Wednesday, May 24, 2006

News of the Weird

It's sports week at Seojeong and I got a 5-day weekend! What do you do in Yangju on a loooong weekend? Last night I drank some pretty good triple distilled vodka and bowled online till about 6 in the morning. Today I have been surfing the net. I don't do that often enough. It's pretty educational. I found out that the company that produces more frozen french fries than any other is Canadian. Yup, McCain. And they have a big factory in Scarborough. No, not Scarborough, Ontario, Scarborough, England. Why would a Canadian company make its product in Canada? I continued reading this article and had a good laugh. I wonder if this explains the explosive properties of Tater Tots when they are microwaved. Ever try that? It's cool! I guess that's what they get for importing their potatoes from Normandy. Then they really would be French fries wouldn't they? Or are they actually "chips" since their made in England? Anyway, there's no cause for alarm. The blast of any incendiary device hidden in a Canadian french fry would be neutralized by the gravy and cheese on top of it. Mmmmmmmmmmm auuuuugggghhhh poutine..... Then I read about this guy named Michael Smith who robbed a bank a long time ago, escaped from prison in '68 and has recently been located and put back in jail. 38 years of lambing it. What was he up to? Well for one thing he was running track for Canada. He was our flag bearer at the Barcelona Olympics for crying out loud! When you think about it jumping, running, vaulting, no wonder they couldn't keep him locked up. I wonder if he robbed the bank at javelin point. Just look at that face! Is that not the face of a hardened criminal? I guess he got older and had to quit track and field so he settled down to a new career as interior decorator to the stars. You KNOW he'll have the coziest prison cell anywhere now that Martha Stewart is out. Most recently he has been writing songs such as "The Dutchman" and "Spoon River" after obvious skin lightening surgery. He's only got two years left on his sentence. It looks to me like this guy is rehabilitated. Let him go. I'm going to make myself a "Free Michael Smith" t-shirt tomorrow. Want one? Then I read about a Canadian Cree school co-ordinator who is a big fan of the Edmonton Oilers. He gave the team a necklace made of deer and moose droppings and assured the team that it would help them win the Stanley Cup. The necklace will bring good luck to those who wear it. According to ancient Cree legend hunters would smear their weapons with dung for good luck. It all ties in. Hockey players are as close to modern warriors as we get in Canada. When hockey was in its infancy as a sport in Canada it is said that since pucks didn't yet exist, frozen cow patties were used. And since the gift was given the Oilers haven't lost! They're leading the Mighty Ducks 3-0 so far in their latest series. If they win that they will get to the Stanley Cup finals. Spooky! I wonder which of the Oilers is wearing the necklace. Probly Roloson the goalie judging by the way he's playing. And if you've ever been in a hockey locker room you'll know that the goalie's equipment won't smell any worse with the addition of this new accessory. The things you learn when you have too much free time!

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