Saturday, May 20, 2006
I've Grown Accustomed to Your Cash
I think before I sign my next contract I'll try to include a clause that says that if I should end the working relationship, my employer will have to support me "in the manner to which I have grown accustomed." How many takers do you think I'd get? None of course. If you disagree, please let me work for YOU. In fact, I think I'll quit my job tomorrow and get myself a divorce liar to hit my present boss with this old faithfull creation of theirs. It always comes up in divorce court even if the couple has only been married for a short time. Let's use a recent example. Ummmm I don't know, how bout Paul and Heather? The spirit of this argument is that Heather has grown accustomed to wearing clothes dripping with jewels, eating food that turns into flower scented shit, and if she does need to use the toilet a team of ass wipers, washers and powderers will make the experience a pleasant one. You get the idea. Paul McCartney is worth over a billion so his wife has lived in absolute luxury for the past 4 years. Is the fact that she has grown accustomed to this really a good enough reason for Paul to have to perpetuate it for the rest of her life? And how valid is it to say that these four years have made her completely forget about the rest of her life and rendered her incapable of living in the manner she did before her wedded windfall? If you drive a Rolls for 4 years, will you be incapable of driving a Corolla? I don't buy it. And why should I? It's just the slick sophistry of a lawyer. And what about Paul? He's grown accustomed to boning her. Lady Heather won't have to perpetuate that. It's just one of the examples of how man has perverted the ceremony of marriage and created more ulterior motives than honorable ones to enter into that blessed sacrament. If you look at it from a business standpoint, marriage is that evanescent "sweetheart deal" that all businesspeople spend their lives chasing but never catching. At least it is for one of the two parties entering into it. The sweetheart deal is the deal that can't possibly lose you money. And if you think people don't enter into marriage with this knowledge here's a test: Go out and get yourself married. Then quit your job. See how long the sacred bond lasts after that. It's just a matter of culture over the years that has made the bride into the usual business partner to which marriage is this financial gold mine. And you gals have come up with some really nice euphamisms and tactics to cover this scam up. How many times have you heard things like, "I want a man who is going places." "I want a man who is ambitious." "I want a man who knows what he wants and goes out and gets it." "I want a COMMITMENT." "It's the right thing to do." And my personal favourite, "I want you to make an honest woman of me." If you ask me, marriage accomplishes the opposite in a lot of cases. I'm living in a country where women make no bones about going for the gold in marriage. Love is nice, but the business of marriage still overrides the Disney aspects of it here in Korea. In fact, I believe it's like that in a majority of countries. And I'm starting to see the wisdom of it. It's more honest than saying, "I love you. Let me have fifty bucks." It's more like selling the services of a wife. Among those services is sex but the openness about this makes it seem more honourable to me. This looks very much like an attack on women. I just think selling sex is a very common thing. Whether it's done on a streetcorner or in the church makes no difference. But the man is not much better in this merger we call marriage. Throughout history and still today, men have sought out virgins for their brides. Not so long ago the wedding party and guests would accompany the couple to the consummation and wait for the proud groom to produce a bed sheet stained with the virgin bride's blood. Or a not-so-proud groom to produce a sheet stained with ketchup. Either way it's an illustration of another idea that I find disturbing about this thing we call marriage: the idea of ownership. I hope someday to own a house that nobody has lived in, a car that nobody else has driven, or probably a truck, but I am not at all concerned about owning a woman nobody else has slept with. Many men are. And forget about the virgin thing, the idea of ownership is the more repugnant of the two. Ownership of a person, new or used, is a sickening idea. But it's one of the main reasons I'll never get a business owner to sign a contract to support me forever, but I just might get a rich sugar Mamma to do it. I'll have to spend some hours at a gym and plastic surgeon but it's a possibility. So after I get my buns back to steel and my abs back to iron; once I have more hair on my head than my back; once I liposuck this and tuck that; once I find a rich woman who I may or may not have some affection for, I can make this offer: Support me for life and you will own this body for life, maybe. I just can't figure out why people get married. Scuse me while I go throw up.