Camaguin Island, (part V), Pedro's Restaurant and Bar

Okay, one last post about Camaguin. I had to leave this till last but it was one of the greatest times I have ever had at a bar. And not that this is necessarily a good or bad thing but I've been to a lot of bars! For those of you who think you might go to Camaguin someday I would highly recommend going to Pedro's. The food is nothing special. The service is fair to middlin'. But Friday and Saturday nights are a hoot!

While at the falls, Mally, Shella, Alana and I ran into a Canadian guy named Jim. He was from Edmonton. Big guy riding a big enduro that he rented to get around the island. I think he said it was 700 pesos a day. Next time I'll probly do that. He informed us that Pedro's might be a good place to go. Boy was he right!

The reason I left this till the end is because I didn't bring my camera that night. What a mistake that was! So all these shots were taken by Mal and Shella. Thanks for sending them guys.

So we were gonna meet Jim at around 8. We got there and waited a bit but decided to order. I wanted to make sure they had gin. They said they didn't. I was disappointed but I noticed some criss-cross wooden shelving with bottles of whiskey in it. I went over and started pulling out bottles to see if any were gin. The LAST bottle I pulled was a bottle of, (believe it or not), San Miguel gin. So I asked if they had tonic. Nope. But I settled for Sprite. I ordered a gin and Sprite. The next thing you know the waitress is bringing the entire bottle of gin to the table with one small bottle of Sprite! I gathered mixed drinks were not very popular orders at Pedro's.

After we finished eating, just after 9, the band started playing. They were playing lots of really good music from my era. Mal and I really liked it. AC DC, Eagles, The Knack, Journey, Bob Marley, Joan Jett, The Police, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd etc. I had been told by Alana not to dance and since I'm not much of a dancer I was okay with that. Mal and I watched as others danced. Here's a pic of Shella dancing with some of the locals.

Then Jim shows up and proceeds to eat an inhuman amount of food! I mean this guy ordered three things off the menu then when I mentioned that I liked the buns that look like really big dimsum, he bought one of those for each of us. But he didn't drink. Said he used to but now he was off the sauce. After seeing him eat I can only imagine how he must have drunk! Probly a good life decision on his part. This is me talking with Jim. Notice that there is still plenty of gin left in the bottle. It was early in the night. He was an interesting guy to talk to. He'd done some drilling in the past so we talked a little bit about that. Then he told me that he used to operate a big crane and he was now retired. Then we chatted about his travels. He was doing a really quick tour of the Philippines and he told me where he'd been. I suggested a few places he should go and he wrote them down. Then he told me he was gonna go to Thailand next so I gave him some information on that too. Jim left quite early before the band really got hot. But as you can see by the sweatiness of the dancing pic, everyone was hot, not just the band.

As the night wore on Shella and Alana were dancing with the local guys and me and Mally were drinking. They ran out of ice so I started drinking warm G&S. Not the greatest but after about 10 or 12, who cares? I was pretty happy not to dance because I was pretty sweaty just sitting at the table drinking. So there was a lot of this:

You can't tell I'm getting a little bit drunk, can you? Alana ended up trying my Gin & Sprite and liking it so she drank a few too. That's more than usual for her. But I think she was perspiring from dancing too. Even though I wasn't dancing I wasn't bored. I would have been happy to spend the rest of the night emptying that bottle of gin and watching the band. They had a couple female singers and the one had a voice really similar to Janis Joplin. She sang Journey well. Than the guys sang too. All kinds of songs. But suddenly they started playing one of those songs that made both Mal and me say, "I can't believe they're playing this!" And we jumped to the dance floor. We had to. I just wish I could remember what song it was. Well I busted a few moves and Mal was getting funky in his bare feet and people were cheering, high fiving us, the place went crazy! The dance floor got really crowded and hot. But man it was fun!

I sat down after a few dances and noticed that my bottle of gin was empty. This was my reaction:

So I switched to beer. After downing a bottle of gin. And this may be an overshare but I didn't go to the little boy's room a single time that night! Hard to believe, but true. These are the crazy things you do when the atmosphere is just right. But it was about to get even crazier!

Round about then the band played "The Sultans of Swing". THAT I was into! So I went up closer to watch and gave the singer a 100 peso tip. He didn't know the words 100% but he heard me singing along so he handed me the mike. Just handed me the mike. So what could I do? I sang the last verses and airguitared during the solos with my San Miguel in hand. I was the Sultan of Swig.

There's a crowd of young boys fooling around in the corner. Drunk and dressed in their best brown baggies and platform souls. They don't give a damn about any trumpet playin band. It ain't what they call rock and roll. And the Sultans played Creole. Ahhh Creole. So the fat, yellow shirted man he steps right up to the microphone... and he says at last just as the time bell rings, "Good night, now it's time to go home." And he makes it fast with one more thing. He is the Sultan, yeah the Sultan of Swig. Shella got into the act too. She didn't sing that I can remember but I think she played the drums a bit. I went back and talked to the drummer a little too. He was a nice guy. I gave him a tip cuz by this time the band had hit its stride. EVERY song they played was a good one! And not a single stoppage! All night they played and played. I think they let us sing and drum just to get a little break. Here's the drummer and Shel shmoozing:

And here's my best Mark Knopfler impression. See my beer? I was bottlenecking, baby. At least in my mind I was the best guitar player in the world that night. But the hilight of the whole night for me was when the drummer handed me the drumsticks. And I'm not talking about chicken! No air drumming either! I was drumming in a live performance! Really! And not doing too shabby either. At least not to my drunken biased ears. And lots of high fives were exchanged afterwards so I couldn't have stunk too badly. What a gas! Go to Pedro's if you get the chance.

Look at me! Five minutes in a band and I already have groupies! Look at the smile on my face! I can't imagine how I could have had more fun. Do you see that white spot on my shirt just below the collar? That was the only dry spot remaining. I'm giving that shirt away too. Rob, Mark or Jen, whoever gets it, you may want to boil it before you wear it. lol. What a night! What a trip. I can't wait to get back there!

Camaguin Island, (part IV), White Island

Ahhh. White Island. It's white. And it's an island. But look at the water. So clear! It makes for great pics like these:

Hey, with any luck I'll be able to fit both of these pics on one line since the one of me is a little scrunched. That's the one I was talking about where I look like a serious snorkeller. I think the volcano on the right is the Old Volcano and the other one might be Hibok Hibok. Not sure. Both of these pics were taken on what would be the convex side of the smiley face shaped strip of white sand that is White Island. On the concave side the snorkelling was much better cuz the water wasn't so rough. It was better for swimming and even windsurfing too. I think other than vendors who sold snacks, beverages and barbecued fish for us, there might have been 5 other people on the island. It was fantastic if you like secluded places to sunbathe. I'm not much of a sunbather so I went out in search of some good underwater species. I particularly like the underwater species in the above left pic! Heh heh heh.


Here are the gals going out to try their hands at windsurfing. The guy on the board is kinda like the caretaker or lifeguard of the island I guess. He was on the board right beside me when I was snorkelling. He told me where the best snorkelling was. I think he was hitting on the girls a little bit. And I think they were probly hitting back a little bit too. He was a nice guy though.

Soon the girls gave up with the sail and just went for a paddle on the board. They went out pretty far and the guy didn't mind too much. Then they decided to pose for a few pics. And I'm glad they did! Know what I'm sayin?


By the time these pics were taken Mal and I were sitting comfortably under one of the blue tarp tents eating snacks and drinking some beverages. We were both too sunburned to do much playing in the sun with the girls. But we were happy to watch. I had finished with my snorkelling and got what I think was my best picture of the elusive clown fish. I saw him chasing all kinds of fish away from his anemone and just stayed in the one spot taking picture after picture until I guessed I had a good one. I didn't get a really GREAT one but I like the one below. It still doesn't have the side view of the clown fish I was after but you can see some of the fish he was chasing away.

Here's a pic of Mally getting grossed out by Shella sucking the fish head. Those CDO girls eat the WHOLE fish lemme tell ya! You can really see the smiley face shape of the island in this pic. And note how deserted it is! Noice!

See how sunburnt Mal is? I was like that too. The girls just got browner. Lucky! The boat behind Shella's head is the kind we took to the island. They look like sailboats but they have motors on them.

And here's Alana eating lunch. I think it was barbecued bangus, (milkfish), some noodles and Chippies. I'm looking skyward and probably doing some number crunching trying to figure out how many more years of working in Korea it'll be before I can just go to the Philippines and not come back. If I ever get myself a diving licence and start seeing how much better the critters are deep below the surface, I think I might just go A.W.O.L. forever. Maybe I WOULD make my living diving for pearls or something. I could probably be a diving instructor. Or maybe I could discover some new species of fish and name them. The Simpsonian Bartfish. The Blue Haired Margerie. Blowfish Homerius. Things like that.

Anyhoo, that was the best vacation I've ever been on in my life! Due to the fact that there were practically no seats available on flights going back to Korea and I had an open ticket, I stayed about 20 days longer than planned, so it was a lot more expensive than I wanted. But I regret nothing! I can always teach some extra classes and do kids camps to make some extra money to make up for it.

Now let's see... my next vacation is in June. I could go back and stay part of June and all of July... There's still stuff to be done on Camaguin. It could happen. Watch for it here.

Camaguin Island, (part III), Sunken Cemetary

This is where I did the best snorkelling of the trip. And I went snorkelling quite a few times. But I saw all kinds of nice stuff. You can kinda see the life under the water in this shot. And lemme tell ya it was lively down there! In the cemetary. Hah. A couple nice pieces of coral I saw. And they were just shallow enough to get that nice wavy sunlight on them. I love that. I just wish I could fit them in side by side like I can while I type here. But then when I see the finished product they're always on top of each other. Oh well. Still nice.














I was always careful not to step on anything alive, fragile, poisonous or things like that. But I did have one little scare. I stepped on something that felt like a piece of glass. But the pain just kept going. I thought I'd better get someone to look for me so I hopped over to Mal and asked what was on the bottom of my foot. And there was this little, tiny crab holding on for dear life. It was cute. I got a pic of him but it's too blurry to include here.

There are just too many to post. But I'll post one last pic. My favourite fish, the clownfish, swam right up to me to say hello. It's hard to get a good pic of them because they are always looking at you and so you can't get the side view with the nice colours. But I like this pic. You can see the sea anemone in the background where he calls home. I wonder why they only allow clown fish in them. Maybe they like them like me. I have other clownfish pics too. But I'll make a new post for White Island.

Camaguin Island, (part II)

Since I was bragging about the pool at the Golden Sunset Hotel, I figured I'd throw a pic in here. See the roof? Under there is the bar. We had a few beverages there lemme tell ya. They have a special drink called the Golden Sunset. It's Gin, Blue Curacao and I think orange juice, but they were probly out of O.J. the first night cuz Al and I had a couple and they were pretty blue and pretty harsh! Not much o.j. in them if any. Salt around the rim of the glass too. Not a fan of that. But anyway, you can see the lanterns in the trees. Those trees are old and gorgeous. They are right over the pool. It keeps the staff busy skimming leaves all day but it's so worth it! What you can't see is the hammock between the two trees. It was really comfy. Actually I acquired a bit of an injury from the hammock. We were trying to give the tree branches a stress test so Shella and I jumped in the hammock together and made a bow in the branches but they held. Strong old trees. Then Mally decided to push us so the hammock was hitting the tree. I decided to bail out so I rolled off and into the sand below the hammock, flattened as it swung over me then rolled out of the way. Just like my navy seal training taught me to do. But I got a little boo boo on my thumb somehow while doing it. Oh well. Nothing a little duck tape won't fix. The fun we had!

Here are the trees. And beyond them is the beach. Good snorkelling there. Although you have to go at the right time of day. Sometimes it's pretty rough water. I actually body surfed a bit on a windy day. But sometimes it's calm enough to snorkel. And you can see some nice stuff right there. Including the blue starfish and some other assorted fish. Actually if the building wasn't there you could probly see White Island out there. I think I could swim to White Island from this hotel. Though I wouldn't wanna try. Some of the waves are a bit high and who knows what kind of currents there are? It's too bad I couldn't take a night shot. My cam. has settings for night shots but I can't seem to keep still enough to do it properly. I should probly buy myself a tripod. Hey wait a minute! I have one! Dang! Shoulda brought it!



By the way, in the vid. Shella says her name is "Mitch". I think that's Alana's email too. I'm not sure of the inside joke there. Actually, we didn't have much time to go sightseeing after meeting Mal and Shella so we just went to Kitabawasan Falls together. It was great. I'm trying to upload a vid. to my blog. I tried before a few times and failed. I sure hope it works this time. Just in case it doesn't, here are a few pics:

I like this one of Mal and Shella in front of the falls. Doesn't he just look like every truck driver you've ever known? Good guy to talk to too. The water under the falls was really really cold too! The only place I swam in cold water the whole time I was in the Philippines. It was nice. I actually brought my snorkelling gear and got right under the falls where the water was much deeper. I didn't see any fish anywhere out there but there was a slowly decaying SHOE under the falls. I bet there's an entertaining story behind that! There were all kinds of vines beside the falls I don't know if you can see in the video. But I bet if you stayed long enough you could see a monkey or two. We had to walk down to the bottom of the falls, of course, and there was a monkey at the top. A pet monkey tied to a clothes line. He sure didn't like the girls! Tried to jump at them. Luckily his chain wasn't long enough to reach them. Little guy was probly just lonely.

Here's Alana, Shella and someone else walking down to the falls. I recommend a visit. It's really fun. I only wish we'd packed a bit of a picnic. They have tables there for that sort of thing. I think we could have even had a bit of a barbecue if we wanted. Oh well, next time. And I really think there will be a next time. Maybe as soon as June this year. I already miss the place looking at all these pics. There are only a few things I really don't miss about the Philippines. I don't miss hearing the song "Beautiful Girls" about 10 times a day. I don't miss getting ROCK HARD toast with now useless butter on the side. For some reason they don't put butter on the toast before bringing it. Probly for these FREAKS who like dry toast. Screw them! Put the damn butter on! Ha ha ha. THESE were the largest stressors I had while I was in the Philippines. It was SWEET!

Here's me exploring the depths of the falls. I think my mask could make ANYONE look as cool as I look here. The bod looks a bit doughy too. But I guess a month and a half of hair straight back partying it takes its toll. Hah! Hair straight back. You'll have to take my word for that. No worries, I'll whip myself back into shape this month by moving across Korea, negotiating a new contract, and running around trying to get all my paper work in order. Much bigger stressors in Korea! But when I want to find my happy place, I'll just look at this photo. It was cool, clear and very refreshing. Happy.

Okay, next is part III. Some good underwater shots coming up.

Camaguin Island, (part I)

I've had my waterproof, shockproof digital camera for almost a year. FINALLY I got some good shots with it! For instance THIS shot! That's what I bought the camera for! These blue starfish were all over the place! Even in the water just beyond the beach at our hotel. This shot was taken just off the shore of the Old Volcano in Camaguin. Near the underwater cemetary. I guess the old volcano erupted a long time ago and the island sunk enough that the people in the cemetary weren't just under ground, they were under water too. Volcanoes have always fascinated me.

So one of the things I wanted to do while on the island was hike up the old volcano. Did it! They have some white statues along the way that depict the last days of Jesus before the crucifixion. 12 of them. They were really good excuses to stop and get a picture, (while taking a quick breather).

It was a really nice hike. And I didn't go alone. I have to introduce the other people in the pictures. First of all I met a really nice gal named Alana while I was partying my face off in Caguyan De Oro and she agreed to accompany me on vacation to Camaguin. I also met a truck driver from Wales named Malcolm and his gal Shella at our hotel called the Golden Sunset. Alana and I had just checked in when Mally and Shella came. They were searching for a good hotel and much like Alana and I, they loved the place as soon as they saw it. In fact Alana and I saw the pool covered by trees with lanterns in them and the stools of the IN-POOL BAR and we high fived! So the four of us were together the whole time on the island. It just made things more fun for everyone.

So this is me walking up the stairs to one of the statues. See Mally and Shella taking a breather? Alana took the shot. Actually some of the best pictures I got from the trip were taken by other people. Shella took a pic. of me when we were snorkelling on White Island, (a really small smiley-face shaped island just a 5-minute bunka boat ride from Camaguin. White sand and NOBODY else there! It was gorgeous as you will see). It's one of the best pics of me I have. I look like an intrepid diver in search of the perfect pearl or something romantic like that. The volcanoes of Camaguin in the background and the crystal clear waters are really awesome! Maybe I'll put that one on here. Later. We haven't left the Old Volcano yet.

I know you're probly all curious about what the gals looked like. What kind of girl would go on vacation with me?! Right? Actually Alana and I went out a few times in Caguyan De Oro and had a bit of a whirlwind romance before we ever got to the island. I know she's pretty young but that's one of the things in the Philippines: age just doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And I felt like a little boy laughing and giggling every time we got together. But I don't wanna kiss and tell. She's the one on the right. Cute eh? Shella and Mally have been dating for almost a year I think. The funny thing was how we first met Mally and Shella. Alana and I had checked into the hotel and were getting out of our "multicab" after an outing, (can't remember where), and in the driveway of the hotel we saw another "multicab" with Shella and Mally in it. The weird thing was that Shella and Alana knew each other. So me and Malcolm said, "Well I guess WE should get to know each other too, eh?" But nicer folks I couldn't have met. A "multicab" is just a truck with an exteded box with seats and a, (very low), roof on it. It can hold about 8 passengers uncomfortably.

Along the trail there were these really old, gnarly, thorny, ugly trees with these unbelievably sweet smelling, beautiful flowers growing from them. Although the pic of me getting the flower belies it, I assured Alana that sometimes there is beauty in the old, ugly and gnarled. I'm not sure these pics are gonna work. While writing this they are side by side but when I publish this post they'll probly be on top of each other. So the pic on the bottom, or right, is the flower I picked held by Alana. It's just too bad you can't smell it!

And this is the view from the top of the Old Volcano. See the cross? That's the underwater cemetary. Close to there is where I took the pic of the blue starfish at the top of this post. I was pretty surprised at how hard it was to take pics underwater. I have a mask that isn't really my size and that doesn't make things any easier. I can't change my facial expression or water gets in the eye part. And I'm always laughing thru my snorkel at clown fish chasing other fish out of their homes or fish swimming into holes when I go by. Things like that. So I get a mask full of water. That just refracts the light and makes it harder to tell what I'm looking at or aiming my cam at. Also, the screen on my cam is hard to see at the best of times. Under water it's almost impossible. So I just aim and hope. Zoom if I am really feeling lucky. But the pics turned out pretty good. Better than I expected. Isn't that nice? More to come.

Best Vacation EVER! Part I, CDO

I think when I left off, I had just hit the red sports car with my golf ball. Helluva shot really! High, straight, just a tad too long. I went back to the little course another day and saw the same car parked in the same spot. I DID notice a little dent too. But who knows if that was me?

Anyway, that was in Angeles City. I was in Angeles waiting for my buddy. But he wouldn't be there for another week, so I decided to go to Subic Bay, Olongapo, Baguio, Tarlac or some other nearby tourist town. But no sooner had I made this decision, consulted the travel agent at my hotel and decided on Subic than I was slammed by the usual new country ague I ALWAYS get. It was worse than usual though. Much worse. I was in my hotel for a week all feverish and coughy. Ha ha ha. Coughy. The worst of it was I had no appetite. I almost felt sick just thinking of food. So with all the ab exercise from coughing my glasses off, and the week of almost completely liquid diet, I trimmed off a few pounds. All my pants were noticeably looser. So silver lining and all that.

So I met up with my friend, spent another week in Angeles checking out everything that's changed in the two years since I've been there and also going to the old favourites. Then after a bit of a struggle to extend my visa and plane ticket back to Korea, we packed up and went to Caguyan De Oro down south in Mindanao.

I don't remember taking a night off. Every day go for a swim in the pool to kill the hangover and every night check out a new bar. It was great! Oh sure we checked out malls and got massages and did some other touristy things during the day, but CDO was all about the nightlife. And man it was fun!

Then after we'd seen most of the bars and we both felt like we could use some time off the booze, I went to Camaguin and my buddy went to Manila.

Camaguin definitely needs a new post.

This is the pool at our hotel: The Country Village Hotel. 1700 pesos a night. A bit steep but, hey, look at the pool!

Here's a picture of me enjoying the pool. I think I only missed one day of swimming while I was in CDO. I can't remember what the reason was. Probly sunburn. I got a good one swimming with no sunblock. But as you can see from my shiny white bod, I didn't have it before this pic was taken.















Then, funny story. One morning at around 9 am. when no self-respecting barhopper would even think of waking up, outside my room there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I staggered with a scowl, and opened the curtains wearing only a towel. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a bevvy of babes all in two-piece swim gear. The mid-morning sun gave its lustre below, to 19 pretty maids standing all in a row. Contestants they were, vying for "Miss Patag". And some pretty additions to this boring blog.

I figure #11 or #18 won it. I vote for #18, (the girl on the right), cuz she posed for a pic with me. Beauty and the beast! Poor girl. She could probly smell gin sweating out every one of my pores. But it's her own fault. I woulda been in the pool washing that sweat off if they weren't using it for the beauty contest.

Anyway, since I didn't bring my cam. to the bars with me, that'll be it for the CDO post. It was fun but not that photogenic.

New email address

Hey folks. Long time since my last post. Mostly because the computers in the Philippines, even the fastest ones, are glacial compared to my little lightning box here in Korea. It was just too sluggish typing and waiting half a second before your letter came up on the screen. I'm not kiddin!

But I, (being the terrible traveler), have found another bad thing about the computers in the Philippines! Word to the wise: Don't use them unless you must, and if you must, be VERY careful.

I got home to my computer and got onto Yahoo which said, "Hello davoid133. You have 48 new emails." So I put in my password and it said, "Invalid password." I checked my password, my caps lock, tried to retrieve my password, EVERYTHING had been changed on my yahoo mail including my profile information!

So then I thought back to the last time I used a computer in the Phils. It was at my hotel in Manila. I won't mention the name of it but it's on Mabini Street and it rhymes with the Shmiviera Shmansion. I used their one and only computer in the coffee shop to check if there were any updates on my job situation back in Korea. Didn't find any news but I sent a couple emails to friends and family. Then I tried to log out. I logged out of Yahoo but didn't seem to log out of the little program they have at the hotel that measures your time on the computer. So trying to be on the safe side I went to the front desk and asked the girl there how to log out. She told me that it is automatic. You wait three minutes and you are automatically logged out. It had already been more than 3 minutes and nobody was at the computer so I foolishly trusted her and went on about my business.

So I guess what happened was her or one of the bellboys who was listening jumped on the computer and got into my yahoo mail by retrieving my lost password. Although you have to know date of birth and a postal code for that. I don't even know what postal code I used. But they're pretty clever some of these Filipino computer geeks. Wasn't the Phils. responsible for the I Love You virus?

So now I'll never know what those 48 emails contained. It was probably mostly congratulatory letters for winning the UK lottery or urgent messages from the desk of Mahmir Abdul Mahatma Coat etc. I've been getting a ton of spam lately. And NOT in my bulk folder. So on the bright side it was time to change email addresses. On the dim side, I can't check my address book and transfer all my email contacts to my new contact list.

SOOooo, what I need is for anyone who reads this and wants to keep in touch by email, recieve pics from the trip, offer me a job, etc. send ME an email at my new address. Well it's not really new, I just never use it: david.professordave@gmail.com

I shoulda known better really. Mabini street. I met two guys on the island of Camaguin who BOTH got ripped off by a money changer on Mabini street. They both described a lady at an official looking office behind some bars who dinged them. They're convinced it was the same woman. I mentioned this to my travel companion in Manila but HE got ripped off by a money changer too! 7000 pesos I think. That's about 175 bucks, which goes a long way in the Philippines. And HE described what sounded like the same woman. Very smooth.

I learned my lesson in Indonesia where EVERY money changer should be a dealer in Vegas. They're really good! But all you do is make sure you're the last person to count the money. That's all. More than once I've started counting the money, (even though they make sure they give you LOTS of small bills in like 4 different piles to make it less convenient to count), and the money changer has grabbed the money back and tried to re-count it for me. I just let them do it again and then count it myself. It's fun. Kinda like watching a magic trick a few times. But I STILL have never seen the trick to it. Then if you try to count it yourself a second time they usually just give you back the foreign currency and tell you to go to some other money changer and then act offended that you don't trust them. Even though money changers are more convenient and nearby, it actually saves time to go to a bank and change your money.

I got dinged by one guy in Indonesia before I knew all this. I walked a few blocks to a restaurant, checked what I had in my wallet, knew it was the wrong amount and walked back to the money changer. I just told him he had ripped me off and it would be in his best interest to make amends. So he gave me my money back. I was pretty lucky there. That probly doesn't happen too often.

So the travel tip of the day is "Mabini" probly means "steal money from foreigners" in Tagalog. Stay away from Mabini street if you can. But this is the bad stuff from the vacation. There was much more good stuff. I'll use a new post for that.

Detox

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The best thing about working in Korea is the holidays in the Philippines, Thailand etc. Especially if you're work is getting you down. I've been here two weeks and already feel much better. But, as usual, it's been a bumpy ride getting here.

My buddy Kasia and I were invited to a wedding in Manila and Kasia knew a guy who could get us cheap tickets. I checked around and they WERE cheaper.

Our original plan was to come on the 20th of December. Then we could see the Christmas fireworks AND the wedding on the 28th. We got the tickets arranged. Then Kasia gets into a taxi accident a few days before the 20th. Luckily she wasn't hurt too badly, but she DID need to transfer to a later date. I was still going to try to go on the 20th. So on the 19th I went to my favourite place in the whole world: the Eui Jung Boo Immigration Office. My multiple re-entry stamp had expired. What's the deal with that anyway? Why can't we just get them for the entire length of our work visa? We need to get 2 to cover a one-year visa. Just another crafty way to collect extra money I guess.

Anyhoo, I go to the immigration office and it's closed! It was election day! So I start the LONG process of calling the travel agent and finding out what I could do. It took forever but finally I reached him. He said I could go to the immigration office at the airport and do it there. I asked if it wasn't too late to just change my ticket to the same date as Kasia's. He checked and said that that would be no problem. I said, "Am I confirmed?" He said, "Yes." So I cancelled my ticket and waited for my new one. It was for the 26th. So he had exactly a week to send me the e-ticket. He said he'd send it the next day since election day wasn't a working day. I said that would be no problem. The 26th rolls around and I still have no ticket and nobody can get ahold of this joker. So I started calling all sorts of airlines, airport information, baggage handlers, all sorts of people who kept referring me in neat cirlcles to each other, or just wouldn't answer.

But I decided not to let that deter me. I stayed overnight in Seoul and took the 4:30 AM shuttle to the airport. The flight was at 8:30 I think. I was hoping I could just get on the flight without an actual printout of my e-ticket. I had asked 15 people if that was possible but nobody knew.

I caught a break! I was able to check in with no trouble at all. Kasia, on the other hand, was having a bit of trouble with connecting subways and buses. So I told a few people that she was coming and they said they'd wait.

She made it to the check-in counter at 8:00. Just seconds after it closed. I was on the phone with her from the plane. People boarded for at least half an hour after. The plane didn't take off till 9. But they wouldn't let Kasia on. Oh well, I got two seats. Heh heh.

Then I got to Manila and had a helluva time trying to use the payphones. But finally got ahold of the bride, Jessie, and she told me where I could meet them. So I took a taxi to Ortigas. Robinsons/Galleria. I waited at the main entrance. A long time. With a huge bag. In the hot, humid air. Nobody came.

They were waiting for me to call back, I guess to establish a meeting place. I tried the phone in the mall several times. What I didn't know is some payphones don't work for calling cell phones. But when I dial it doesn't say any message, it rings and rings like nobody's home. So I thought they had all hopped in the car to come and get me.

I waited and waited. I decided to get myself a hotel for the night and start fresh next day. So I got into the cab. The meter had a sign on it saying something like "don't pay if the meter is broken". I asked the guy why the meter wasn't on and he said it was broken. Because of the wet roads. So I payed the dumb guy rate. He took me to this hotel where they had dogs at the main gate sniffing cars for drugs or bombs, their handlers wore bellhop uniforms with bow ties and caps and I saw people pulling up in luxury cars getting out, or rather being let out and immediately an umbrella was popped up over top of them. "Keep right on going." I told the cabbie.

So then he took me to a place that was I think 700 Pesos. For 12 hours! ha ha ha. It was hot pink. But it was within my price range so I took it. There was a mall right across the street with some payphones that caused a whole lot more frustration. But they also had a cell phone store there. So I bought one. After that things were smooth. I hooked up with John, brother of the bride and a guy I had taught with at a kids camp in Korea. He drove me to a place we had arranged to stay at before coming. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! It was called Metrodorm. It was awesome and cheap. It was nice to see John again. Had a good chat with him. But as things go at wedding time, he was running all over the place so I let him do his duty. Kasia was supposed to be coming on the late flight that night.

John's brother James was supposed to meet Kasia at the airport and drive her to Metrodorm but somehow they didn't hook up and SHE had to find herself a hotel for one night too.

But eventually we all made it to the wedding and had a really good time. That's Jessie and Bong. Don't they look happy? Nice wheels too eh?

So after the wedding it was meet the family time. It was a great pleasure to meet the Minguilians. I'm not sure I spelled that right. I didn't get a good family photo but we went to John's house one night and I took this pic. That's Mr. M., Kasia, Mrs. M., John, me and Joey.

Later that night we tried to go swimming and Kasia had a bit of a spill and re-injured her already banged up legs from the taxi incident. But she soldiered on. She kept saying, "It coulda been much worse." I think 2008 will be much better for her.

I'd like to continue but can't. Next entry I'll tell you the story of the car I hit on the golf course. Of cours it's the most expensive car in the whole city. But on the bright side, the ball deflected onto the green. You can see it if you zoom in really close. But why would you park there. It's like 10 feet from the hole. And not only that, there's a playground for kids off to the left of the green. Yank your tee-shot, hit a kid. Hit it long, hit a sports car. Now THOSE are hazards!

Farewell to HUFS

Back in my creative writing "salad days" I was told that sometimes when you write something that seems outstanding the best thing you can do is put it in a drawer and leave it for a month, then look at it later. If it still looks good, then it's good. But sometimes it doesn't look so good.

It's pretty hard to work in Korea as an ESL teacher and put up with all the requisite crap without finding some sort of therapeutic activity to get rid of the frustration that builds up. I travel. That helps. A lot! I drink. That helps. A little. Another vehicle I have found very useful to vent my aggression is this blog.

I do admit to applying a bit of hyperbole, overstatement, speculation, opinion, exaggeration, and strong words with the intent to ease my frustration while at the same time making my blog a bit more interesting. Most of my entries are entirely factual but occasionally I'll put one in that is "based on actual fact". I find it's helpful to my personal sanity in Korea to clearly define the bad guys and flame the shit outta them.

Although this past year at HUFS was by no means my favourite year of teaching, it wasn't as bad as I made it sound. Hey, there ARE some positive posts about HUFS too! But as I said in my blog, toward the end I was getting really negative. Looking back at my posts about HUFS, yeah, maybe I shoulda put some of them in the old drawer for a month. But I sometimes blog in the heat of the moment to get my thoughts out. I do it all with the assumption that 5-10 people tops are reading my blog. So I saw much more chance for help than harm.

However, I sincerely apologize to anyone I may have hurt who didn't deserve it. And good luck to all my co-workers in their future endeavors.

"Fuck off!"

Catchy title don't you think? But this is a well used phrase in the English language, the importance of which is often undermined. I have used it in my lifetime. Not as often as some but it has its place. Mostly amongst friends. It's a little more emphatic than "No way!" or "Get out!" or "You're kidding!" Kinda packs a verbal, (or even written), Elaine-esque push with it. For those who don't speak Seinfeld, it's more emphatic.

I've often used it to address inanimate objects such as video games, computer screens, alarms etc. And I like it when anonymously telling off bad drivers, bad athletes on my team or good ones on the other, bearers of bad news or things like that. But I rarely use it to directly address a person in anger. That person would probably have to be someone who had previously done some pretty hard work to lose my respect and they would have to be doing something previous to my using the phrase to piss me off.

Well, I told my supervisor to fuck off this week. Yeah, my special season's greeting for her alone. And man, you know at this time how they say it's better to give than to receive? Well I'm feeling that!

I'm not going to rehash all the trouble I've had with her. It would be a huge entry. In fact you can read about some of it in previous posts. I'll just sum up the major stuff: She lied to me repeatedly about the initial contract which cost me a vacation, caused me a lot of unnecessary trouble with immigration and screwed me out of two camps that would have gained me about 6 thousand bucks. She also made me cancel for the second time with the camp I got screwed out of by my PREVIOUS supervisor in the same way. This makes me look pretty undependable. She's also, in tandem with another worker, Dumb and Dumber I call them, caused more stress than enough with her office politics.

But it's the end of the year. I was this close to being finished and never having to see her again. All I had to do was input my students' final grades into the HUFS website, hand in exams, attendance etc. and I was done. So I go to the website and it doesn't work. I had asked my supervisor nicely if the site would be any different since it had been changed mid semester but she assured me it would be the same as usual. She was right. Last session it didn't work when we tried to input marks either. We had to wait until the website workers TURNED IT ON. How stupid is that? Well I just assumed this was the problem again. I called Mee Sook, my supervisor. She didn't answer. It WAS late so I didn't blame her. I waited till the next day. I called during office hours. It was a Friday and I figured she'd be at work. She actually opened her cell phone and closed it. Effectively hanging up on me in the modern style. She has my name on her phone so she knew who it was calling.

So I texted her and asked when we could input grades. She texted back the dates which included the day this took place. I texted again, "So I can input grades TODAY?" She texted "YES". So I called her. This time she answered. What followed was what I was expecting. She instantly assumed I was the problem and asked if I had gone to this area of the website and then to that area, then clicked this or that and I said, "Yes, yes, yes, yes..." I was very patient. Then she started suggesting every possible thing that I could do, none of them in the best interest of anyone but her lazy ass because she knew that what needed to be done was something only SHE could do. I.E. WORK for her. And she knew that once again I had caught her telling me what she thought it was I wanted to hear, not the truth.

She said I probably had a problem with my computer, I should go into the school and use one of theirs, I should wait till monday, I should ask some other teachers, (which I had and found that I was the first one inputting marks. Only one other teacher tried and had trouble), talk to office workers, she even suggested that I go talk to the people in charge of the website, (who only speak Korean), and ask them what's going on. And this whole time her voice is in a high-pitched, whiney, yelling tone because she doesn't like it when I point out her incompetence but still blames me for the problems she brings on herself. So I ask her why SHE doesn't call the website guys and see if they've got the site turned on. I can't do it cuz I don't speak Korean. Well then she started really yelling. All the same stuff. Why don't you why don't you why don't you blah blah fucking blah. So then I started raising my voice. "Why are you yelling at me? I am just trying to get my marks to my students as soon as possible. This helps the school, the other teachers and even YOU!" She kept yelling. "I'm not in the office. I'm on the street. Why don't you (same shit same shit same shit)?" So I just said, "Oh, fuck off!" and hung up on HER.

Shortly after the phone call, like maybe 5 minutes, I got ahold of another teacher and asked her if she'd had any trouble. She hadn't started plugging in marks yet but was in front of a computer so she did exactly what I'd been trying and I did it for about the fiftieth time. Suddenly it WORKED! The website was on.

It's pretty obvious that Mee Sook had called the website workers and told them to turn on the website. I wonder if the Korean teachers have to be told to mark their exams after they give them. Like do these people not have the ability to think for themselves? And rather than tell the website workers to open the site for teachers to input grades after every exam session, Mee Sook probably thinks the only option is to tell them every individual time. She's got a Ph. D. remember.

Most likely what happened is she called and asked if the website was on. It wasn't on but they said it WAS. Then they turned it on after hanging up. So Mee Sook will lie and say she knew it was working all the time, (like she had lied to me and told me), and she'll lie and say she never called to tell the website guys to turn it on. The website guys will lie and say it was always on. And the only guy who didn't lie, ME, will look like a big asshole for telling her to fuck off. That's Confucianism at its best. Acting, lying, showing fake respect to people who've long since lost it... FUCK OFF!

So maybe in fact I wasn't directly telling Mee Sook to fuck off, I was telling the part of this culture that encourages deception to fuck off. This is new. I don't know if I've used this phrase to personally address a philosophy or social conviction before. See how useful it is?

Foreigners Acting Like Koreans

What you are looking at is the best pic I could take of the stupid "common final" exam we had to give to our kids. It was Dec. 10th. I had about 135 kids jammed into one room like a rush hour subway and at the exact same time every other teacher was doing the same. In their wisdom the management of HUFS even decided to combine three of the teachers' classes into one big auditorium so they probably had about 3 or 4 hundred in there. I would show you the movie I took with my cam and give you a better idea of what we were working with but I always have trouble trying to put movies on here. I'll just say that HUFS is supposed to be one of the top schools in Korea for ESL or EFL and this testing style brought me back a coupla centuries.

Just one of the reasons their "education" system here is lagging so far behind the rest of the world. The irony is that Koreans are literally fanatical about education. They want so badly to be educated but they can't get beyond the obvious idea that they have to abandon their antiquated methods and start using ones that have been tried, tested and found far more effective.

It's kind of a catch 22. They get people who are trained with these old methods in positions where changes can be made to these old methods, but a huge part of the subject matter doled out to students through the old methods is how great and wonderful everything about Korea is, including its educational techniques. So they end up with a choice between what is right and what is Korean and this, unbelievably enough, is not much of a choice. We'll do it the Korean way!

Because this country is so fanatical about education to be an "educator" here is a HUGE badge of prestige. For this reason there are all kinds of people, many absolutely NOT educators, scrambling for the positions in which they can be seen as "educators" and I dunno, get laid at social functions or have people fake bow a little lower to them. People who are educators and who may have heard something about proper teaching techniques never seem to end up in the positions to implement them in Korea because the prestige hounds want it just a little more. And, again the genius of Joseph Heller, the catch 22 is that because the Korean "education" system is so messed up people can do things like bribe their ways to false doctorate degrees, commission smart people to write some smart educational literature and put their names on the books even though they understand none of the content. In this way you can make yourself appear to be an educator when you actually are just a guy with lots of spare change using it to buy some phony respect.

There are only a few things that can score you even more prestige in Korea than being viewed as an educator. You can always badmouth the U.S. or Japan. Never fails. Around election time people seem a bit less friendly to me because they support the platform of their preferred candidate, which, as the election draws nearer and he falls further behind the front runner, is becoming less about the real issues and more about "Yankees go home." But another sure way to get Koreans on your side is to be blindly patriotic. Using antiquated educational methodology because it is KOREAN trumps any reasoning supporting alternative methods that are better. Why? Because of the way they are "educated" here.

Another example of Korean methodology being employed at HUFS is the "no calling in sick" rule. It's against the law in Korea to fire someone if they miss days because they are sick. But they can sure make things difficult for you at work. Giving you bad schedules, bad performance reports etc. And if you're under contract, they can certainly choose not to re-sign you. We've recently had a rendition of this rule drawn up and circulated amongst the foreign staff at HUFS. It took this school several months to draw up new contracts with an amended pay scale for the employees here. In fact they couldn't even have them ready before the workers were hired. All us teachers are actually working under the old contracts. Now they are trying to decide which teachers to re-sign and which to get rid of and it's taking them forever. The Yong In campus of HUFS told their teachers who will be re-signed a couple months ago.

It's interesting how things happen at HUFS. I was deathly ill. I had something worse than the normal flu. I had spent two days coughing, blowing my nose, and not sleeping. I felt like I had been used as Mike Tyson's heavy bag. So I call in sick. It was a Thursday. One of the workers at HUFS, J.P., knows that I play pool Wednesday nights and stay out late drinking with the team. I usually just stay up all night and teach my classes THEN go home to sleep. But I NEVER missed a class because of it. The day I was sick Dean asks J.P. where I was. J.P. tells Dean about pool nights and how he figures I was just hungover. I don't blame J.P. for thinking that. I knew that would be a suspicion. Only hours after Dean, (who has been lobbying shamelessly to get on the good side of our supervisor and get appointed to the position of head teacher), heard that I might not actually be sick, I received a text message from the supervisor saying that I had to teach make-up classes for time missed and then we all received the notice of the new sickness policy. Basically we can still get sick as long as we teach while we suffer. Interesting...

And while we're kind of on the subject of Dean Dawson, I managed to find out just exactly what the hell was going on with the lame-ass teachers here. Why nobody would support any action that seemed in disaccord with Dean's wishes. He's responsible for hiring many of the teachers here. Enough of them so that he sort of has a majority government at HUFS. They are under the impression that he hired them and he can fire them. So they don't want to oppose him in any way. They're all just his rugby buddies. I doubt any of them has been in Korea or teaching for as long as they claim. It was curious to me how we never talked about that or about their rugby playing.

So now we're all suffering through the marking of this test he forced on us. It is taking forever to mark. It's rife with weak questions that the students are not getting wrong because they don't know the answer but because they can't understand what the question is asking them. These are questions he left in after being advised by better teachers, (including me), to remove them. I have had to adjust my marking because of them. I'm just adding one mark to every student's test because of the one question that I gave several reasons why it should be removed. It was edited and made worse, but not removed. So they all just get it right. It's the only fair thing to do. And they all know the answer anyway, which was one of the reasons why I thought it was unnecessary in the first place. What is expected is for the students to complete a quote taken directly from the text explaining a language point. Their knowledge of the text, NOT the language point, is what is being tested. And if you show this test to 100 people I doubt even one of them would guess it's an ESL or EFL test. It's just a test of the content of the book.

It's odd but when you look at the situations of Dean being in the position he's in and the management of the schools here in Korea it's practically the same thing. He doesn't deserve to be head teacher. He certainly fucked up everything he's done from his self-appointed position of leadership to this point. But he seems to want it more than anyone and he's lying, cheating and stealing his way there. I'm sure he's already bought the brass desk plaque and addressed his Christmas cards as Dean Dawson Head Teacher. Maybe he'll be president of HUFS some day.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll look at that picture in the future and remember how great the students were at HUFS. They were the best part about this job. I've never had better students. I never have a problem with the students anywhere I work. They usually ARE the best part of the job. But HUFS students were just a bit better. And I'll miss them. I certainly won't miss anything else about HUFS though. The management is on a course that is in my opinion the opposite of the direction they should be headed. They are making things more Korean, (bass ackwards), every day. I don't want to see that continue next year. And as for the teachers, they can bend over and take it up the bass ackwards from the management and Dean all year next year too for all I care. I'm not gonna be a part of that. I may be asked to return and I may say that I will, but I am not planning on it.

I'll likely end up back in Gwangju at a school where I worked before and actually had a good experience. It was the one place I wanted to stay and the only place that couldn't keep me. But that's the way I roll. Luck is only with me in the casino it seems. I got downsized by them and that was the reason I ended up where I am now. But it appears as though they might have enough of a budget to UPsize me back in for this coming year. That would be nice. Even if that doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll find a place that'll take me. And I'm pretty sure I'll find something to complain about at THAT new place too. So you blog readers have that to look forward to. YAY!

Work Drama

One week of teaching left here. It'll be a review for my students. Then exam week, input marks into the computer and fly away to the Philippines and San Miguel it all away.

Recently we've had a bit of drama. The management requested that we make a common final that all 8 teachers would use as their final exam. It's a Korean educational obsession to teach everything identically. They still haven't figured out that teachers and students are all different so this is a stupid strategy. (The individuality idea again). But in an attempt to do what management wanted we divided up into teams of two and together submitted some questions from one chapter each. There are four chapters in the book we used.

It was given to us as a suggestion long before the teaching started and a few of the teachers, including me, had questions prepared to share with the other teachers at a meeting we had at the beginning of the session. I was late for the meeting but when I got there it was aparent that one teacher had taken control of it. Dean Dawson is his name. I assumed that before I arrived he was elected or appointed to chair the meeting. He gave everyone a couple of pages from which to compose questions for our chapters. No clear guidelines were given as to how many marks we were responsible for or what kind of questions we could make. We found out later that multiple choice questions weren't allowed. All we had was a shakey plan of attack after the meeting. I thought we were going to leave there with at least a rough copy of the exam to work with while we taught. We probably had enough questions between us to do so. But that was not the plan of the man. So we all walked out of there kind of shaking our heads.

A while later I sent everyone an email pointing out that some of the questions, (the difference between "can" and "can't" and telephone skills), were better for oral examinations and it had been established that this would be a written exam. Plus the pages from which Dean had chosen to make his questions were actually not even part of his chapter. And he had already taught the book a few months previous to this. He was to make questions about garbage and human waste and he chose a cloze exercise on endangered animals. How these two topics could be confused I don't know.

To his credit he said my points were valid and we changed a few things. Nobody really got their questions in until very late in the session. Last week in fact. Mostly because we were all so confused as to what we could and couldn't do. So there were many exchanges of emails and finally everyone had submitted their questions except Dean. On Wednesday of last week he submitted an exam in which he had changed everyone's submissions and added his own. I mean changed like omitted questions, added some of his own. My partner and I had tried to make questions that encorporated all of our chapter. Dean edited ours so that they represented only one exercise from it. And he included a blurb with his exam basically saying that this would be the one we use and we would have to live with it.

So I sent a diplomatic email correcting a lot of the grammar, spelling and typing mistakes and suggesting a few other changes. It was mostly praise for 3 of the 4 chapters. But I asked him to "please" explain his thinking on how he had narrowed down my chapter. He fixed some of the typos and grammar mistakes but ignored my question and changed nothing in my chapter.

The next day we had to work. Every one of the other teachers, (except Dean), expressed to me in the short breaks we have between classes how they didn't like what Dean had done. Every single one of them. But nobody had bothered to confront Dean either through email or in person. I guess because they expected to be ignored like me.

So on the weekend I wrote an email to everyone but Dean stating that he is an equal member of our team and despite the fact that he had presented himself as something different there is no reason why one of us couldn't write an exam that better reflected the efforts of the other teachers. Dean's not the boss of us!

One of the other teachers, Rose, made an exam. It WAS better. She forwarded it along with my message to all the other teachers. Except Dean. I think this was just an oversight. I had asked her to forward it to all the teachers including Dean as a second option. It was not forwarded as an exam we all must use. It was just a suggestion. An option for anyone who didn't like Dean's exam. That was everyone but Dean.

Then the emails started coming in. One of the teachers, a guy I often spend my two-hour lunches talking and drinking coffee with, had engaged me in a long email exchanging session in which he did everything but give me a reasonable answer as to why he didn't want to use another exam. He contradicted a dozen things he had told me in the past month or so of Starbucks lunches and even contradicted himself a couple of times within the string of emails. I was stunned! He was the last guy I expected to support Dean in his power play.

So I gave him the reasons why assholes can weasel their ways into positions of power in the workplace. They can basically be summed up as, "Because the other workers allow them to." More specifically they are: 1. I'm comfortable with my job. I don't want to rock the boat. (apathy) 2. I'm scared of losing my job. I don't want to rock the boat. (fear) 3. I don't want to do anything to upset the asshole. (intimidation) 4. I can't do anything to stop the asshole, can I? (ignorance) 5. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz. (laziness)

My friend had sent me many comments in his various emails that were perfect examples of these 5 things. But he just kept skirting the real issues and talking in circles trying to make me think he wasn't an apathetic, spineless sheep and accomplishing the opposite.

Then there is Claire. She was the person who complained more than any other the day after Dean's test. Yet when my suggestion to create an option that was closer to what we had contributed and then decide between the two democratically was sent, and the test was created, she started saying things like how underhanded, sneaky and unprofessional it was. And how we were going "behind Dean's back." I suspect she had a little talk with Dean and he swayed her to his side. But I then sent an email explaining that by alienating every other teacher Dean had turned his back on us. That's why it may appear like we're going behind his back. She also complained that she had already submitted Dean's test for copying even though we have till Monday to do so. I expected Dean to give that as his excuse and really didn't expect the new test to be accepted. But I had to try.

Then I submitted an email to everyone including Dean about how his actions were a strong statement of his wish to abandon team democracy and demand we do things his way. I also explained that I was just acting as though Dean was an equal member of our process and represented only one vote. I said that we would probably have to use Dean's exam due to copying issues, time limit and apathy. Three of the teachers gave the ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz response including one of them who had told me Thursday that he wasn't going to use Dean's test.

Now, a couple of my past emails are perfect defences for the impotence of my fellow employees, (other than Rose). I think a lot of them are in grown up amounts of debt and they don't want to teach this schoolyard bully a lesson because it could jeopardize their steady income that they send to Visa or their bank every month. Also there are some legitimate concerns about new immigration laws here in Korea that would make it very inconvenient to change jobs. So they are desperately hanging on to their jobs despite wanting to slam dunk this dickhead. And it is very possible that regardless of what happens with the exam, this guy will be head teacher next year and they don't want him giving them the shitty schedules or taking away overtime they wanted or whatever powers he might get.

I don't give a shit about any of these things. I have that luxury. So I don't mind doing the dirty work for other people like this. I've done it before. Even at the cost of my job. No biggie to me.

However, I'm starting to wonder who I hate more in this scenario, the asshole who is stepping on his fellow employees for his own gain, or the spineless, ineffectual automatons who bend over and take it up the ass to save their jobs. I think maybe the latter.

Anyway, I only have one week left with these folks. This has made my decision to leave HUFS a very easy one. Enrollment was down this year and when that happens the school normally just offers TOEFL or TOEIC courses. That's about as boring as it gets. I would rather teach in rural China than teach TOEIC or TOEFL. And this school is going in the wrong direction in dealings with the foreign teachers with the management flexing its muscles more every day. So will Dean and I don't particularly want to see that. With these as my fellow employees I don't think I'd be able to protest if they tried to make us all teach in thong underwear. In winter. Outside. Using the snow as our whiteboard and pee as our marker. Teaching rote memorization of the dictionary.

My apologies to Rose who has more balls than the rest of them put together. I'm not grouping her in with the others.

I have some other options and I have recently heard news that immigration is thinking twice about the new regulations so I'm not too nervous about moving. I have a very good shot at working for a place that I was happy at before. Or I could always find work in Jan. or Feb. I suspect there will be a low enough demand for jobs here that I'll look good to any school and I'll have my pick of some sweet jobs. MUCH better than HUFS.

HUFS is one of the top English schools in Korea. It has the hardest level test to get into the English program in Korea. The students are great. I will miss them. But, as usual, the management in the place feels like because of the reputation of HUFS they are bullet proof. So they treat the employees badly and end up with the dregs of the ESL teacher crop. Hmmmm. Do crops have dregs? Holy mixed metaphors Batman.

I hope some of the dregs will get lost in the immigration law confusion.

A lot of people ask me why I haven't hooked up yet with a nice Korean girl. I usually say something like the cultural gap is too wide but it is so hard to explain. Not any more!

http://www.mongdori.com/forums/read.php?2,901

All I have to say is WOW!

The Rumour Mill is Grinding.

All kinds of rumours are flying around here about big changes in the ESL industry. People are freaking out and bombarding poor Dave Sperling with discussion forums about mandatory physical examinations for drugs and AIDS, criminal record checks, interviews at consulates in home countries making the old Japanese visa runs a thing of the past, and some other scary stuff.

People are exchanging panicky information about how you have to be fingerprinted at a local Korean police station for 20 bucks then send a request for the criminal record check to the RCMP headquarters in Ottawa where you fill out forms to release the information and one for if you happen to be charged with sexually assaulting a kid. Then it takes 4 months to be processed, (probably more with the influx), and contracts here need to be renewed in February, 3 months from now.

Others are posting about how much it will cost to have a good medical examination, (which is harder than you might think to get here in Korea), and how of the 12,000 ESL teachers over here, even with the better AIDS tests some 24 people without HIV will be misdiagnosed and sent home.

Still others are doing some online chest pounding and saying how they will not submit to such racist and unfair treatment. They're going home and they know all kinds of other teachers who are leaving.

I've been here long enough to know I needn't pack my bags just yet. A couple times while I've been here the Korean government found ESL teachers using fake degrees to get their work visas and deported several people. Even put one girl in jail for 6 months. The rumours at these times about new laws were pretty scary but the end result were a few rules that almost nobody follows any more and a RE-verification of diplomas that I think cost about 20 bucks.

I was told by a grizzled old veteran friend of mine who's been here 14 years that many years back they were trying to require a 4-year degree for all ESL teachers here. There was an uproar and a high ranking Kiwi official put the kibosh on that idea.

Koreans are emotional. It's one of their charms. I prefer it to robotic people who never show their feelings. It seems more honest. Unfortunately, when you live in a Confucian, face-saving society and you have a temper it's not so easy to just admit to blowing your stack. You need to make it look like you weren't just being a dumbass and that's not always easy.

When the illegal degrees were found Koreans were incenced about foreigners "stealing" their money and posing as educators when they were just ordinary citizens. And before they gave it a good long think they reacted. Then little by little stories of Korean phonies in high public positions like major Korean museum curators, architects, scientists, art exhibition officianados/university profs., even belly dancers and monks who had forged degrees from Harvard, Yale and the like began to arise. And if you learn enough about the Korean "education" system you know it is full of regular people posing as educators. But try as I might, I couldn't find a single one of them who served any jail time.

Other stories arose stating that the Canadians that had been deported had been given their phony credentials by the bosses of the schools they had worked at, none of whom were punished in any way. Estimates were made and stats were compiled and it was found that probably thousands of people in Korea have purchased and used forged degrees to get employment here, few being foreigners. So that witchhunt has abated somewhat.

It has been replaced by the latest proposed rounds of drug and AIDS tests, record checks and trips home for foreigners which are in obvious retaliatory response to a couple guys who have recently been exposed as foreigners having sex with Korean girls including children. There was one guy who had a website describing how easy it was to get young, Korean students into bed. I think he was talking about girls of college age. But the latest is this asshole named Christopher Paul Neil who abused kids as young as 6.

I don't know if any of you remember Cho Seung Hee. He was the Korean kid who shot up the Virginia Tech. classroom. Did the U.S. tighten immigration laws or impose any new restrictions on Korean student visas because of him? Nope. Nobody even remembers who he is. But I don't know when we'll ever hear the last of this Neil guy.

A couple foreigners use fake degrees, smoke some drugs in Thailand and have sex with Korean girls so now we're ALL a bunch of doped up oversexed, STD transmitting, counterfeiting sexual deviants to Koreans. It's not that bad but obviously these new laws make it seem so. To put it into perspective, and expose them once and for all for what they really REALLY are, I have personally worked at 2 schools here in which a male Korean teacher had been caught sleeping with a female student. In both cases the teacher was suspended. You know, to take care of the "face" issue presented. But in both cases the teacher was also re-hired as a teacher AT THE SAME SCHOOLS. Neither served a day in jail or paid a dollar in fines or reparations. These are just two incidents I've heard about personally. I may have even met the teachers for all I know. I have no doubt there are plenty of incidents like this every year. But when a foreign teacher sleeps with a Korean student it's got to be dealt with!

I'm aware that what Neil did was pedophilia and it's a considerably more serious thing. I don't much like talking about such things. Let me say this: I've been told by many Koreans that homosexuality does not exist in Korea but know the opposite to be true. It not only exists but since the forbidden fruit is always the sweetest, it thrives here. How much MORE forbidden is sex with kids? There is more than one reason why Koreans are making sure that the swirly face of pedophilia in this country is a foreign one. Incidentally, to come full circle in this article, one of the things that Virginia Tech gunman Cho obsessively wrote his shock stories about was pedophilia. Anyway, my point with this whole mess is, if Koreans start changing laws and cracking down on pedophiles here like they did with the phony degrees, they'll have to start looking beyond the foreigners and I have little doubt they won't like what they find. It has been a huge shot to Korean national pride finding all the academic fakes in the country. It came as no surprise to any foreigner here. But think of the beating their national pride will take when they start exposing Korean pedophiles. I think they had better think a little harder about starting that witch hunt.

And there will be a considerable number of people shocked and disenchanted with Korea when they find out that there are Koreans who use drugs and/or have AIDS too.

What we need is for some high level official from a foreign country who impresses the Korean government officials enough with his credentials for them to listen to him to get these new laws postponed until such time as they don't seem petty, retaliatory and racist.

I don't mind the new laws at all. In fact it's high time they had criminal checks here. I know of a guy who was a repeat offender working here for several years until one of his students found his mug shot and armslength list of offenses online. And there are plenty misfits, undesirables and absolute losers who have found their niche in ESL teaching here where people can't speak English well enough to discover what kind of zero their teacher is. We've all worked with them and wondered how they got here. Hopefully the new laws will weed some of them out.

I'm a bit worried about the physical. I know I've got high blood pressure and my liver's seen better days. But I'm 40 and haven't yet had the dreaded prostate exam so I'll kill two birds with one stone. I'll just make sure I don't see BOTH of the doc's hands on my shoulders while he does it. Yeah, I know. That's why I haven't gone in yet.

And I think some angry Korean government official cocked off about how he'll implement visa renewal laws that force foreigners to renew work visas in their own countries before he bothered to look at a map. This is going to scare a lot of people away and probably be costly for a very lucrative industry for Korea, (not to mention me). But it might also be good in that it forces Korean schools to appreciate the teachers they have, treat them better and hold on to them longer. Or at least that's what should happen logically if you figure how much extra it's going to cost schools here to fly new teachers around and how much lower the demand for Korean ESL jobs will become.

I really doubt these rumours will amount to much if anything. But there IS always a chance that I'll be coming home earlier than expected. These damn crackdowns on foreigner comfort and convenience make an unstable job just that much moreso. But I still love this gig and hope for the best.