Good news America!

This is going to be a post that a lot of my myriad readers will differ with. Maybe even take offense to. Don't worry, it's not bad news. It's good news!

I live in Korea and STILL I'm constantly hearing about the American "recession." Some people have even had the nerve to label it a "depression" already. You know how much time I spend in sorrow for America? None. In fact the panic stricken new anchors using scarily diving charts and graphs and proporting doom and gloom are just a beautiful illustration of exactly why the "recession" is good for America.

Let me splain. There's this new thing called globalization. Maybe you've heard of it. It's unstoppable. It's going to continue. With technology allowing other countries around the world to share all markets it's going to be good for just about everybody. American businesspeople already know that when you go to a foreign country you can give jobs to citizens and make them very happy. Jobs that pay them a tiny fraction of what you have to pay Americans. You COULD, (but come on, chuckle snicker why would you?), even lower the price of your product so it sells even BETTER. THIS part of globalization is quite familiar to America. For years they've been doing this and for years profits have increased by a fairly steady percentage every year.

But now, other countries are doing this. And other countries ARE pricing their products lower. They are becoming more competitive so that the regular increases in American business are harder to maintain. Companies in rich countries are vigourously searching for poorer and poorer countries to exploit- um, er, I mean give the privelege of building factories in. But there are only so many countries on the earth. It eventually had to happen: soon even American companies will be forced to charge more reasonable prices for their goods because they are only increasing their profits at maybe half the usual rate. The panic-stricken news reporters are trained to call this "loss" for companies. And when many companies report these "losses" it's called a "recession." It makes it easier for CEO's and people at the top of American companies to ease the "losses" by "downsizing", devaluing stock and things like that and at the same time maintaining a steady increase in THEIR standards of living while their companies have fallen on hard times. This is how so many "downturns" and "fiscal hardships" and things like that are happening yet companies are still managing to stay afloat. The companies you see going tits up are the ones that just refuse to charge reasonable rates for their products or take pay cuts. They'd rather go out of business, which can actually be more profitable for them.

This is hugely oversimplified but what it boils down to is what Americans have spent their entire existence training their citizens NOT to do: share. The world is now sharing. How many years has America made a gozillion bucks more than any other country? It seems the businesspeople of America, (and, yes other rich countries too including Canada), somehow expected that the money to even economies out around the world was going to come from somewhere else. And let's not overstate the case. It's going to be a VERY long time before things are even.

The countries that have been cheap labour for the rich countries have learned how to make stuff, saved their meagre salaries and now are producing goods themselves. But they are poor countries. They don't need to charge the outrageous prices that rich countries like America does for the same products. So everybody stops buying from the rich countries and buys from the poor. I think this is great! It's awesome how not everything is made in China or Taiwan or Japan or America any more. It's fun to look at the tags on things now to see where they're made.

Now here's the good news. I'm sure, like me, you've seen all the poles and studies that show how happy various countries around the world are. It's always the poor countries who are at the top and the rich are at the bottom. Well I've also seen first hand how happy people are in their poverty. And there's no end to the evidence of how miserable Americans are! Half the country is on one anti-depressant or another. Do you think it might have something to do with all these people joining the ratrace, or in American terms, "chasing the American dream," working long hours under highly stressful conditions trying to keep up with the Joneses and support their families rather than raise them?

Americans must buy their children rooms full of toys, pay for lessons in sports, music, martial arts, dancing etc. to keep them entertained while the majority of the world has their kids at home with them. And they have time to spend with them, cuz they aren't working 80-hour weeks. Or sometimes they just tell their kids to quit whining about being bored and get the hell outside. Where they develop socially, use their imaginations, and learn life lessons while playing with the other "poor" kids. Maybe this can partly explain why even the KIDS in America are depressed!

I was watching the first episode of the new Apprentice show. It's a "recession" Apprentice in which every contestant had some job making multi-million dollar business deals and now they're on unemployment or working a regular job like driving a bus or something. They're failures! They just can't support their families any more on mere hundreds of thousands a year. Woe, woe, woe to the American recession victims! Please!

Take it as good news, America. As your economy gets "destroyed" and you are forced to sell the yacht and maybe the fourth car or second house, you'll be all the happier for it. And maybe your kids will too! Unemployment is relaxing. Working part time frees up a lot of schedule slots to spend with family. THEN maybe, just maybe, you'll realize that all these scare tactics like having news reporters tell you how dire the economy is, how evil socialism is, how important it is to be a good "provider," and the list could go on and on, were all just mind massage to keep you productive, if clinically depressed citizens. And let countries like Bangladesh, Cambodia, and Costa Rica share some of the sorrow that comes with riches. It's all part of the SHARING of globalization.

Or maybe not. I dunno.

Survivor Nicaragua: Predictions

Another Survivor has started and it's looking interesting already. cbs.com has chosen to discontinue allowing people who are from other countries like Korea, or, I'm guessing, Nicaragua, to access the pre-Survivor videos they have to introduce us to the competitors. I found these to be very helpful the last few seasons in pre-judging the competitors and writing about them here. Now when I try to watch them a message comes up saying that they aren't available to people in my area.

So I chose to wait an entire episode before I tell you everything you need to know about these people. Also I've been warming up. I have been watching the first Survivor series on disks my good buddy Scott gave me. I didn't realize how much I'd missed. So this will undoubtedly prepare me to give you my personal snap judgements on all the people in Survivor Nicaragua. Age before beauty?

Espada tribe. (Oldsters)

Jimmy J - Gotta start with the oldest. He's a legend. Won college football championships as a player and coach then topped it off with a couple superbowls while coaching Dallas. A lot of the survivors will know him. I don't think he's a threat for the very reason he gave: NObody will give him the mil. He's already got several. If the oldsters are smart they'll keep him around for his coaching value. THEY might not need it as much, being older and wiser, but when the tribes merge, if they do, he'll probably have some major influence on the younger and more impressionable. I think a lot of his tribemates, like Jimmy T. and Marty are unwisely seeing this as a bad thing because they think he is actually trying to win the million. He's not. He might want the title of Survivor champ but if he DID win I think he'd give the money to one of the other competitors. He's PSYCHED for this. He says he's watched every minute of Survivor and he got the nervous butterfly heaves in the first episode. Something he probably saw from a lot of his players who were psyched to play games. I hope he lasts a while but think he's already a marked man. He's a proven winner but I think that's gonna be more of a detriment to him.

Danny Lembo- He looks like a mobster but that may not be a bad thing. Mob mentality could work in this game. Boston Rob tried to use it in Survivor IV in Tahiti. See? The research is paying off already. He's a real estate exec. who says he's very "connected" so he is probably trying to play up his mobster appearance. He says he'll be aggressive, cunning and devious and he'll thrive on beating everyone else. Hates modern politicians but idolizes Ronald Reagan. Reagan was an actor and this guy may be too. He does look the part though.

Jane Bright- A dog trainer who is hoping to be best in show. I'm sorry, that was too easy. lol. Says she's loveable like Rupert but smarter. Rupert was pretty darn smart so she's got to live up to her name. Lost her husband and wants to pay off her farm with the money. Says she's always busy, hates lazy folks and doesn't toodle around the house. She got the fire going right away. Listened to Probst when he said people who can't start fire shouldn't go on the show. That revved up her tribe. Marty said it reassured him that they are gonna win this thing. Southern drawl, gap-toothed farmer and the third oldest in the game. Might be underestimated and not voted for. I think she'll be strong and I think I like her already so others will too. She wants to "win America over" and I think she will. A VERY good shot to win this thing.

Jimmy T- He's a commercial fisherman with a low tolerance for imcompetence. He's already shown a hot temper, ("I'm not gonna NOT be heard here!"), on a tribe full of older people who you'd expect to be a bit more competent than, say, Fabio on the La Flor tribe. He'd better rein that in or he won't be long for Nicaragua. He won a nationwide contest to be on the show so I guess he's got some qualities America will like. But I have a feeling they're backing the wrong pony here. He's volatile and a bit of a jerk from early indications. I don't know what he's got against Jimmy J. but he made a point of telling everybody he was voting his ass off. Who does that before the first tribal council? Maybe he's an Eagles fan. Or maybe he's jealous. thought he'd be the celebrity but is "just another player here." He'll be gone fast if the oldsters are wisesters.

Marty Piombo- He's a tech. exec. whatever that means. Rescued a guy in the mountains in the winter. I didn't see any snowy mountains in the first episode unfortunately for him. Likes Lance Armstrong and says he'll be a cross between Boston Rob and Russel. Two of the best players of this game who I think would be the biggest assholes outside the game. I loved them on the show though. They added SO much! After Rob was ousted from the Marquesas I almost stopped watching. It was nice to see the good guys win that episode but I lost almost all interest after episode 8 after Rob and John said bye bye. It got boooo RING! I'm hoping Marty will keep this season interesting and be one of the villains. Called Wendy weird and I gotta agree with that. Has no idea why Jimmy J is there but was very fake friendly to him. Should be fun to watch this guy.

Wendy Jo- Goat rancher? Used to be a Lt. Col. in the army? And what was that get-up she was sporting? Did she think the first challenge would be barrel riding? She is one of the people I love to hate on Survivor that I call the blah blahs. People who are busy trying to convince themselves that "if you put your heart and mind to it you can do any.. blah blah blah..." While some people really believe in the power of positive thinking my opinion is that actions speak louder than words. The more positive you SAY you are that you are gonna succeed, the bigger a dick you appear when you fail. Winners don't need to constantly remind themselves and others how positive they are and how successful they are going to be. On the other hand, she was "blah blah blah" in another way. Her stated strategy was to put a muzzle on her yappety yap. Said she didn't want to gab gab gab and drive everybody cuh razy. How long did THAT last? She talked herself right off the show at the first tribal council.

Holly Hoffman- Swim coach twice voted coach of the year. Says that gives her a real knack for judging people accurately on first impression. She went right for Wendy cuz she got a "good vibe" from her. Then after Jimmy J. talked with her she questioned that alliance and avoided her till she voted her off. And at tribal council told EVERYBODY about the alliance like a dumbass. So far not so good.

Dr. Jill- An ER doctor. "How could I NOT be the sole survivor?" If she's an ER doc, I'm sure she has leadership skills and is good at organizing and working under pressure. She could NOT be the sole survivor by blending into the background and NOT using those skills. Like she did in episode 1. Where the hell was she? On the other hand she didn't screw anything up. The only good thing I saw from her was calling Jane "Survivor McGuyver."

Tyrone Davis- Fire captain. Inspired by God and parents. Hates plastic people. "If I want it, I'll get it done blah blah blah..." Could this guy be a bigger stereotype? I hope he shows us something more like his reaction to Wendy telling America her age: "You look so young!" (eye roll). And I liked when he said, "Wendy Jo gotta go." I think he'll be a boring nice guy but if he lets his badass flag fly I'm gonna like him.

Yve Rojas- Homemaker. Unassuming. Her daughters are her life. I think she'll be one of those bawling her eyes out at any mention of being apart from family. They always mystify me. How many people would PAY a million bucks for a 39-day break from their families? Hates not being acknowledged when she speaks. She won't have to worry about that because she doesn't speak that much. Was called on by Probst and said she could tell a lot about people and how they're checking each other out. Maybe THAT'S what she was doing the whole episode. Didn't notice her at all.

La Flor (Youngsters)

Kelly Shinn- Youngest and probably the hottest of this group. She's a nursing student/homecoming queen. She plans to play the popularity game although I think she might be outplayed at THAT by Brenda. Hates dirty fingernails. If she means her own I think she might be a lazy one. She'll need to look her best to overcome that. Didn't see much of her in episode one other than it looked like her blonde hair had black roots. I think going blonde is a pretty good strategy if that is what it was.

Jud "Fabio" Birza- Could give Robb from Survivor Thailand a run for the STUPIDEST survivor ever. Already parallels like foot injuries and boarding. He's a drummer for a band called Space Funk Odyssey. Says he's a good swimmer. Better than Ozzy. He'd better be cuz he won't be solving any of the brain teasers. When Kelly B revealed her prosthetic leg he said, "How do you tell it to move?" I hope one of the other band members write the lyrics for Space Funk Odyssey.

Alina Wilson- Listed Paris Hilton as her inspiration. Of course she was joking. Doesn't like people calling her "sweetie" or "hun." I'm like that too. Especially from strangers it's just a blatant attempt to gain dominance. Don't call me that unless I've known you a long time. But then she said, "Nothing stops me when I put my mind to...blah blah blah..." Noticed Kelly B's limp and said, "She might have a hip problem?" Then found the clue to the hidden idol with her and wished she had found it alone. I liked that she doesn't want to be associated with Kelly B because she will get a sympathy vote. I think I might like her despite being a blah blah.

Ben Henry (Benry)- Club promoter. Runs 2 businesses. He's out to show the world what it's like to be a winner. "If you look good you play good and you get paid good." Obviously very cocky. High 5ed everybody and introduced himself as Benry when the young tribe got to camp but didn't notice him after that. I'm sure we'll see more of his cockiness in later episodes.

Chase Rice- Pro Race Car Jackman. He figures people will trust him cuz he's a southerner. He might be right because instantly Shannon set up an alliance with him. He agreed with Shannon that they don't want a woman winning this thing. Then moments later Brenda said she liked his "spirit." Had intended to play an honest game but Brenda blew that with her womanly wiles. He's hooked, poor guy. Says for some reason he "trusted" her. Now what's he gonna do? He might be smart enough to play both sides though. He said to Jud that he looked like he might be good in the water. That was a sharp observation. He's gotta choose between the woman hater and the man user. I hope this country boy just abandons BOTH his early alliances. We shall see. I think he might be a guy I pull for this season. So maybe I trust southerners too.

Kelly B- Amputee. Will get a lot of sympathy. Not only for the leg but for her Dad who recently died giving aid to Haiti. Already Shannon the misogynist has stated that he'd just give her the money if he were in the final few with her. But quickly said he'll have to make sure she doesn't make it that far. Her calling everyone together looked pretty obviously like a ploy to get the sympathy vote. I think she wasted it too early. Already a lot of people are saying that her prosthetic leg won't change anything. NaOnka wants a foot race; Tyrone says they both have the same rules; Alina wishes she didn't have to share the immunity clue with her. But it looks like she might not need the sympathy. She's an Iron Man Triathlon finisher. Found the immunity idol clue with Alina and they were, in her own words, "stumped" by it. I didn't say it, she did! At any rate I think she'll be capable but whether she can turn a weakness into a strength or vice versa will be the barometer on how long she sticks around.

Brenda Lowe- Probst and I got the same impression from this hotty: "She is a sort of black widow." She already looks like she wants her first victim to be Chase. Says she's "used to guys doing what she says." "Chase likes me but he's clueless." She better hope so. I could see Shannon cluing in to the alliance and advising Chase against it. She's another blah blah. "Nothing stops me when I get an idea into my blah blah blah..." Very easy for beauty pageant winners to say. But I don't think she'll just depend on the boys to carry her along. Found the golden medallion and climbed a tree to get it. So she's not helpless on her own. But her mouth and the confidence to use it that comes to beauty pageant winners might be her undoing. When asked if she would have used the golden medallion for the challenge she instantly said the oldsters were wrong not to have used it. She further schooled them on how they have to "...think of now, not tomorrow. You're here to win!" I think she'll be a bad girl but she won't be able to hide it well enough. Won't last long if she can't.

NaOnka Mixon- P.E. teacher. No kids. Loves dogs. I am TOTALLY on her side after these three facts! Doesn't feel any sympathy for Kelly B. Bring her on! But she IS worried about others giving her sympathy. Haven't seen much of her yet but I think she might be a strong sister. If she doesn't go overboard, like the stereotypical strong sister, I'll be pulling for her.

Matthew "Sash" Lenahan- Supposed to be funny. Says he's like Tyson with the one-liners. I've noticed a pattern on Survivor: anyone who said they were gonna be funny hasn't been. I fully expect this from Sash too. His "funniest" quote so far is, "Great beach, great waves, beautiful girls... it doesn't get much better than that, right?" Meh. Distance runner so that might help. Thinks he's awesome but he might be as awesome as he is funny. We shall see...

Shannon Elkins- I think he'll be the most interesting guy on the show. I fear that he won't be around long enough to peel back all his skins, however. He's in pest control. Obviously hates women. Has made such comments as, "We already get owned in marriage." "A guy needs to sack up and take this thing." And dreads the day he sees coming when America has a female president. Misogyny central! He will probably try to exterminate the women like as many queen insects. He hates dumb people. Instantly disliked Jud and gave him the name Fabio. I thought this was extremely interesting since Shannon looks a whole lot more like Fabio than Jud. I mean look at the body! Borrow some of Kelly S's blonde hair dye and there ya go! Says he wants to win Survivor to put another notch on his belt and that he'll be like Russel only much prettier. I'm interested in the Freudian aspects of this dude. Everyone immediately knows he hates women. Calls himself pretty and has a name more often used for girls. Instantly allied with the hunkiest of the men on his tribe. Maybe he's struggling with his own sexuality. I bet he could spend hours and hours on the couch. He will certainly add some colour to this season!

It looks like it'll be a good season! A few new things I've noticed: the age groupings, the gold medallion, an amputee, a really famous person and crotch smudges for the guys walking around in their undies. Not sure if these will make it better or worse but am looking forward to finding out.

So I vote for Chase and Jane, I don't like Benry or Holly.
Interesting villains- Shannon and Brenda.
Could last a long time- Chase, Jane, Kelly B, Marty.
Alliances to watch for: Tyrone/NaOnka brotha and sista. Hey it happens. Only time it didn't was when Ghandia tried to get, what, a sexual harrassment vote by accusing Ted? And they WERE a black alliance before that.
Danny/Dr. Jill/Yve. I don't think they will last long without some sort of alliance. Danny says he's connected so make some connections. Who better than a doctor? Yve needs somebody's coattails to ride. This alliance could make them all contenders.

Sole Survivor- Marty. The person I vote for never wins and I don't think I'll be voting for Marty. But I think he'll be a good player. He won't play good, but he'll be a good player.

Just my opinion.

Harmony abounds

I can't believe Canada! When I was back there last month I noticed this new tax called hilariously the HST or Harmonized Sales Tax. This is absolutely not because it creates any harmony amongst the payers, (victims), of it, rather it was the name chosen by some brainwave working for the government who counts himself, (or I'd be willing to bet, HERself), a soothsayer who need only speak and things come into existence. The real reason for the name was because the tax works "in harmony" with the GST, goods and services tax which we have all loved so dearly and has itself been the cause of such harmony since its inception on the first day of 1991.

But it seems these days that some folks have seen a little too much Harry Potter or Crouching Tigers, Hidden Dragons, vampire movies or something. I think the name was partially chosen because these spacers in the Canadian government actually believe that the name could help people come to enjoy paying 13 or 12 percent extra on almost everything they buy. If, I suppose, it is coined and magically charged by a 12th level magic user. I may be overestimating Canadians, but I think we're all skeptical. You could call it the teenage sex-sport-simpson-lasagna-beer-booby tax and I STILL wouldn't like it. I don't care if Gandalf the Grey came up with that name. And I know that name might not appeal to my friends of the fairer sex but let's call it the teenage sex-sharing-candle-bubblebath-chocolate-champagne-romance tax and measure how many Canadian women would enjoy paying it. None of them. Not even if Oprah had come up with the name.

I'm just guessing here without a 30 million dollar referectum. Oh, did I spell that word incorrectly? I meant "referendum." This is what the Canadian government does when they think the Canadian people are trying to tell them something. They charge them a great deal more money than it actually costs to tell them what we've already made crystal clear. Our government officials have somehow perceived a slight disinclination among the commoners to pay more money for everything they buy despite such a lovely name. This might have something to do with the fact that over 700,000 people in BC, that's more than 15% of the province, signed a petition against the HST. That's gotta be at least 33% more people than the number that voted for the provincial leader whose attention they are trying to attract. And collecting these signatures probably cost Bill Vander Zalm and company a few hundred grand. But now we need a 30 bazillion dollar referectum to verify the results in the minds of the government officials.

Pity the poor government officials of Canada for their jobs are not easy. It takes a special person to try to spend/waste the avalanche of taxes they euphamistically call the provincial budget every year in ways that the public doesn't heartily object to rather than the ways that we cosistently want.

How do they get away with this? The answer is one of the factors that I believe contributes to these morons believing they have some special powers to speak things into existence. You see there is no basis to the 30 million dollar figure that has been thrown at the public of BC. In fact the person who tossed it out there probably had to wipe it off first because he/she had moments earlier pulled it out of his/her ass. But if they gave us a reasonable number like 500,000 dollars to hold a referendum, we'd probably put two and two together and say, "Hey, it shouldn't cost that much!" But nobody understands 30 million dollars. So we believe it. The government has become very adept at creating these massive numbers and it's gone to their heads. Now they're thinking, "If it works with numbers, why wouldn't it work with names?"

Give me half a million dollars and I'll do the referendum in B.C. 1000% more accurately than it's going to be done and I'll STILL have enough left over to retire on. Or just cut me in on some of that 30 mil. you're going to steal from the residents of BC, make me an MP in Smithers and I'll never tell. THEN things will be VERY harmonious for me!

Football follies

I accomplished my stated goal last night and then some! I posted on facebook that I was going to watch football until the sun came up. And I did so. It's one of the odd charms life in Korea takes on after you've lived for a decade here as a starving sports fan able only to eat lima beans like ping pong, short track and archery, a turnip like World Cup Soccer every 4 years, broccoli like Korean basketball and volleyball and in the summer the mashed potatoes of the KBO, Korean Baseball Organization. It's nice to have some roast duck like live boxing or UFC every once in a while, but the pork, beef and chicken like baseball, hockey and football, you gotta work for. AND you have to watch the fruits, or meat of your labour between the hours of 2 AM and 9 or 10 AM.

I remember in the early years here I would try desperately not to see the scores of games until I was somehow able to find them online posted without the score, download them and watch them in "almost as good as live" conditions. But sometimes friends would blurt out the score, or who won, or say things that partially compromised the mystery like, "Oh you're really gonna like the game!" or "You're not gonna believe what happens in the third quarter." These failings and the fact that although I have no qualms about cheering while I'm completely alone watching a truly LIVE game, I felt strangely embarrassed to be talking, groaning, hooting and gesticulating at my monitor that was showing me old news. Embarrassed! Of myself! You know like when you wash a cucumber or utter the word "croissant." It's not a sexual self-questioning like if you got a broner watching Adrian Peterson's bulging biceps or Randy Moss's form-fitting white tights, more a challenging of your lifelong dedication to the purity and ideals of sport. Like when you find yourself watching synchronized swimming, figure skating or Japanese ladies wrestling and enjoying it.

So I had to try to find a website that was a dependable source for live streaming video of the real sports. I tried loads of sites where people share their lives and on Sundays or Mondays their lives happened to include football. Like Justintv. Well that site sucks, obviously. Then I tried some sites like myP2P from overseas where blackouts and other restrictions DIDN'T apply. Here you find Russian, German, Italian football fans who cleverly, however nefariously, upload their broadcasts, complete with highly entertaining, non-English commentary or English non-expert commentary. But there were an endless number of programs to download like veetle, ustream, streamtorrent, vexcast, sopcast etc. and drivers and updates FOR those programs that just clogged up the old computer. Plus, the NFL, a league where they are so pathetically short of money, saw to it that very soon the restrictions DID apply overseas as well and people had to pay for their product. That's like making Americans pay for soccer. But just so long as nobody got to watch the NFL for free I guess...

You ask, "Dave, why don't you just get NFL Fieldpass?" or whatever they're calling the internet subscription that allows you to watch every game on your computer. I WANT it really badly and the price is well worth it. There's a big, hairy but coming up... BUT, they won't let a person get it unless he/she has properly prostrated him/herself at the altar of our Blessed Lady of Acquisitiveness, chanted the international capitalist mantra: "I need it before I deserve it!", and got a credit card.

When I went to HSBC in Vancouver recently to open a new account they set me up a checking account that came with a shiny new credit card. Only upon checking, re-checking then giving his head a shake and TRIPLE checking, the teller, Ronald Zhang, told me I had no credit rating. He might as well have been telling me I had an arm growing out of my ass. All adding machines, bill counting, computer tapping and office noise came to an instant halt. A collective intake of breath from the bankers as well as the customers drained the building of oxygen. For about 5 seconds I FELT like a man with an arm growing out my ass! But then Ronald proceded to the part of his teller's manual, somewhere at the very bottom, where it said, "In the unlikey event of a customer who has no credit..." and he told me I couldn't get the credit card. He told me I couldn't even get the checking account! I had to start a savings account! His attitude toward me took a decided turn after that. It wasn't haughtiness or superiority because surely a man of my age and obvious intelligence could not exist without credit. And I had told him I was getting the account mostly because HSBC was the only bank that allowed easy money transfer from Asia. He probably thought I was a secret agent or something like that. And I didn't tell him I wasn't. Who knows?????

At any rate, I ended up watching at atdhe.net and using ustream. I was able to watch most of the games I chose. There were brief stoppages due to copyright infringements, sigh and eyeroll, but I had a good night. Not so good in my football pools though. All the guys I sat on the bench had GREAT nights and the guys I played were pretty average. Oh well, at least I got to see some football. How long it'll be before the NFL notices these games slipping through the cracks remains to be seen but hopefully I'll be able to see a few more games this season. If there's a sports fan out there reading this who has a dependable solution to my sports problems in Korea, please help!

Back from civilization

Hey everybody. I've been back in Korea for a while now trying to get used to the new house, heat and humidity. Not gonna happen. But Chuseok, (Korean Thanksgiving), is almost here and that's generally the time when the weather changes. So I'll have to put up with sleepless nights, (like last night), covered with this slime that is probably half sweat and half humidity, chasing mosquitoes around the house for a little bit longer to save myself the expense of buying an air conditioner.

I'm probably doing the wrong thing since this house has ondol heating, (that's Korean floor/water heating, Korean national treasure number 112), and I've had nothing but bad experiences with that. It's just a big water heater that heats water and sends it through pipes in the floor. The pipes get clogged over the years, (and this is an OLD house), so you have to have the thing going full blast to get some areas heated. That way your house either gets super hot, (and costs you a ton of money), or the pipes all freeze, and cost you a ton of money to thaw out. You can never turn it off or the pipes freeze and cost you a ton of money to thaw out. Most, (like mine), have the boiler either outside the house or in a room that isn't heated and when THAT part of the water pipe system freezes, you have to thaw it out and it costs... And the day after I moved in here the landlady, (who is a cute, old ajjumma who has already told me she's surprised that I can cook and that I'm not married), called the boiler repair guy to get the water heater fixed. So that's probably not good either.

I just have a little electric heater and it was all I used last winter. This place is a bit larger than my dorm room so I would probably be fine with the little heater plus the air con/heater. As it is now my house is inexplicably 5-10 degrees warmer than it is outside at all times even though I'm constantly blowing outside air in with fans and leaving the windows and door open. Maybe it'll still be hotter than outside when winter comes and I won't need to use the ondol at all. Or, and this is more likely if you know anything about my adventures in Korea, maybe in winter my house will be 5-10 degrees COLDER than outside. But who knows? Maybe this is the one ondol heater in the country that's any good. Ha ha ha. It's dangerous for me to think positively like that, but I still do, as you will see as you keep reading.

So here's what happened while I was away: I got to the airport in Incheon with my round trip ticket to Vancouver and back to Incheon but I wasn't sure if my multiple re-entry permit had expired or not. Turned out it had so I asked the immigration officer for a new one. This costs about 50 bucks. She says to me, "Your work visa expires soon after you will be coming back. Why don't you just give me your alien card now and return as a visitor. You automatically get a 6-month visitor visa." I was confused. An immigration officer using discretion to save me 50 bucks. I just KNEW I should have been skeptical. I asked if that would be possible being a tourist while I still had a valid work visa. I asked about my bank account. I said that a person can't start a bank account without the alien card, will I be able to do my banking? And I mentioned that there are all kinds of other things that a non-Korean person can't do without an alien card but she assured me that there would be no problems.

I have raved on and on here about immigration officers in this country and their complete incompetence. I may be wrong. They may actually be very knowledgeable about the "rules" that are flying around this country willy nilly changing like Oprah's weight. They might just be enjoying themselves causing us foreign devils trouble. And maybe while they are faking apologetic behaviour as we rave at them for being such blockheads, just maybe after we leave the immigration offices around the country where they all regularly "screw up", they go to the break rooms and say, "Did you see that big one with the beard? I thought his face was gonna explode! Ha ha ha ha ha..." or some things like that. I'm really starting to wonder.

So anyway, I had a VERY enjoyable time in Canada. If you like you can see some pics and a little history of my trip on facebook. The photo album is called "summer 2010". But since this is a blog mostly concerned with Korea, we'll skip to the end when it was time for me to go back to Korea. I was told in the Vancouver Airport that my return ticket to Korea was no good. I instantly thought that maybe the travel agent who sold me the ticket had cashed it in while I was on vacation. It has happened before. Just recently the guy I used to deal with sold a pile of tickets to foreigners at vacation time, cashed them in while they were on vacation, closed up shop and disappeared leaving a lot of people stranded. A very "cunning" Korean business move. But that wasn't the problem. This time. The lady at check-in told me I needed some proof of my intentions in Korea. I said to her that I was going back as a tourist, what proof could I show, a camera and a flowery shirt? No she said I needed a return ticket. I wasn't about to purchase aNOTHER ticket back to Canada, which I wouldn't use, and because of some other lies I had been told by various Koreans, I didn't even have enough money to buy one!

Let's expand on that shall we? A long time ago when I started the bank account I have now, in 2004, it was still okay for a visitor to Korea to get an international bank card. You know, one where the Cirrus or Maestro or whatever logos that are on the card, are actually functional. All cards and all machines in Korea have those symbols but they aren't all international. They are now mostly just for show. So people think Korea is getting more international instead of actually getting LESS international, which is the case. Anyhoo, soon after I got my card, which really WAS international, (I used it in Canada, Thailand, the Philippines and probably Japan), there was one of these new laws instituted for the purposes of making things tougher for foreigners that stupidly disallowed these foreign bank cards. I say "stupidly" because the usurious exchange rates and service charges banks tack on for actually using the cards overseas must more than offset any fraud that Korean bankers don't trust us foreigners not to commit. Which was the stated reasoning behind this new rule. I'm pretty sure I was charged over 40 bucks for every transaction I made from Thailand last time I was there. And you don't even want to know the exchange rate! The banks are losing money on this no doubt in my mind.

I tried to protect that card for as long as I could. I even tried to get a new non-international card to use in Korea while I still had the real international card. You should have seen the teller when I tried to do that. She actually tried to snatch my international card out of my hand at one point. They did everything they could to convince me to surrender it. Including lying to me saying they could issue me a new international card. I called my Korean friend April, who works at a bank and she told me they were lying and to keep the card because they can't retroactively disallow my international priveleges. Well unfortunately because of wear and tear, the card broke and became unusable. I went to my bank and with a Korean "friend" there with me, (a guy who works for Seokang College and has known me since 2004), my bank issued me a replecement card and my "friend" and the teller swore up and down that it would work in other countries. I tried it in Canada and Japan and, big surprise, they lied.

But I had expected that. My secondary source of income while in Canada was going to be my pension. I went to the pension office in Gwangju before going home and was assured that my pension would be transfered to my Canadian account within a couple days of their receipt of my bank account information. They even showed me how much pension money I had built up. I tried to send them my information from Vancouver the day I got to Canada and started my new account. The fax number I had been given was not working. I also tried to scan it and send it to an email address the guy at the office gave me but that didn't work either because they are STILL waiting for Seokang College to submit my pension money. Before I left I went to the labour office and they actually CALLED Seokang and talked to my supervisor who said, (need I say he was lying), that Seokang was going to pay my severance pay at the end of my contract. The end of my contract was the 17th of August. Still no severance pay. They also assured me before I left that my pension was going to be available about a month after the end of my WORKING period with them. That was mid June. Another lie. I STILL have not received my pension or my severance. In fact when I got back to Korea I talked very briefly with my supervisor Penis, I mean Peter, while giving him back the keys to my office and room. He said that my pension wouldn't be available till the end of September. I said, "Don't forget the severance either," and he gave me his best Fat Tony impression, "What is severance?"

You know Fat Tony from the Simpsons? "I guess you don't know anything about those truckloads of cigarettes that were hijacked, do you Fat Tony?" "What are cigarettes? What are trucks?" I think he's supposed to sound like Joe Montegna's character in Godfather III, Joey Zaza.

So I'll probably have to go back to Gwangju to the labour office and have them call Seokang College AGAIN and inform them that it is the law to pay a month's severance upon the completion of a one-year contract. They didn't pay it to me last year or in 2005; they didn't pay it to Kasia the 6 years she taught there; and they still don't want to pay it to me. I think Cock, I mean Penis, I mean Peter just keeps my severance money every year. Him and Jung and probably director Park go out for food karaoke and singing hoes once a year on the foreign teachers. Unbeknownst to us.

But back to Vancouver. What I ended up doing was talking to a guy who had obviously had stuff like this happen before. He said he hated the Koreans who invented this rule where they fine the airlines for letting people fly into Korea without tickets out. Ahhhh so THAT'S their angle! And sure enough people at immigration in Japan and Korea both made sure I had a ticket out. Air Canada would have been fined otherwise. It's a harmless scam. Nobody gets hurt. Well, except the foreigners. Bonus! So what I had to do was buy a ticket from Korea to Japan. That was the cheapest the guy could find. I asked for one to Fukuoka since if I had landed the job at Nam Seoul I would have had to fly to Japan on a work visa run anyway. Unfortunately, I couldn't use the ticket. And, of course, since the cheapest ticket you can get is GONNA be non-refundable, (which I think should be illegal), I just paid 240 dollars for a lie some bitch told me at the immigration office at the Incheon Airport. Well you can bet that the second I got back to Incheon Airport I - did absolutely nothing. I wouldn't have been able to get a refund for the ticket. They wouldn't have paid me for the worker's "mistake." Nobody would have learned a thing. They are STILL getting people to surrender their alien cards and come back on visitor visas. All that would have happened is I would have been the red-faced irate foreigner who amused the workers at immigration Incheon making them feel a little superior and giving them a little entertainment to break up their boring days. Fuck them. Didn't give them the satisfaction.

So as you can guess by now I left my job at Seokang. I moved to a new house in Pyeongtaek and am all set up for 6 months. Bought some furniture, got the internet paid for the whole deal. I'm here because there's a school nearby called Nam Seoul University. I know three guys who teach there and they all say it's a great school. A great school! After only 10 years of searching this place I've found it! So I figure a little 6-month hiatus won't be too bad. One of the guys who worked there, Chad, said they'd jump at the chance to hire me with my vast experience here and that they were looking to hire somebody. They want people with Masters' but they have people working there without them. So I got back and went to Nam Seoul in person to give them my resume. WITH one of the guys I know who works there named John. They took my papers and told me that they were no longer looking for anyone. But then just about a week ago, a couple days before the September 1st start to the semester, I got a call. The lady on the other end of the phone said she was from Nam Seoul U. and wanted to know if I had a Masters. I said no but told her about my experience. She then asked me for a reference from my previous employer. So I said I could send her one if she texted me her email. She said someone would send me an email and I could just send it to that address. I am STILL waiting for that email. And I tried phoning the number that she called from but the number is no longer in service.

OINK! Do these people doing the hiring call teachers using burners or what? A burner is a disposable cell phone. Called "burners" in Mafia Wars because they're popular with mafia members due to their untraceability. I suppose that's the attraction to hirers here in Korea too. Anyway, yesterday I was out with Sam, another guy I know who works there and he told me that around that time all the workers were expecting their hours to go down because they had been told there would be another person hired but the teachers were suddenly told, "Nope, you're working the hours you're scheduled for." It would have been very nice of them to inform ME of their decision not to hire anybody else too!

I got another tip from Chad for a job at Cheju University. I called them and said Chad sent me. They told me on the phone that they were no longer looking for workers. Yesterday I saw an ad on Dave's ESL Cafe from Cheju University and they are looking for workers. What the hell? Am I scaring people?

Same sort of thing happened with G.I.S.T., a college I taught for last winter. I did a 3-week camp there and loved it. You can see pics from THAT on my facebook page too. So one day in the early summer I was playing tennis with Amber and Andrew, another guy who did the camp and who ended up getting full-time work teaching pronunciation to our camp students. He tells me that they're hiring another person to teach pronunciation. To the students I taught at the camp! Who better than me, right? I applied for the position. I waited until the stated date for interviews had come and gone. I even called the director of the program at G.I.S.T., who I met during the camp, and he said he'd do what he could to help my application. Didn't even get an interview call. But I checked Dave's ESL Cafe yesterday and saw that GIST is going to hire another person to start in October. Had I known that I would have gone back to Canada earlier. Anyways, I called the number on the ad this morning and talked to Hwang Hin Ho, (Triple H will be his nickname if I get a chance to meet him), and he said he remembers me from the camp. He knows the kids liked me and I got great evaluations. Better than Andrew's actually and he works there! I told him I had sent a full application package for the camp and the last ad and asked if he wanted me to send yet another one. He said it wasn't necessary. So I guess that's encouraging, right?

Have you learned nothing from this post? I'd be stupid to even hope for an interview. But, because I AM stupid, I am hopeful. The offer includes a dorm room on campus. I don't want to live in the dorms again so I will keep this place and take the 4-hour train ride home on weekends and holidays I guess. And sleep in the dorms during the week. Or if I don't really like the place, after 6 months I'll find something back in Gwangju. I'll blow up that bridge when I get to it. IF I get to it. I shall let you know, readers...