Mok Mok Mokpo Goodbye

I'm typing this on my computer that is already feeling better having been unhooked from that crappy Hanaro cable internet and rehooked to the Seogang College service, which I get for free! The only bug I've found to this point is that I can't use Scrabulous on Facebook. ?????

The past week has been a memorable one. Monday, (Aug. 18), after work I just walked in the door of my large, two-bedroom, but haunted, Mokpo apartment and the phone rang. It was my new supervisor, (old friend), Jung. He asked me for the exact date of my move. I told him I'd be doing that during the last week of August as I had told him way back in May (?). He said, "But you have to work then." And so began the panic that was this past week. I remember the first word I said to Jung. A word I'd never used around him before. "FUCK!"

You see, when I am handed a contract that is dated Sept. 1, I think I'm going to start Sept. 1. And when I am answering questions about when I'll be finishing my other contract and NOT told there will be any conflict, I assume there won't be any conflict. I was told by Jung that he expected me to remember from 3 years ago when I taught here before that we start one week earlier than other schools. Eye roll.

So I had to choose whether to quit immediately and inconvenience 9 students for 9 hours at Mokpo U., a school I had taught at for 6 months, or stay on at Mokpo U. for the remainder of the week and start my new contract at Seogang College, where I'd worked for a year before, a week late inconveniencing 150 students for about 60 hours. Seogang also treated me better than Mokpo, gave me more holidays, paid me way more, allowed me to teach at camps for extra dough and gave me a dorm room free from succubi and incubi. It was a no-brainer. I called my Mokpo supervisor and told her I had to go to quit. Then I packed a bag and went to Gwangju.

I picked up my criminal record check from my new college and took it to Seoul on Tuesday to get it notarized. I had to wait till Wednesday because the Canadian Embassy is only open from 8:30-11:30 and I couldn't get there early enough on Tuesday. I also had to get a blood test done for AIDS and a urine test for drugs. I figured I'd do that while in I Tae Won at the clinic there. I found out that it would take a week so decided to wait till I got back to Gwangju. Wednesday afternoon I told Jung that we should go to the immigration office and apply for my visa before I got my blood/urine tests because they were needed for my alien card renewal, not for the visa. My alien card is still good till Feb. so I could work Monday without the blood/urine test. But I couldn't work without applying for the visa. He was reluctant to say the least. But he drove me down there and although it was an angry afternoon we got it done. So I'm cleared to work Monday and after I get the body fluid tests I'll hand in all the paperwork and they'll start making me legal for another year.

Jung called a hospital in Gwangju that could do acceptable blood and urine tests and they said the results would be in in a day. I couldn't go on the Wednesday so I went the next day and got the tests done. They said the results would be in on Monday. That's 4 days, not 1. Closer to the week I predicted. But with that all done I went back to Mokpo and packed up all my stuff Thursday afternoon and Friday. Then Saturday morning I trucked it all to Gwangju and spent the whole afternoon Saturday unpacking and arranging. Not easy to fit a two bedroom apartment full of stuff into a dorm room. Plus I had to leave room for a new dresser and a big fridge. I think I've done it though.

Today is Sunday and I'm waiting for a call from another Mokpo teacher. I'm going to give her the attendance from some of my summer classes that I mistakenly took with me in the move. Plus I'm going to look around for a cheap fridge. I have a friend who can get me a good one from Samsung cuz he works there, but I'll have to wait two weeks. That's too long. I'll probly have a fridge by the end of the day. I already have the dresser. THAT was a story!

I found a perfect dresser for my room and it was only 100 bucks. Great deal! So I bought it and hopped into the delivery truck with the driver. All the way to the college he was asking me why I don't have a wife or girlfriend. It got more and more personal until finally he was making gestures about penis and vagina size and finally he asked me how big my Johnson was and REACHED OVER to grab a handful!!! TWICE! Poor guy. So lonely he wanted a gay relationship with someone he couldn't even talk to.

Anyway, there are a couple things that have me thinking. First of all, why are there any hospitals in Korea where blood and urine tests aren't acceptable? If they can screw THAT up so regularly that the government doesn't allow their tests on legal documents, what else do they screw up regularly? And rather than let people pay money to go to hospitals that screw things up regularly, shouldn't they just close them down? I'm not sure though, maybe Korean don't mind a doctor who may or may NOT know what the hell he's, (or she's), doing. I've been to one of these places. My bargain basement doctor told me that men can't get breast cancer.

The second concern I have is that as I was leaving immigration on Wednesday afternoon the worker told me to get the fluid tests AND a physical exam. That's the kind of thing the tribulation office tends to do. They are constantly adding new and completely unnecessary missions for foreigners to complete in order to gain the privelege of working in Korea. I had rubber glove prostate test nightmares Wednesday night before going into the hospital Thursday for the tests but when I got there they asked if I had eaten breakfast. Two pieces of pizza and some of Kasia's best water cooler coffee qualified. (Her coffee maker broke that morning). So I couldn't get the physical. OH DARN!!! But I'm worried that they will hold up my application because of that. I'm also worried that even though I've asked several times about pictures and they've told me I don't need any, they'll ask me Monday, "Where are your pictures?"

However, I've already got a little more jump in my step being back in Gwangju where I belong and with just a little luck, immigration will just take my papers on Monday and do their job without teasing me any more.

Anyway, I have to finish unpacking, buy a fridge, load that fridge up and maybe plan a couple of lessons for tomorrow. I'm a Gwangjuian again. Gwangjuite? Gwangjuer. Gwangjui? Whatever.

I've Almost Made it Through Another Summer

Summer is different things to different people. It used to be my favourite season. Mostly because of summer holidays, swimming at the lake or in pools, bikini babes, playing beerball, water sports, summer romance, cruising in the car in the cool of the night listening to tunes, camping in the woods, fishing my face off, eating about a dozen popsicles a day, barbecues, yearly family reunion at Christina Lake, sprinklers, golfing my face off, new summer music that will forever remind me of the fun I had during the summer it was new, seeing the new summer movies sometimes at the drive-in, skinny dipping and moon tanning, fresh fruit, the smell of Noxzema on sunburns, ball tournaments, cheering for the swim team, hunkering down in my sleeping bag listening to the rain tapping on my tent fly, waking up early for golf or fishing, Muskol, bonfires with lots of hot dogs and marshmallows, road trips on the bike, the smell of a freshly cut lawn, cutting the lawn, carnivals, roofing, peeling skin off my nose and ears, fresh veggies and cold cuts, painting, lawnchairs-especially the reclining kind, radios outside, enjoying the cool of the summer rain, seeing deer, bear and moose, washing the car, growing tomatoes, corn on the cob, playing cards and boozin' it up,

Okay, stop right there! I've finally mentioned something associated with summer here in Korea. I can play cards and booze it up. All the other things - nope. Now I know you're saying, "Come on! Stop exaggerating! You can fish, camp, go on bike rides, golf, play the radio outside, blah blah blah blah blah in Korea!" And, yes, some of those things you can but they are all so different, and in bad ways, that as near as makes no difference, NO, I can't. For some of these things the substitutes you get are so bad it's WORSE than the real thing. Like popsicles. How hard is it to freeze Kool Aid then sell it for about 40 times what it's worth to fools like me who will buy it? Nothing like that here. Corn on the cob here is the stuff we feed to livestock. The summer rain just adds to the humidity and actually makes it feel HOTTER here. There are plenty of hot dogs in Korea but I defy you to find a bun. Atkins followers are about the only people happy about that. And you have to be careful when you buy bread here to wrap around your weenies that you don't get the corn bread or the sweet kind that's closer to cake. Fishing, please! I wouldn't eat anything I caught if I could figure out the whacky ways they fish here and catch anything. Golf is about 200 bucks a round. There are no lakes you can swim in and if you go to the beach the girls are wearing one-piece swimsuits and three t-shirts with BRAS underneath. THIS year, and only in Seoul, is the very first year that foreigners can rent ball fields in Korea. No grass, no lawns, no sprinklers, no lawnchairs. The music is getting a bit better but you still don't wanna hear it. Riding a bike is taking your life in your hands. I could go on but I won't. You get the picture.

Still, I have a lot to be thankful for here in Korea. Well maybe I overreached. I have at least one thing to be thankful for: a good job. Well, okay we're getting closer. At least I have a better job than I can get in my own country. There. So if you're ever wondering why I'm here...

But wait. There ARE things I can do that I can't do back home. And those are the real things that keep me here. And I can take a little trip and find some of the things I miss about summer back in Canada too. I've said for years now that the best thing about living in Korea is the surrounding countries. Thailand, Indonesia, Viet Nam, Cambodia, Laos and my favourite - the Philippines. I'm not leaving Korea till I've seen as much of these countries as I can. It would be a sin not to! The golfing is great in Thailand and CHEAP. You can't go anywhere without seeing a movie on a big screen. The fresh fruit is amazing too! You haven't been to Thailand till you've had the iced pineapple on the beach. And speaking of the beach, if you're at the right one the girls sometimes only wear HALF a bikini!

In the Phils I swim every day. Usually more than once. Snorkelling, water sports, barbecues and bonfires. No problem. They have good music. GREAT live bands. The girls are super cute and lots of fun. A summer romance in the Philippines is NOT out of the question. It's hard to know if the gal likes you or your wallet but there are few places I can think of better for boozin' it up so I'm usually feeling too good to care while I'm there! REAL hot dogs with buns at any Jolly Bee. Even fishing. I think I'll try that next time I go.

Unfortunately, this summer I'm stuck in Korea. I'm trying to make the best of it. I make potato salad but it's just not as good when I'm not sitting on a lawn chair trying to balance it on my knees on a paper plate with a broken plastic fork and a piece of charred animal flesh beside it.

Yesterday I went on a boat trip around the little Mokpo bay. It was pretty nice actually. Unfortunately I had to walk there because the place I work didn't care enough to offer me a ride, give me the number of a bus I could take or even tell me where and when it was. They just told me there was an "outing" some time on Saturday with the 50 teachers we've been teaching this past week. The other teachers tried to find out if I knew where I was going but they made the mistake of asking administration who will always in Korea be the bearers of news they assume you want to hear particularly if it's the news that requires no effort on their part. Regardless of whether it's the truth or not. They can always say, "I'm sorry" later.

This is a shot I took while I was searching for the teachers. This guy is fishing at the waterfront. See the little orange stick out front? That's his float. And the white things in the water are jellyfish. LOADS of them on this day.

But being a veteran of Korea I've been through this countless times and I know the foreign teachers are the last people to know what WE are supposed to be doing and it's usually only through our own devices that we can find out. I know that my main asset in Korea is not my amazing educational training, not my experience in a quality educational system, not my uncanny knack for improving every student's English ability while maintaining a casual and fun classroom atmosphere, it's making an incompetent administration look golden. More business than education. I always have to keep that in mind. And I did it again on Saturday. Against all odds, after an hour of looking, with an hour's worth of sweat soaked through shirt and shorts, and with a stone dead cell phone so nobody could call me at the last minute, I found the group and hooked up with them all for the harbour ferry trip. THIS is summer fun in Korea! But like I said, it actually WAS fun. I guess everything is relative.

These are the teachers when we first got on the ferry. That blonde is Jocelyn. She's a Nelson gal. The roof had a sprinkler system on it that was supposed to keep this area cool but it didn't.

This is the sprinkler system.

After the ferry tour we went out for "sam gyup sal" at a local restaurant. If you're in Mokpo go to "Ha Ru Ae" restaurant. FANTASTIC sam gyup sal. Although I've never met a sam gyup sal I didn't like. THIS is as close as I'll get to barbecue here this summer.

So I guess these'll be my summer pictures. Wow! Nothing like last summer! But here's hoping next summer will be better.

Dark Days for the Dude

That was a snarky post the last one. I figured I'd best take some time off. Blogging that is. I'm at school all day every day these days and it's supposed to be summer "holidays". They're getting as much out of me as they can before I go. I'm just getting close to the end of the contract and these are always dark days wondering what's in store for me at the tribulation, (immigration), office THIS time. So "I appologize for my bellicosity. I've been coughin' up blood, peein' up blood, bleedin'. Go through twelve o' these suits a day. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong and I am not a big man." (Irwin R. Fletcher, aka Igor Stravinsky). I've also been watching movies to kill time. Heh heh.

So I reckoned I'd start this post with a couple pics that will make for a lighter mood. Is that great or what? The Simpsons will never be beat for coolness. Unless they make a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. Nah, still not as cool. A little history here: I like that they have Marge as Ringo. She actually was a big fan of his and painted his picture. She wrote him a letter and sent him the painting, which he liked. MANY years later his reply to her letter reached her just as she was questioning her talent as a painter. I believe Ringo called the painting, "fab". That's when Marge got the courage to paint the nude Burns. And Bart with the smoke, (or 'fag' "in the parlance of our times", (Jeffrey, "Dude", Lebowsky, and Maude Lebowsky, no relation), Homer with the John Lennon shoulder turn. Simpsons RULE!!!!

I got these pics from Facebook. I think my blog is gonna suffer because of Facebook. It's a real time waster. But I like it. And speaking of wasting time, that's pretty much what I've been doing for the last little while when not working. I'll go out and walk in the heat of the night sometimes but it's not much fun. Last night was the first night in a couple months I went out for a walk and enjoyed it again. It was a little bit cooler than usual. So by the end of the walk I was taking unnecessary stairs, jumping to touch overhanging tree branches, jogging a bit, and even had dry spots on my shirt! I was NOT exhausted like I usually am on the hot walks. PLUS I saw a band from Bolivia down at the waterfront. They were really great. Playing guitars, bamboo flutes of all sizes, shakers, bongos and singing in nice harmony.

There was a huge crowd at a barge that was all lit up and it was playing just off shore. The speakers were right on the path though and much too loud. It was the normal, Korean, made for teenage girl pop music lip synching crap with dozens of back-up dancers. It wasn't just teenage girls in the crowd though. I've seen fifty blues, rock, jazz, folk etc. bands in Korea that could blow that band literally out of the water. But they're like purple cars here: not very popular. Cars with ANY colour for that matter. So it was kinda nice to be watching the better band with the smaller crowd. But I couldn't stop walking for too long or the mosquitoes would find me. Only stayed for a couple songs.

I've been trying to walk as much as possible lately. I tried on a size 40 pair of pants that didn't fit. Thing is, I'm actually working normal hours these days. Like a normal job I mean. I leave the house at 8 and get home at 5. And I'm soaking through a few shirts a day so there's nothing like a cold brew when I get home. Or two. Or three. Or fore. Or fve. Or sex. he he he he he he. So by the time I eat supper and sober up it's the guilt that gets me off my arse and out to walk. And I don't think I am winning here. I think I'm still taking on more calories than I'm burning even with the gallons of sweat every day. As I type this I'm on my third beer and the air is cooling down a bit. It's nearly 7 so I think I'm gonna have some pork roast and veggies soon. Then it's off to the waterfront. I think it's the last day of the "maritime" festival here so we'll see what's doin' down there. I hope to see the Bolivians again.

"If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle Jack off an elephant?" TM.

National Snipe Hunt

Well I'm officially counting down the days remaining at Mokpo U. and in Mokpo. I only wish I could just transfer from school to school without paying the excruciating visits to the tribulation office. That's what I call the immigration offices here in Korea because I have found no greater suffering than what they cause on a daily basis. If you want some details I am sure you can read through the archives on this blog. I have seen a couple decent workers at a couple of the offices here. But in general, MIND BOGGLING incompetence! And with the envigoration of chauvinistic "Us" vs. "them" attitudes in Korea I shudder to think what awaits me this time.

I know about the new rules. Medical tests for AIDS and drugs. Understandable since all us foreigners are promiscuous junkies. No, seriously that doesn't bother me. Korea isn't the first country to require these tests. The one I'm concerned about is the mandatory criminal record check. In principal this is not a bad idea. And it's easy to require criminal record checks before granting visas to people coming into a country for the first time. Other countries do it. No big deal. But because Korea didn't just want to make their country safer from criminals, they wanted to punish the foreigners at the same time they made it mandatory for all foreigners already in the country as well. The rule was imposed in the heat of the moment closely behind some isolated incidents of reprehensible foreigner behaviour without full knowledge or concern for the far reaching implications and logistic nightmares the rule would cause both foreigners AND Koreans. I think they are beginning to realize their mistake now that schools are complaining about states in the U.S. that require 4 or 5 months to complete the process. In Canada the proper way to do it requires a trip home. Not many teachers here consider our jobs worth it. Teachers are leaving. GOOD teachers are leaving and it's probably hurting Korea as much as or more than it's hurting the teachers here. It's probably similar with other foreign workers. And if the business environment in Korea continues to look less and less stable to foreign businesses, Korea will just become LESS attractive for foreign workers. Korea has shot itself in the foot on this one. So why don't they repeal the law or deep six the rule? Aye there's the rub! You see if you do something brainless in this society it's fine. No loss of face. But if you admit that it was stupid or, (oh my GOD), CHANGE it, well then you've lost more face than Mickey Rourke.

So the people here who instituted all this nonsense are walking around acting like they've got everything under control, maintaining that they knew what they were doing all along and just telling the troops to stay the course even though they can't clearly define exactly what that course might be. Every single immigration office has different ideas of what these new rules are. There exists no nationally distributed explanations of them. And if there did immigration officers wouldn't read them. I can't tell you how many times I've told immigration officers about rules they didn't know. Even though they are VERY easy to find online. But knowing their jobs is secondary in the training of immigration officers aparently. The most important thing, (as in other aspects of Korean life), is to follow orders. Find someone in charge and even if he is lying to you, winding you up or just a complete idiot, you follow his orders without question or hisitation.

Sometimes this country reminds me of a snipe hunt on a massive scale. Ever been on a snipe hunt? It's one of the rights of passage in western societies that gets us past dependance and down the road to being responsible adults. We do it while we are camping in the wilderness. The people in positions of authority, (camp counselors, scout leaders etc.), tell the campers that the snipe is in season and they give all the kids a sack and a stick. They tell them to draw the snipe out by making a "snipe... snipe... snipe" sound, then whack it with the stick, put it in the sack and bring it back to camp. They are told not to come back without a snipe. The counselors promise a reward like a badge or something that they will never have to deliver because there are no snipes. The people in positions of authority have a few beers together and laugh at the kids whacking the bushes and calling out, "Snipe... snipe... snipe." It can go on for hours sometimes before the kids realize that their superiors lied to them and that sometimes it pays to question.

I've taught in Korea a long time. I've held many classes where I have lied to my students through the entire class only to tell them at the end that everything I had told them was false. They often say, "Oh, bad teacher." But I tell them, "No, good teacher." I don't think they get it. And I don't think I've had a student who questioned me. And I'm the NICE teacher! Not the stern, daunting authority figures they have to face in their other classes.

I don't think they do snipe hunts in Korea because the kids would never come back. They'd be located years later in the outer reaches of Mongolia living in mud huts, using implements fashioned with tree bark and sharp stones, practicing cannibalism, and saying, "Snipe... snipe... snipe..."

I'm laughing at Koreans now. Just like the camp counselors laugh at the gullibility of the campers I am laughing at the well trained Koreans who believe stories much harder to believe than the snipe lie. For instance, Koreans sometimes work for nothing. They sometimes go into work early and come home late but get no overtime. They sometimes take on extra responsibility gladly for no extra pay. They do anything their bosses tell them to. Why? Because their society trains them to be obedient and unquestioning and their boss always tells them that there are no other jobs out there. They are really lucky to have the job they have. When really the boss is the lucky one to have a good and gullible employee in a society where unemployment rates are the stuff we can only dream about in other countries. It's easy to find work in Korea but hard to find good employees. Yet every worker thinks the opposite. Snipe... snipe... snipe...

Somebody has to grow a pair and say, "I'm not doing that unless you pay me," or "Let's grandfather the foreign worker that are already here and only make new ones get the criminal checks. In a few years everyone will have had one," or "There really are no snipes here are there? You were just messing with us, right?" I don't see anyone doing this where it matters. The questioning of authority in the form of protests is encouraging but Koreans usually only protest the unimportant things they are permitted to protest. Sort of like the protest zones set up by the Chinese for the Olympic games. You need PERMITS to protest! Who's gonna protest? They've rounded up all the known dissidents and thrown them in jail to "beautify" China for the Olympics. And speaking of beautifying, the Chinese are building some more great walls to block out the neighbourhoods of working poor in Beijing.

It's better than China here but still this all worries me because I am having a provincial criminal record check done by my brother right now. The federal check would probably be impossible without going back to Canada. I know it's WAY harder and not worth the effort. Especially for me. I worked for the R.C.M.P. before coming to Korea. The security clearance needed for that job was higher than the criminal record checks required here. Since that time I have been in Korea, crime free, for all but 2 years. Do you think Korea could trust me for those 2 years? I mean if I haven't committed a crime in my 8 years here, chances are I pose a pretty low danger to snap into a sociopathic crime rampage. I've taught little girls; I've taught little boys; I've taught stewardesses; I've driven here; I've been cheated out of thousands of dollars. No sex crimes. No violent crimes. That's worth nothing because they have been given an Order.

Anyway, I may be worrying for nothing. Since nobody knows what they are doing, they just might accept the provincial c.r.c. It's getting late here. I had better chop up this body and put it in the freezer before I take my AIDS meds, shoot up and go to bed. Alone. I'm not even gonna joke about sex crimes. I think that's probably what started this whole mess in the first place. Fuckin' Christopher Paul Neil! As if his crime didn't make him bad enough. Now foreigners in Korea have even more reason to hate that bastard.

Much ado about moo and Tzu

Sometimes the things you like best about people are the same things you hate the most. I am often turned on by a simple, even simple-minded, uneducated girl who is blissfully unaware of things like politics or world events. I think it might be envy. These girls are usually very happy. And it's hard to keep that happiness from rubbing off. Whatever it is I find it really cute and even sexy. I'm NOT the only one.

But then you become more intimate with a girl like this and you find that the innocence you found attractive has become a stumbling block in your relationship. You find that after doing what she's been told her entire life, she is utterly incapable of making a decision for herself and you begin to feel more like her father than her boyfriend. You start noticing her trying to bait you into arguments with the purpose of causing you to physically harm her and leave bruises as evidence to her friends and family that you are "passionate" about her. Then when you don't take the bait she slips into an alcohol fueled depression her friends and family blame you for. You can almost read the dirty looks they give you as meaning, "Just slap her around a bit, you heartless bastard! Then you can buy her an expensive apology gift, have make-up sex and everything will be fine." Or you discover that she is, for example, oh I don't know, huffing window caulking with no concept of the damage she is inflicting upon herself.

As you may have guessed, I'm not just making these examples up. And, yes, there are two sides to the story. I suppose the difference between charming innocence and enfuriating stupidity is the amount of patience in the beholder. But sometimes it's so hard to be patient!

The same can be said on a national scale. Depending on how you measure such things, Korea has the 13th, 11th, 10th or whatever, highest economy in the world. Yet in international trade relations it is still viewed as the charmingly innocent trade partner due to its developing culture. As Korea's international trading partners become more intimate with her, the perception may be edging toward the enfuriatingly stupid. And with billions of dollars involved, patience is an expensive virtue.

I read in the Korea Herald recently that a March OECD, (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development), report defined the relationship as follows: "Koreans need to grow their understanding of international economics to relieve deeply instilled xenophobia, and specifically, their negative sentiment against foreign capital."

There's a huge problem with this. The people in Korea who are educated are aware of this situation and I believe they are trying to improve and catch up with the rest of the world. But the vast majority of the people in Korea, local diplomas and degrees notwithstanding, aren't educated. There still remains that blissful ignorance and the general happiness that comes with it. Sometimes cute and charming, sometimes irritating.

The recent mad cow protests where shouts of "No violence!" are followed by fights and vandalism are a seemingly endless source of local and now even international entertainment. Like many issues that put Korea in the international eye, most Koreans don't realize that these news stories don't show Koreans in a positive light. The Korean people's single-mindedness in the face of all that is reasonable is a modern illustration of a very old, Sun Tzu military tactic. Keep the soldiers well trained, (not educated), and they will think and behave in one accord. It is translated as "moral unity" in The Art of War in English. I think this is a misleading translation because a lot of deceit falls into the category of morality.

The Art of War is often used as a basis for economic tactics as well. It is more often than not MISused in this fashion. For example Sun Tzu advocates deception in a situation where a soldier's life would be saved by it. In business, (and I'm only MOSTLY talking about Asian business here), deception is a favourite tactic but it's used to save money or face, not lives. This "moral unity" is something Korean people excel at. Ask any military person who has served with Koreans, they all agree that they make excellent soldiers. Especially officers will agree. For the exact same reason they make excellent consumers. That reason is because they do as they're told.

Military and economic tactics can be very similar. The commanding officers in the military are the CEO's and business owners in business. Here they need to be legitimately, (not locally), educated so that they can make the tough decisions. The rest of the soldiers are the consumers. All they do is follow orders. As Tennyson put it, "(their's) is not to reason why, (their's) is but to do and die." That's from The Charge of the Light Brigade. It's seen as the poetic description of some of the best soldiers ever. And when Forrest Gump's sergeant asked him what his purpose in the U.S. military was he said, "To do whatever you tell me to, Sergeant?" The sergeant replied, "Goddammit, Gump that is the finest answer I've ever heard!"

For a long time Korea's economy has thrived due to this Utopic situation. They have a huge, obedient market that will buy whatever, whenever and how often they are told to. This has made them the economic powerhouse that they are. But for a long time Korea has also been trying to globalize. The only way I see this as being possible is through proper education. But will the leaders of industry in this country be willing to mess with this beautiful situation they have now? It's hard to say. But their window might be closing.

In an atmosphere of insufficient, or improper education, "Hooray for us" and "Boo for everyone else" are virtually identical. There are still those who are truly afraid of getting mad cow disease from American beef but that's just a product of improper education. Many believe the mad cow protests have degenerated into protests against America. Also bad education. Remember, that's what I do here. I'm teaching at a national university where I had to grade students on a curve designed to create bloated marks. Then two days ago I was told my grades were STILL too low so 5% is being added to every student's final score. It's not just the English teachers who are doing this. The way I see it, Koreans should be marching in the streets protesting their abysmal education system. Overhauling their education system in Korea may make Koreans unhappy in their wisdom, but with a better chunk of the global economy, they could sop up their tears with wads of money. It'll be interesting to see what the people choose.

Anyway, when you see stories on CNN about Korean protests and candlelight marches against foreign products, don't blame the citizens. They are just following orders.

A cuppa Korea

I stayed at a motel in Gwangju last night. At the motel they provide two free packets of instant coffee in each room. I got up this morning and decided to have a cup. So I took the coffee and the coffee cup out of the fridge. Why they kept the cheapo, 1000 won store, bargain Chinese glass coffee cups in the fridge is beyond me. But I left it out for what I thought would be sufficient warming time then made some coffee. I didn't even get a swig before the bottom of the cup popped off and the coffee scalded my left leg from thigh to ankle. Like Marcel Proust's madeleine only a tad more vitriolic, what followed was a tour-de-force of emotion, (and choice cursing), that unleashed some memories of Korea.

Well, actually I just wish it was like that. Okay it was nothing at all like that. I just wanted to reference Proust. And use the words "vitriolic" and "tour-de-force". And "swig". I like "swig". It just sounds like a nice word. Doesn't it? Not like "brush" or "trumpet". They sound a bit ominous to me. "Swig" sounds friendly and harmless. So anyway please indulge my trying to get my money's worth for all the studying I did to get my B.A. in Lit. Well, that's not true either. I didn't study that hard. And actually I didn't read Proust. I just heard about him on The Sopranos. Whatever, cool coffee stories coming up. Well not cool in the sense of temperature, but... God I've completely ruined what was a pretty impressive, pretentious, literary intro to this post haven't I?

I remember the first cup of coffee I had in Korea. I was out with my two co-workers at the time, Kim and Karen. It was probably February or March of '97, about 6 months before the I.M.F. crisis would effectively cut foreigner's salaries in half. It was my first weekend in Korea so, of course, we were drinking. The girls were a hoot! Wish I could talk to them now and see what they're up to. They showed me a few of the bars around Yong In where I started my E.S.L./E.F.L. career. They had done their best, (and succeeded), to make me feel welcome. It was closing time and we were walking, not to say staggering, back to the apartments where we all lived. (Separately, mind you.(They didn't want to make me feel THAT welcome!))

It was chilly but not snowy. Somebody suggested a coffee and it sounded good to us all. I thought to myself that it would be a good way to beat the chill while at the same time easing the hangover I would probably have the next morning. Little did I know that since that night was my introduction to not only Korean beer and soju but also ginseng wine, I would DEFINITELY have a hangover.

But it was 2 or 3 AM. The street we were walking down was just a block off the main road through the part of Yong In we lived in but it could have been any of the residential streets around. Nothing but parked cars, telephone poles, discarded garbage/furniture and soft, yellow street lighting. There and then coffee seemed like a long shot. But I was ready for anything in the new country I was in. At least I thought I was.

We came upon an outdoor coffee vending machine. I think it was probably 100 or 150 won for a little paper cup of coffee. Seemed reasonable to me. That worked out to less than a quarter at the time. The cup was also less than a quarter full so jokingly I complained and asked for my money back. Then I tried it. I spat it out and poured what remained in the cup onto the street. HARSH!

It's one of many acquired tastes in Korea and much like kimchi, soju, bean paste, rice cakes, moo, colbangi, tofu, (but not yet ginseng wine), I have learned to consume and even enjoy the mud puddle, vending machine coffee from time to time.

I think possibly the first time I actually enjoyed the coffee was later that year in September or October. I had spent the entire night before in Seoul, (about 45 minutes by bus from Yong In), drinking, dancing and playing darts with friends. All I had left in my pocket was enough to buy a ticket on the first bus back to Yong In at 5 or 6 AM. I got my ticket, got on the bus and promptly crashed out. I woke up as the bus came to a stop... in Incheon.

I still don't know how the mix-up occured. I maintain that I had bought a ticket to Yong In. I'm sure of it. I mean it's gotta be pretty hard for the ticket agent to mistake the words "Yong In" for the word "Incheon". I DO know that the Yong In bus and the Incheon bus parked side by side at the old bus station in Seoul. So I probably got on the wrong bus. And the person who collected my ticket either didn't notice it was for the wrong city, or didn't want to stress herself out trying to explain it to me in English. Either way I had never been to Incheon before so it was all new to me.

In '97 there wasn't much to Incheon. The airport wasn't built yet and in Incheon, as well as the rest of Korea, there was no such thing as a 24-hour bank machine. I tried two bank machines in the terminal to no avail. I had two hours to kill while I waited for the cash machines to open at 9 AM. So to keep from falling asleep in the bus terminal and looking worse than I already felt, I did some reconnaissance. I walked as far as I could without getting lost and scouted out a few bank machines in the area. None were open, but I had to give it a try. I also remember one other curious thing. It was the very first time I had ever seen it: a SEVEN way intersection. There was a Korea Exchange Bank, (my bank), across a few of the seven roads. It was impossible to know which lights to look at to know when to cross but since it was early and there were few cars, I made it to the bank without incident. The doors were locked.

I got back to the bus station, sat on a bench and waited. I had been up for at least 24 hours. It was characteristically humid and I was wearing a five o'clock, (in the morning), shadow and clothes soaked in several hour old sweat that were hanging off me like slime. And if that wasn't bad enough, the hangover was beginning to kick in. Time crawls in a situation like this. But when you're a stranger in a strange city in a strange land time inches, (no - centimeters), along at a glacial pace.

Nine o'clock arrived like an ice age. I got in line for the nearest bank machine but was not encouraged by what I saw. Sure enough, like the people in front of me, I was unable to get any money from the machine. All I got was an incomprehensible message on the slip of paper that usually included my bank balance. I knew I had plenty of money in my account. I thought maybe the machine was out of order so I tried another. Then another and another. Then I left the terminal and tried several of the bank machines I had located during my recci mission. No luck with THEM either. From bank machine to bank machine my heart was pumping harder and harder, I was walking faster and faster, I was sweating more and more and I was about homicidal when I reached the seven-way intersection for the second time. I think my appearance more than my hand signals for traffic to stop made navigating the intersection to get to the KEB on the other side a whole lot easier! Fellow pedestrians on the way to the "chil-go-ri" had been giving me a wide berth and even crossing the street as I approached them.

I reached the doors and again they were locked. But that did not serve as any dissuasion. This was the last bank machine I knew of in Incheon so I pulled the doors and I think I almost got them open on a few of my pulls, which were accompanied with maniacal expletive yelling. I would pay KEB a good chunk of change to see the security films from that day. I doubt I would even recognize myself if I saw them. I was a mess!

Completely defeated, embarrassed, frustrated and at a point where my give-a-shit meter was registering zero, I returned to the bus station and flopped onto the dirty floor since it was now quite busy and there were no available benches. Still homicidal I was reluctant to look up when I saw the feet of someone shuffle up to me. If it had been a person who wanted to practice their English or tell me not to sit on the floor or just about anything else, I think I might be in a Korean prison right now. But I DID look up and saw a 70, 90-year-old man wearing a festive hanbok offering me a quarter of a cup of steaming mud. He said nothing when I thanked him. He just smiled then shuffled away. And that coffee really DID taste good.

If you've spent some time in Korea you may have noticed from the signs, (time of year, hanboks, empty bank machines), that it was Chuseok, the biggest Korean holiday of the year. Since it was my first Chuseok in Korea I didn't know people emptied out bank machines and traveled all over the country to meet with family and give thanks for the year's harvest. But to make a long story a bit longer, I found a helpful girl who spoke some English and she led me to a machine, IN THE BUS TERMINAL that had some money left in it. So I made it home and slept for about two days.

Bank machines and coffee have both improved in Korea since then. I left my hotel without my morning coffee and went to a Dunkin Donuts in the bus terminal this morning. I met a retired Korean guy named Sung Ho, who has lived in the U.S. and speaks perfect English. We had a nice chat and a cup of coffee together. GOOD coffee. He didn't ask me about my pink left leg.

I'm a somebody!!!

I feel like The Jerk. Remember that Steve Martin movie? I loved it. A classic! Remember the part after he's worked at the gas station for a while and the new phone books come in? So he's all excited and he finds his name in one of them and he says, "I'm a SOMEBODY!" Well that's similar to how I felt just a couple days ago when I saw the most recent edition of the Gwangju News magazine. Not one but TWO pages for my story and pics. PageS 34 and 35. And if the ambassador from Nepal wasn't in town this month, I probly woulda made the cover. I'm pretty sure I gave old Kamal Prasad Koirala a good run for the top story. But politics beats out sport in journalism. A travesty if you ask me!

So here it is: If you want to read it you can click on it and I think it'll be big enough. See if YOU don't think it's an issue more vital to the human race than countries moving from monarchies to democratic states, terrorism, Maoist election victories and such. Yeah, I didn't think so either. Come on! They don't even have a rectangular flag in Nepal yet! The GIC, who publish the Gwangju News, took the ambassador from Nepal for a hike up Moodeung Mountain. Hello? Nepal! That's just a little hill to him! He probably thought they were taking him to fetch a pail of water. Somebody shoulda taken Mr. Koirala to Moodeung STADIUM to see a Tigers game. THEN he'd witness some REAL news being made!

Actually his article was pretty interesting I guess. And I am sure his stories of conflict in Nepal are compelling but the Kia Tigers have had two bench-clearing brawls in a month! That's unprecedented in the KBO! And, yes, Lumbini in Nepal may be the birthplace of Buddha but Gwangju is the birthplace of Lee Jong Beom!

I noticed the ambassador was pretty slick calling the Gwangju News an excellent resource for the international community and stating that there is no other magazine like it in Korea. How could I compete with that? No wonder he got top billing! I didn't have ANYTHING like that in my story. Politicians eh?

Mokpo update

I'm still in Mokpo working for Mokpo National University but I won't be here much longer. Only a couple more months. I took a job at my favourite school, Seogang College in Gwangju. I'm really looking forward to moving there. When I worked at Seogang back in 2005 I really didn't want to leave. I was downsized. So now that they're bringing me back, (upsizing me?), I'm pretty happy. And from the sounds of things, they'll be almost the same as they were when I was there. I'll get the full vacations in summer and winter probably. I may have to work a couple of weeks out of the 10 week holidays. So that won't hurt at all. And I'll get extra pay if I do I think. I'll be making pretty much the same money, (actually quite a bit more), for a 12-hour week instead of the 22-hour week I work here at Mokpo U. And if I want, (and boy oh boy do I want!), I can get a letter of release to work at kids camps during the breaks. You can get like 3 grand for 3 weeks at one of these camps. Plus my normal salary will be coming in AND I won't be spending any money cuz I'll be at the camp. Those are SWEET months! I can probly get two of those a year at Seogang. And the staff are really cool at Seogang. They respect me enough to let me do my thing, and that's all I ask of them.

I told my supervisor here at Mokpo U. last monday that I want to go back to Seogang in September. I'll need a letter of release from them in order to do that because I will have to leave half way through my contract. This is the first time I've ever done this so I'm not sure what to expect. I'll just expect lots of crazy, silliness. That way I won't be as surprised or angered when it happens. And if it doesn't, I'll be pleasantly shocked. It's called Korean self-preservation.

I haven't yet heard anything on that front. But on another front, all the teachers received a memo last week outlining stuff like the grading scales we have to use and things like that. It's really serving to downgrade our positions from professors to day care workers in my opinion, but that's Korea. Showing up is far more important than learning, even at a national university here.

Let me splain. If I'm interpreting this letter correctly, (the explanation makes no sense at all), I am supposed to give 60% of the students in all my classes 80-100%. To me that's all A's. But I think maybe those might be A's and B's here. Either way NObody will have classes that have that kind of ratio I'll guaran-damn-tee you. I'll let you know what kind of percentages I got in my classes, i.e. the REAL marks, when they are tabulated.

But these are the kinds of sacrifices we make as teachers in Korea to try to fit into a fledgling education system. Some teachers feel they have developed a way to get around this by making all their assignments, tests, homework etc. mind-numbingly easy so that it really LOOKS like students are earning those high marks they are going to end up with. I don't favour that kind of crap myself, but have been encouraged to practice it by several employers and fellow teachers. I don't support this sort of anti-education. It's immoral, unprofessional and unreasonable. But I'm not going to try to change the Korean system. At the end of the term I submit the real marks to my school and let them do whatever they want with them. If they give me a curve like this, sometimes I can make the adjustments for them.

What I WON'T do is take credit for this nonsense. It certainly isn't MY idea! So when the school I work for starts asking me, or requiring me, to sign phony marks or attendance, or affix my signature to any document outlining fraudulent grading systems, it gets my hackles up a bit. I must admit I was a little surprised to see a document from a national university here that said we are expected to pass students who have good attendance and have done all the assignments. No matter how well they've done those assignments. I was also a little surprised to be handed the document and told to sign it right away without reading it because what was on it wasn't very important. But only a little. This was not the first, or even the SECOND time I've had this happen to me.

So what I did was I sent an email to the "Vice-Director of the Foreign Language Education" department at Mokpo U. outlining what I've just written here. And something happened that truly DID surprise me! I tell you, just when you think you've seen everything here in Korea, they throw you a change-up. It keeps life interesting anyway.

The Vice Director's name is Lee Jong Kun. He wrote me an email saying that it is NOT the policy of Mokpo U. to pass people as it was outlined on the memo and he said the person who circulated the memo will be talked to and a new amended memo will be sent out. Just the fact that Lee Jong Kun had a week earlier given all the foreign teachers a letter of introduction inviting us to contact him and/or offer any suggestions to improve the English program was a breath of fresh air. But when he actually REPLIED to my email and told me this news, I must admit I was impressed. This gives me hope for Mokpo U. I hope he makes Director before he changes his philosophies.

Anyway, I'm meeting with him this week to talk about the program at Mokpo U. I don't really know what that may entail but I hope I will receive news on my letter of release. Even though this is a bright spot at Mokpo U. it still isn't close to enough to make me stay.

So, I have two days left in the official semester. I'll be giving my final exams Monday and Tuesday next week. I am hoping to have my letter of release before the week comes to a close but who knows? Things haven't been blindingly prompt at Mokpo U. to this point.

I will be cloistering myself in my quarters for the rest of the week trying to mark the finals, add up all the various marks that my 190 students have worked for throughout the semester and figuring out accurate assessments of each of my students' English abilities, only to have them changed. But to me it's well worth it to maintain my academic integrity. I will give every student his or her REAL grade if they ask me for it. But they never do. I know it's extra work for me to do this and it seems almost fanatically honest but I just don't want to develop any bad habits. I intend to return to Canada someday and teach in an education system that, (hopefully), hasn't yet turned into the diploma issuing adult daycare system they have here. But I see scary signs that Canada might actually be heading in that direction.

But before you think things are cut and dried here. Or before you think I think that, I understand some of the reasons why things are like this in Korea. In fact if I were like the Minister of Education or whatever the equivalent in Korea might be, I'm not so sure I would even change things. There are reasons why the education system is the way it is here and it'll take a lot more posts to explain them. It may make me look like a creep to explain these reasons too. There would be plenty of people who would question my sources and they would be clever to do so because my experience is almost all I have to rest on. And that just wouldn't be scientific enough for most people. But be that as it may, I have taught at every level in the Korean education system and I have a pretty thorough understanding of it. And I maintain hope that Koreans will someday make it right. I will relish the chance to relive these stories about the crazy old Korean education system after they make things right. I think that day will come. In my lifetime I believe.

As things are now, we have to make do with what we have. And being the conscientious teacher that I am, I feel confident that I've given my students the best course and the best marks that they can hope for within the present system. As my student evaluations always reflect. HOLY! Toot toot tooot toooot tooot toooooot!!!

So after a two-week break I'll be teaching July and August here too. But as far as I know the courses won't be actual university credit courses and may involve teacher training or children's camps. I don't yet know.

And what, you might ask, will I be doing on my two-week break? I have decided not to go anywhere since I won't be finishing the contract here at Mokpo and that will cost me a month's pay. I'll be staying in Korea and looking for a place to stay in Gwangju. Probably doing some banking and DEFINITELY watching lots of Kia Tigers games too. I STILL think they're gonna make the playoffs this year. Maybe even win it all. Although the SK Wyverns look pretty solid. We'll see.

Bye for now.

Well it appears that I have a little bit of retracting to do. It's so hard to find good scientific advisors nowadays!

In my previous post I may have said some things that were not very well researched. I may have quoted some articles that were written by folks who may not have known what they were talking about. But it was not my intent to write a scientific post, just a general complaint. Something I'm far better at.

But on the heels of not one but TWO in depth comments by braddotcom taking issue with my scientific accuracy, I think I should qualify my already qualified statements that may have been made in error. First of all I did say that mad cow disease dies when it's heated. It's important to note that I wrote this AFTER mentioning that the I am no scientist, all the reports I was reading seemed very vague and often contradictory and even warning readers not to believe me due to my bias. But after further research it does look like this was wrong.

I'm not sure but I think it might have been this article that led me to the wrong conclusion. I think when I was reading it I wasn't paying very close attention to the "scientificness" of it so where it says that normal prp is easily destroyed with heat, I thought that was talking about the misfolded prp. My bad. This is most likely where I got the idea that pressure treating can make prions unfold then recoil in safer ways. Something braddotcom sees as "factually untrue". I'm not making this stuff up! Just misquoting it a bit.

This prion stuff hasn't been studied for long but I'm not dismissing the unknown due to any agenda. What makes me confident about eating meat now is the laws that have been passed, tests now regularly administered and recall policies used to make meat as mad-cow free as possible. Whether we know a lot about the science or not, these processes are what make me believe that meat is now much safer than before. Maybe completely safe. Things like no longer feeding cattle with food that may contain diseased parts of other animals. The outbreak is believed to have been caused by cows eating feed that contained parts of diseased sheep. At least that's what I've read. It's now illegal in the U.S. to feed ruminant animals most proteins made from mammals. And parts of the cattle with higher concentrations of prions, brains and spinal chords are now removed to reduce chances of contamination. And of course there are the regular mad cow tests. But this kind of stuff isn't sensational enough to get a lot of attention. Kind of anti-sensational.

Because of long incubation periods it may be a while before we know if these tactics are working. It took about 5 years after banning the ruminant animal feed and doing the testing in the UK before a steady decline in mad cow disease began. And in 5 years it's likely that there will be other deadly diseases that make us completely forget about mad cow and CJD. But before these tactics were employed anywhere there was a minimal chance of contracting CJD, no matter how you contracted it. Now, I would expect it's so low as to be negligable when compared to the quality of life improvement beef brings to me.

I was faulting Koreans for protesting before knowing the facts and I guess that's sort of what I was doing. Yikes! But as I recall the gist of my post was not a complaint about beef bans it was all about cheese. And that is still pretty scientifically solid. Milk and milk products are not believed to pose any threat.

Cheese PLEASE!

I was hoping to avoid a post on this, the latest hysteria in Korea, but now it has affected me. No, I do NOT have mad cow disease. Nor am I worried at all about catching it or the related sickness, Creutzfeldt-Jakob, that humans are thought to possibly get from eating the flesh of tainted cows. I JUST WANT PARMESAN CHEESE!

I have searched all the major stores in Mokpo, and in Gwangju, that usually stock Kraft parmesan cheese only to find, in a few stores, tiny containers of a FAR inferior product called Paesano, (I think), that's from Italy, (I think). First of all let me warn readers who may have access to this product, in desperation I bought some of it and it tasted like plastic. And the danger of ruining a pot of spaghetti by sprinkling this stuff on it FAR outweighs any danger I certainly will NOT expose myself to by consuming THIS cheese.

My buddy Kasia and I recently went to downtown Gwangju on May 18th. We saw a very large protest against American beef. We saw videos on truck mounted entertainment systems "educating" the people on the closed-to-traffic streets of downtown Gwangju on mad cow disease. We saw political cartoons about it, people of all ages lighting candles in protest against it, letters such as this about it, and people who were just plain angry about it. Then we went into a completely deserted nearby Burger King and enjoyed our Whoppers in quiet solitude.

What we DIDN'T see were any people honouring the memories of protesters who were killed in the Gwangju uprising in 1980. This is a very important event in Korea, especially in Gwangju. They just call it "oh il pal", which means "5 1 8". They even sell cola called 5/18 cola. I think you might be able to get orange 5/18 pop too. I would say that if concern about mad cow disease has grown to the point where the people of Gwangju are not going to Burger King, not honouring their relatives who died for democracy during the uprising, and taking one of MY major food staples off the shelves, it's to the point of hysteria.

But, apart from unnecessary to incite Korean protests, what are the facts? Here are a few:

1. Korean beef is more expensive than American beef. Up to 4 times as expensive.

Koreans have a belief called 신 토 불 이. That's "sintoburi". It's the idea that when Koreans eat food that is raised in Korea, it's better for Koreans. Because ancestors have died and returned to the earth here, vegetables and grains farmed here are believed to be indirectly, or, (ugh), directly from their ancestors. Rice here is expensive too. There really is no rice from other countries readily available. And animals fed Korean-grown feed are believed to be better for Koreans. I'm not sure whether it's the spirit of the ancestors or their fertilizing effect that is supposed to be infusing the food with goodness. I don't think I want to know.

Korean rice farmers have long been fighting the introduction of foreign rice into the Korean market. It would absolutely have a major impact on the Korean economy. Koreans religiously eat rice with every meal. I once taught at an English camp where we had Korean food with a generous scoop of rice every day. The foreign teachers requested one meal that wasn't Korean. So we all got spaghetti. With a generous scoop of rice. It's almost like a tax here. And since taxes are so low, I don't mind it at all.

I think there may be more of an economic issue behind sintoburi than a health issue. If so it's an interesting commentary to me on the opinion makers of Korea, and more specifically their perception of the intellectual capacity of their people, that they would rather perpetuate mystecism like this and put "sintoburi" stickers on food and have "sintoburi" restaurants than tell Koreans to buy Korean.


I also think the mad cow protests may be spurred on for economic reasons more than any perceived health concerns.

2. Number of Creutzfeldt-Jakob-related deaths in the United States: 1.

The patient died in 2004 and was believed to have contracted the disease in the U.K. where it is a bigger problem. As of June, 2007 the number of deaths caused by, or possibly caused by the virus was 161.

3. Because Mad Cow Disease is something new there is very little difinitive evidence on it.

I'm not going to start playing the scientist here. All I know is that every report and study I've read, (and I try to screen out the bogus and biased, (none written by Koreans or beef companies etc.)), contains lots of ambiguity. They say things like "there seems to be a correlation between this and that", "It seems possible that...", even, "There is no scientific evidence, but...". And anything you hear from me should be disregarded because I have a strong bias too: I want my Kraft parmesan cheese!

That said, it looks to me like cases in which Mad Cow Disease leads to Creutzfeldt-Jakob and death are INCREDIBLY rare. Regular MCD dies when you heat it. Like when you cook your steak or pasteurize your milk or cheese. It's only the variants of MCD that "seem to be" resistant to heat and they are even rarer.

As far as meat is concerned all I want is a steak or a burger made from meat that meets or exceeds internationally recognized standards. I'd be willing to bet that Koreans have a higher chance of dying from eating Korean beef than American. Since Korean beef is kept in Korea, those standards don't need to be met. They have some strange standards in the beef industry here that are different from anywhere I've heard. In fact Koreans probably have a higher chance of dying from fan death than American beef. And the chance of death by parmesan cheese is Zero, as near as makes no difference. And if Korean concerns were based on health, not money or anti-Americanism that Italian cheese should be viewed as more dangerous than the Kraft parmesan. I read a report written in English but on a Korean site that was about some diseased animals in Parma, Italy. I can't find that report on any non-Korean sites. Maybe this could be the cause of my cheeseless spaghetti woes. Because Parma-parmesan cheese-take it off the shelves! They still have other Kraft cheeses on the shelves in Korea.

I have to say that I am not positive the lack of Kraft parmesan cheese has been caused by the mad cow hysteria, it's just a personal hunch. Maybe I should light a candle for Kraft parmesan or have a one-man protest or write a letter. If anyone with my current address reads this, send cheese soon. I'm dying here!

"Hallyu"

No, I'm not yodelling from the top of a mountain. This is an Asian word I recently learned about through researching one of my classes. Can you believe THAT? Not that I learned a new word but that I RESEARCHED a class! What I mean by an "Asian" word is I think it's the Korean pronunciation of a Chinese word. The rough translation is "cold current" but it's the word now used for the Korean wave. What's this Korean wave? I've seen a few waves in Korea. Waves from motorists who have just done something incredibly ignorant or are just about to; waves at Moodeung stadium during Kia Tigers games; waves in the hair of ajummas fresh from the salon; waves of Chuseok traffic, but none of these are what Hallyu refers to.

I was actually surprised when I found out how popular Korean TV programs and music are in other parts of Asia. INCREDIBLY surprised actually since I think it's all craptastic. Students constantly ask me if I know "talents" and I never do. Then they tell me that I should know these people because they are really famous. I always assumed they meant like Muan is "famous" for onions or the "famous" hiking at Sorak San. But it turns out that guys like Bae Yong Joon really ARE famous in other places than Korea. He's got a massive following of middle-aged ladies in Japan who call him "Yon-sama". The TV drama, (I supressed my gag reflex long enough to read a synopsis of the series and it's just a soap opera or melodrama at best), Winter Sonata made him famous. It was filmed in Choon Cheon and tourism there has grown to a billion, (with a b), dollar a year industry in Korea from tour packages like this. And while in Choon Cheon visiting the site of this predictable, jeuvenile, Harlequin Romance on film, why not try some of the "famous" Choon Cheon dalk kalbi?

I shouldn't joke. If millions of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, Singaporean, Malaysian, Indonesian, Thai, and Vietnamese think it's good, it must be good, right? There's that gag reflex again. Maybe it IS good if you like that sort of stuff. I've heard that the directing is skillful and the budget was no object. In fact if you look at this phenomenon more closely you'll see that Korean music performances with pyrotechnics and never without a full complement of back-up dancers have just the level of high-budget schmalz necessary to make them attractive to the people who keep the industry alive: teenagers. It's clever marketing I have to say that. And the movies and TV shows Korea makes are also higher quality, (because of higher budgets), than some of these countries are used to. Korea now has the 9th largest film industry in the world. Didn't know that either.

But it's the SNAGs, (sensative new age guys), in the dramas and the sexy girls in the music videos that make people throng to Korea assuming Korean people are ALL like this. A lot of Asian women, (I've read), would love to have a boyfriend who they can berate and dump one day only to have him drive up to them in his BMW and Armani suit the next day teary eyed, bearing flowers and gifts and begging for their forgiveness. And Asian men, (I've read), would love to have a girlfriend who wears glitter-covered half shirts prone to wardrobe malfunctions, skin tight, leather pants and a come-hither tiger growl at all times too.

Then they come to Korea and find the super-conservative girls and guys about as sensative army sergeants. A friend of mine who was new to Korea once asked me where the best place was to find a quick one-night stand. I said, "Well you just walk down to the end of this street, then you turn... gay..." There are plenty of Korean girls who seem to ooze sexuality and maybe they aren't super-conservative but they certainly like to test their powers. My advice is not to encourage them too much. There is something Koreans call "gong ju pyeong". It translates into something like princess syndrome. For a "wonder"ful example, go to "Pipeful of dreams" on this blog and press play. I have to admit though, the song is a bit catchy isn't it?

And what of the poor women looking for the boyfriends in the BMW's? Here's a Korean guy's comment on his blog and it is almost identical to what I typed! They're not all like that folks. Don't take it from me, take it from a Korean dude. And for all the Asian, (mostly Japanese), ladies trying to hook up online with their own Korean "Yon-sama", I have two syllables: ACT ING! To quote a truly "famous" movie, "You want sympathy, look between "shit" and "syphilis" in the dictionary!"

I must say though, there is ONE good thing that came from this Korean wave: the rivalry between "Rain" and Steven Colbert. Aparently on Time magazine's list of most influential people in the world Steven Colbert has been at the top right behind Korean pop star, "Rain". I wish I knew how to put Youtube vids on here but I don't. You have to check it out though. The dance-off is classic! But I really like Colbert's song too. Hilarious! If he really wanted to zing "Rain" though, Colbert could find out what his name is in Korean. They spell it "Bi" but when most Koreans say it it sounds like "Pee". He anglicized it to "Rain" before going on tour in the States. A really good example of how finding out a little bit about the culture you are marketing your product in can help. Something not ALL Korean wavers have done according to the article in my next link.

Sadly, the Korean wave is in remission according to the latest reports. This last link is from a more serious article written by a guy named Pavin Chachavalpongpun. I don't know where he's from but it says he's based in Singapore. I'm gonna guess Thailand? If this guy hasn't been to Korea it is SCARY how well he knows the folks here! Enjoy.

Tell me if you think I'm paranoid

I got to thinking today, cuz that's what I do on a Sunday in Mokpo when I don't really have any lesson planning to do. I got to thinking about this gas bill of mine, cuz that's what you do when you're gas bill is the same price as a plane ticket to Thailand or even the Philippines. I got to thinking about all the strange things that have happened in this apartment starting way back before I even got here.

The previous tennant's name was Hayley. I know that cuz I'm still getting her bills. Everybody loved Hayley. She was by all accounts a happy, intelligent, likeable person. But she got really sick during her stay in this apartment. I don't know all of her symptoms but teachers here that knew her have told me she was losing a lot of weight, getting depressed, fatigued and just worn right out. I found a LOT of ibuprofen and acetaminofin in the apartment when I got here too so maybe headaches were one of her symptoms. And I have Hayley's old computer in my office at work. I used to be a security guard at a jail. Occasionally we would put people on 24-hour suicide watch if we found certain indicators of possible suicide. I read one of Hayley's poems on a slow day at work. If a similar poem were found in a prisoner's cell where I worked that person would be instantly put on watch.

I don't know what kind of gas bills Hayley was paying but I've been told that she was so thin, sick and chilly all the time that she probably left the heater on constantly and would have thought nothing of paying massive gas bills.

When I moved into this apartment, Feb. 26th, I had just returned from a 7-week vacation in the Philippines and was fighting the customary final week ague I seem to contract when I go ANYWHERE. It usually makes the plane trip home a pain in the ass. But then I started classes March 3rd, continued working and until somewhere in the middle of April I was having trouble breathing and feeling a bit run down like I had allergies or something. I've never had allergies before but was almost convinced I was developing them in my old age.

I complained about it to friends, because, as they might tell you, I rarely miss a chance to complain, and received advice from a few. David Morris suggested I put eucalyptus oil under my nose when I sleep at night to allow me to breathe better. He's Australian. I actually WAS using Vicks rub I had bought in the Phils. It has eucalyptus oil, camphor and menthol. I also had a menthol spray I found in Korea that worked pretty good. But now that spray is impossible to find. That happens a lot in Korea.

Another friend told me that there are a couple of steel mills nearby. Gwangyang Steel is the fourth largest producer in the world aparently. He thought that the air might be a bit harder to breathe because of the industry nearby. I was born in Hamilton, Canada's steel town. My Grandfather worked at Stelco for many years until retirement. It's the fifth largest steel producer in the world, but, (sign of the times in Canada), has recently been renamed U.S. Steel Canada. And my Dad once worked at Dofasco, another big steel company in Hamilton. So I've been a smoke-eater from birth. I doubt that would cause any breathing difficulties.

Still others were suggesting the annual Chinese sand in the air could have been the problem. I heard there was a day or two that schools in Northern South Korea were closed down because of high levels of that crud, but down here in Mokpo we went on about our work blissfully unaware. I did give some credence to that idea since China has recently become by a LANDSLIDE the most polluted country in the world and every bit of the sand we get in our eyes and teeth here is coated with whatever toxins they are pumping into the air in China these days.

I got to thinking today about when I started breathing better. It was somewhere in the beginning of April if I'm not mistaken. My boiler exploded, (and I am not exaggerating the case, it went BOOM!), in mid April I think. Then I remembered opening the windows in early April in the patio where my boiler is and opening windows in the other patio on the other side of the apartment just to get some air flow. I thought maybe it would improve the air quality and make breathing easier. It really DID improve air flow here and I think that probably did the job.

Then I got this ridiculous 437 dollar gas bill. For April. If the bill is really and truly based on accurate readings of the gas meter in my apartment then there is no question I must have had a gas leak. And in those winter months when Hayley was here, when the windows were undoubtedly closed, SHE probably had a gas leak too. That would have made her sick or certainly compounded any other sickness she may have had.

Two questions leap to mind: 1. Why was there no explosion? 2. Why couldn't Hayley or I smell the gas?

During one of many summer jobs I had while I was getting my university education I worked at a natural gas pipeline in Northern Ontario. There's a process they call "blowoff" on the pipeline where the natural gas valves are bled to ease pressure on the lines. I have smelled the rotten egg odour that natural gas is supposed to have. I would be able to identify that without any problem. But I learned from the technicians at the pipeline that processed natural gas is odourless. That rotten egg smell is a chemical additive, (sulfur based I think), to help identify leaks. I never smelled it in the apartment. Hayley probably didn't either.

While "thinking" today I looked up a few things online. I found that the concentration of natural gas in the air that would create an explosion danger would be 5-15%. Maybe the concentration was never that high. It is lighter than air so maybe it just rose too high to be ignited or smelled. But then it would be too high to cause any health trouble too.

Then I looked at the price of natural gas. It's supposed to be about 32 cents per cubic meter. I looked at my bill and found that I was charged for 546 cubic meters. That works out to "only" $175.

Are natural gas prices that much more in Korea? Almost triple the price in America? Am I being ripped off by the gas company? Is the Mokpo gas company skipping the costly odorant adding process and selling odourless natural gas to its customers at regular odorized gas prices? Is this illegal in Korea like it is in civilized countries? There are still countries that just burn natural gas when they find it while looking for oil. THIS is illegal too but it happens. There are many things in Korea that are technically illegal but just not enforced. Was my boiler explosion a water pressure explosion like I have assumed up till now or was it possibly a natural gas ignition? Am I being slowly gassed to death in my own apartment? Or am I just being paranoid?

Ever get the feeling you're not appreciated?

I've been living in Mokpo for just a few days over 3 months now. That's a dozen weekends, most of which I've spent elsewhere. But I HAVE done some exploring around Mokpo. Not much going on here. I went last weekend to the two spots that are supposed to be the action spots for us waygooks, Wa Bar and the New York Bar, but they were dead. Maybe it was the hour of the day I went there. I'm not sure. But there were no waygooks or customers and I think it was around midnight Friday night.

But that's a good thing. That's what I was hoping for when I came here. A quiet town where I could save up some money. Far enough from Seoul so that I don't travel to I Tae Won on Friday night and spend a drunk, expensive weekend there. I haven't done that yet. And things have been okay as far as finances are concerned. I had to pay the moving expenses and stock up on food and supplies in the new house but that was to be expected. I heard from another teacher here that management has agreed to give me the relocation allowance the school usually gives to teachers who move from overseas. That was nice to hear. Both new teachers are supposed to be getting that. We haven't seen it yet but... how shall I say this nicely... the people in the office who are in charge of helping out foreign staff have to this point shown monumental neglect to that part of their duties.

Well I guess that wasn't nicely was it? But I really don't know how to say something like this nicely. I've been here 3 months and have yet to receive a bill with my name on it. Well, that's not altogether true. I told the people at the Mokpo U. Language Education Office when I first arrived that I will be needing cable internet immediately. After waiting a week and getting nothing I got it myself. And I've received 3 bills with my name, spelled correctly, on them. All the bills were for the correct amount. I even ordered a special kind of Teevo-like deal which was useless, so I had that cancelled. Because I don't speak Korean that well I could do none of this over the phone so I walked down to the Hanaro Cable office a few times and played charades with their English service provider. She could really use a refresher course. But I got it done.

Things like this are a whole lot easier for people who speak Korean. They can just call up, change the name on the gas, cable, telephone or electric account, inquire as to whether there are any outstanding charges and ba-da-boom ba-da-bing we're in business. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes. The last place I lived it was done over the phone while me and the former tennant watched! The real estate agent called the various utility offices, asked for a current bill balance, subtracted that from the former tennant's deposit refund, changed the bills to my name and that was it. Three months and STILL this hasn't been done for me here. And it's not like I haven't gone into the office and told them what I needed done. It's just that they don't see any urgency at all unless the foreign teacher is very demanding. I've been trying really hard to be nice. Fat load of good THAT'S done me!

I'll give you an example. There was a gal teaching here a while ago whose boiler broke. She went into the office and asked the same people who are working there now to get it fixed for her. They did so in a day. Why? She said she was on strike until it was taken care of. Now if that seems a bit extreme to you, I'll tell you what you get when you are NICE.

MY boiler exploded too. In fact the week before another teacher's boiler broke down too. It's hard to see this as coincidence. I think Mokpo U. went shopping for really cheap apartments for their foreign staff and found these places that are cheap because they have old and shitty boilers. Just a guess though. There's no way of knowing. Anyway I went in and informed the people at the office that I couldn't take showers, wash my dishes, do laundry etc. After many false promises of getting my boiler fixed, in just a shade under three weeks it was replaced. During those three weeks I went into the office various times and people were expressing their condolances about my situation but doing exactly nothing to help me out. It was explained to me that the owner of this apartment didn't want to spring for a new boiler. There was even a week in there when the plan was to move me into a dorm room temporarily and then move me AGAIN to a new apartment. Is that monumental? I think that's monumental.

But back to the bill situation. What I told the people at the office was that I wanted the home phone disconnected, (the thing was useless anyway. I couldn't hear anyone's voice on it and there was no volume control), I wanted the cable bills I was receiving for the former teacher's cable, (which was WAY better than what I got but was disconnected by the Hanaro guys who did MY cable), to be disconnected, and I wanted gas and electric bills. Preferably in my name. There was also one mystery bill I had recieved. Very colourful but with no indication of what the hell it was for. I was informed that it was the security/janitorial fee. 50,000 won. I asked if that was for a month or a year because one of the other teachers told me it was for a month. I couldn't believe that since there are 60 apartments all paying 50 bucks, that's 3000 dollars. And in an apartment complex with 6 buildings that works out to 18 grand. I've only seen a few security guards and only during the day shift. When I see them they are sweeping up cigarette butts in the parking lot, telling my mover he can't park where he wants to park, telling me he didn't receive the food package he DID receive or sleeping. I was told it was for a year. That seemed reasonable. So I paid it. Well it turns out that it actually IS monthly and that water is also a part of that. How do I know? Because as I type today I have no water in my apartment. None. I have no idea when it will be turned back on.

I received the second colourful bill about a week ago. All the tenants did. It's the bill for the month of April. The due date is June 2nd. I had it for a week and didn't pay so they shut off my fucking water???? Today is Friday, May 30th. I have to teach at 9:30. I wake up to an apartment with no water. The memory of three weeks without hot water still fresh in my mind and having THIS week gone in and in person AND writing BEGGED the people at the office to get my bills sorted out I decided to stop being nice. I called the person who I've been begging and told her I was taking the day off. I also told her to get the damn bills taken care of or I quit. She said she had paid my electric bill. This is yet another story. I had received no electric bills that I can remember but DID receive a dangerous looking notice stuck to my door. I showed it to her and she told me it was a warning that my electricity would be cut off if I didn't pay the bill I had not received. So she got that taken care of. Yay. But I told her I didn' t want her paying my bills, I wanted her to arrange to have bills sent to me. Anyway, the big bill bomb is yet to come. I'm saving it for last.

I went out this morning at 8:30 after I was told my classes would be cancelled and paid the colourful bill. I asked the bank teller, (in charade), if water was part of the bill. She told me it was and circled the portion of it that was water. It's the top one. See the circled part? It's for 4,410. That's 4 bucks. Why the fluent English speaker at the Mokpo U. office couldn't have done that for me is still a mystery. Why my water is shut off over a 4 dollar bill is an even bigger mystery. But living here as long as I have kind of washes the mystery away. If you know what I'm saying. If you don't, I'll tell you that on the way to pay this bill this morning at 8:00 or so I was waiting for the elevator. I live on the 6th floor. There was a little girl from the 7th floor coming down the stairs to go to school. Maybe 10 years old or so. She saw me, stopped, backed up and hid on the 7th floor until I had safely boarded the elevator.

In class yesterday I asked a few students if they would prefer boys or girl children. One girl said she wanted boys. When I asked why she was pretty hesitant but explained that she was afraid of "sexual criminals". I took her hesitance to mean she was afraid of foreign sexual criminals because there aren't any Korean sex offenders don't you know. But, yes, there have recently been some stories of foreign English teachers, (the most famous being a Canuck), who were posting stories of pedophilia in Korea on their websites. Aberrations of course. This probably has much to do with the reason they are no longer IN Canada. But it has made an already xenophobic society much moreso. So anyway, now I'm just waiting for my water to be turned on.

I'm also waiting for my gas to be turned off. You see after the boiler exploded back in April I spent almost the entire month of April using gas only to cook food on my stove. This week on the begging day a man came to my door. In the middle of nap time of course. He had a mysterious paper in his hand and a demanding glare. I tried to communicate with him using charade, (at which Korea has given me MAD skills), but he made no effort at all. So I called the office and handed Mr. Glare my phone. The man talked to the lady who is in charge of all this. He closed my phone, said thank you and left. I didn't find out what was said or what he wanted. The office didn't think it was necessary to call me back. The next day I received my gas bill for the month of April. Are you ready for this? 437,000 won. That's 437 bucks. For a month of using my stove. Coincidentally the due date on this bill is also June 2nd. I haven't yet lost gas but I'm expecting to. Because I am not going to pay that kind of dough. I have never paid more than maybe 70,000 won for gas and that was in the winter when I heat my apartment, (and with a functioning boiler).

So during my tirade on the phone this morning I told the people at the office to figure out exactly what in the name of FUCK is going on there too! And if I'm reading the bill correctly I think the charge for the previous month was just about 300,000 won too. As you can imagine I checked other mail boxes when I received this bill. Like about 10 other mail boxes. Every one of them contained a gas bill between 30,000 and 40,000 won for the same month that I am getting railroaded for 437 grand. In my 8 years in Korea I've had many Koreans comment on how low my utility bills are. Because I don't heat my apartment as often or as hot, I don't have showers as long, I do dishes in the sink, not under running hot water etc. Here I'm suddenly and for the first time paying WAY more than the Koreans. I'm wondering if that's part of the gas co-op in this building. The foreigner pays 10 times what the Koreans pay. They do that in Korea. Well I don't know about the foreigner deal but sometimes they add up all the bills in an apartment complex and average them out. The tennants use more gas that way cuz nobody wants to be the one not getting their money's worth. Anyway, I'm sure that's not the case. Well, hopeful.

Next week is a short week. We get Friday off. It's Memorial Day in Korea. This week was a short one too but not really planned. In fact I'm a bit pissed off because I had my classes nicely staggered so that after the holiday next week they'll all be on the same page. Now this will fuck that up. Oh well. It looks like game week next week for some of my classes. Woohoo!

This week I received a phone bill for the home phone I have that doesn't work and I have ripped out of the wall. I also received a cable TV bill in the name of the previous teacher, Hayley and just as a bonus I got one for the teacher BEFORE her! Some French sounding name. I think she's the one who got her boiler fixed in one day. I have one short week, oral tests, then the final exams. That's what's left this semester. Then we get a whopping 2-week holiday before we teach hagwon classes in July and August in lieu of actual holidays we have earned. Probably an easy schedule but I'm expecting a class in the early morning and a class late at night. Cuz that's the way things are done here. They put the same amount of effort into scheduling as they do into troubleshooting for the foreign professors.

I keep saying "foreign professors". It may sound a bit awkward to readers. That's just what we're called here. And it's accurate. Not just at Mokpo U. but other places as well I've been treated like livestock. A commodity. That's what I was hoping NOT to get from Mokpo U. but I've seen very little concern for the foreign teachers here. We have a photocopier on our floor that has been on its last legs for a month now. And since we all have a minimum of 22 hours a week to teach before overtime kicks in, (and we all work split shifts with a bit of overtime), and have HUGE classes, (some over 40), we absolutely MUST have a good copier. The copier has been completely dead for a few days now. The people at the office have been informed but I don't foresee a lot of action on that front.

On a related note, what I HAVE seen a lot of action on is an office on our floor being prepared for one of the Korean English professors. Korean professors at Mokpo U. have a luxurious 9-hour workweek and when any REAL professor wants an English class, it's added to one of the foreigners' schedules regardless of convenience to the foreigner. There were two or three workers fervently assembling BRAND NEW office furniture for the Korean professor this week. The halls were littered with factory fresh, boxed, office equipment better than anything any of us foreign professors has. For the price of the chair alone we could have had our dead copier serviced. Hell for the price of half the Korean professor's office furniture we could have had our useless copier replaced. But there are unspoken but very well understood priorities to think of.

Now before you think I'm gonna go postal here, I have to defend the people in the office I've been slaggin so far. A person who doesn't understand Korea like I do might not. But the fact is, (and this goes for almost all schools that employ livestock like us), there are no people hired to take care of the needs of foreign professors. That would involve using some of the ample government funding provided FOR us foreign professors ON us foreign professors. This is never a popular office strategy. The office is searched for the person or people with the best English and the task of fielding the problems and complaints of the foreigners falls upon them. For no extra pay. So you can understand why there might be monumental neglect of these duties.

In 1866 in Korea Tae Won Kun, father of King Ko Jong of the Yi Dynasty, was serving as regent for his son. He regarded contact with Westerners as dangerous. And he "closed the country with a chain lock". He fought French Catholic missionaries and killed thousands of Korean converts. He killed Germans, Chinese and Americans who were trying to create trade with Korea. In Chongno in the middle of Seoul, and throughout the country he erected stone monuments that read, "Western barbarians invade our land. If we do not fight, we must then appease them. To appease them is to sell off our nation. Ten thousand generations of Koreans must always bear this statement in mind." His grandson was the last king before Japan annexed Korea in 1910 and dragged them kicking and screaming into the 20th century.

I sometimes look around Korea and see people protesting American beef, Japanese textbooks, foreign influence of any kind and wonder if they aren't thinking of Tae Won Kun's warning. It's only been two or three generations of the 10,000 he said must fight the foreign barbarians. I'm here trying to help myself, granted, but I'm also trying to help my students. I know the benefits English provides to any Korean. I get a bit tired of being treated like a Western barbarian.

Hey, I just tried my water and it's back on! I'm gonna go take a shower before my gas gets turned off and I can't HEAT that water. Life in Korea. This is why American soldiers get hardship pay.