fracture if you could multiply your present salary by 64. We're getting close to the mentality of these people. Throw in the facts that they have 1.2 billion dependants in their country; it's not uncommon to have crooks who are cheating them out of some of their foreign salaries like the thugs who were holding Michael Ng's family hostage; and their culture is so fanatically obsessed with money and now we are even closer to understaning their mentality. They are not concerned with our laws. If Min Chen's abduction had gone off without a hitch; if he had used the ransom money to start a business or make some investments or even engage in more lucrative law breaking to become rich, would he still be considered a "bad" person by his family, friends and countrimen? In answer to that, I'd like to put a link to a common Korean folk tale here but the best I can do is give you a link to a dead page. So I'll paraphrase it as best I can. Remember, Korea has only recently had the influences of Christianity and globalization to temper their national usury and graft. These are business weaknesses China has still not really been affected by. Also remember that this is a story they tell children here. One of many that seem to have a similar central message. I'll let you figure out what that is. There once was a middle school teacher in Korea. He brought "delicious" snacks to school every day and feasted on them while his students watched enviously. I put delicious in quotes because they were dried persimmons. Ewww. He told his students that if they ate his snacks, they would die. One day the teacher had to go to town on business. He left the children unattended for an hour or so. The kids started horsing around, of course and spilled the teacher's ink all over the floor. They also opened up his sack of snacks and ate them all. When the teacher was seen returning from town the children got scared. One of the smart ones had a plan. He told the children to lie on the floor. When the teacher returned the smart kid told him that they had accidentally spilled his ink. They felt so ashamed of their mistake that they decided to commit suicide so they ate all of his dried persimmons. The kid told the teacher that they were now just waiting to die. The teacher turned away from the student with a smile on his face and said to himself, "They are learning." I could now post a hundred stories about business practices here in Korea, but I'm busy slagging Canada and China. I wonder what kind of bedtime stories Chinese parents read to their kids. Anybody know any? I DO know that the owner of Kingston College received an award for excellence in Chinese business while I worked there. He owns two "schools" in Vancouver and several others in other countries. Illegal immigrants, false visas, facilitation of an illegal work force, and I know my students who worked were making less than minimum wage in Canada but their Chinese employers could do that with impunity since they were working illegally to begin with. THIS is business excellence! And it's really enabled by our moronic government turning a blind eye to it. In both cases above, the two criminals probably don't feel all that bad about their actions because it was just business. This might explain the "chilling" lack of emotion on the face of Min Chen as he was put on trial. I'd be really interested in an interview with his parents. They might express their embarrassment, sorrow, disappointment, but would it be directed toward the kidnapping and murder, or the failed business venture? If you look at the history of the government in China, the Chinese Communist Party is far more morally depraved than the individual. Their government has been economically killing its people for decades! Not a very positive role model. Now in true Canadian fashion, I have to tell you here that I don't hate the Chinese. I really don't. I just can't stand their business ethics. And these ethics are practically unanimously accepted by the Chinese as necessary. They use excuses like population, supply and demand etc. to explain away their sins. I just can't wrap my head around this. But then again, I come from a country with a low population and rich natural resources. We have the luxury of being able to do business honestly. And some of us even DO! But get used to stories like the ones above coming out of Canada. And Americans reading this, don't worry so much about illegal immigration from the south because the Chinese are coming from the north! Ooooh I can't wait for the comments I get on THIS post!

Cheaters Always Prosper

Hey everybody. Lemme start by thanking all posters. I was especially pleased to hear from Cory, Dan and Anne Marie. And ha ha ha to Heather for gotcha. :) Today's topic is cheating. As you may notice, there is a cheat sheet to the right. This was stapled, (see the staple?), to one of my students' midterm exams with a small note from the proctor underneath stating, "She is cheating." You see I wasn't the one who was supervising my exams while the kids were writing them. I was extraordinarily happy to see that the proctor was making an effort to put a small dent in the massive amount of cheating that always goes on during exams. It didn't help much, however. The author of this cheat sheet was a member of my class that did the most cheating. But it's the thought that counts, right? And as you can tell from the cheat sheet, it wouldn't have helped a whole lot. In fact this particular student got a 29/45 on her exam. Not terrible but not great. These phrases were used on the exam to describe pictures and answer the questions "What is he doing?" Or, "What is she doing?" NO, I didn't have a picture of a man washing a woman's body on my exam but again, it's the thought that counts. Maybe that was a Freudian slip on the part of my erotic little cheater. Hee hee. At any rate, cheating is a, (an?), ubiquitous phenomenon in Korea. It's not something that I can do much about. For those of you who have never been to Korea, you wouldn't believe the cheating here! For those of us who have experienced it, WE still have trouble believing it! I play a ton of games in my classes and over my years I can't remember EVER playing a game where people didn't try to cheat. To give just one example, I sometimes play Headbanz or a version thereof. I make cards with famous people, or jobs, or whatever. Students put the cards on their foreheads so that other people in the group can see the card but the one student can't. Then that student asks questions like, "Am I old?", "Am I alive?", "Am I American?" or for jobs "Do I work outdoors?", "Do I make a lot of money?" That sort of thing. Before handing out the cards I make a point of saying "DON'T LOOK AT THE CARD!" I say it at least 10 times. I tell them somebody is going to look. I sometimes even tell them if they look, they are stupid. But invariably several people look. Even when the other kids say, "Stupid! Stupid!" it doesn't seem to help. They just can't control themselves. They cheat at every game and on every test. The thing is, after they finish school and go out into the world there is EVEN MORE cheating. It's so common here that if I discourage cheating I will not be preparing them for the real world. So my position is if they cheat BADLY in my class they will be penalized. For example last week I saw several students copying their homework before class. They actually had another person's book and they were copying answers from one book to the other in full view of me, their teacher. So I didn't give the offenders credit for their homework. I'm positive other people copied their homework, but they had the sense not to do it while I was watching them. They received their pluses. One girl, while returning the book she was copying from to the other student, was arguing and protesting vehemently. In Korean. I use the attendance to check homework. I give a little plus sign to those who finished. I noticed that the protesting girl was none other than the owner of the cheat sheet above. She'll be a successful politician or business owner someday. I have a personal theory on this. I think that Korean kids need to play more sports. I noticed immediately upon coming to this country that kids spend far too much time in the sterile classroom environment and far too little socializing. Some of my middle school kids tell me they are in the classroom up to 14 hours a day for God's sake! Overworked and underplayed. If I were in their position, I'm sure I wouldn't bust my ass doing everything the hard way either. I'd find shortcuts. And teachers in this country are not very zealous at correcting the cheating. In fact I've seen it encouraged. But back to the sports idea. I recently heard that in a small survey done by a TV channel here in Korea, 80% of respondents said they don't exercise at all! That was a little surprising but not shocking to me. I think that if Koreans played more sports it would be really great for their culture, their health and it would cut down significantly on cheating. Why? Sports have penalties. I've played sports with Koreans and they don't cheat. It's the one area that I can think of where cheating isn't a problem. Because sports have penalties. Foul shots, penalty kicks, and other things like that. And I've noticed that when playing sports, other players don't like cheaters here in Korea any more than people like cheaters elsewhere. They get kicked off the playing field or sent home. They didn't get promoted. Anyhoo, speaking of sports, I have to go to a ballgame. A cleanly played ballgame where cheating is roundly discouraged. Another reason why I love baseball here. Happy Children's Day everybody! 4-day weekend! Yeehaw!

Korean Knock Culture, or Lack Thereof

Well, suddenly the glass looks half empty again. How long did my good mood last, a couple hours? Here is something that enfuriates me about Korea: an awful lot of people here have absolutely no conception of knocking on doors or ringing doorbells. As unbelievable as that sounds, it's just a common courtesy that has been slow to develop in this country. In Japan where a lot of walls are made of paper, I could maybe forgive this. But I lived in Japan for a while and was never rudely intruded upon there. They all seem to have the common sense to realize that people do private things in their houses and it's irrefutably rude, not to mention moronic to just walk into a personal residence. Not a difficult concept to grasp. Or so it would seem. Here being walked in on is a monthly to bi-monthly occurrence for me. Last year I worked for Seogang College in Gwangju and lived on campus in the dormitories. I was walked in on a dozen times. There were two main offenders who both walked in on me a few times each. One maintenance man and one security guard. The guard preferred what I call the "knock-and-walk" style. He would knock and then without heed to my pleas to hang on or wait or changamanyo, (which means wait a minute in Korean), walk right on in. The maintenance guy, just walked right in. The totally bizarre part about the whole thing is that they were not dissuaded one iota when I was wearing only my gotch or when I was in bed fast asleep or even when I was completely naked and they had females in tow. I swear I was in the shower and the maintenance guy walked in with two ladies behind him. They were there to dust the ceiling fans and that job being so urgent, was reason enough not to a) knock or b) stop coming in when they saw me in my dripping wet nakedness. I had to yell at the guy and practically force him out physically before he aborted his fan cleaning mission. My fans remained dusty and unused the entire year. I don't know how many times I yelled at these guys and demonstrated a knock and wait strategy to them but to no avail. I was about ready to, in reference to 40 Cent Fiasco, kick the damn dog. But now that I live in a private residence as opposed to living rent-free in a dorm, I thought the walk ins might dissipate. Aparently not. Tonight I was watching the Kia Tigers play the Doosan Bears on TV. Matt Randall is pitching for Doosan and has the win so far. I was in my underwear with my feet up on my cardboard box ottoman when some guy in a three piece suit carrying a tape measure, (????), just walked right in. I yelled at him, "Hey what the hell?" He kept on coming in. It wasn't until I got up and started walking toward him yelling, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" and pointing at the hallway that he finally took a step backwards. I pointed at my Homer Simpson undies and yelled, "I'm in my gotch here!" Then I reached the door and knocked for his edification on it, pushed him out and locked the door. Immediately I hear from the other side of the locked door KNOCKING! I grabbed my shorts and while dressing shouted, "Just wait a minute!" By the time I got dressed and got to the door he was gone. Probably lucky for him. I ask you in sincere supplication, WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Is there any explanation for this? Somebody please save the life of the next asshole to do this! I think this may be one area where I might take it upon myself to educate the Korean public one person at a time and with extreme prejudice.

Surprise Holidays

Hey everybody. Well yesterday was about the worst day yet for the sinosand. There were warnings on the American Forces TV network telling people to stay indoors and shut all windows. Of course if you listen for any extended period of time to the non-stop paranoia on that channel you'll want to stay indoors and keep all windows shut anyway. But at least they have good stuff to watch when you're indoors with your windows shut. I am watching the 5 p.m. Wheel of Fortune as I blog. Before and After-Rocky Mountain High-Heeled Shoes. Hee hee. And I'll have to end this session within half an hour to give my full attention to the 5:30 Jeopardy. They have Simpsons, Survivor and even American Chopper too. God bless America! I cleaned the little slots that my windows slide on yesterday and I think I could have planted a garden in the dirt I found there. Or at least made an egg timer. But today is sunny, fairly clear and hot. But not the June, July Monsoon humid hot. It's a nice hot. A really nice day. And it was only made better at work. So for the second time in three entries, I'm gonna tell you about something I love about Korea. Maybe blogging is bringing out the glass-half-full in me. I went to work yesterday and my one monday class told me that all the male students have to do a day of military training so they asked me to cancel next week's class. I tried to act disappointed, but just couldn't pull it off. I think the high-fives I gave the students may have been a tad unprofessional, but whatareyagonnado? And I also found out that Friday is Children's Day in Korea. So I don't have to work Friday either. You know what that means! To paraphrase the Simpsons, Marge-"The boss says if you don't come in to work today, don't bother coming in monday." Homer-"Woohoo! 4-day weekend!" Dave-"Woohoo! 4-day weekend!" Homer Simpson is my hero. I realize he's just an actor but... Oh yeah, Simpsons come on after Jeopardy too I think. Woohoo! And if that ain't enough to keep me indoors with the windows closed, Family Guy is on right after The Simpsons. Got my Jiffy Pop at the ready. Well Jeopardy is starting, so to sum up, I love surprise holidays in Korea! See ya next blog everybody!