Wooweee!

I gotta say it's good to be back in Korea. Since coming back I've been practicing my own version of the Taoist discipline known as Wu Wei. This is an exercise that roughly translates to "without action". I've combined Wu Wei with surfing porn. I call it Woo Weee! Now if I can just open a school and charge a couple hundred bucks a month to train rich, Asian wannabe students in the art of Woo Weee... No, Grasshopper. Avoid the pay sites. They are the evil black dragons that inhibit our oneness with the e-universe.

Other than Woo Weee, I've been doing the usual post-vacation things here in Yangju: growing hair, turning oxygen into carbon dioxide, regaining bowel consistency, metabolizing pasta and fighting the friggin ants. I thought a 3-week holiday might get rid of the little bastards but, alas, they have multiplied. I've squashed hundreds of them already. But they seem to have spread out. They're all over the house now. And now they are on the offensive. I have found several brave warrior ants crawling up my body. I usually don't catch them until they reach my shoulder. I suppose this is because these devious little critters can swing from hair to hair.

I've located a couple of the holes through which they seem to be entering my apartment. I did my best action hero voice while spraying Raid into the holes saying, "Suck on that you little shits!" I've sprayed high ant traffic areas with mentholatum, which I'm told they hate. I think it just gives my ants a pleasant high. I have been vigilant in the war with the ants, but they seem to be winning. I'm afraid because in a week I'll be off to teach at a kids camp in Naju, Korea and the ants will have two weeks to fortify their presence here once again. Anyone with advice on killing ants, feel free to post it here. Please!!

On a brighter note, while in Thailand at a popular Pattaya watering hole, one of the bar girls told me to open my mouth and close my eyes. Being foolishly optimistic and happily inibriated, I complied. She stuck a fried grasshopper in my mouth. After crunching on it a while and identifying it as an insect I instictively spit most of it out. However, and this is the bright note, the parts I couldn't spit out were pretty tasty! Now if I could just get that recipe, substitute ant where it calls for grasshopper, I may solve my ant problem while saving tens of won on groceries!

Other than the ants, nothing news in Yangju. So far there is only rain, not North Korean missiles in the skies. The Kia Tigers are still holding their own in the Korean Baseball League. I plan to go to the Naju area a little early so as to watch a Tigers game or two before camp starts. I hope I can.

Anyone with good anti-ant advice, (or good recipes), lemme know. See ya.

Back in Korea

Well, first things first, as promised, here's that 5-dollar pic of me feeding the little tiger. Isn't she cute? She had really huge feet. That was the cutest thing about her to me. I'm sure she will have grown into those feet by the time I go back to visit her again. And I WILL go back. I had a great time in Pattaya. And I am fully educated on the place now. I went to Fatty's Restaurant one night and while waiting for my meal I read a little Pattaya guide book called Money Number One. Even if you aren't a single man, or aren't planning to visit the place, give this book a read. And it's now been updated too. I was laughing my ass off in the restaurant reading it.

Last entry, I was moving from room #2 to room #4. It was a bit of a downgrade, but still really good accomodations. I talked to the cook at my hotel and she turned me onto these little, yellow pills that allowed me to venture out more. If you know what I'm saying... So I managed to squeeze in three rounds of golf at three different courses in the Pattaya area. I golfed Phoenix, Thai Navy and Treasure Hill. They were all absolutely gorgeous courses. I think I liked Phoenix the best but I golfed my best at Treasure Hill. Even got a birdie! Woohoo! But I still spent a lot of time in the woods and in the sand, "looking for the treasure".

But I think the best part of the golfing was the group of guys I golfed with. Loads of fun. And none of them are gonna be on the tour any time soon so I wasn't intimidated by their golfing expertise. Just a casual group of Singha-swilling hackers who all have the whack-fuck sickness as bad as I. I'm sure I haven't seen the last of them.

I had a blast in Pattaya! I highly recommend it. I even got to use my new snorkelling gear down at the beach. Next time I'll go out to Ko Lan and do some real snorkelling. But I was quite content to watch the soccer and play bar games and pool with the girls at the Atlantic Club just down the street from my hotel. Apart from some small problems like not knowing whether the locals were saying "seventy" or "twenty" baht, (they both sound like "teventy" to me), it was a trouble-free vacation. A first for me!

Now it's back to the old grind in Korea. I'm choosing between two kids' camps here starting next week. I'll be sure to take pics and tell you all the details. See ya later.

Pattaya Paradise

Hello everybodeeee!
Well, I didn't make it to Kanchanaburi with Kasia. We went in opposite directions. She went north and I went south. As it turns out it was a good decision for both of us. She told me she had a great time up there seeing the bridge over the river Kwai, the tiger temple and the historical sites where all those people died. I, on the other hand, took a van to Pattaya and checked into the Welkom Inn. They gave me room number 2. Fitting because that's almost all I've done in the room to this point - number 2. I have had the wicked runs since I've been here and NOTHING is helping. However, somebody has room number 2 booked for tomorrow so I have to change. I'm hoping the room change will coincide with a change in bowel consistency.
I have managed to get out a little bit. I bought myself a snorkel and prescription mask at a nice dive shop here called Mermaid's I think. I have yet to use them due to the diarrhea, but I've extended my stay here in the hopes that I will overcome this ailment.
On a brighter note, I did have one good day while here. Good constitutionally speaking. So I went to the Million Year Stone and Crocodile Park. Or something like that. What a cool place that is! I just happen to like rocks and they have some petrified trees that are guestimated to be like a million years old. Plus some really interesting old rocks. And the gardening is unreal! Also they have some animals there that were a hoot! I actually fed a baby tiger. That was a thrill. They are just like really big cats. Very little difference that I can see. Boy was she pissed when I stopped feeding her too! Plus I made friends with some elephants and a couple birds. I fed some HUGE catfish that reminded me of prehistoric monsters. I saw some yahoos sticking their heads in crocodiles' mouths and I even got to feed the crocks myself! They put a rotten chicken on a long fishing pole and you hang it over the water and watch the crocks crawl all over each other coming way outta the water to get it. That crock puts up a helluva fight lemme tellya! Took the bait and snapped the line though. But I'll get her next time after she grows some. heh heh.
Unfortunately, my camera ran out of juice JUST as I bought a picture of me feeding the little tiger. I paid 40 baht, (a buck), for the chick to take a pic of me with my camera. When she pushed the button, the camera shut down. What a pisser! However, unbeknownst to me, whilst I was feeding the little feline there was an enterprising young Thai chick taking my pic with her own camera. Then while I was wandering around eating these AWESOME honey/orange popsicles they have here and sharing with a particularly friendly cockatoo who would lick it and then shake his head then come back and lick it and shake his head again, this young chick rides up to me on her bicycle and takes a really large photo out of the basket and hands it to me. I instinctively went into polite refusal mode but then I saw the photo. It was great! I paid 200 baht for it. (5 bucks). When I get back to Korea and my scanner, I'll be sure to include it here.
Unfortunately, I didn't get pics of the crock show or the really cool elephants I met. I was watching some guys getting a pic being lifted up by one of the elephants and suddenly I hear this huffing and puffing about an inch from my face. The other elephant smelled my Dentyne Ice gum I suppose and she was sniffing me. Have you ever had a trunk an inch in front of your face? It's a moving experience lemme tell you. So I bought up a basket of bananas and started feeding them to the two elephants one at a time. But my gum sniffing friend wasn't gonna stand for that. She reaches her trunk right into the basket of bananas and tried to get them ALL! ha ha ha. Bananas everywhere! So I'm trying to pick them up and feed them to the elephants and there were two trunks trying to beat me to the bananas. It was hilarious! They had a good feast though. And they thanked me by doing a little dance lifting one leg and swaying it back and forth in front of the other. I'll miss those old, grey, wrinkled girls.
I've met a couple of INSANE British guys here. They want to go out tonight to the shooting range. I think that sounds kind of cool so I think I better go. Wayne and Cy. I'll try to get some pics of us toting .45's or rifles or something. If I can. I hate to say this, but apart from the green apple splatters keeping me chained to my hotel room, this holiday has been relatively disaster free so far! Now I've just gone and jinxed myself. But that'll make for an interesting next entry. See ya then. I would include some pics but I am having trouble doing that from here. I can't figure out why. I will try from my computer when I get back to Korea. See ya then.

Monk pic

I don't know why this isn't working. But I am paying a baht a minute so I'll just put the monk pic in a new post. Here it is. He seems to be having as much trouble with his phone as I'm having with the computer I'm using here. Technology!

Sawas dee cap

Hey everybody! Greetings from Thailand. That's what the title means in case you were a wondering. Lemme say right off the bat I hope you appreciate this posting because I just spent 40 minutes doing a really nice post complete with several pictures and lost it. Thai computers are getting better but they're still not as wired here as Korea. Oh well, take two.
I haven't YET had any real big misadventures that I know of. But the vacation is young and I'm still in the relatively comfortable confines of the Khao San road area. Tomorrow morning I'm going to Kanchanaburi to see the tiger temple and the bridge over the river Kwai with Kasia.
I've been hanging out with Kasia and a friend she met named Claudia for a couple days and we've had some fun. We went to Siam Square the other day. It's a very impressive, ultra modern mall here in Bangkok. We did some black light bowling, I ran through a fountain and we all ate at the sizzler. It was good food but I found a little tiny cockroach in mine. The three of us pigged out for the equivalent of about 14 bucks so I didn't really want to complain about the extra protein. So this is what we did instead. They probly got the message.
I've noticed a few changes since I was here last about 5 years ago. The biggest two changes are good, but not so good. First, there are all kinds of bank machines - FUNCTIONAL bank machines around here. I brought all kinds of American cash but it turns out I didn't have to. Now I can get all the cash I want. Hmmmmm...
The second good and bad change is a 24-hour Mickey Dees right down the street from my hotel. (He says as he surreptitiously leans over and cracks off a Big Mac and gin/tonic fart and hopes nobody at the internet corner notices). So far I haven't eaten there before 3 am. Nuff said. I gotta include the pic of Ronald Mcdonald doing the Thai greeting. He looks a bit freaky doesn't he? Like he poisoned all the french fries. Maybe he's been into the Thai tree. Hee hee hee.
I'll include one more pic although that's what is killing me here. I gotta put it in though. It's a classic. I took an after breakfast walk and went by the Grand Palace. On the way I saw a monk in the orange robe I absolutely had to take a pic of. If you look closely, YES, he is talking on a cell phone. HA HA HA HA. That just killed me.
Well, I hope this works. It's almost time to go to the fights. I'm gonna watch some Muay Thai tonight. I'll post more about my Thai adventure for sure.

Education Whore

I'm gonna blather on a little bit more about my job here in Korea because I'm still feeling dirty from what I had to do yesterday. Let me splain. No it would take too long. Let me sum up. I taught about 200 students for the past 16 weeks. I'll use two students as examples of why you won't find my school on any lists of top educational facilities in Korea. In my class all you have to do is finish your assignments, write your tests, answer questions, come to class and try to stay awake. With the extremely lowered expectations I employ coupled with an uncanny knack Korean students have for cheating, that'll get you about 80%. Compare that to the student who occasionally strolls into class an hour and a half late and proceeds to distract other waking students by chatting in Korean, listens to his mp3 player, reads the Korean news, does Korean homework, talks on his phone, plays games on it and sends textmessages etc. Generally when you make a concerted effort NOT to learn like this you will end up with about 20% in my class just because you showed up when it suited your fancy.
I've been told to give no lower than 70% in my classes. So I have to give the 20% slacker 50 free percent. To try to offset that I give the 80 student an extra 20. SO, the bad student gets a gift of 250% and the good student gets a gift of 25%. Also, on the official attendance, no student has more than 11 hours absent. This too benefits the slackers.
What kind of message is this sending? I'll tell you, "Don't try. It's not worth it."
Yesterday I sent this message to 200 students. I feel like I should be sent to jail for two hundred counts of contributing to the stupidity of a minor.
To add insult to injury, after compiling the lists of phony marks, and phony attendance, my supervisor then required me to sign these lists like this anti-education was MY idea.
How did I choose to maintain some semblance of pride in my work? How did I choose to cleanse myself of this dirty academic whoredom? I refused to sign the lists and today I'm going to Seoul to pick up a ticket to Thailand I purchased. Hopefully two weeks of visiting the tiger sanctuary, snorkelling, riding elephants and such will dull the guilt I feel. If nothing else it'll provide some cool pics for this site, and no doubt some of the usual misadventures I have when I travel. Then when I get back I'll spend two or three weeks of my holiday doing some extremely intense REAL teaching at a kids camp somewhere in Korea. This is the pennance I have sentenced myself to. Hopefully all this will prepare me to reprise my role as an academic whore in September.
Wish me luck.

As I take a slug of white Russian and lick the drips off my moustache while swallowing I'm feeling very Dude-like tonight. If you don't know the reference watch the Big Lebowsky. Then read it again and you'll get a chuckle. Maybe. Things are getting Dude-like around here. I'm marking final exams and realizing how little most of my students have learned. Now I have to try to fake like I did my job. I was in the supervisor's office today saying, "In the parlance of our time, new, uh, uh, shit has-has, uh, come to light, man!" Or something a bit more professional sounding.
The thing is, the more I talk to my supervisor, the more I think the sum total of what he has to give me for advice is "Don't worry about test scores, assignments, homework, attendance, participation points or other such records you've been keeping for the past 16 weeks, just give everyone really high marks." Or something more professional sounding.
It's far more neccessary to have things LOOKING official even if they're complete horseshit. For example, if a student misses more than 11 hours he or she automatically fails. Any subject. And I think that's good because my classes have averaged a total of 42 hours or so. 12 hours is about 29% of class. So if a student misses 12 hours but absolutely aces the stuff he's been there for, the best he can hope for is 71%. And as near as makes no difference, the students who are missing more than 11 classes are not likely to ace anything except maybe textmessaging 101, soju drinking 1100 or advanced slackassing.
Well, I've been told to give nobody more than 11 hours absent. So people who have been absent for half the classes will have a really nice 11 after their names on my attendance.
Not only that but we've been told that students don't really fail English in this school. Unless there is someone who just hasn't been in class at all, they all have to get at least 60%. So I'm gonna have a lot of students who missed more than 50% of class getting 60%! "Why is everything" in Korean schools, "always such a travesty, man!?!?"
So it looks like things are pretty lax. Not so! The way to fill out our official attendance forms was outlined and I think that's gonna take more time than marking the final exams did. I have 3-hour classes. If a student was absent for one of the three hours I hafta make a /. For two of three I make a //. For all three hours I cross the //. And it is important to evenly disperse the phony crossed //'s, //'s and /'s for the students you are trying to make look like they were only absent 11 hours. We have to try to make it look genuine if we can.
For holidays or special days like sports days, military training days for the guys, school festivals, and we had an election day this semester, mark all the students present but for those you intend to fail, mark them away. I think that's what I was told anyway.
We have to fill in the month, date, day and hours of each class on a form that's only in Korean so God help those teachers who don't read Korean. Luckily I do. But after I've sounded the words out with domestic accuracy and pronunciation, I don't really know what the hell they mean.
The marks are even more ridiculous. It's important to keep things pretty standard because it looks phony if one class has much higher marks than another. I have one class of about 45 who averaged in the 80's on their final exams and another class with about the same number of students in it that averaged about 15-20%. How in the name of FUCK do you average that shit out?!? And these classes have been that way all semester long! I tried really hard to make things easier for the shitty class. And harder for the good class. The good class even missed one day for the love of God! That's three extra hours for the duds! But I suppose it wasn't enough.
Not only that but within the bonehead class are about 4 students who are absolutely awesome! Two got 100% on the exam and two got 98%. So how can they be learning while the rest are getting dumber? And if I add like 50% to other students' marks, what do I do for these four?
It gets worse! Not only do I have to try to keep my classes' marks fairly uniform, but all five of the English teachers have to come up with similar marks for all their classes. How we are supposed to find out what kind of marks the other teachers are giving their students, I don't know. "Just cuz we're foreigners doesn't mean we're SAPS!!"
And now the worst part: after we have sharpened our marking pencils and created what we think is a stinky enough pile of academic fraud, we have to plug it all into the computer system at the school. Of course it is all in Korean and it has WAY too many bells and whistles and little bugs that we will no doubt learn about the hard way. And of course every little mouse click that is second nature to a Korean will be totally foreign to us foreigners and they won't think of explaining it. Like when you click on the icon for the program we need to enter the marks into, a box may come up that says, "Are you sure you want to enter this program?" because all Korean electronic shit has plenty of these useless extra steps to it. The choices will be yes and no but they will be in Korean so we won't have any idea what we're looking at. If we manage to guess correctly, a warning may come up that says, "The domain you are entering is not protected by your current virus software. What would you like to do?" The choices will be continue or delete all the work you have done up to this point. But we won't know what we're looking at. So we'll have to guess. That's just one example.
I've tried this inputting marks into a computer before and it's always a MASSIVE pain in the ass even when the program is in English.
But this is where I earn most of my money I guess. It'll be a very "creative" week I guess, working all this out. But after that it's two months of holidays! WOOOHOOOOO! Despite all my bellyaching, I'll think it's worth it when I'm drinking my Caucasians in Boracay, Kuta or Patong Beach. Just don't ask me if I think it's worth it right NOW.

Soccer!

It's World Cup time again and this country has gone insane with all out support for their soccer team. I like the Korean enthusiasm. Their fans did Korea proud in the last World Cup. Every Korean I know has been anticipating the World Cup for four years talking about how they're going to do even better than they did in 2002. With all the hype in this country you would think it would be easy for me to get into soccer. It's one of very few sports I just don't like. But I've been forcing myself to watch the qualifying matches, trying to remember key players' names and what pool they'll be in etc. I even went out last night to city hall here in Yangju, (or as the locals call it, "shitty hole"), where there was a big screen and a band in the back of a pick-up and about a thousand Yangjuians sporting their red "Corea Fighting!" shirts and their flashing red devil horns singing and chanting and drinking soju. It should be easy for me to catch the spirit, right? Don't get me wrong, I was pulling for Korea in their game against Togo last night. But it was too crowded at City Hall. I went to a bar closer to home where I could actually see the screen, drink some good beer and didn't have to stand. I'm not a big enough fan to make those sacrifices yet. Not even for the biggest sporting event in the world.
So I got a stool at the local Live Bar conveniently located about 150 yards from my apartment to watch Korea vs. Togo. I sat there drinking Heini Dark. I thought it a suitable beverage for the event since the consensus in this country was that Korea was going to kick some dark heini. It was pretty funny to see the panic at the end of the first half when Togo was up 1-0. But I assured my fellow cheerers that if Australia can come back from a 1-0 deficit against Japan and win 3-1 the night before, (see? I'm watching the games!), Korea could do the same.
Not far into the second half Korea was up 2-1 and the place was going berserk, but I, being not quite swept away by the glory of that fact, noticed something very strange. I saw several instances when Togo, (in yellow), sent two guys into the Korean zone to face about 8 Korean defenders. It just didn't make sense to me. Where were the other yellow shirts? For the remainder of the game Togo played very defensively. The most I saw were three yellow shirts in the Korean zone for half the second half!
Now I realize that one of the Togo players had received a red card and was booted off the field but shouldn't there have been two or three defenders in the Togo zone and the rest at least at midfield? I mean once they were down by a goal of course. But it looked like they were happy with the 2-1 score. And that was the final. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. I couldn't imagine anything stranger in soccer.
Then I went home and watched the France/Switzerland game. Did anyone stay up late like I did for that GEM? OH MY GOD Magnum! What a yawner! BOTH teams were playing Togo style sending 2 or maybe 3 guys into the offensive zone to try to score. THE WHOLE GAME! Like they wanted a 0-0 tie! And of course they got it. And I stayed up till 3 or 4 am to see this travesty! I should have waited till today because, classic soccer battle that it was, it is being replayed and replayed today all over Korean TV.
How can people call this sport "the beautiful game"? As far as I'm concerned when an athlete or coach is more concerned with stopping the other team from scoring than helping his own team to score, particularly when his team is losing, he is a PUSSY and he should give up on sport and become a life insurance salesman. And it's never been beautiful to me to watch these well trained actors getting grazed by an opponent's cleat and going down like they were shot by a sniper. Even waiting for the stretcher to carry them off and then bounding back onto the field immediately like a gazelle. And how can even a loyal supporter cheer when a goal is scored on a penalty kick given for an Academy Award performance like that?
I know I'm in the minority on this but I think soccer sucks. If anything the World Cup is making me hate it more. It's only the most popular sport in the world because no matter how poor you are, you can tie a few shirts together for a ball and you can play it. But that's just my opinion.
Corea fighting. :(

Progress?

Okay, time for another serious entry. I've been bombarded by messages all month about this topic from all sorts of sources so that it's been on my mind constantly and I'm starting to see that almost everything relates to it. Recent news stories all have a bit of it. Recent blogs I've been reading contain it. TV shows I've been watching. Even an e-mail I got from Kasia had this little story about a wise woman.
"The Wise Woman's Stone" A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. "I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone." Author Unknown
Those are ALWAYS author unknown stories! Probly because the author wasn't selfish enough to publish it for personal profit.
My topic today my little cheeky monkies is selfishness. Or really selflessness, and how the further we "progress" as a species, the further behind we leave it. And before you cast any stones, I'm thoroughly guilty of selfishness myself. I count it as my worst vice, yet am perfectly happy to try to practice selflessness passively. I'll do unto others... if the opportunity should arise.
Excuse me whilst I wax religious: The golden rule is not so much a trite tidbit of advice we should think of occasionally, but a commandment that, being golden, should be foremost in the lives of good people. I believe there is a golden rule in all religion that is pretty much the same, and indeed this is a sentiment I have found to be innate in all good people religious or not. No matter how it's said, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you." is the answer to all the world's problems. If we could all just DO it, we wouldn't need Heaven. Or for that matter, Hell. Or Nirvana or Valhalla or Enlightenment or the thousand virgin party or whatever.
I found Kasia's wise woman story to be a pretty good test of how good a person I am. And I failed miserably. If a person is able to even imagine the woman being happier to have given the stone to the man than the man at having received it, that person is well on his/her way to being good, heavenly, enlightened, or whatever. While I was reading it I was saying, "No, no, no! What kind of a jerk asks for a gem from a woman who is kind enough to offer him food? He doesn't deserve the gem!" I found myself thinking, "How phony is this? What woman would part with a valuable gem, much less give one to a stranger?" I was even guilty of thinking, "HAH! Of course it's a WOMAN who gives the MAN the stone! And a WOMAN who sent it to me! Womanly wiles! Delete, delete, delete!" I certainly am not enlightened enough to understand how the woman could be the happier of the two after giving away something so valuable. What did YOU think when you read it? More to the point, what do you suppose led you to think that way?
I was recently watching 20/20 on my beloved AFKN and there was a story of a middle school teacher in the States somewhere who did a little social experiment in her classes. She divided her students into groups and gave them a jar full of Hershey's Kisses. She gave the jar to one member of each group and told him/her to take as many as he/she wanted and to pass it on. After all members got the same chance, the number of Kisses left in the jar would be doubled and they could do it again. So if they had six Kisses left, the teacher would give them six more and they could pass the jar around again. The teacher said that none of the groups had any remaining Kisses and most groups had one or more members who got no Kisses at all. The group members were thinking less about doing unto others and more about what they would have done unto them.
Now it could be argued that if they had thought long-term and stretched it out for several rounds, they could all have several jars full of Kisses and that THIS is the more selfish thinking. I disagree. I think "get all you can NOW" is the worst kind of selfishness and that's what is killing our planet. And, with all due respect to my American buddies, I haven't heard about this test being successfully replicated in other countries around the world. But then again, maybe it could be. What has brought us to this point? And can whatever has brought us to this point be accurately called "progress"?
Anyone ever heard of Martin Frobisher? He was an English explorer who visited the arctic in Elizabethan times. He found the "savages" living there to have some very "crude" and "uncivilized" customs. For instance, they had no concept of ownership. Anyone could borrow anything from anyone else, including wives, without being expected to repay it. Frobisher's crew had a field day with this custom. They took all kinds of Inuit goods and inventions like furs, kayaks, sleighs, mukluks etc. with no concern about how well the people could survive without them. They even picked an Inuit man, kayak and all, out of the water beside the ship and brought him back to England where they GAVE him to the queen as a present. He was treated like a well loved pet. Elizabeth enjoyed watching him hunt swans on the Avon in his kayak. He eventually died, (of a COLD for crying out loud!), far away from his family and his "uncivilized" land where many of his friends and family died off due largely to inequities in trade with the British.
The other natives in Canada had no concept of ownership when white men arrived either. Over the years they sure have smartened up haven't they? While I was living in Thunder Bay about 10 years ago, my neighbour, a native guy, unlocked my bike and took it. His wife had their car. I was almost late for work when he returned with the bike. I was really mad and told him he could borrow it any time but he had to ask me first. He challenged me to a fight because he thought I was saying he had stolen it. If I wasn't late for work, I may have taken him up on the fight offer. But I didn't. I just took the bike and rode it to work. I was late. Then one night my roommate and I were having a noisy party and guess who came over to complain about US infringing on his house owner's rights?
And then there's Ann Coulter talking about how some 911 widows are complaining about government officials, police, firefighters etc. all for personal gain. It seems to me if Ann Coulter is buying up 1.5 million dollar condos and 1.8 million dollar homes, maybe she's complaining about these women for her own personal gain. If she really just wanted to get her message out; if she really believed in it; if she really wanted to be like Jesus; she wouldn't charge for the books and may even leak the stories out like the story of the woman and the stone: author unknown.
The lyrics of an old song written by Kerry Livgren of the group Kansas come to mind.
Progress! We are marching backward,
Progress! as the captains of our fate.
Progress! We are marching backward,
Progress! We destroy and annihilate.
I'd better write a letter to my Gramma, or give some money to the poor, or send my sister some wedding cash, or do something nice in complete anonymity for somebody else today. I'm gonna try to give someone a precious stone. I think that's what the signs are telling me.

Cream of Broccolant

Yesterday around lunch time I got ambitious and decided to make some broccoli soup. It turned out pretty good. A full head of broccoli, some pasta, cream sauce, pepper, deee-licious if I do say so myself. Toward the end of my first bowl I started noticing that some of the broccoli seeds had an odd shape and colour to them. Upon closer inspection I realized that I had unwittingly added an extra ingredient: ants. I had thoroughly cleaned the broccoli and there were no ants in the pasta. The cream sauce was in a sealed package and the water was straight from a bottle. My best guess is the ants had congregated in the bottom of my soup pot and somehow I had whipped up my soup without noticing them. What a way to go! Drowned and boiled.
Since moving into my apartment a few months ago I've had a problem with tiny ants. It was really bad when I first got here. They infested two boxes of cereal, a pack of Halls lozenges, a couple packs of gum, a few sticks of butter, and I had to throw out a bowl of sugar. I've found them in my pack sack, on my cutting board, on my dirty dishes, even in my kettle. I have since bought ant traps, ant spray, sprayed ant traffic areas with menthol, (which I was told they hate), and manually squashed thousands of the little critters. The entire building was sprayed with really strong anti-ant juice and I had to vacate my apartment for a whole day while that was done. But they just won't go away.
I think the best advice I have received to make life easier in Korea has been, "Don't sweat the small stuff." These ants are REALLY small, but it's pretty hard not to "sweat" pouring a cup of tea and having a dozen dead ants rise to the surface. Or pouring a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and feeling about 50 ants crawling all over my hand and up my arm. I never know what I'm going to open next and get a creepy crawly surprise.
They don't bite and I've eaten enough of them to feel confident that they are not harmful when consumed. In fact, my broccoli soup was extra tasty and I felt pretty darn good after eating it. Natives used to eat particularly brave enemies' hearts hoping to ingest some of their courage. Maybe I'll eat enough of these critters to adopt some of their characteristics. It would be useful to have a better work ethic or to be able to lift 50 times my wieght.
So, in the spirit of not sweating the small stuff, I suppose I'll combat my ant problem by making cream of broccolant soup more often. If I start sprouting antennae I'll post a pic on this blog. Anybody want to come over for dinner?

06/06/06

What do you do on the last day on earth? It's something I have thought about a few times. But I forgot yesterday was the day the AntiChrist was supposed to blow the world up. What a thing to forget! Then again, it's still June 6th in some parts of the world NOW I think. Which begs the question, what time does the AntiChrist have? And that brings up the question, what kind of watch is the Evil One sporting? Rolex? Timex? Mickey Mouse? Is he on Jarusalem time? American time? Asian time? All stumpers.
If you notice the date on the picture to the right, it's not 06/06/06. I just included the pic cuz that's basically how I felt yesterday. And I think he's just plain cute. Alex isn't too bad either. Ar ar ar.
I'll tell you what I did cuz I think it was as good a day as any. I woke up at 10 in my room at the hotel where I always sleep off long nights of drinking in Seoul. I've flopped there enough times that I actually have a "usual" room. It's 119. 11:00 is check-out time so I had an hour to get used to my hangover and summon the energy to shower and shave and all those other "sh" words. I had spent a couple hours the night before with Heather, Mike, Reilly and Roman on the roof of the Nashville restaurant. I love the roof of the Nashville restaurant and they have the best burgers in Korea there, which you can eat on the roof while drinking Red Rock for the same price as local beer. Then my buddy Kasia came by and had a beer and a half with me. She left me to go on a hot date with some other guy. So, I went where I usually go, and more often "end up", Woodstock. It's my favourite bar in Korea and within easy staggering distance of room 119. Incidentally, 119 is the Korean 911. So it's a perfect room for my purposes.
When I'm in Seoul I sometimes wanna go where everybody knows my name. So I Tae Won Woodstock is the place. The stool next to the DJ booth has my ass print in it. They don't say "DAVE!" when I walk in, but the DJ will throw on some Rush for me. I had a good night with several people who knew my name shootin the shit, drinking sambuca shots, playing pool, smoking all my cigars, listening to some mighty fine tunes and ensuring that if the world were to end, I would be goin out with a hangover.
Doomsday at 11:00 after just checking out of 119, I had to eat. Since 119 is in the same building as McDonalds I had some Mcbrunch there. Then at noon I met Kasia and Christy at Burger King. We walked around in the midday heat looking for a tea set Kasia wanted to give a relative as a wedding present. Got a good one too. Then we went to the Three Alley Pub at 4 pm. to have the ribeye. It was GORGEOUS as usual.
Around 6 o'clock, the appropriate time for the world to end, Christy went home on the subway and Kasia and I decided to visit a few more friends while still on the earth. We walked to Mike and Heather's just in time to catch the end of a game of Memory Heather was playing with Reilly Kate. I won't tell you the score but Heather got her azz whooped. hee hee hee. Then Heather pulled the lasagna out of the oven. I really should have eaten with them since you just don't count calories when you're gonna die and lasagna is a rare treat here in Korea, but Kasia and I were still full from the steak. Also, lasagna always knocks me out. The picture, (finally I get to the picture), was taken the last time I ate lasagna. I made some at my friends' house near Pyung Taek back in March. As you can see lasagna's soporific effects on me can be hazardous to small children. Alex was okay though, don't worry. But I didn't want to endanger the lives of Reilly or Roman.
Anyway, Kasia and I both went home after our visit and we both woke up and went to work the next day. As yet, still no appearance by the AntiChrist. Another Armageddon averted. Woohoo! Now I have to go to the gym to work off my hedonistic, end-of-the-earth shenanigans. But it was well worth it!

Here we go again...

Another week, another handful of stories out of Canada that make me want to return as an immigrant. They've got it made in Canada. They can do just about anything and our government will "fight" to keep them in Canada. I'm sure most of you have heard the most recent example. I love the part where the relative says, "They're not terrorists! Come on! They're students!" Well, as explained in this blog before, people don't really have to honour their student visas in Canada. We have a whole pile of "students" in our country with plenty of idle time to pursue illegal employment or plan crimes because they don't have to go to school. I bet they pass though. One student I wrote about before, Min Chen, who kidnapped and killed a little girl, got himself 15 years and that was enough to encourage the Canadian government to state that he "MAY" be deported upon his release from prison. Then there's this guy, the poster boy of Chinese business. "I may have bought some people new cars," or gave them piles of money, "but I didn't bribe anyone." He was expected to be deported and because the Chinese government, who make this guy look like a church bakesale vendor, didn't get their fair share from him, he would have been killed or tortured. So, lo and behold, we're keeping him too! I'm sure he's an honest businessman and will be a great citizen. He even said so, in Chinese, and why would we not trust a Chinese billionaire? I'm sure Bush wouldn't let this guy stay in the U.S. He thinks everyone should sing the national anthem in English and speak English in America. He should probably learn the word, "NUCLEAR" instead of saying "nucular" all the time, before he makes comments like that. Nonetheless, I think we need to take a page out of the playbook of our neighbours to the South. Bush may have the right idea here. Did I say that? Cracking down on immigration deficiencies is long overdue in Canada. Why hasn't somebody done something? Well, this might be a good indication of why. Look at the spineless, wimp we got in charge of immigration! Looks like Canadian immigrants have discovered how to get to this guy. I'm gonna apply for Korean citizenship while I'm here. Then I'll return to Canada on a student visa. That might be the only way to get a good job there. Where is the "oh brother" eye rolling emoticon when I need it?

Dave's Top Fives

Well it's summer movie season. There are some good ones coming out that people are all excited about. I'm not all that excited myself. I was going to give you the top ten reasons why, but to avoid any copywrite infringement, I'll give you two of Dave's top fives. And in deference to the Dude, I'll start a new paragraph for both!

Top five reasons I won't go to see Mission Impossible in the Korean theater:

5. Teaching E.S.L. in Korea is action and adventure enough for me.

4. Chinese videos of the filming of M.I. III with hilarious Kung Fu dubbing available months ago on internet.

3. Free Scientology tracts with the purchase of any sized beverage.

2. Pesky Korean subtitles always covering hot female co-star's cleavage.

1. Korea/Japan Dokdo negotiations much more impossible and free on T.V.

Top five reasons I won't go to see The DaVinci Code in the Korean theater:

5. Teaching E.S.L. in Korea is mystery enough for me.

4. Chinese filming of the movie complete with hilarious Kung Fu dubbing available for months on internet.

3. Tom Hanks? Did they really need to him to make this project fly?

2. Rather support the struggling Dan Brown by buying the book. Again.

1. Saving up to get my own Mary Magdalene.

News of the Weird

It's sports week at Seojeong and I got a 5-day weekend! What do you do in Yangju on a loooong weekend? Last night I drank some pretty good triple distilled vodka and bowled online till about 6 in the morning. Today I have been surfing the net. I don't do that often enough. It's pretty educational. I found out that the company that produces more frozen french fries than any other is Canadian. Yup, McCain. And they have a big factory in Scarborough. No, not Scarborough, Ontario, Scarborough, England. Why would a Canadian company make its product in Canada? I continued reading this article and had a good laugh. I wonder if this explains the explosive properties of Tater Tots when they are microwaved. Ever try that? It's cool! I guess that's what they get for importing their potatoes from Normandy. Then they really would be French fries wouldn't they? Or are they actually "chips" since their made in England? Anyway, there's no cause for alarm. The blast of any incendiary device hidden in a Canadian french fry would be neutralized by the gravy and cheese on top of it. Mmmmmmmmmmm auuuuugggghhhh poutine..... Then I read about this guy named Michael Smith who robbed a bank a long time ago, escaped from prison in '68 and has recently been located and put back in jail. 38 years of lambing it. What was he up to? Well for one thing he was running track for Canada. He was our flag bearer at the Barcelona Olympics for crying out loud! When you think about it jumping, running, vaulting, no wonder they couldn't keep him locked up. I wonder if he robbed the bank at javelin point. Just look at that face! Is that not the face of a hardened criminal? I guess he got older and had to quit track and field so he settled down to a new career as interior decorator to the stars. You KNOW he'll have the coziest prison cell anywhere now that Martha Stewart is out. Most recently he has been writing songs such as "The Dutchman" and "Spoon River" after obvious skin lightening surgery. He's only got two years left on his sentence. It looks to me like this guy is rehabilitated. Let him go. I'm going to make myself a "Free Michael Smith" t-shirt tomorrow. Want one? Then I read about a Canadian Cree school co-ordinator who is a big fan of the Edmonton Oilers. He gave the team a necklace made of deer and moose droppings and assured the team that it would help them win the Stanley Cup. The necklace will bring good luck to those who wear it. According to ancient Cree legend hunters would smear their weapons with dung for good luck. It all ties in. Hockey players are as close to modern warriors as we get in Canada. When hockey was in its infancy as a sport in Canada it is said that since pucks didn't yet exist, frozen cow patties were used. And since the gift was given the Oilers haven't lost! They're leading the Mighty Ducks 3-0 so far in their latest series. If they win that they will get to the Stanley Cup finals. Spooky! I wonder which of the Oilers is wearing the necklace. Probly Roloson the goalie judging by the way he's playing. And if you've ever been in a hockey locker room you'll know that the goalie's equipment won't smell any worse with the addition of this new accessory. The things you learn when you have too much free time!

Dark comments from the Dude

Dear Duder,
I'd like to know how you got such a long comment! I can't seem to post a comment more than a few lines long on other blogs I read. I sure did appreciate your comment though. I was beginning to think people had stopped reading my blog. And since I can't adequately comment on your comment in a comment of my own I figured I'd make another post. We are in agreement although it may not seem so from your comment. In fact your comment, and if I may say so, your marriage, goes a long way toward illustrating the points I was making. To paraphrase what I think you said, the laws are designed to "protect" women who are in marriages that are "joint ventures". I believe they should be protected. And I think it's just common sense that in a joint venture, any profits or losses from the institution of the partnership to its solvency should be equally shared. That's pretty much the definition of one. You guys have a dream marriage and you're probably the perfect wife. And I don't think either of you is looking for the sweetheart deal. But I think you are unfortunately the exception nowadays. I've witnessed enough divorces and I've seen plenty of good people become greedy grinches in divorce court to know that the purposes of these laws are not usually what they are used for. They are more often used to vengefully get every penny that can be gotten whether or not it's warranted. This is the ugly perversion I was talking, or "whining" about. Waaahh! These circumstances are what have lead to the creation of the prenuptial agreement. And here's another of the womanly wiles used in the matrimony negotiations: Why is it that marriage, which is protection for women, (usually), is roundly viewed as romantic while when the prenup, protection for men, (usually), is offered, the first thing the recipient says is, "That's not very romantic." Perhaps there needs to be a wildly expensive formal ceremony with guests and cake and flowers and music and grain throwing to accompany the serving of the prenup. At any rate, I think your last line was the best support you gave me. And believe me, if I could learn to suck cock and like it, I would be very happy. Because if I found a mate, got married, (which is a benefit my country offers that won't be taken advantage of by me), I wouldn't have to worry about an ugly divorce. We'd probably just settle out of court like business partners in a joint venture and with a handshake, or even, (ewwww), a kiss, be on our ways. But I'm still lookin for a gal who wants one of those joint ventures. And call me crazy but I'm looking for love, friendship, companionship, and a partner I can share a few laughs with. We are the only species that does that. Well apart from hyenas I suppose. And some species of birds. Dogs smile. Oh and sorry to hear about your little kitty. That was sad. And keep the Mommy mobile in the shop as long as possible! Cherokees ROCK! That might be what I'd get if I could pick any vehicle and if gas wasn't so expensive.

I've Grown Accustomed to Your Cash

I think before I sign my next contract I'll try to include a clause that says that if I should end the working relationship, my employer will have to support me "in the manner to which I have grown accustomed." How many takers do you think I'd get? None of course. If you disagree, please let me work for YOU. In fact, I think I'll quit my job tomorrow and get myself a divorce liar to hit my present boss with this old faithfull creation of theirs. It always comes up in divorce court even if the couple has only been married for a short time. Let's use a recent example. Ummmm I don't know, how bout Paul and Heather? The spirit of this argument is that Heather has grown accustomed to wearing clothes dripping with jewels, eating food that turns into flower scented shit, and if she does need to use the toilet a team of ass wipers, washers and powderers will make the experience a pleasant one. You get the idea. Paul McCartney is worth over a billion so his wife has lived in absolute luxury for the past 4 years. Is the fact that she has grown accustomed to this really a good enough reason for Paul to have to perpetuate it for the rest of her life? And how valid is it to say that these four years have made her completely forget about the rest of her life and rendered her incapable of living in the manner she did before her wedded windfall? If you drive a Rolls for 4 years, will you be incapable of driving a Corolla? I don't buy it. And why should I? It's just the slick sophistry of a lawyer. And what about Paul? He's grown accustomed to boning her. Lady Heather won't have to perpetuate that. It's just one of the examples of how man has perverted the ceremony of marriage and created more ulterior motives than honorable ones to enter into that blessed sacrament. If you look at it from a business standpoint, marriage is that evanescent "sweetheart deal" that all businesspeople spend their lives chasing but never catching. At least it is for one of the two parties entering into it. The sweetheart deal is the deal that can't possibly lose you money. And if you think people don't enter into marriage with this knowledge here's a test: Go out and get yourself married. Then quit your job. See how long the sacred bond lasts after that. It's just a matter of culture over the years that has made the bride into the usual business partner to which marriage is this financial gold mine. And you gals have come up with some really nice euphamisms and tactics to cover this scam up. How many times have you heard things like, "I want a man who is going places." "I want a man who is ambitious." "I want a man who knows what he wants and goes out and gets it." "I want a COMMITMENT." "It's the right thing to do." And my personal favourite, "I want you to make an honest woman of me." If you ask me, marriage accomplishes the opposite in a lot of cases. I'm living in a country where women make no bones about going for the gold in marriage. Love is nice, but the business of marriage still overrides the Disney aspects of it here in Korea. In fact, I believe it's like that in a majority of countries. And I'm starting to see the wisdom of it. It's more honest than saying, "I love you. Let me have fifty bucks." It's more like selling the services of a wife. Among those services is sex but the openness about this makes it seem more honourable to me. This looks very much like an attack on women. I just think selling sex is a very common thing. Whether it's done on a streetcorner or in the church makes no difference. But the man is not much better in this merger we call marriage. Throughout history and still today, men have sought out virgins for their brides. Not so long ago the wedding party and guests would accompany the couple to the consummation and wait for the proud groom to produce a bed sheet stained with the virgin bride's blood. Or a not-so-proud groom to produce a sheet stained with ketchup. Either way it's an illustration of another idea that I find disturbing about this thing we call marriage: the idea of ownership. I hope someday to own a house that nobody has lived in, a car that nobody else has driven, or probably a truck, but I am not at all concerned about owning a woman nobody else has slept with. Many men are. And forget about the virgin thing, the idea of ownership is the more repugnant of the two. Ownership of a person, new or used, is a sickening idea. But it's one of the main reasons I'll never get a business owner to sign a contract to support me forever, but I just might get a rich sugar Mamma to do it. I'll have to spend some hours at a gym and plastic surgeon but it's a possibility. So after I get my buns back to steel and my abs back to iron; once I have more hair on my head than my back; once I liposuck this and tuck that; once I find a rich woman who I may or may not have some affection for, I can make this offer: Support me for life and you will own this body for life, maybe. I just can't figure out why people get married. Scuse me while I go throw up.

Saturday afternoon sonnets

So Barry Bonds is closing in on Ruth.
They are two hitters of a different class.
The cleanliness of Bonds requires proof,
While Babe hit homers drunk half off his ass.

The pundits and the purists prattle on,
about the homerun totals they amassed,
and all the pressure has been put upon
young Barry who could be Babe Ruth's grandson.

The seven hundred and thirteenth homerun
was the last dinger Bonds hit o'er the fence.
Since then he has been under the press gun
to hit one out and prove his dominance.

And soon he'll beat the Babe, but I can not avoid
thinking how great he would have been taking steroids!


Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are through.
His wife? I thought she died God rest her soul.
Oh he remarried? Geez, I never knew.
Almost four years ago? What do you know!

Without my knowledge quietly he wed
the virgin Heather Mills pure as the snow.
A household name it surely can't be said.
But now she'll fill the tabloids there's no doubt!

But let's not hate the Beatle heiress yet.
These times are trying for sweet sweet Heather.
It's undetermined how much she will get.
What fraction of a billion waits for her.

And come on, she deserves the fortune to be sure!
He would be absolutely nothing without her!

Bespectacled, bebearded and bemustachioed, mine is not an aspect which elicits conceptions of that daily bloodletting ceremony known euphamistically as shaving. Let it be known, however, that to keep my Palaeozoic look from diminishing into Cambrian or altogether Precambrian, I do endeavor to tend the edges of my manly shock of facial hair on a daily basis. Nor am I averse to extracting partially masticated victuals with a comb, or eliminating hairs of incongruous colour with tweezers. Deviant culinary habits notwithstanding, I presently reside in a country where canine hair is more abundant and thereby more frequently in need of trimming than facial hair. It is this national deficiency of testosterone that has regrattably led to my weekly use of a pet grooming device to ensure my follical concord. At any rate, it was not the intention of this posting to reveal personal hygene or grooming secrets, rather to contemplate the wonders of certain specific articles of toiletry that have recently earned my personal approbation. This very morning I inattentively used two of the finest products man may purchase. Indeed the very apotheosis of value they are the last bastion of toilet utility at a reasonable price: Barbasol and my new Gillette Mach 3 razor. The circular oxidation stain beneath my shaving cream recepticle is testimony enough to its value. It is an heirloom I aspire to hand down to my first male progeny, or optimistically, my second. Admittedly, one male heir is optimism enough for me, but whatever his name, perhaps Ignatius, he just might be the beneficiary of my present can of Barbasol. A rock solid investment of $3.49! Were it the owner of a passport, it would have the stamps of 9 different countries on it, soon to be more God willing. And it remains as yet half empty. Or half full in keeping with the temperament of this composition. My Mach 3 razor has scarcely been used but I am exceedingly impressed that since its purchase the better part of a month ago, it has had but one blade affixed to it. More precisely, three blades in treble series and perhaps therein lies the engine of its miraculous longevity. I would that I had more sheer chin acrage to experiment with 4, nay 5 or even 6 bladed implements. But I mustn't be overzealous lest I raze the entire crop of woolen frontage in a frenzy of pure product satisfaction. In summation, if you don't shave now, try it. If you do, do it in the knowledge that you are a wise consumer.

What Burns Me

I was just watching the Jeff Foxworthy show tonight and he's got a little bit he does called "What Burns Me". Well I always find those interesting. I got a couple. The fake "well". Everybody's heard it, we just haven't given it a name yet. It sounds something like this: "That foul ball was, well, it was just foul." I guess it's supposed to indicate that the speaker is just saying the comment spontaneously when it's clear to everybody that it's planned in advance. "The winners go home as champions, the losers, well, they just go home." Not very spontaneous! And another thing that burns me is TV shows and movies where somebody gets themselves a drink and doesn't drink it. Especially at a bar. They just leave the place without ever touching the drink. That burns me. Those drinks are expensive! It just kills the realism of the show. But speaking of the Jeff Foxworthy show, he did a skit where three rednecks were scared out of their wits and ran out of the bar yelling and screaming leaving three full bottles of beer on the table. Then one of them came back in, still yelling and screaming, picked up the three beers and yelled and screamed his way out of the bar. Now that's reality TV! And I'm really tired of "at the end of the day". Who started this anyway? I've heard all kinds of people using it from atheletes to politicians. Usually, whatever they qualify with this is the same at the beginning of the day too. So what exactly does it mean? I dunno, maybe I'm just watching too much TV. But, at the end of the day, these things just, well, they just burn me.

This was going to be a post about the long weekend I spent in Seoul, but I read yet another story out of Canada that reminded me of one of the reasons why I'm not there. Has anyone heard of Cecilia Zhang? Her tragic story was actually on America's Most Wanted in 2003. She was kidnapped, killed, dumped and missing for a Canadian winter before her skeleton was found. Well her killer is being tried right now in Brampton, Ontario. It is a story that will probably be duplicated again and again before my stupid country can overcome our national pathological fear of giving offense to foreigners and face some hard facts. There was a very simple step that should have been taken that would have prevented this tragedy. But because of our hypersensativity toward foreigners, this step is no longer taken in Canada. In fact it is roundly regarded as kind of racist. Look at paragraph 5 of this article. Now, I'm no expert on student visas but Min Chen was not attending class for a long time. He should have been deported! He should not have been in the country idly whiling away his hours thinking of what rides to enjoy at the Devil's playground. I did work at a Chinese school in Vancouver for 2 years. At the time it was one of well over 200 foreign schools in that city. Half of the students in my school NEVER came to class. This is obviously a breach of their student visa agreements. Min Chen was in Canada on a student visa and had quit school months before committing his crime. Somebody at Seneca College may very well have reported his violation to the appropriate ministry, but it wouldn't have done any good. I know this because I phoned that appropriate ministry twice during my days at Kingston College in Vancouver where half of the students were illegally in Canada on false student visas. The first time, after the requisite 30 minutes of phone gymnastics you go through when you call any government agency, a woman answered the phone, heard part of my story, called me a filthy racist and hung up on me. I called again, suffered through the 30 minutes of frustration and got through to a man. He eloquently and politely told me that there is absolutely nothing that can be done. By his office or anyone in Canada. In short, we no longer enforce our student visas. I am positive that many of my students were working while studying in Canada too. Another violation. Recently in Vancouver a Chinese guy named Michael Ng became the first person on trial for human trafficking in Canada. I wonder if HE was a "student" in Canada as well. I'm not going to defend these two criminals, but I am really not convinced that the government officials who are making and enforcing our immigration and visa laws in Canada really understand what they are doing. From all accounts I've heard from people who are from China or who have lived there, and all the information I have gathered, I would guess that the average wage of a worker in China is about a dollar a day. It's a very educated guess and probably quite accurate. More in the cities, but less in the country. Let's say for convenience that minimum wage in Canada is 8 bucks an hour. An 8-hour day equates to 64 times the salary an average guy can make in China. And it only goes up from there. And let's not kid ourselves, how many Chinese people do you know who don't scoff at a lazy 8-hour day? Do you suppose this might be why? Do you suppose this might also be one of the reasons our government officials are illegally allowing so many Chinese into Canada? They are the perfect labour force. Not like us Canadians who demand worker's rights, coffee breaks, pension, health insurance, extra portions of tartar sauce with our fish etc. etc. The most recent announcement given in Canada was 2 million Chinese in our country. Go to Vancouver or Toronto and you'll understand how laughable that statistic is. But as Henry Ford once said, "There are three kinds of lies: white lies, damned lies and statistics." I don't know about you but I'd work at least 16 hours a day if I could multiply MY salary by 64. Now think of how many laws you would be willing to fracture if you could multiply your present salary by 64. We're getting close to the mentality of these people. Throw in the facts that they have 1.2 billion dependants in their country; it's not uncommon to have crooks who are cheating them out of some of their foreign salaries like the thugs who were holding Michael Ng's family hostage; and their culture is so fanatically obsessed with money and now we are even closer to understaning their mentality. They are not concerned with our laws. If Min Chen's abduction had gone off without a hitch; if he had used the ransom money to start a business or make some investments or even engage in more lucrative law breaking to become rich, would he still be considered a "bad" person by his family, friends and countrimen? In answer to that, I'd like to put a link to a common Korean folk tale here but the best I can do is give you a link to a dead page. So I'll paraphrase it as best I can. Remember, Korea has only recently had the influences of Christianity and globalization to temper their national usury and graft. These are business weaknesses China has still not really been affected by. Also remember that this is a story they tell children here. One of many that seem to have a similar central message. I'll let you figure out what that is. There once was a middle school teacher in Korea. He brought "delicious" snacks to school every day and feasted on them while his students watched enviously. I put delicious in quotes because they were dried persimmons. Ewww. He told his students that if they ate his snacks, they would die. One day the teacher had to go to town on business. He left the children unattended for an hour or so. The kids started horsing around, of course and spilled the teacher's ink all over the floor. They also opened up his sack of snacks and ate them all. When the teacher was seen returning from town the children got scared. One of the smart ones had a plan. He told the children to lie on the floor. When the teacher returned the smart kid told him that they had accidentally spilled his ink. They felt so ashamed of their mistake that they decided to commit suicide so they ate all of his dried persimmons. The kid told the teacher that they were now just waiting to die. The teacher turned away from the student with a smile on his face and said to himself, "They are learning." I could now post a hundred stories about business practices here in Korea, but I'm busy slagging Canada and China. I wonder what kind of bedtime stories Chinese parents read to their kids. Anybody know any? I DO know that the owner of Kingston College received an award for excellence in Chinese business while I worked there. He owns two "schools" in Vancouver and several others in other countries. Illegal immigrants, false visas, facilitation of an illegal work force, and I know my students who worked were making less than minimum wage in Canada but their Chinese employers could do that with impunity since they were working illegally to begin with. THIS is business excellence! And it's really enabled by our moronic government turning a blind eye to it. In both cases above, the two criminals probably don't feel all that bad about their actions because it was just business. This might explain the "chilling" lack of emotion on the face of Min Chen as he was put on trial. I'd be really interested in an interview with his parents. They might express their embarrassment, sorrow, disappointment, but would it be directed toward the kidnapping and murder, or the failed business venture? If you look at the history of the government in China, the Chinese Communist Party is far more morally depraved than the individual. Their government has been economically killing its people for decades! Not a very positive role model. Now in true Canadian fashion, I have to tell you here that I don't hate the Chinese. I really don't. I just can't stand their business ethics. And these ethics are practically unanimously accepted by the Chinese as necessary. They use excuses like population, supply and demand etc. to explain away their sins. I just can't wrap my head around this. But then again, I come from a country with a low population and rich natural resources. We have the luxury of being able to do business honestly. And some of us even DO! But get used to stories like the ones above coming out of Canada. And Americans reading this, don't worry so much about illegal immigration from the south because the Chinese are coming from the north! Ooooh I can't wait for the comments I get on THIS post!