Gold Canada Gold!

Wow! We aren't "owning the podium" but we DO seem to have put a lot of our athletes onto the TOP of it. 13 gold medals! That's amazing! And Team Canada might get another one tomorrow morning in hockey.

I'm watching cross country skiing right now and if I'm not mistaken there are two gals in this race named Sauronen and Schmiegel racing for that PRECIOUS ring of gold. I'm probably misunderstanding the names though. Not watching intently really. I'm just wating till noon when the Fins play the Slovaks for hockey bronze.

I always find this time of the Olympics weird. The winners of the bronze will no doubt be happy and jumping around for joy but the silver medalists will undoubtedly be depressed tomorrow. I'll be quite happy with the silver but MAN it'd be sweet to get the gold!

I guess it depends on Team Canada's play though. If they play well and lose I'll be happy. But if they self-destruct like the Canadian women did in curling, I will be pretty disappointed. I couldn't believe that when our girls went into the 10th end with a two point lead AND I think they had the hammer! Sweden stole two to get into the 11th end and then they stole one for the gold medal. That's just impossible odds! I remember thinking that the Swedes had only two rocks left, nothing in the house and they were down by two. And SOMEHOW they got both those rocks to score! Absolutely unbelievable!

BUT the Old Bear, Kevin Martin and the boys got the gold today so I'm pretty happy aboot that!

Things have worked out really well for me as far as watching these Olympics! I thought I was going to have to start teaching this week but I've only been doing administrative stuff and lesson planning so I've had lots of time to watch. The site I've been watching, MyP2P, has been solid throughout, until today. The NBC and Eurosport coverage I've been watching has been great. I've seen a bit of Danish, Russian and Italian coverage too. All excellent. The only problem I had was when this morning I tried to get into MyP2P and they asked me for a password. I joined and my password didn't work. Then I did an anti-spyware scan and was able to get in just in time to see Canada take the lead over Norway in the gold medal curling match never to look back. So that was lucky.

If ANYthing happens so that I am unable to watch the gold-medal hockey game tomorrow I'll be gutted! It's on at 5 in the morning here so it's not like I can go out to a bar to see it on TV.

However, I have to count my lucky stars that tomorrow, (Monday), is a holiday here in Korea so I won't be at work while the game of the century takes place.

I've heard that this is going to be the most watched hockey game EVER. I hope it's a good one. I expect the U.S. to come out guns a-blazing but I'm not sure whether Canada will give an effort like they did against the Russians or if they'll play the defensive style that almost lost them the game against the Slovaks. There's no question which style is more effective, it's just a matter of convincing all the hockey traditionalists who worship defence and always seem to make big games like this or Stanley Cup playoff games SUCK by forcing skilled players to play not to lose instead of playing to win. I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Whatever happens, I'm looking forward to it BIG TIME. And since I lost a bet with Heather so I had to use the American flag as my facebook photo, (which I cheated on and changed for the Canada/Slovakia game), I am going to post the following pic and say one final time GO CANADA GO!

Super Thursday?

It's 5:30 AM here in tropical Gwangju, South Korea and I'm up sipping tea and watching the first of four monster Olympic hockey games. So far it's 0 - 0 between the U.S. and Switzerland. Next is Canada/Russia, then Fin/Czech and finally at 2 in the afternoon the Swedes will play the Slovaks. Should be a fun day!

This game wasn't 2 minutes old before one of the announcers made the bonehead comment about the American defenceman Brian Rafalski and how "dangerous" his pinching is. First of all the pinch Rafalski made today to bring about that stupid statement didn't hurt the Americans; secondly, Rafalski got back and broke up a false two-on-one the Swiss had; and thirdly take away Rafalski and his "dangerous" pinching and the U.S. would have lost to Canada on Super Sunday at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

Yes, Brian Rafalski. Everyone is talking about Ryan Miller as the guy who beat Canada. He was spectacular, no doubt about it. The Canucks outshot the U.S. 2 to 1 but I would have given Rafalski the player of the game. He didn't get any award. In fact he probably got a stern talking to from the coach after the game for providing the offense that won the U.S. the game.

Defencemen like Rafalski who are pinching are playing offense and defence and they're expending a lot of energy. This is not lazy hockey. But guys who stay out there for a lot of minutes tend to be the defensive defencemen. They're not getting as tired because defensive play is easier to play.

We've seen a lot of lesser teams taking on the giants by employing a simple strategy: drawing the highly skilled teams into a defensive mode that suits the underdogs. It's a very easy thing to do against a team made up of NHL stars who have played a ton of games already this year in the NHL. I have a funny feeling that I'll be watching games like this all day long today.

I just hope we have ONE defenceman on team Canada who pulls a Rafalski and starts taking offensive chances. I don't even care if he is the cause of a goal or two by the Russians. If he's good enough, he'll likely be the cause of 2 or 3 goals for Canada. And it'll most likely be one of the young guys like Drew Doughty if it's anyone.

This is exactly why the highest scoring defenceman in the NHL, Mike Green, wasn't chosen for the Candadian team. He's not even on their list of reserves for crying out loud!

Last game, (Canada/U.S.), I saw guys like Weber, Kieth, Pronger, etc. BEHIND the blue line when Canada had puck posession in the U.S. zone! What is THAT nonsense? It makes for some low-scoring hockey that if not for the fact that the score is close, would be a bit boring. If I were shelling out the kind of dough the fans are paying to watch this I think I'd be a bit upset.

The pattern in most games, and I've watched them all, has been the stronger team coming out and playing the first few minutes of energetic, offensive hockey and after that settling into the lower energy, defensive, "safe" hockey they are mistakenly calling "old time hockey." That's when teams like Germany, Switzerland, Belarus and Norway have been making these unlikely runs at the giants of hockey. As I type there's less than a minute left in the second period, shots are 32-8 for U.S. but the score is 0-0. This, believe it or not, is exactly where the Swiss want to be. Oh wait a minute now, there's a goal. What do you know, Rafalski was pinching. Is it a goal or had time expired? I guess it's still 0-0.

So here we go again. This is a perfect example of the kind of hockey I was hoping we wouldn't see at these Olympics. I'm still enjoying it but I could be enjoying it more if the Offensive stars were allowed to shine. 32 shots might sound like they're playing offense but the shots aren't the quality you'd get if the defence was pinching and the stars were allowed to freewheel. A stat more indicitave of the actual play in the game has been the ZERO shots that have made it through on the 5 power plays so far. That's hard to watch for a guy like me who likes offense.

I'm actually enjoying watching the women's hockey. They seem to be doing all the stuff that I've been saying the boys should be doing. They're scoring a lot of goals from one-timers by left wingers who shoot right or right wingers who shoot left. They're taking wrist shots from the point and allowing players to deflect them in. The men's hockey I'm watching has included a lot of slap shots from the point that are being blocked or the player's sticks are breaking or the shots are going 2 feet wide. Danny Boyle has done this a lot for Canada.

Having said all that, Team Canada might actually try to play the defensive game against the highly skilled Russians. This might just be the correct way to play them. But I'd still rather see offense.

Well what do you know! The U.S. scored. On the power play they got a shot through and Parise put in the rebound. Guess who shot the shot from the point. Rafalski of course.

The thing about playing this defensive hockey is that you have to depend heavily on your goaltender. Even though the goalies for Canada have big names, I'd say the Canadian goaltending hasn't been good enough for the defensive style they've been playing. Just another reason to score some more goals.

Anyhoo, I sure hope I don't have to suffer through another 1-0 game when Canada faces the Russians. It's a shame one of these two great teams will be going home without a medal but I guess that's what happens when you don't play to your strengths.

Nonetheless, go Canada go! I'm nervous!

Shut the &^$%&*+@@!! up about Tiger Woods already!

I know it's been said before but I'd like to say it one more time: what the smeg is going on in the world? Specifically this Tiger Woods public apology. This is the biggest waste of media time and energy in the history of mankind. Leave Tiger alone! It's a travesty. And ironically Tiger mentioned in his PUBLIC APOLOGY that his actions were because HE felt an unreasonable sense of entitlement. Who are these idiots who feel entitled to an apology from Woods? And who are these JAGOFFS who have the ass to say, "No, I'm still not satisfied." "He didn't seem genuine." "It's not enough."?!?! Come ON!

I too admit to being interested in his sexual behaviour and his off course driving but it has in absolutely no way detracted one iota from my reverence for Tiger Woods' mastery of the hardest sport in the world. If anything this will probably have a Clintonesque effect on me to where I, through abject pity for the man, end up liking him a whole lot more. I certainly don't feel entitled to any apology for anything he's done in his personal life. I don't recall him ever promising me that he will be a dutiful husband, be faithful to his spouse, and never cheat on her. I don't recall him swearing that even though he's a young, attractive sexual stud with women throwing themselves at him and more than enough money to show them ALL the times of their lives, he will not shag them five at a time in his heart-shaped limousine hot tub. I don't recall that. These are not prerequisites to the acquisition of a PGA Tour card.

If he used steroids or cheated at golf somehow, then I could understand a public apology but the only people who deserve a PRIVATE apology for his private affairs are the people in his private life.

What if Tiger Woods were a famous rock star? We would almost expect this kind of behaviour. If you want a warped but valid slant on this, listen to Bill Hicks. PLAY FROM YOUR HEART!!! Who cares if a lot of rock stars are violent, promiscuous, suicidal, deviants who die in pools of their own vomit, THEY ROCK! Why can't we extend this same courtesy to athletes? Don't tell me it's because watching Tiger Woods hit a 300-yard two iron is any less artistic than a Jimi Hendrix guitar solo! Cuz I love rock and roll, but I'd say they both ROCK just as hard!

To quote another famous comedian, George Carlin, "I'm tired of being told who to admire in this country!" Amazingly enough he actually uses Tiger Woods as an example here. Because that's really the problem isn't it? Why are we supposed to look up to Tiger Woods? He hits a golf ball for a living. Why should he have to be as pure as the driven snow?

Why do so many athletes have this same problem? It's been going on forever too. Look at Babe Ruth. He drank a quart of whiskey with his daily breakfast of a big steak, 6 fried eggs and potatoes. He blacked out on a train once after eating 18 hotdogs. He drank, smoked, swore, played and lived harder than most people. He probably wouldn't have been so great otherwise.

And how many basketball players are frowned on for drugs, guns, sexual affairs and such? Hello? Most of these guys were recruited in the hood not the Hamptons. And this is not to say things in the Hamptons are any more moral.

Then there's Ross Rebagliati, the Canadian snowboarder who had his medal stripped because he smoked some weed. Maybe that's a bit different because marijuana is against the rules but we have to question why that is. It's not like it's a performance ENHANCER! We're forcing social expectations on athletes that are just ridiculous. The fault is not in the athlete, but the society.

I'm trying to think who I am more upset with, Tiger Woods or the guy who wins 30 million bucks in the lottery and goes back to his job at the box-making factory for the rest of his life. If you have the good life, live it! That's what I say. And it's almost mockery of us poor paycheck to paycheck people if you don't! Isn't it?

And it's not like he was slumming it. Look at the list of girls he's been with! WOW! I'm not saying Tiger should have cheated on his wife. I think everyone should honour the commitment of marriage. Or just don't do it. Maybe, like half the people in the world, (maybe more), who get married, Tiger did so because it's the thing to do. Then he realized later maybe it wasn't. Who knows? Either way he doesn't owe me an apology for what he did.

We owe Tiger the apology. And so many other public figures whose sex lives are none of our business. I think this is just sad. Sorry about that, Tiger.

Olympic Thursday

I just got up. It's 12:45 AM and I have been up for about an hour. I am now fully committed to Olympian hours! Wake up at midnight, sleep at supper time. It makes it tough to know when or what I should eat or drink. But I've figured out a good system: for curling I drink tea, for hockey I drink beer. And I eat between periods or after the 5th end. It's possible that by the end of these olympics I'll have a long beard, long nails and I'll be storing my urine in bottles, but these are the sacrifices a Canadian sports fan needs to make in Korea.

I'm now surfing the web trying to find a good place to watch the Canadian women's curling team go up against the Japanese. I watched the Japanese team yesterday. Because they played the Americans. It's pretty easy to find online streams of American curling. But thanks to our lame, Canada-only coverage on CTV/TSN/CBC it's pretty hard to get the Canadian stuff. They have live streams for all the people in the world who don't need them: Canadians.

I think I'm gonna have trouble finding this stream. It's gonna start at 2 so I have time to search around but it may end up being like yesterday when I watched CTV coverage of Canada vs Germany in men's curling pirated by a dude in Russia and voiced over in Russian. And of course before the end of the game they switched over to the Russia/Latvia hockey game.Luckily the game was no longer in doubt.

I'm truly loving the globalism of the internet! I watched the entire men's snowboard cross in Italian. And by the way it was awesome! I still can't figure out how our boy Robertson didn't get the gold. It was like a sudden gust of wind blew the American guy past him right at the end. Great silver though!

But before I could grieve for too long, outta nowhere Maelle Ricker jumps to gold in the women's snowboard cross. I'd have to say that this is my favourite winter olympic sport to watch besides hockey and curling. And it's so nice that Canadians are GOOD at it! That beautiful pic at the top is of her. It's a photogenic sport though isn't it? I love the shots of the four people going over the jump at the end with the Olympic rings in the background! It's just too bad I can't seem to move pictures around on my blog any more or I'd be able to put them at the appropriate places rather than all at the beginning. But like many things involving electronics, my blog is getting harder and harder to work with as it gets more and more "advanced".

But I won't complain about that. This entry was gonna be about curling. I am very happy that our men's and ladies teams, (pictured WAY above), the Martin and Bernard rinks respectively, have gone undefeated so far. I've watched some pretty good shot making from them. I would not be surprised to see them sweep the golds in curling. It'd be great to see!

It's too bad so few people like curling. I've been a fan since my high school days in Ignace, Ontario where I first slipped on a slider and grabbed a broom. And it WAS a broom back then, not a brush or one of those Swiffer-looking things they're using now. I was actually sweeping and making noise and working up a SWEAT while curling back in those days! It's such a great sport! They called it "chess on ice" a few times in the English coverage I've seen. It IS a real strategic game too. That's the part of it I'm worst at. I'd say that, like Marge Simpson, my strength is my sweeping, or brushing. I played mostly lead in my brief high school/university foray into the sport so I also throw up a mean guard. But I can't claim to be any good. Still and all, it's a sport that I really miss. I think it would be VERY popular in Korea too. I wish it would catch on. I wonder why it's not popular around the world. I have a few theories.

Could it be, like women's tennis, that the screaming and yelling turn people off? There are some good-looking women in curling, (the Japanese team I watched yesterday has a couple of REAL hotties), but when they start screaming "HURRY HAAAARD!" it's not too attractive. But then we're not supposed to be watching women's sports for the babes anyway are we? Ha ha, yeah right! I actually think I liked the cute way the Japanese team called their shots. "Ceu leeen! Ceu leeen! Niceu syot" But they are the exception. There are some real howlers and catterwhallers in the sport that admittedly don't do much for its image.

Could it be that because it's a really long game and it seems to the untrained eye like very little is going on, people are reluctant to watch? It's possible. You don't see a lot of triple take-outs or spectacular shots in a game. There is no body contact or fighting. (although there's no such thing as a curler who doesn't drink and if they showed the pub after the games I bet there'd be some contact sports going on).

Or maybe it's just not getting enough exposure. People tend to like what's put in front of them even though we no longer have to get off the couch to change the TV channel any more. Well, as I've said so many times before, thank God for the Simpsons! The most recent episode of the Simpsons was about Marge and Homer going to Vancouver to play in the mixed curling there. Marge was the star sweeper and Homer was the star drinker. Which is important! It was pretty obvious the writers and animators didn't really know a lot about curling but the attempt was valiant. For example all the stones were the same colour and people were picking them up like they were filled with air. Also there was a Zamboni on the ice at one point. But I liked it.


Anyway, I sure hope I can catch more of the curling. From what I've seen, or heard, so far it's been really good. I had to settle for the US/Japan game the other day because I couldn't find the Canadian game. But I could tell how Canada was doing by the cheers I heard. I hope I don't have to do that again this morning. Speaking of which I better go see if I can find some.

Go Canada Go!

The Olympic$

As promised on my facebook updates, I fixed my computer and now I am all ready to sit in my room and watch Olympics in any way I can. I am checking all the live feeds and they're very disappointing but exactly what I expected. Canada's main Olympic coverage is done by CTV and, (as expected), it's not available outside of Canada. I've said this before but WHY BOTHER if it's not available outside Canada?! It's gotta have something to do with money. INSIDE Canada you don't need a computer or even CABLE to get CTV. STREETpeople in Canada are watching Olympic coverage on their TV's in alleyways for the love of GOD! Well actually right now the only place in Canada warm enough, (and without snow), so you could live on the street would BE Vancouver so the homeless are probably all going to the events live. Unless it's hockey. They'd have to collect bottles and cans for a lifetime to buy the CHEAPEST hockey ticket. I heard from a friend in Vancouver that you can pay 30,000 dollars for a hockey ticket there. 30 THOUSAND dollars! And if it happens to be Canada and Russia or Canada and U.S. in the final who knows how high the prices could go? It's obscene if you ask me. The Olympics is supposed to be amateur sports. This is what happens when you let the pros play. Damned exciting, but obscene. I don't like to see the evil of filthy lucre perverting and corrupting something as pure as sport. It sickens me. But I'm kinda used to it.

I went to the site available to Koreans to watch coverage in Korea, SBS. Of course, (as expected), you need a password. You need a password for everything in Korea. TWO! At the camp I just finished I had a list of about 10 passwords I needed to get into places or computers. And the only way you're gonna get a password on SBS is if you live in Korea and know a Korean who can navigate their way through the password process, which is hard even for a Korean. Also, SBS is available in Korea without a computer and I think without cable. So why bother? Gotta be some money involved! But I'm not too concerned. It'd be short track, short track and more short track with brief glimpses of figure skating and maybe ski jumping. Not my favourites to watch.

So how can I watch hockey games? I was able to catch the third period of the Canada/Slovakia game in women's hockey today because my brother in the U.S. told me, (chatting on facebook), he was watching it. That's the only way I could tell if it was on. The problem is times. I go to the official Olympic site and times are listed there but I'm not sure if they're Vancouver time or the time most things are listed in, Eastern Standard Time. It doesn't matter because no Canadian sites have live streaming video anyway. That I've found. So I go to the sites like JustinTV. There times are listed in Eastern Standard Time. I think. Cuz most people streaming there are from the States. I think. Or I could go to MyP2P. But I think most of the people streaming on THAT site are from the U.K. I think! It's frustrating so far.

But it's okay as long as I don't miss any of the men's hockey and I have a list of the times for those games already. No worries there.

I haven't noticed any demonstration sports yet. Doesn't the host country get to do a demonstration sport? Something popular in their country? I have an idea for Canada. And it comes from watching MANY MANY years of Canadian disappointment at the Olympics. I think we should introduce a new thing at the Vancouver Olympics but it's not a sport, it's a fourth place medal. Like maybe tin or aluminum or something Canadian like beaver pelt, moose antler, Saskatchewan sealskin, or how bout wood? The wood medal goes to Canada! We have had medal hopefuls every year, sometimes favoured to win gold, even HEAVY favourites, who came in fourth place. I think we'd be way up there in the medal count if we could introduce a wood medal. Should we call it a wood medal or a wooden medal? Too confusing, let's just hang a pancake around the fourth place finishers' necks. How much more Canadian could you get?

I guess so far the story of the Olympics has been a tragic one. That luger from Georgia named Nodar Somethingorother took a grisley spill didn't he? And I admit to looking it up on youtube and watching voyeuristically. I only watched once and felt a bit guilty about it. But it was very interesting to see the reactions of people from around the globe. I'm not talking about the fact that it's now the number one hit on youtube and other sites like it, I'm talking about the comments I read about it. I read "R.I.P. from France", "R.I.P. from Sweden", "R.I.P. from Canada" among them. That's nice isn't it? People from all over the world expressing their deep sorrow at the passing of an athlete. Well not deep enough to write the words "Rest In Peace" in full, but pretty deep. And I'm so glad at the girl from Canada taking it upon herself to express my, and millions of other Canadians' views on the tragedy in three letters!

And I heard they changed that part of the track where a lot of people wiped out and where Nodar died. Disappointing autosport enthusiasts and other death sport fans everywhere. Well honestly, it's like the fights at hockey, who looks away when there's a dangerous crash? Luge could have maybe taken a run a hockey for the most watched sport at these Olympics otherwise.

The second biggest story for Canadians will be getting gold. We already have a medal! This is brilliant for Canada! And it's a silver! Way to go Jennifer Heil! Canadians must be ecstatic! They must be chanting her name all over the country. Let's hope it's her FIRST name. Jen - ni - FER, Jen - ni - FER! We're all proud of her! But the story remains, no gold for Canada in Montreal and no gold for Canada in Calgary. We got lots of fourth place medals in '76 and '88 I'm sure but no gold in our two previous Olympics in Canada. And we have some good shots at gold in 2010. But as we can read from the link, this is only based on how much money we've been spending on our athletes. MONEY! Again!

But if our women's hockey team, women's and men's curling teams, and speed skaters don't win a gold I'll eat my gotch! We are gonna get some soon. And we have all kinds of other chances in short track, snowboarding, freestyle skiing, and other stuff. Some people think we might even win the medal count this year! It would be nice but I only care if we get ONE gold medal really. And that's in men's ice hockey. Ha ha ha. It sounds so funny saying it that way. I just call it HOCKEY and so does the rest of Canada. This will be the best thing to ever happen to Canada. Yeah sure there were a few nice political things like becoming a nation, getting our own constitution, joining NATO and silly little things like that but pppbbbttthhhhbbbtttt! Peanuts compared to this!

But men's hockey doesn't start till Feb. 16th. Feb. 17th here! I gotta wait three more days! It's gonna be rough. But for now I'll try to watch other stuff online to tide me over till the hockey starts.

GO CANADA GO!

If you put bamboo shoots under John Yoo's fingernails, would he cry like a Bybee?

I recently watched the news. To me the news is the Daily Show with John Stewart. He had John Yoo on the show. John Yoo is a law professor at Berkeley. He also is infamous as the co-author of a little memo called the "Bybee Torture Memo" by some. It's a memo that tries to define the limits of interrogation techniques that are allowable by the U.S. military in overseas combat. It was written shortly after 9/11 and it has been pretty contraversial. One of the "enhanced" interrogation techniques that has been up for discussion is "waterboarding" in which a person is tied to a board with his/her head tilted back and water is poured over his/her face so that it goes into the nose and the victim feels the sensation of drowning.

Yoo admits in the John Stewart interview that he was approached to write it a year after 9/11 and shortly after the capture of a very high ranking, (#3), Al Qaeda terrorist who was resistant to standard interrogation techniques.

John Stewart suggests that he was asked to increase the limits of what is legal to do in an interrogation and Yoo claims he was asked to simply define what was legal to do. I wish John Stewart had pursued this more because it seems to me, after reading up, that Stewart was right and Yoo was stretching the truth a bit. For example, if I have a gun in my hand and there's a pitbull attatched to my leg who is gnawing his way up to my crotch and I ask a lawyer who is passing by, "Hey, dude, can you define what it is legal for me to do in this situation?" I'm really not asking for parameters and the lawyer knows it. I'm asking if it would be legal for me to shoot the dog.

This is something like the line of questioning I wanted J.S. to take. He didn't. He seemed thrown by Yoo's calm demeanor and his sparkling rhetoric.

A little background that will give you an idea of why I wish J.S. had slam dunked this guy. And this is to the best of my knowledge. I'm going by my own internet research so it might be wrong. The Bybee memo was co-written by Yoo and a judge named Bybee. It was an attempt to give the U.S. military a wider range of interrogation techniques by using simplistic and flawed logic to justify these acts under existing laws as "allowable" and burying the flawed logic so deep in legal jargon that it wouldn't be noticed by the general public. If you read it closely it IS permission to torture. At least that's what I get out of it.

The existing laws that govern the limits of interrogation techniques are referred to as Sections 2340 and 2340A. Yoo and Bybee conclude in the memo that taken as a whole these sections prohibit only "extreme" acts declining to require criminal penalties for cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment. These are all okay.

They reason that "extreme" acts result in "severe pain" whether mental or physical and they go ahead and use their own misguided, (and I think intentionally misleading), methods to better define what these mean legally. They decide that they need to look elsewhere in the U.S. Code to see where Congress had previously used the phrase, "severe pain." They found it in statutes defining emergency medical conditions. An emergency medical condition is one "manifesting itself by acute symptoms of blah blah blah including 'severe pain' such that a prudent lay person, who possesses an average knowledge of health and medicine could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in placing the health of the individual in serious jeaopardy, serious impairment to bodily functions, or serious dysfunction of any bodily organ or part." So severe pain is an indicator of a medical emergency.

Nothing wrong so far.

Then they make their giant leap. "The statutes suggest that 'severe pain' as used in section 2340, must rise to a similarly high level in order to constitute torture."

To me this is either a stupid mistake or purposely flawed logic. And we can see from the Daily Show interview, John Yoo is no dummy.

Let's simplify this in case you haven't noticed the logic leap. Imagine these jokers were writing a medical manual on what to do in case of a brain aneurism. A headache is one indicator of a brain aneurism so by their logic every patient with a headache should be operated on to get their brain aneurisms removed.

Medical emergencies and torture both involve severe pain but they are completely different things. That is pretty obvious. So it needed to be written in legalese that nobody would bore themselves to read in order to make it less obvious while accomplishing the objective of legalizing torture.

If you think this is wrong, take the guidelines proposed by this memo and apply a technique commonly agreed upon as torture to them: putting bamboo shoots under the fingernails. This will not put the victim's health in serious jeopardy, it won't impair any bodily functions, (unless you include typing or piano playing as bodily functions), and it will not result in a serious dysfunction of a body organ or part. So it's cool! Same with waterboarding. Same with a LOT of other things that are only limited by the torturers' imaginations.

It's too bad John Stewart concentrated so much on the President's ability to just do whatever he wants anyway in war time. This is something I agree with Yoo on. If there's a guy who has the knowledge to disarm a doomsday device that will kill a billion people waterboard the shit out of him! I don't care! 1 bad guy compared to a billion innocent people is a no-brainer of an executive decision. But as for torture, I think everyone, including guys the Americans call terrorists, deserve humane treatment.

Throughout the interview, and I watched the entire interview, I sympathised with J.S. Yoo, (who is Korean American), is VERY much like a lot of the people I deal with over here. They have their dishonest objectives and even though I totally noticed their not-so-clever ways of trying to hide them, they talk in circles to the point where the stress of trying to explain your point to them far outweighs the suffering created by the dishonest objective. I can't tell you how often I've felt like soaking my head in ice water after meeting with the supervisor here trying to explain how they are supposed to do things that they promise to do in the contract, or other such things. Now Jon Stewart knows what it'd be like to work in Korea.

The holiday virus

JONG! JONG! JONG JONG JONG! ... JONG JONG! Jong. That's the JONG! sound I got when I JONG JONG got back from JONG JONG JONG JONG vacation and started up my computer. It's the error sound. I got a barage of about 15 of them. Only one error message came up though. It was a RUNDLL, Error loading fimp.elo The specific module could not be found.

Of course I have no idea what that might mean so I ran it through google and it turns out I have a virus. I also checked all running programs and found "userini" was using up a lot of my computer memory. Ran THAT through the old google search too and THAT'S a virus.

Used to be when I caught a virus it meant I was sick. And I've always been one to catch them during the holidays. Nowadays I get computer viruses and they ALWAYS seem to pop up when I get BACK from holidays. It's happened almost every time I've traveled around SE Asia. I used to wonder if somebody was sneaking into my room and contaminating my computer but just how sick a person would that have to be? But my computer is fine when I leave and messed up when I get back. Even NHL Gamecenter Live, which I had bought wasn't working. The video was grainy and jerky. How does that happen?

Anyways, I started doing everything I knew how to do to try to fix things up cuz I wanted to have a smooth running computer for the NFL playoffs this weekend. I watch the games on streaming TV. If my computer isn't working the games are all herky-jerky and they're not worth watching.

So I scanned disks. I defragged. I downloaded the programs the experts on google mentioned that would get rid of these viruses. I got SuperAntiSpyware and ran a full scan. 3 hours later it finished. Then I had to restart to kill all the bugs. So I rebooted and sure enough the same warning came up. But this time with only one JONG. PROGRESS!

Then I went to Microsoft and downloaded the anti spyware program MADE for Windows XP and ran that. 4 hours later it finished. Same thing - I had to reboot to get rid of all the bad stuff. So I did. There was no more warning! Yeehaw! I'm a genius! I am a computer EXPERT! Thank you Bill Gates!

Then I decided to go online and see how the video streams were working. But I couldn't get on the internet. For some reason I had lost my internet connection. I tried to repair my internet connection, then manually install my IP address again and neither worked. So I had to do a system restore.

I did that and wouldn't you know it... JONG JONG JONGJONG JONG! Jong JONG JONGJONG! So I started all over. After doing all the other stuff again I found ANOTHER program from Microsoft that does a scan for viruses. Specifically designed for Windows XP. That took another 3 hours. Then I had to reboot.

JONG JONG JONGJONGJONG! etc. Another system restore.

I got my computer working so that video streams are good now. But I still get that warning when I start up. And a few weird things are happening. I'm still not rid of the viruses. But I watched the football games this morning. The Jets beat the Bengals and Dallas whooped the Eagles.

Tomorrow morning at 3 AM the other two wildcard games are on. I'm gonna try to watch them both. Go Cards go! And I'm not sure who I want to win between the Patriots and the Ravens. I have a feeling New England will win though.

Anyway after all that I really need to figure out how to fix this computator of mine. Anyone have any hints for me?

Congratulations to the U.S. but wait till the Olympics

Well as expected the Canada/U.S. game today at the World Jr. Hockey Championships in Saskatchewan was great! I was on the edge of my seat the whole game and out of it at the end of the 3rd period. The Canadian boys have no reason to hang their heads. They had a good tournament. They were outplayed in the last two games. The Americans deserved the win. I thought the Canadians were lucky to get the win in the game before and they would have been very lucky if they had won this one. U.S. earned the gold medals.

Now I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but... Okay, yes, I am one. So I'm now gonna. If you read my blog entry about the Canadian Olympic team you will see where I mentioned two things that I am noticing this year and that are changing hockey for those teams who pick up on them. One is the fact that the big, booming shot from the point is fast becoming a thing of the past because of all the players dropping in front of pucks. Shot blockers are better, and more to the point, faster than slap shot takers. The wind up gives shot blockers plenty of time to drop down and get in the way. I said that the wrist shot from the point is better for 3 reasons: 1. It's tougher for shot blockers to drop in front of because it takes virtually no time to get the shot away. 2. It's easier for teammates of the wrist shooter to tip the puck into the net because the speed is just a bit slower. 3. It's still just as hard for a goalie to stop a deflected wrist shot because the reduction in speed makes a direct shot easier to stop, but not a deflected one. Unless we're talking about a really BIG difference in speed, which we're not.

We saw this all game long. It was the story of the game really. Team Canada all tournament long had been taking wrist shots from the point and tipping them in with regularity. Probably because of adrenalyn, this game they were going more for the big wind-up slap shots and the U.S. team were blocking them with regularity.

The second thing I mentioned in that blog entry was how dangerous a right handed shot on the left wing can be. Take a look at the last three goals of the game. The 5-4 goal and the 5-5 goal by Jordan Eberle, (a right hander one-timing a shot from the left wing), had me jumping up and down here! I'm sure all over Canada it was the same. Then in O.T. if I'm not mistaken the game winning goal for the States was scored by a right handed shooter coming down the left wing.

I'm telling you, it will be NO different in the Olympics. These things will STILL be MAJOR goal generators and the teams that miss out might be going home. It's too early to tell who will be linemates for the Olympic teams so there's no way to know who will have the dangerous right handed left wingers but I'd be willing to bet, especially on the power play, the Fins will take advantage of this by putting Teemu Selanne on the left side getting set up by his teammate Saku Koivu.

Canada has the possibility of setting this up. They got Bergeron on the team because of his phenomenal chemistry with Crosby at '04 World Jrs and '06 World Championships. I think Gerome Iginla will play on a line with those two so either Iginla or Bergeron will be a right handed shot on the left side. Also Getzlaf and Nash have shown great chemistry at past world championships. If they make up a line with Perry, who is magic with Getzlaf for the Ducks, he'll probably go on the left wing and being a right handed shot - DEADLY!

The Czechs will have Krejci, Hejduk or Hemsky they could put on the left wing shooting right.

The U.S. has Langenbrunner, Callahan, Drury, and Pavelski who could play this role. A lot of people were wondering at these choices for the U.S. team. Maybe this is why.

The Swedes just might throw Daniel Alfredsson there.

But I think the team that will most take advantage of this phenomenon, and it could win the gold for them, will be the Russians. The number one player on their team and the number one goal scorer in hockey, Ovechkin, a right handed shot who plays left wing. A lot of folks think Alex Semin would be just as good if he didn't play on the same team as OV. Can't have two first line left wingers. And many people will tell you the best pure goal scorer isn't either one of them, it's Kovalchuk, who is a right handed shot on the left wing playing in Atlanta. That's three lines with a deadly left winger who shoots right. But almost as deadly is a right winger who shoots left. They have Radulov and Morozov. And with guys like Datsyuk, Malkin, Fedorov and Kozlov at center watch out for a LOT of one timer goals from the Russians.

However, don't give up yet. I'm not sure the one-timer to the off-handed winger is quite as effective as the wrist shot from the point being tipped in. And EVERY team has an even chance of getting a lot of goals THAT way.

So it'll probably still come down to depth, goaltending, special teams, and basic things like face-offs, shot blocks, chemistry, not taking penalties, and even penalty shooting. And there's always those elusive "intangibles"... For almost all of these I give the nod to our Canadian boys. Here's why...

The U.S., Finland, Russia and maybe the Swedes have a better number one goalie statistically with Miller, Kiprusoff, Bryzgaloff and Lundqvist but we have Marty Brodeur playing at home! Could be better than all of them. Or we could even have Luongo playing in his home country AND home NHL city. You never know how much that could help.

For depth NObody comes close to Canada. It's always that way. Canada's second team is as good or better than the other teams. Canada could quite possibly win the gold if every single one of their first team players gets injured between now and Olympic time. And there ARE a lot of players on every roster who will be injured. This could be a large factor. This benefits Canada who have far superior second choices for every position. It's not likely any other country's second team would even win a game.

Chemistry is something I put a lot of stock in. You need to play the game to know that no matter how good a guy is, sometimes he clicks better with players who aren't the best players for that position. The best example will be Bergeron with Crosby. If anyone had seen these guys play together Bergeron would be a no-brainer of a pick. I'm embarrassed that I forgot about him when I picked MY Team Canada.

Same thing happened with Nash/Getzlaf/Heatley in the World Championships. I think it would be crazy to put this line together since we have the power play for the San Jose Sharks in Thornton/Marleau/Heatley and I think Getzlaf/Nash/Perry would be just as good. But we'll see.

Canada also has defensive chemistry, which just might be MORE important. They have Keith and Seabrook who play together in Chicago. And they have Neidermayer and Pronger were nominated for the Norris trophy while on the Ducks together! That's some powerful chemistry!

When you look at special teams you have to give the power play to the Russians. Theirs should be the best, NO question about it. But I don't think other teams will be far behind especially when you get into the second line of the power play. I would have to give second place to Sweden. Daniel/Henrik/Forsberg then Zetterberg/Holmstrom/Backstrom or maybe throw Alfresson out there? He'd be awesome with the twins! But Canada will be third at worst.

When it comes to penalty killing Canada will be number one. If I were to pick a perfect penalty killing line I think I might pick Kris Draper, Jordan Staal and maybe Tyler Kennedy, Darren Helm or Matt Cooke. But I only think ONE of those guys has the skills to be picked for the Canadian team. Coincidentally, his brother is on the almost perfect HIGHLY SKILLED penalty killer line for team Canada, which includes Brenden Morrow, Eric Staal and Mike Richards. This is a coach's wet dream of a checking line and it's even better for killing penalties. They will be rock solid on D and they will score short handed. Mark my words! This is why these guys were picked by Yzerman and his crew. These guys will make other teams wish they can wave off penalties called against Canada. That's if they're used in this role and I can't imagine they wouldn't be.

Penalty shooting is why we have Jonathan Teows. He hasn't played well enough this year to get on the team but a penalty shot could win an Olympic hockey game. As much of a travesty as some people think that is, you have to prepare for it. Teows is the best. Anywhere. Bar none. And he DOES have the skills to make the team.

One more thing to watch for on team Canada. I've been noticing Scott Neidermayer this year looks like he's at the end of his career. He's not making mistakes defensively but he's nowhere near the threat he used to be offensively. I've watched a TON of L.A. King games this year. In fact I've seen them play more than any other team. Drew Doughty belongs on this team and he will take over more and more of Neidermayer's minutes as the Olympics wear on. At least he should in my opinion. He is just a kid but he has plenty of international experience and he knows almost all of the guys on this team. I was very happy to see him picked.

So here's what I expect to happen at the Olympics. And, of course, this all depends on injuries.

Team Canada - Gold medal at home! Fans go crazy! Canada wins not one but 23 gold medals in Canada after getting shut out at Montreal and Calgary.

U.S. - Best defensive team in the tourney. They'll be REALLY hard to score on. But just can't put it all together. All their players will perform well but Parise, Kane, Brown, Kessel, Malone, Pavelski, Stastny, Ryan will be too young and will make too many small mistakes. They only have three guys with Olympic experience: Rafalski, Langenbrunner and Drury. Parise, Kane and Brown should finish near the top in scoring but the U.S. will finish out of the medals. At least I hope they will because I hate defensive hockey and I REALLY hate seeing offensive stars playing it. These guys won't be able to let their stars out. I fear that's what this team will be. Offensive guys being forced to play D. The U.S.'ll have to be satisfied with beating Canada at the World Jrs.

Russia - I always expect so much from Russia because they usually have the best offensive team in the tournament but then the players look like they're on vacation in the games and get knocked out early. Not this year??? They TURNED DOWN Yashin and Kovalev for this team. Not to mention Zherdev and Khabibulin. They're deep and when you look at their best players, they ARE the best players. Why they won't easily win the gold is because of the little things. I think Canada just plain has more heart. But Russia will give them a run for the gold. I think they'll have to settle for silver though. Can't wait to see Sergei Fedorov again!

Sweden - Any team that can refuse Franzen, Samuelsson and Hedman must be pretty good. They'll be great to watch but they'll wish they had picked Hedman for some extra offense from the D and to add some youth to an old bunch of guys. Not to say slow. They'll be skated around a lot and Lundqvist will be expected to stop a LOT of rubber. He can but I don't think he'll be good enough. I think they'll score a lot of goals but they'll have a lot of goals scored on them. In one of the shockers of the tournament they'll be beaten by the Czechs in round robin but will get revenge in the bronze medal match. It will be AWESOME to see Peter Forsberg play again!

Finland - A solid team. Just not spectacular. Kiprusoff will have to win the tourney MVP if they have any chance at a medal.

Czech Republic - The surprise of the tourney. If they had chosen Kotalik and Prospal for their team I think they might even have won a bronze. I will be REALLY interested to see Jagr play again. Is he a porked up floater or does he still have that Lemieux-like dominance. If he does, (which I highly doubt), Czechs will contend for a medal. They have a lot of guys that are, (or were), great NHLers but little known like Vasicek, Krejci, Fleischman, Michalek, Hejda, Erat, Plekanic, Polak, Cajanek and some who are well known like Jagr, Kaberle, Elias and Havlat. But I just don't think that'll be enough to beat the well established stars on the Swedish, Russian or Canadian teams.

So there you have it: Canada beat Russia for gold and Sweden beats the Czechs for bronze.

And I just hope Canada lays a beating on the U.S. for breaking our string of 5 World Junior Championships in a row. How dare they!

Another travel adventure

So I'm in Peng Sung visiting friends over the holidays. It's just outside Pyeong Taek where there's a subway/train station. It's time to go home. But a guy like me just doesn't hop on the train and go home. What would I write here if I did???

Scott and I watched the first Canada/U.S. game in the World Jr. Hockey Championships. It was a good one. Canada won in a shootout. Neither of us like that though. So I sez to Scott, "I hope they meet again in the gold medal game to settle this the right way." Lo and behold, Canada and U.S. will play again for gold.

I strongly urge anyone who likes hockey, (or Canada or the U.S.), to tune in to that game. Here in Korea it's on at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I'll be up for sure eating bacon and eggs and watching that one. The last game they played was a comeback, shootout win for Canada. The game before that was the best game ever played in the World Jr. Hockey tourney. I think this is going to be a good one. If you miss it live you can watch it at tsn.ca on video on demand.

Anyhoo, I told Scott after watching the game on Sunday night, that I'd be going home the next day. I got up around 9 in the morning. It had snowed quite a bit the night before so I flipped on the TV. ALL OVER the Korean channels there were reports of traffic jams across the snowed in country. Schools were closing, accidents were happening, Godzilla was rampaging... There was about 9 inches of new snow. Sigh.

So I KNEW the trains would be extra crowded since nobody would be taking the buses. But I gathered up all my stuff plus all the stuff that had accumulated over Christmas and a visit to Costco. I had a hockey bag completely packed and a big, heavy Costco bag. All in all it was pretty much 100 lbs. of luggage. If not more. Luggage is the word cuz I was lugging it down the snowy street to the nearest spot to get a taxi. So after showering, shaving and putting on fresh, clean clothes, 5 minutes into my trip home I was sweaty, wet, and huffing and puffing. Great start.

But there were taxis waiting so I got right up to the first one in line and some guy darts in front of me actually brushing my bags away and takes MY taxi. Didn't he see me carrying my baggage that was easily heavier than him? Didn't he understand that if I could lift this much baggage, how easy would it be to lift him over my head and deposit him into the fresh new curbside snow? But, I wasn't about to add, "pissed off" to my list of conditions so I just tried my best to ignore him and kept saying to myself, "There are other cabs. There are other cabs." I get into the second taxi before anyone could steal it from me and we CRAWL down the street. It wasn't clean but it was only a little slushy. It wasn't like people were sliding all over. But I had all day so I didn't let that bother me at all.

We get to Pyeong Taek station and the meter reads 5000 won. I pull out 5000 won. The taxi driver won't take it. He want's more because of the weather conditions. I think he was expecting more than the SIX thousand won I gave him but I didn't let THAT bother me either.

When I got to the station it was busy but not as crazy as I had expected. I had to wait in line for about 15 minutes before purchasing my ticket but that wasn't too bad. The chick I bought the ticket from told me that it was a 10:45 train but the train had been delayed 22 minutes. So I do some quick mental calcutationing and figure out that I will be getting on my train home to Gwangju at about 11:07. That should get me home by about 2:30 in the afternoon. Not too bad at all.

I pick up my 100 lbs. of luggage and go down to the platform, (platform 4), where the chick had sent me to wait for my train. In less than a minute there's a train pulling in and on the loudspeaker I hear an announcement in Korean. I figure out that it's the announcement for my train, the 10:45, that will be arriving 22 minutes late. I look around at the clocks and I see three of them all showing 10:45. So I figure I have to wait 22 minutes. Not so bad. It's snowing but it's not too cold on the platform.

So as the train on platform 4 is loading I notice it's a Gwangju train. Could this be my train? Just then the announcement in English comes on, "The 10:45 train to Gwangju WILL BE ARRIVING 22 minutes late because of certain conditions of the train. We appologize for inconvenience." So now I'm really not sure. The announcement would have said, "...is now boarding" or "...has arrived" or "...will be DEPARTING shortly" or something in the proper verb tense surely! I decided to get on the train just in case. But as I picked up my 110 lbs. of luggage to try to make a break for it, the doors closed and the train pulled away.

I don't wear a watch. The only thing I have with the time on it, particularly during the holidays, is my cell phone. So now I have to find out. I dig out my cell phone from my luggage and check the time. 11:07. FUCK. Evidently all those "clocks" had been indicating the time the train was supposed to have arrived, not the present time.

So now I'm on the tracks with 120 lbs. of luggage a floor away from a long line-up in front of the ticket window where I need to change my ticket. I can either walk up the stairs with my 140 lbs. of luggage, or lug it way down the platform to the escalator up. I make a judgement call. I LEAVE my luggage on the platform. I wouldn't do this in Canada. No way, now how! But this is something I have found doable in Korea in the past. Besides there are folks milling about on platform 4. They will probably all assume the stuff belongs to one of the other millers.

So up the stairs I run. I wait another 15 minutes in line and explain that I missed my train. While in line I hear an announcement for a train, "The 10:55 train bound for Yong San Station IS NOW ARRIVING and WILL DEPART at 11:10, 15 minutes late. We are sorry ...blah blah blah." WHY OH WHY wasn't there a clear announcement like that for MY train???

However, without bothering to argue about correcting the grammar on ALL the P.A. announcements, (not just the ones for Seoul), the same ticket window gal refunds my money for the ticket. So I ask when the next train to Gwangju will be. She says, "Direct to Gwangju, 3:00." It's just after 11. No WAY am I waiting around with my 155 lbs. of luggage in Pyeong Taek station for 4 hours! So I say, "How about INdirect?" She says, "Well you could go to Asan. It's an 11:14 train but it's 25 minutes late." Then she shows me the sched. and from Asan I could have bought a seat on the train to Gwangju that gets me home by 2:30. Probably MY empty seat! So I buy a ticket to Asan and she says, "Car 1, seat 7A. Go to platform 4." What luck! That's where by bags are waiting for me!

I go back down to platform 4 and all the millers are gone. But, there they are, my bags, untouched by honest railriders of Korea! Bet you didn't expect THAT! So I wait. The time is 11:39. That's when my train is supposed to arrive. I keep waiting. Probably around 11:50 or so a train arrives. It has no marking for "Asan" on it. I think it was a train for Pohang. But that's in the right direction, (I think), so on I got.

My car, (car #1), is a short one. My seat, (7A), is not vacant. There is no room for my 160 lbs. of luggage on the overhead racks so I just keep it in the toilet area and end up standing there since no seats are available. The trip to Asan is only supposed to be 22 minutes anyways. 30 minutes later I'm starting to think that this isn't the right train. Just then a fellow expat comes up to me and asks if I need any help. "Are you new to Korea?" he asks. I replied that I'm new to the trains, which I sort of am. I usually take the bus or at least HAVE in my days here. He tells me that he doesn't know where Asan is but I can go a couple of cars ahead to the car with a bar, snackbar, computers and, yes, singing rooms. There I can find a girl in a red uniform who can tell me what to do. So I leave my bags unattended again and go to that car. No girl but they had Gatorade and lugging around 175 lbs. will deplete the old fluids. So I bought a Gatorade then went back.

At LEAST an hour after boarding we got to Daejeon Station. This is good news! I know that from SEO Daejeon station I can get home to Gwangju. I know this because that's where Costco is! So I get off the train probably having shorted Korea Rail several won since a trip to Asan is cheaper than on to Daejeon. Not MY fault.

I carry by 180 lbs of luggage through the Daejeon Station, past MASSIVE ticket lineups and out to a cab. He takes me about 10 blocks down the slushy road, does a U-turn and the meter is already over 3000 won and we're back at Daejeon Station again. I have to conserve my energy so I don't say anything to the guy. We GET to Seo Daejeon Station but the guy parks in the taxi line rather than driving me to the door. Just a little farther to haul my burden.

At the top of the escalator into the station I see what I had feared the entire cab ride over: an anacondan line-up for train tickets. No wonder in that since wickets 1 and 4 were closed and wicket 2 was reserved for the handicapped, passengers exchanging tickets or hooking up with boats. Essentially there was one girl providing tickets for all of Seo Daejeon Station. Probably some other workers couldn't come in because of the 9 inches of snow on the ground. (eye roll). So after standing in ticket lines and on the subway platform for about an hour, standing on the wrong train for over an hour, I now have to stand in line to get a ticket to Gwangju. Long story short, THAT took an hour too. It was 1:47 when I got my ticket home. Luckily for me it was a ticket for a 2:47 train so I'd only have to wait an hour for the train.

I drag my ass and 199 lbs. of luggage over to the waiting area, in which EVERY seat is full, and stand for yet another hour. Well to be honest I didn't stand there for the whole hour. I wanted to make double sure I caught my train to I took my 200 lbs. of luggage down to the platform, (platform 2 this time), and waited for my train.

Whilst I awaited I heard an announcement, "The 14:47 train to Gwangju WILL BE ARRIVING 08 minutes late because of certain conditions of the train. We appologize...yada yada yada." Just then a train marked for Gwangju pulls in. I looked at my phone. It was 2:45 I think. I'm in a quandary. Last time this happened it was a grammar mistake and because I wasn't pushy enough, and because I exhibited far too much faith in Korean English usage, I missed my train. Should I just barge my way onto this train? If it was the wrong one I could just act stupid. I made a judgement call: I waited.

It turned out to be the right call. And when the 14:47 train arrived 08 minutes late at 14:55, there was an announcement saying the train was NOW ARRIVING on platform 2. Again, if there had been a proper announcement like that on my first train... grrrr.

So I hoist my cargo onto the proper train. The hockey bag should be stored in the large baggage area but, of course, it's full. I leave it unattended and take my Costco bag into my car. I try to put it in the overhead area above my seat but it doesn't fit. I have to take it to the back of the car and put it behind the last seat. I then find the porter and ask what I should do with my big bag. I suggest putting it in the overhead storage area where there's a big space. He says, "Okay," then just looks at me. Of course he's a young guy and certainly didn't sign up for Korea Rail to deal with a lift like that so I had to take care of it.

It's not a comfortable thing to do. Even less comfortable for the poor passenger directly below my big bag because as I'm struggling to wedge it into a space barely big enough for it, my naughty bits are right in his face forcing him into the passenger beside him. The guy actually put up his hand to block me actually touching the front of my jeans at one point. So after successfully stowing my hockey bag, I go to my seat where there is a mother who had also had my naughty bits in her face while I was trying to put my Costco bag above my seat. And the whole car has seen the entire show and is now murmuring. I'm just thinking, "FINALLY I get to sit down!"

At about 5:00 the train arrived at Gwangju Station. I had to be the last guy off the train because my bags were at opposite ends of the car. The girl in the red jacket thought the train was empty and I startled her by heaving my hockey bag out the door and onto the platform in front of her. She thanked me as it was her job to do and gave me a look of surprise when I packed on my 250 lbs. of luggage for the long trudge through the Gwangju Train Station and out to the incredibly long taxi line-up. I waited about 30 minutes for a taxi and finally lugged my 280 lbs. of luggage into the trunk of it lowering the back considerably then giving the springs a proper stress test by flopping my SELF into the back seat too.

I was surprised to see the dorm doors open and the Idon'tcaretaker opened the door for me so I didn't have to use my card. I said, "Sae hae bong mani badeusayo," as I unloaded 300 lbs. of luggage at my door. That's like, "May you have good luck and good fortune in the new year." So I had succeeded in turning about a 4-hour trip from Peng Sung to Gwangju into a 7-hour odyssey and one helluva workout!

And now, the morning after, my arms, shoulders and traps feel like I've been to the gym. The snow has made its way down to Gwangju. It was just raining yesterday here when I got home but today there's a good build up of new snow on the ground. I dunno if I have enough energy yet to make a snowman though.

Like every year I am swearing to myself now that I am NEVER NEVER NEVER doing this crap again! But I probably will. Otherwise, what would I write about here?

The Convalescent Critic Top Ten

Yes I have a cold. I'm pretty sure it's a cold and not H1N1. First cold in a long time for me. I suppose it's better that I should get it when I'm not working, (I'm on holidays now), because although I like missing work, if I don't miss exactly a week it's a real hassle trying to get everybody back on the same schedule. More of a hassle than dragging my sick arse in there.

But even so it's not such a bad thing. I don't mind so much having a cold. I haven't tasted food in a few days. There are positives to that. I bought some pretty disgusting hamburger patties from Costlyco last time I was there. And, of course, since it's Costco I had to buy about 18 hundred of them. Since I can't taste them and I have to eat them to make room in my freezer I've had burgers twice in the last three days. I used lots of the crappy Yoshida's barbecue sauce on them of course because I bought about 9 gallons of that at Costlyco too. I also made some leftover vindelou. Just used veggies that were getting old, added some meat that had been thawed for a while and some packets of boil in the bag curry and voila: getting rid of leftovers in a healthy way. It's too bad though cuz I think it would have tasted pretty good, that curry. It might have been spicy too but who can tell when you're breathing through your mouth while eating?

Still, try as I might, I just can't eat a lot of food. This too is a plus for a guy like me. I have what you might call a few extra pounds that I'd like to pare away if I could. Loss of appetite is a bonus. Only it's kind of offset by the loss of energy that goes along with it. I don't do a lot of exercise when I am convalescing.

However, I DO get LOADS of ab work. And when I exercise abs are never a target area for me any more. So this cold is really making me feel the burn. No kidding! Wake up, cough for an hour. That's a great ab burn! Eat a meal, cough for another hour. I'm blasting my abs three times a day! At least! And then to keep the burn going between workouts I blow my nose every 10 minutes or so. I washed clothes today. ON MY ABS thank you very much!

I haven't left the house really in 3 or 4 days. That forces me to get some tedius stuff done that I just haven't wanted to do since last cold. I fixed some of the error messages I've been getting on my computer. Actually going into safe mode and deleting stuff from the registry! I am pretty proud of myself for that! And I upgraded to a gig of ram. It has sped up the old computator a little bit. I scanned for spyware, defragged and cleaned disks. But the thing that probably helped the most is when I blew a small, grey tumbleweed of dust out of my computer. It's UNbelievable the dust that builds up in this place! That's another thing I've been doing is dusting and vacuuming areas that I usually don't. Like under the bed, behind the computer and such. The dust in this place is the reason why I'm always at least a little stuffed up in the sinuses.

But I don't want to give the impression that I was as energetic as all that. The main thing I've been doing while recouperating has been downloading and watching about 20 movies. Maybe even more. Some old classics like Treasure of the Sierra Madres, Doctor Strangelove, Cool Hand Luke, The Philadelphia Story, Old Man and the Sea, The Public Enemy, The Eiger Sanction, The Revenge of the Pink Panther, The Omen, The Meaning of Life, The Maltese Falcon, High Noon and some others. And I've seen some fairly new movies that might be classics in 10 or 20 years like Son of Rambow, Appaloosa, Felon, Resurrecting the Champ, Superbad, Cashback, Food Inc., Ghost Town, Wall E, Couples Retreat, World's Greatest Dad, Paper Heart... how many movies is that?

This has got me thinking. Not about what it is that makes a good movie. No that just wouldn't be me. I got to thinking about what it is that makes a real stinker of a movie. Things that if I saw them in the movie trailer I wouldn't even bother going to see it because, much like shopping at Costco, you go into a movie pretty much blind. And it's usually a pretty big investment. Those burgers and that barbecue sauce looked good enough. They were attractively packaged. I had heard no negative buzz about them. Now I wish I had. That was probably about 40 or 50 bucks I'll never get back.

And when I watch a really bad movie I often wish somebody had warned me about it so that I wouldn't spend money on it. Or even if it was free, the time spent watching it was 2 hours I'll never get back. So here comes another of Dave's Top Tens. You may disagree. I know some of these there will be people who COMPLETELY disagree. Maybe even a majority of people. These are just MY hints.

The top ten things in a movie that give you a strong feeling that it's not going to be good. I'm not going to list actors or actresses because even the worst like Keanu Reeves has been in some good movies although they would have been better with almost anyone else cast in his place. Rene Zellweiger, same. Never absolutely necessary to a good movie but often the cause of bad ones. The stinker movie/stinky acting royalty in my books would be Vin Diesel and Paris Hilton. I don't think either has ever acted well or been in anything good. (that wasn't filmed with a night vision camera).

But that's not what this list is about. It's about scenes, cliches, situations, characters that we see quite a lot and almost never in good movies. These are not necessarily in order but I'll do my best to save the best for last.

Top ten things in a movie that give ME a strong feeling that it's not going to be a good one.

10: The Mexican Standoff- When two macho characters or more are pointing their guns at each other waiting for someone to flinch so that somebody can blow somebody away and remove all doubt about exactly how UNmacho they are! This is becoming very popular in modern movies about gang violence in the hood. Only diff. is the guns are tilted 45 degrees. A "good guy" who "heroically" blows people away just doesn't do it for me very often. Exception: Dirty Harry.

9: Singing- Now I know some great movies like Rocky Horror Picture Show, Little Shop of Horrors, The Blues Brothers and a few good Disney flicks had singing but that's why this is only number 9! GENERALLY, Chicago, Dreamgirls, West Side Story, Cabaret, Moulin Rouge, faaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrttt!!!

8: Martial Arts- Take a movie like Kung Pow. Compare it to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I don't see a difference. I am not sure which got more laughs from me. Martial arts movies are COMEDY, people! If you take it serously when people spin around in the air kicking 5 or 6 guys out cold, fly through the treetops, do a horizontally spinning drill move that knocks over several people, I have some very cheap but high quality electronics and some pills that will increase penis or breast size to sell you! These movies are Oriental musicals. The fights are choreographed and augmented with a soundtrack. Nobody can really fight like this. And if they could, it sure wouldn't sound like that. But it IS much better than people singing and dancing if you approach it as comedy.

7. "I'll have a beer."- Now I now a lot of people are going to think I'm nitpicking here but this has become such a pet peeve of mine that it distracts me to the point where I can no longer appreciate the movie. And it's not just the ordering of "a beer" like you're at a fraternity kegger and there's only one kind, it's the fact that 9 out of 10 beverages in movies, alcoholic or not, are rarely touched much less finished! It takes me half a reel of film before I forgive the characters for this. And the director? Forget it. Most movie heroes are from the world where people buy specific beverages and finish them. Maybe the Hollywood cinematic elite don't, but in the interest of realism, get this right, will ya?

6. Two beautiful people who hate each other- Come on! Though I think a lot of love scenarios are lame and often out of place, this has to be the worst. Okay, maybe only second to the superhero who messily kills 15 heavily armed and trained warriors and then in the arms of his girl turns into, "Hi Honey, Poopsi, Sweetiepie! Mwuh mwuh mwuh I weely weely missed my girlfwiend!" Alright so these two will share number 6. You can pretty much bank on the characters who hate each other the most hooking up by the end of the movie. If they're both attractive. Simplistic movie making and it needs to be accompanied by ingenious, Taming of the Shrewesque character development if it's to be at all stomachable. And usually it ain't.

5. A friggin vampire!!!- Just exactly how are goths and vamp kids obtaining the cash to support all these damn vampire movies? It's often true of kids in middle school and high school that intelligence is directly proportional to amount of black worn. Eye make-up, nail polish etc. But if these kids are so smart then they will have to realize sooner or later that the vampire genre has it's limits and they were eclipsed sometime WAY before stupid movies like Blade or Underworld. I think after Interview With a Vampire I was pretty much finished. But I'll probably get my blood sucked for saying this.

4.Willful destruction of property- Another of these things that is just a personal distraction. I really feel bad for the bartender whose bar gets trashed in a barfight and nobody pays him anything. At least in the old western movies the hero would likely flip him a couple coins and appologize. No more! Now people overturn fruit carts in the street with regularity and without even so much as an apologetic backwards glance. And car chases. Forget about it! The cops are supposed to be good guys. It is strongly discouraged for cops to chase bad guys in reality. Again, when are movie makers going to choose realism over gratuitous destruction? Car chases don't happen because things get damaged and people get sued. There could be a huge volume of movies about a personal injury lawyer who sues movie characters for all the destruction visited upon the general public. And I'm only talking about the GOOD guys!

3. Hand grabbed over the edge of a deadly drop- How many movies can you name? Heck how many CLASSICS? To Catch a Thief, Cliffhanger, So I Married and Axe Murderer, there are too many. But this is something I've personally tried. The physics of it STRONGLY favour BOTH people going over the cliff or off the roof or into the crater or whatever. The faller has the inertia. Unless the hero is considerably larger than the person rescued he/she will just topple right over the edge with the other person. Furthermore it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of strength to hold someone hand to hand like this for a long enough time to squeeze any drama out of it. I'm talking about world class arm wrestler hand strength. There have been a few movies in which someone was swung over to a safer place and dropped but usually there is a cutaway and we see that the hanger was pulled up by the rescuer. This is another feat of superhuman strength we are supposed to suspend our disbelief and allow. And I'm not even going to talk about all the people who almost go over the edge and grab onto a tree branch, shingle, eaves trough, girder, pontoon or whatever.

2. The gorgeous ass-kicking woman- While I have known quite a few physically tough women, (hell I'm from a land abounding with them), exactly NONE of them have been physically attractive. These days the ideal body for a woman, (and for a man for that matter), is in need of a sandwich, folks. Annorexia does not equal strength! You ever seen a female bouncer? You ever seen a gorgeous female bouncer? Nuff said.

1. The defused bomb with one second remaining- If I'm a bad guy making a bomb I'm certainly not going to provide anyone who might want to disarm it the convenience of a timer that lets him know how long he has. Sure some bombs need timers but why hasn't any bad guy yet set the bomb to go off at 00:03 or 00:04 or if it's not in a movie, how about 10:00 or something? It doesn't have to be 00:00! It probably NEVER IS! Again, how good can a movie be if the director doesn't know this? This is a cheap ploy to create tension. Stop it! It doesn't work any more! Like all the others here I don't want to watch these things in movies any more UNLESS they are being lampooned.

Hope you enjoyed my list. I have to go watch a movie. What are the odds it'll have one of these in it?

Shirts and shoes

It's the Christmas season here. I've sent out some Christmas cards, put up my Christmas shrubbery and done some Christmas shopping. I'm listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas specials and thinking Christmas thoughts. I figured it was high time I started drinking Christmas drinks. At this time of year I like to drink Spiced Rum and O.J. It just tastes Christmassy to me! But I dare you to try to find Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum here in Korea. Or any kind really. I went to Homeplus, E-Mart, Shinsegae. Nothin'

Incidentally, how bad is Shinsegae getting? I went there with a 50,000 won gift certificate. It was a Teacher's Day gift from my Physiotherapy class. I used to like going to Shinsegae for the various items I could get there that were really hard to find anywhere else. Like Kraft Dinner, dill pickles, Japanese sour candies, good spaghetti sauce, Kraft Parmesan Cheese etc. Now they have nothing there I want. Try as I might I couldn't even spend 10,000 won of my 50. I bought a bag of Poco Loco Nacho Cheese chips. Yuck! The little "Sool" store they have there is massively overpriced and has nothing I can't buy elsewhere. Shinsegae used to be pretty good. What happened?

I remembered a little alcohol shop I used to buy Canadian Rye from when I taught at Chonnam University. It was in the Chun Dae Hoo Moon area. Expensive, but a good little place to find something other than beer and soju to drink. I decided that since I'm on holidays and have nothing to do, why not walk? It's a good hour and a half from Seokang to Chonnam the way I go. I do a LOT of walking and I love a nice LONG walk from time to time. And it's perfect fall walking weather these days. So I slipped on my trusty Reebok runners, the heels of which have been reinforced with duct tape. I've had them for 2 1/2 years and they've been ratched for about a year. The soles are gone so I put in an insole. The heels are always the first thing to go on my runners because I usually don't tie them tight so my shoe slips around a lot. Hence the duct tape. Don't chuck it, duck it, right?

The reason I don't buy a new pair is because they are size US 11. The only places that have this size are shoe stores located near army bases. I bought them in a shoe store in Eui Jung Boo. There's a US military base there. I've been looking for over a year but still haven't found a pair of runners that fit. Pretty sad. We'll come back to this recurring sadness.

So I'm in Chun Dae Hoo Moon looking around at all the brand new stores that have gone up since the last time I was there about a year ago. The place changes every day! It's crazy! But I get to the Miller Time/Bob's Noraebang corner. This, unfortunately, is where a lot of my evenings in Hoo Moon ended up. I say unfortunately because of the caterwauling at Bob's that usually punctuated those evenings with vocal finality. The little alcohol shoppe was just around the corner from Bob's. I walk around the corner and to my mild surprise there is now a restaurant there. A spicy food restaurant with an English name something like "Willy Nilly Chilli" but not quite as good as that. Heh heh. I just made that up! I like it!

Anyhoo, that was disappointing because I knew that if I didn't manage to find some spiced rum there, I could always get some rye and I had just run out of Crown Royal. In fact that bottle of rye may have been what had brought me to Hoo Moon the last time I was there a year ago.

To cut a long blog post short, I ended up settling for Smirnoff Ice. It's new to Korea. I've always liked it especially over ice after a bit of exercise in the summer. It was awesome after a ball game! They also have this tasty new product they call Smirnoff mule? It's vodka with ginger ale. I like that too. And they have T-shirts in every 4-pack! T-shirts! Extra LARGE T-shirts! Tee shirts are not easy for me to find.

I think I paid about 20 bucks for a 4-pack of each but considering I had expanded my wardrobe, the booze was a bonus. So I got home and opened up the cases. There was a bottle-shaped extra inside. THAT was the T-shirt. After unwrapping it and unfolding it, sure enough, it was a wrinkly white t-shirt and on the tab it said, "XL," so I put it on.

My head barely fit through the head hole and my arms barely fit through the sleeves. The wrinkles don't look like they'll ever go away and if this shirt doesn't expand after washing then I'd say it's an XL for kids. And kids really shouldn't be buying Smirnoff Ice.

If you look in the picture I am holding the OTHER tee shirt in my hand. That's how it comes. If you zoom in you can see all the wrinkles in the shirt I'm wearing. Even though it's stretched pretty much to its limit. Disregard the belly hanging out the bottom.
So on goes the adventure of finding good booze and big clothes. If anyone has some shoes that are too big for them I'll trade you for two T-shirts that are too small for me.

Kids time

Now that I'm off work for a while it's kids time! I'll probably be teaching at a kid's camp for a while and I'll be visiting the Jacksons which means Alex and Justin will be my play buddies for a while.

I don't like kids. I LOVE them! I don't like teaching them because it doesn't take them long to realize that I'm a pushover and they can take advantage of it. THEN I have to do something I hate: I have to play the bad guy. And after showing them how much you love them, discipline is tough. I'm like a big, purple Barney to kids. They usually love me! But Barney is only a half hour show, isn't it? There's a reason for that! It's make believe. You never see one of Barney's little buddies having a temper tantrum. They never punch him in the nads or pull his tail on the show. They never cry when he shows another kid more attention than them. And Barney never gets tired. He never says, "Go away kids I don't feel like singing right now." They never bug him while he's chowing down on the carcass of a sabertooth tiger or a caveman. He never growls at them when they bother him while he's dropping a Barney bomb in the woods somewhere. Barney is make-believe.

I usually find the little foibles of childhood to be the reasons I like them so much. Kids haven't learned to be fake yet. That's mostly what I mean by "foibles". When they say things like, "You have stinky breath." Or they stroke your arm hair like a pet. Or they want a red crayon but another kid won't give it to them so they cry. They say what they feel; fart when they need to; get angry when they're pissed off; and they show extreme joy and happiness at things that please them because almost every pleasure in life is pretty new to them. This is the kind of non-regulation of nature that makes me love kids. And so often I will smile at behaviour that would anger other grown-ups they know. I guess it's because I don't want to discourage it. Especially if they're really young kids. I want them to be kids for a while. Maybe even retain some childish behaviour throughout their lives. But I know this won't happen. Also, I have vast reserves of patience because I don't have kids of my own. So I tend to encourage them to be kids more than to behave.

Now the negation phrase: Having said that; however; that said; on the other hand; buuuut; you choose your favourite, adults nowadays aren't doing ourselves any favours to make dealing with kids easier. In fact we're making it more difficult all the time. We try very hard to create these consequenceless, sterile, safe, morally neutral environments that are pretty similar to Barneyland. I think we're just setting our kids up for a bigger crash when Barney finally shows his teeth.

What is Barney anyway. He's a T-Rex, right? Not a creature I'd want to make angry! Just imagine one morning Barney's baby wakes him up three hours before the alarm clock and is teething. He tries for a few hours to calm the kid down and finally it gets back to sleep. Beep beep beep beep! His alarm goes off and wakes the kid up again. Now Barney has to go to work. His wife is grumpy too from lack of sleep and now they have a crying baby to deal with during their morning routine. Not only that but Barney didn't wipe the scum ring off the bathtub after draining it last night. Mrs. Barney says she can't understand how the bathtub ring could be so red in colour when they live in the brown soil part of town. Unless he had business over on the red soil part of town with, umm, hmmm, his young, sexy secretary, who lives over there! So they have an argument over breakfast. Barney is late and the boss gives him shit because it's not the first time this week. His secretary ignores him as he arrives because he WAS visiting her and THEY had a fight too! Then during the taping of the "I love you, you love me" song one of the kids steps on Barney's tail. He turns on the kid, opens his toothy mandibles of death to snake-like capacity and utters a gutteral blast of sound that blows her hair back and makes her face wet with fang slime!

THAT's how a kid feels when I finally have to put my foot down and discipline them. I hate to do it. I try to keep my exposure to children short enough so that it's not required. But it's getting tougher to do. Camps are getting longer and kids are getting so shut in and overprotected that this eventuality comes much sooner in the relationship.

I've said many times that if I don't have kids of my own I won't be disappointed because I don't think society will allow me to raise them the way I want. For instance I think of myself and one of my best friends growing up named Grant. We were both very sickly kids. My friend's family doctor said he was allergic to everything. I'm not sure what the doctor said about my symptoms but I was always sick. My Mom says I was always underweight and it was impossible to keep any food in me. Hard to believe but I'm not kidding.

Both my friend and I would be overmedicated and maybe living in plastic bubbles if we were kids today. But our parents decided that if our bodies couldn't build up immunities, we'd die. Either was preferable to a life in a sterile, germless environment. NO WAY they'd even have that option today. That's tantamount to child abuse, isn't it? Maybe even manslaughter or murder!

I'm happy to say that both Grant and I are healthy as horses today. I can't remember the last time I had any health trouble that wasn't a cold or hangover. Same with Grant. We found the cure, folks! You know what it was? It was "Get the hell outside!" That's what it was. Both Grant and I LOVED sports, camping, hiking, swimming anything we could do in the germ-infested outdoors with other germ-infested kids. More often than not we did it UNsupervised! Though I didn't know Grant until high-school, our childhoods were spent outside naturally increasing our antibodies and white blood cells.

People are all paranoid nowadays about their kids' health. They are too often given medicine that is supposed to help but I believe it only prolongs the health irregularity that the body would naturally eliminate if it were untreated. I'm not going to say that it's a massive money-making conspiracy by doctors and drug manufacturers, but I do so love a good conspiracy theory!

And worst of all there just aren't many kids whose parents prescribe the tried and true medicine known to me as "Get the hell outside!" The fewer parents that send their kids outside, the less fun it is to be out there. And the more of an outcast the kids are going to be. While they're talking about playing soccer and trading Pokemon cards, most other kids are talking about playing FIFA 2K10 and trading magical items online.

The worst thing about this in my opinion is the social growth the kids are missing. In video games if you cheat, you win more easily! In a person to person social situation if you cheat there are consequences. This is just one of many very valuable lessons that kids can't learn in the classroom. They need to be learned in social interaction with REAL other kids in REAL life, not real time.

And think about the parents! Or at least the supervisors of the kids. It gets them out of their hair for a while. It allows the kids to expend their energy in more productive ways and it gives the supervisors and kids time away from each other. This increases guardians' patience with the kids and vice versa. It just makes it easier for everyone!

I have to admit I'm seeing a few more kids in Korea playing outside but not as many as there should be. Parents just don't trust kids outside on their own. Germs, child abduction, traffic accidents or other play-related injuries - these are smaller risks than robbing your child of the chance to develop personality. In MY opinion.

But rather than tell their kids to go outside and play, parents here tell their kids to get out of the house and study. That's what they want out of the kids camps. What I want is to try to infuse as much desperately needed PLAY into the camps as I can. I just hope I can find a camp at which I'll be able to let the kids play without having to growl at any of them. I think two weeks is the magic window for this situation. But the camps all seem to be a month now. This has me worried.

Anyhoo, here's hoping kid season will be a success this year.

Finished!

Another semester comes to an end! I turned in all my marks and filled out the unbelievably tedius attendance sheets for all my classes. Now it's time to concentrate on finding a good camp or intensive program to teach sometime in January or February. Preferably January because I'll be watching Olympics all Feb. Hopefully.

A lot has happened since I last posted but I wanted to come to the end of the drama before posting about it. It's over now I think. Not yet sure if I'm better off or not but... Jung is no longer my supervisor. I now report directly to the director. It's been a stunning lesson on the futility of face for me. The events that led up to the loss of Jung. Stunning! I can't get into the details and I'm sure nobody thinks I understand what went on. But I probably know better than everybody but Jung why and how he gave up his position as advisor to the English Language Department. Maybe even better than him. He did a LOT of crazy things and when I asked him why he could only say, "I don't know." Maybe this is another. This is directly related to my topic today.

It bugs me when people think I'm dumb. It riles me when people think they're smarter than me. It really pisses me off when I can tell they think they're smarter than me. Even if they ARE! I believe lying is only done when one assumes the person lied to is stupid enough to believe the lie, which means stupider than the liar. In this way lying qualifies as extreme arrogance. It especially burns me when I know people are lying as the words come out of their mouths. I will never like this or get used to it and I will never accept culture or tradition as an excuse for this arrogant behaviour. I don't think I'm alone in that.

This behaviour is at the heart of Korean society. Almost every day almost every Korean has some other arrogant Korean lie to their face. The Korean who is smarter than the liar has to act like he/she doesn't know it's a lie if the liar has seniority, position or age. But that's not all! He/She has to bow and give some fake signs of respect to the prevaricating scumbag. This would be excruciating for me. It has been the source of almost every problem I've had in Korea. I DON'T accept this as reasonable behaviour. I don't care if you're my boss, filthy rich or if you're 100 years old. If you lie to me, you insult me and in most cases I won't just ignore it or act like I don't realize you are lying.

Most foreigners share my feelings. They may not believe them as strongly but they agree. Foreign teachers are difficult for Koreans to deal with because they're difficult to lie to and it has become an issue that the Korean "education" system is planning to take action on. First the geniuses in the Korean "education" system decided to call it a problem of underqualification. They spread word throughout the highly suggestable populace that foreign teachers are not qualified. But because of the abysmal state of education here that causes me to put that word in quotes so often even the least qualified foreign teacher here is vastly overqualified for what we are doing.

So now there have been suggestions made that foreign teachers in Korea need to take "cultural sensitivity" classes. This is just another colossaly idiotic idea to come out of Korea! For so many reasons!

These courses will no doubt be disguised as opportunities to teach foreigners about Korean history, traditions, geography, maybe some language, and things like that. These are things that every last Korean thinks he/she knows everything about and is trained to be fiercely proud of making it literally impossible for any foreigner to walk among them without being thoroughly informed in like a week!

Nobody comes to Korea without learning about the culture. Ignorance of the culture is probably NEVER the cause of the problems Koreans are having with foreigners. But because of our education and healthy skepticism that comes with it, we have the ability to weed out the propeganda and we actually have a better idea of the TRUE Korean culture than most Koreans do. But most Koreans are too blindly convinced of the wisdom of their ways to accept that anyone who understands them would NOT believe them and act in accordance with them. Because they've been systematically programmed from childhood to be that way. The people who want to run these stupid training courses may or may not be aware of this. Either way, the courses will be nothing more than attempted indoctrination and there is no reason to believe they will be successful. We foreigners are too old, too smart and we already know Korean culture, we just choose not to practice certain aspects of it that are absurd.

Aye, there's the rub! Koreans don't see any aspects of their culture that are absurd. I have been lied to with regularity here in Korea and while I'm still not desensitized to it, it doesn't upset me as much as it used to. Maybe that's bad. But I can't think of a single time when the lie made things easier. Lying invariably causes more work for everybody, disorganizes, confuses and makes things remarkably LESS efficient. Koreans don't see the absurdity of perpetuating dishonesty, even being PROUD of it as part of their culture! It'll take some pretty strong mental re-programming for them to see it. Likewise it'll take some pretty strong mental re-programming for foreigners to espouse constant deceit as a necessary part of living.

So the end result is that these courses will be a waste of time and money that could be SO much better spent trying to legitimize the "education" system they have here. But this is the familiar catch 22. They don't know their "education" system sucks because they are trained to believe it's just another thing that's superior about Korea.

It could be much more accurately said that Koreans need to be educated in Korean culture. That's how bad it is. There are so many things they are trained to believe in that just aren't true!

Or what about a program of sensitivity to foreign cultures taught to Koreans? Or even basic concepts about us like we are NOT exactly the same or as same as Koreans. I've had so many students who have shown interest in my culture! They ask me things like, "What do you like better, chicken or pork?" I say, "Chicken." So it's not long before I hear that student telling someone else that all foreigners like chicken better than pork.

Foreigners are not a new thing in Korea. We've been here a LONG time. Given the lightning speed at which Korea's economy developed you might expect a speedy attitude of tolerance toward foreigners to develop. Not the case. It's been shamefully slow. In fact I believe it's going backwards. Every year they make tougher new laws with flimsy reasoning at best that seem to just be attempts at making things more difficult for foreigners here. And now they have the gaul to suggest to people from countries like America, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, England etc., countries where we really don't even USE the word "foreigner", to be more culturally sensative when we come to Korea.

OINK!

The cartoons at the top are taken from Korean newspapers. I don't know why but I can no longer move my pictures around on my blog. The Korean words in two of the pics mean "unqualified". The other pic is of a stoned teacher. We now have to be tested for AIDS and drugs EVERY YEAR. Cuz that's what all us foreigners are, right? Sex crazed, druggies.