A Really Tough Question

Here’s a really tough question to answer: In the final analysis; when all is said and done; when you get down to brass tacks; and, (ugh), yes, I suppose, at the end of the day what is the difference between kids and adults?

To be flippant, and to use the final cliché, which, Lord knows, hasn’t quite been used to death already, the end of the day is usually much earlier for the kids.

But this is a serious question and I shouldn’t be so nonchalant about it. I guess my chalant answer would be something like a kid becomes an adult when Life has somehow managed to suck enough of itself out of her/him to turn wide-eyed wonder and honest delight in existence into jaded boredom and cold calculation.

But don’t go thinking this is one of my dark days. I’m actually in a good mood today. I just finished a long, long weekend and had a nice visit from some friends. The preceding was one of my more positive answers to this impossible question. But all of my explanations seem to require further explanation. Hmmm…

Maybe I should start small and just try to do a self-applied Freudian head shrink to determine what social interactions, world events, thoughts, TV shows and other stimuli have conspired to bring this particular question to the forefront of my inner, and now outer monologue at this time.

It’s not that it has been bugging me more than usual. No I have a collection of things that are ahead of this question on THAT list. Like when did “hand-eye” co-ordination become “eye-hand” co-ordination? When did the “#” sign change from “number” to “pound”? Isn’t the cursive L with two lines through it actually a pound sign? People who say “irregardless”, “kinda really”, “just simply”, “at the end of the day”, or my all time least favourite word: “whom”. My favourtie word of all time is “lozenge”. Just so you know. Why shrimp are ever ever EVER cooked with the damn tails still on. I’m gonna invent a glove that just covers the thumb and forefinger that you wear so you don’t burn your fingers while squeezing the decorative tails off shrimp at fancy shmancy restaurants. God I hate that. Actually, I reckon I’ll move that right up to the top of the list of things that are especially bugging me right now. People who don’t know the difference between “comprised of” and “comprising”. And the self-interview is starting to get on my nerves too. You know what I’m talking about: “Do I know the answer? Yes. Will I tell it to you? Yes. Can I figure out why this is such a popular thing? No.”

Then there’s the list of things that always annoy me. Why mosquitoes and other blood-sucking insects exist. Pretentious people.

Wait a minute. Here, I believe, is where my question fits in. Let me hit you with two more questions: Have you ever seen a grown up who just never grows up? I think we all have. In fact that is a partially secret lifetime aspiration of mine. Question number two is have you ever seen a pretentious kid?

When we think carefully about these two questions I think we can rule out age as being any kind of determining factor on when kids become adults. To my way of thinking; in my book; if you ask me a grown up who has never grown up is just a person who hasn’t perfected the fine art of pretentiousness. Or perhaps just made a conscious choice, (bless him/her), not to practice it. And I feel; if you want my honest reckoning on the matter; to call a spade a spade acting like an “adult” is just another form of pretentiousness. We are, after all, “acting” like adults. Pretentious, pretending, acting… To expound; do ya one better; go whole hog maybe they are all one and the same. To whit; in effect; i.e. maybe the actual point when a person espouses pretentiousness as an acceptable practice IS the point when he/she becomes an adult.

Yet another question: have you ever known a pretentious person who wasn’t really, really, REALLY concerned about what others thought of him/her. To be more specific, …really concerned about others thinking that they are not a kid but an adult? I can’t think of one at the spur of the moment; off the top of my head; out of left field.

Of course there is the issue of responsibilities. How can a person stay a kid forever? They have responsibilities! Jobs, spouses, kids… I suppose this is true and I don’t for one minute think that a person should shirk their responsibilities. But being a kid isn’t all about being irresponsible. In fact I’ve seen some very responsible kids. Being an adult isn’t all about taking on extra responsibilities either. In fact if you look at the big three that I’ve already listed aren’t they just three really good ways to remove all doubt from the minds of nay saying parents and relatives, skeptical friends and even people we don’t know about how grown up we are?

When we get a job we even dress “professionally” which really means “like an adult”. Why can’t I wear shorts and a tee shirt while I teach. OH GOD why can’t I??? Especially in the summer. Well, ONLY in the summer I guess. I’d look pretty silly dressed like that in winter. But I reserve the right to do so if it tickles my fancy; floats my boat; cures what ails me; makes me happy.

I guess this brings up the stimuli that has caused me to write about this tonight. It is night here. Late at night actually. I got out of bed troubled by this question and thinking of my aforementioned houseguests, (one of them most particularly), and one of my students. You see both did something very similar and child-like but I was having a hard time forgiving the one, not the other. My friend’s five-year-old boy made a few messes at my house while he was visiting. He quickly apologized and I had no trouble forgiving him. Whereas; however; in contrast; conversely; on the other hand one of my students who is in her early twenties missed my midterm exam. She apologized profusely but I’m having a hard time forgiving her. You see I’m holding her to a higher standard because she is supposed to be an adult. Responsible for her actions.

I suppose she DID do the adult thing and lied to me about the reason for missing the exam. Then told me a few other lies while pleading with me to take a make-up test during my free time. And I admit I lied to her and invented plans that I had that made it impossible for me to test her during that time. We had a “professional”, “adult” conversation. This made me think more deeply about my job.

Let’s face it, we get jobs so we can afford, (or in most cases just so we can have a steady income which qualifies us for bank loans, credit cards, mortgages etc.), adult things like cars, jewelry, apartments, furniture, vacations, and with any luck, (bad or good), a spouse and kids.

Finally we’ve reached the acid test of adulthood. It’s really quite simple after all this rambling on and on. If a person has debt, they are an adult. If a person wears a triple mortgage like an albatross around her/his neck, they are no longer a kid. If they punch a time clock; run the rat race; suffer through the same old grind day in and day out they are all growed up. With only a few exceptions, debt = adulthood. We either have to be stinking rich or filthy poor, or vice versa, to have the luxury of remaining a child. Or old and retired by which time we’ve completely forgotten how to be a kid. Usually.

So then why don’t all rich people act like kids? Why don’t they enjoy life like children? It seems to me; I figure; In my humble opinion there is one more problem here: how does one get rich enough to revert back to childhood while still maintaining enough innocence and goodness to make it possible? As my good friend William Shakespeare might say, “Aye, there’s the rub.” For while accruing our fortunes we enter into all sorts of evil doings that strip away our childhood. Like forcing yourself to be nice to coworkers, bosses, clients, students, supervisors, work acquaintances you absolutely can’t stand. Being given a budget to throw a company Christmas party, using half and pocketing the rest. Telling your supervisor how gallactically brilliant you think she is. Phoning in sick so you can (insert activity here). Acting like you don’t really mind the bosses bad hairpiece or his sexual innuendo. Telling a client that yes this (insert product here) really IS the best. (insert personal example here).

Lying, cheating and stealing, or even worse, for our careers. These are the things that slowly erode our childhood. And how do we justify piling these little sins one on top of the other? Of course, we do it for our spouses and our kids!

So other than never having a spouse, kids or even a job, there’s really only one solution. And if you go to third world; developing; poverty stricken; disadvantaged; underprivileged countries you will see what I mean. You either have to get rich honestly, (and while you’re at it jam a camel into the eye of a needle if I may wax Biblical), or stay poor to be happy. I often marvel at the people I see when I travel through poor countries in Southeast Asia. They all seem so much happier than me and I’m the one on vacation! Here’s a guy selling cold pineapple on the beach in Indonesia at a subsistence, (if that), level smiling, skipping and singing while he works. His house, (hovel), was just destroyed by an earthquake and he had no insurance. He recently lost some friends and family to a huge tsunami. You can't wipe the smile off his face with plastic surgery.

I’m just lost in thought walking down the beach trying to enjoy my vacation. Of course I have some important statistics to text message to accounting so that I can get the appropriate forms to claim this trip as a tax deduction. I also have an e-meeting with a client I hope to meet immediately after my vacation. Plus I have to devise a way to convince that client to buy my service/product for more than it’s worth. And there’s the quarterly report due in a week that may force me to end this vacation prematurely depending on whether the boss realizes I promised to be back in a week but am staying in Bali for two. But I’m so much more mature; grown up; adult than that pineapple salesman. Goody for me!

In summation; to conclude; so the upshot of the whole matter is the difference between adults and kids is debt and the misery that comes with it. Even though we all know that it would be great to maintain the happiness of childhood we want all the toys and trappings that turn us into downtrodden, shitkicked adults and we want them all NOW!!! WAY before we can afford them. We thereby voluntarily take on the responsibilities of life that suck most of the goodness out of us thus turning us into adults. And the height of successful adulthood is when you've made and trained one or more people to do exactly the same thing.

I think I'll forgive that student and tell her to stay a kid for as long as she can.

Albatross. Get your Albatross here.

What a difference the weather can make! I woke up this morning with a song in my head, (Scorpions-Where the River Flows), WELL rested, full of energy and not cranky. I went for my usual Flandersish 6 Km. night walk last night, (by the river), and came back sweaty, not half melted. It was gorgeous! I was the only one wearing just shorts and t-shirt. I actually saw my breath, (and some steam coming off my head when I took off my hat), a couple times. I also saw something that blew me away: a river otter!

If you don't know how cute these little critters are check out this website. They're smart too! I saw a few of them during my trip to Thailand. There was a guy in the water with them feeding them fish and they did tricks for the fish. I read that in Malaysia they are trained to fish. I went to Undersea World in Pattaya and saw the river otters there. When I left I said to myself that I wanted a few of my own. They are just that cute. Kinda like Thai girls. Heh heh.

So I'm just about finished my walk. I get to about the 5 K point when the trail gets a bit darker and less used and I see something that looks like a cat on the trail way ahead of me. It sees me coming but keeps walking along the trail away from me crossing occasionally. I get closer and closer and see that it's not a cat at all. I've seen a couple cats on the trail before and they're much more skittish than this guy was. You have no idea how rare actual wildlife is in Korea until you come here. I've been hiking all over this country and seen snakes and rodents. That's it. So the little otter stops on the side of the trail and just stays there. I moved over to the other side as I walked by so as not to scare it away but no chance of that. I think it was just as curious about me as I was about him. Maybe, like all the people I passed on the trail, it was thinking, "Look, there's a foreigner! And he's only wearing shorts and a t-shirt."

As I got a little past it I stopped. Then it went a little way into the bushes beside the trail. But it was still watching me. Then I made the noise I make to call any animal. The kissing noise. Like every animal speaks two languages: its own and this kissing noise. I saw the foliage move a little deeper in. I didn't see it again.

I remember one other time seeing a rodent on the trail at about the 2 K point. It was bigger though. More like a prairie dog. And it didn't run away until after I had past it either. I sure hope these animals mate. Well, not with each other. Although that would be okay. Plenty of foreigners mate with Koreans. I've never been one to object to that. Anyway, it would be so cool to see wildlife on my walks once in a while! I'm gonna bring my camera next time. And I might buy a little bag of fish. That's not gonna make my walk any easier but if I can get some pics of this little guy I might be one of the first wildlife photographers in Korea! Besides, I don't imagine there are enough fish in this river to keep the otters fat. I've seen one fish in the river once and it was floating moreso than swimming. Maybe this'll encourage me to walk more too.

This is just making my favourite time of year even better. It's settled: my favourite time of year is the fall. For so many reasons. NHL and NFL are starting. (NHL today!). MLB playoffs. Chuseok holidays. Halloween, Thanksgiving. Lots of family birthdays. New TV seasons and shows. How bout that first episode of the new Office season? And Survivor is going fine. They got rid of the one I wanted this week. Even though I loved it when she said to Dave, "I don't need your life lessons, just tell me what to do," Ashley just had to go. But the best episode of anything I've seen for a while was the most recent Family Guy. I had a sore stomach after that one. Even though fall IS back to work season, I like it best while over here in Korea. Maybe when I get back to Canada where the winters are a bit harsher and summers not so unbearable, I might change. But we'll blow up that bridge when we get to it.

Hmmmm. Bridges, walks by the river, water rodents, perspiration, "Where the River Flows", there seems to be a theme in this entry here. Water water everywhere.

Happy Chuseok!

It's Chuseok here in Korea. Or to be more accurate, Chuseok has just finished. But for me, since I don't work on Fridays, it is a break of 10 days during which I only have to work one. That day was yesterday. A Thursday. A Thursday after Itaewon Pool League Wednesday, unfortunately. Let me splain.

Chusoek is Korean Thanksgiving. It is the end of summer and usually the weather makes a miraculously sudden change on one day during Chuseok and never is summer heard from again until the following year. I think today is that day. I actually used my blanket while sleeping last night for the first time since last spring. The modifier in the previous sentence is intentionally dangling because for all intents and purposes, I DON'T sleep in the summer in Korea. I just sweat, toss and turn, wake up 10 or 20 times to take on or unload liquid, exchange wet bedding for dry, towel off, or turn on the air con for another hour, get hungrier and grumpier. I hate Korean summer with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but it's Chuseok, it's Chuseok, thank God it's Chuseok!

Chuseok is the harvest time celebration for Koreans. They celebrate with family. They usually go away from Seoul and into the "country" to an older relative's house clogging roads and polluting the air with car exhaust so that Korean towns almost resemble large, Chinese cities. But not Seoul. Seoul is awesome during Chuseok! It's relatively empty. No traffic, no line-ups, no hustle, no bustle. Many businesses close and conveniences like transit and taxis are cut back but everything needed, (7-11 and bars), is open during Chuseok. So despite offers to join the mass exodus away from Seoul and visit friends in the nether regions of Korea, (something I swore off after about a 14-hour trip from Kangwha Do to Yong In, normally a 4-hour trip, during Chuseok my first year in Korea), I stayed close to Seoul this Chuseok.

Itaewon, a sort of foreigner district of Seoul, is a lot of fun during Chuseok. I hung out there this year and played pub sports and drank with friends. It was great. The only problem was the one day of work. It happened to be the day after pool night. I take a 2-hour trip into Seoul from Yangju on Wednesday nights so that I can play, (lose), two or three games of pool for my team, (Woodstock Rocks), in the Itaewon Pool League. After the match finishes up, (10:30-11:00 pm), I can hop on the very last subway for a 3-hour trip home. But the prospect of 3 hours on or waiting for subways is far less appealing to me than most tortures. The alternatives, which I usually end up choosing, involve chemical mind alteration, sleep deprivation, dehydration, personal hygiene neglect, forced labour and therefore literally ARE torture.

This past Wednesday Woodstock Rocks played the Wolfhound Pub. After my two hour trip, rushing to the Wolfhound pub to make it exactly at 7:30 I waited an hour for my first game. In my first game I sunk 5 balls in my first shot. The guy I played sunk all HIS balls plus the 8 on his shot. So I lost having only shot once. Then I waited another hour for a game of doubles that was more competitive but which Chris and I lost. That was it. You can understand why I decided that taking a 3-hour trip home after that would have made all my efforts seem not at all worth my while. What the hell, I don't sleep during the summer anyway!

So I went back to Woodstock to play some pool on a familiar table in a familiar bar and vie against, (lose to), familiar people. Since I am a drunken pool master I felt some chemical mind alteration via C.C., Smirnoff and Sambuca was in order. PLENTY of mind alteration. Then some time around the hour of 5 the owner of Woodstock, Mr. Woo, offered me the use of his drunk bunk, which I gratefully accepted considering myself lucky to be getting any sleep at all. Some Wednesday nights, including the previous one, I don't sleep at all. So after closing my eyes for an hour or two I washed my face and hair with cold water, ate a Macdonalds big breakfast and went to work. I taught from 10-6 dehydrated, unshowered, hungover, tired as hell and in the same smoke and alcohol scented clothes I had worn all night.

As luck would have it, one of the workers at H.U.F.S. was going from classroom to classroom with "surveys" for the students to take. I use the quotation marks to imply that these surveys were fake. Chuseok is the biggest holiday of the year in Korea. It was Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this year. Lots of my students had told me that most of their other teachers, (the Korean ones), had cancelled classes on Thursday and Friday. And on Thursday it was obvious to me that this was true. The school was deserted. Nobody with half a brain would choose this day to do any survey. But at the beginning of this term we, (the foreign English teachers), were given a memorandum with instructions not to cancel classes or shorten them in any way. The "surveys" were probably just an excuse to check up on us. And while the "surveyor" was in my classroom looking into my blooshot, hungover eyes and probably smelling my sweaty, smokey stinkiness, one of my dear students came up to me and said, "David! David! Is only one hour class today?"

I have an hour-long class and a two hour class in the morning and the same in the afternoon on Thursdays. I had let the students from my morning two-hour class go home after an hour and was planning to do the same with my two hour afternoon class. Aparently my student, Na Ra had found out from a member of my morning two-hour class. But with the "surveyor" now fully aware of the possibility of my doing this, I had to teach the whole two hours just in case she DID give the survey to my class. You see she WAS in my class but she left without giving the survey, then told me she would be back "later" to give it. She never came back but I taught the full classes in the afternoon.

I have sworn several times to quit the damn pool team. We had too many players last week anyway. Mr. Woo, our best player, only played one game because of it. I'm very close to picking up the phone right now and quitting. But after a nice long weekend and Wednesday off, I'll probably be ready to go through this nonsense again next week. Arrgh! But at least it's finally fall!

Happy Chuseok!

Surviving

I just finished watching the first episode of Survivor China and I'm not one to complain but... well okay, I AM one to complain, so I will.

We were only seconds into the episode when I started making a list of things to complain about. Can somebody please teach Jeff Probst that there are 5 vowels, (sometimes y), in the English language? What does he have against the letter U? "Oltimate challenge", "Oltra modern Shanghai", "ancient colture". During the last Survivor I thought that maybe Skoal chewing tobacco had paid him to call Skull Island "Skoal" Island, but I guess not.

And already we're starting with the ever-present mysticism and reverence inexplicably attached to all things Chinese. Probst called it one of the oldest countries in the world and commented on the ancient culture, (or "colture"), that dates back 5000 years. Maybe this is where all the wide-eyed awe comes from. Folks there has been no material evidence found to prove that the Huangdi, Yao, Shun, Yu or Xia dynasties ever existed. That would shave about 1400 years off this 5000 year claim. And we're just taking the Chinese at their word on the other 3600.

Given the facts that a) Chinese people are the ones proudly telling everyone about their 5000 year old culture and they just might have a bias, b) they are well known for being superstitious, and c) deception is not only regarded as allowable, but actually described as a MORAL in China, you would think people might have a bit more healthy skepticism about this. Jeff Probst actually gave both teams The Art of War by Sun Tzu which is one of the places where deception, (lying), is promoted as a moral. I'm not saying lying won't help in Survivor but geez they're sure getting punk'd by the Chinese. Pei Gei, (who I will call), P.G., (cuz I can't spell it the other way), was even crying for Buddha's sake!

"This is not a religious ceremony", says Probst, "the people of this land want you to feel welcome." So they force you to go into a hot, sweaty temple loaded with idols where you bow to them and pray in very specific style for a long time. Boy THAT must have made about the same impression of WELCOME as, hmmmm, I don't know, the Great Wall? And by the way, somebody used the moral of deception on Probst. That WAS a religious ceremony and I don't blame Leslie for getting the hell out of there. And I kinda liked Courtney for showing a bit of backbone there and talking about the monks as "dudes" who probably aren't able to fly through trees a la Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or any Kung Fu movie.

In fact Courtney was the person I liked the best in episode one. Talking about her own private hell full of Sunday School teachers and flight attendants. And how they are all so faux upbeat and ersatz positive about everything. I may have misjudged her calling her a lame-o. * You can see my "Survivor Sandwiches" post where I made my early predictions if you scroll down a bit. But in my defence, she WAS one of the ones I felt most unsure about. At first I was going to write that I liked her artistic nature. But I'll admit, that's one wrong for me so far.

My early fave was PG and she was sucked in by the transcendency of China. But she quit smoking, studied, worked out and after all her efforts her team was loafing around and exchanging dance moves when they should have been building a shelter. Then after an unsheltered night in the cold rain they lost the challenge. I can understand her bawling for a second time. Unfortunately she was soothed by Dave's embrace and false platitudes. I wasn't wrong about him. He's a scoundrel. "I did not want to step into this position. At all." he lied about being cast as a leader. Another person he is already working is Ashley when she was sick telling her she won't be on the block then turned around and hoisted her up onto it. Voted for her too. After THAT I was almost glad she didn't get booted first.

I still want to see Ashley make an early exit. Even though she posed for Playboy, those balloons she is sporting are, strangely and for the first time, making me actually GLAD for the Survivor smudgers. But that's not the reason. She's just not an average person. A WWE star is about the last person who should be on REALITY TV. However, she scored points with her comment about PG barking out orders and taking a position of authority. "If you're gonna do that, you shouldn't be crying after challenges." she said. That was cool.

And speaking of boobs, Jaimie has already brought them into play. "I'm not wearing a bra!" she says. That was all she needed to do to survive this week. But she went ahead and added the briliant survival tactic of, "Anyone wanna find stuff with me?" I think I made THAT call right.

And staying with boobs, Sheria stood out for that reason. They might be a handicap in some challenges for her and her team. I think she's trying to be invisible though. So far.

It was Ashley who told Chicken to stop being negative and start being proactive. I'm with Courtney on this one. Stop the bubble-headed cheerleading. Being proactive is solving problems through action. But you can't solve them if you don't first identify them. That's what Chicken was doing. PG and Chicken were the only two who had the sense to think about survival and I have a feeling PG is next off the Fighting Tigers. It's strange that they both wanted the same thing but ended up not liking each other. I do agree with PG though that Chicken was a little too chicken. He should have stopped being a baby and started building a shelter. But as I predicted, he didn't want it badly enough. And I don't think he liked his tribe. I don't blame him that much. I think he woulda liked James, Amanda, Courtney, Denise, Leslie, but they're all on the other tribe.

I might have been wrong about lunch lady Denise being tough. Am I wrong or was she missing her family and crying BEFORE they even got to the location? That might be a new record.

John Robert says one of his strengths is reading players. If anyone has read Sun Tzu's book before, it's this guy. The art of deception is huge in poker. Getting people to believe you actually know what they're thinking, (not actually knowing what they're thinking), is how they get into people's heads and win at poker. But what was it that made him think Todd was NOT a flight attendant? I wonder if he's "read" that Todd is gay yet. Maybe I was wrong about him and he WON'T be a mental threat. But he won't help physically.

Eric and Amanda have been invisible. Probably according to their plans.

Finally, how bout that grave digger? He beat Frosty at the wall climbing! That was impressive. He reminds me of the Green Mile prisoner. Simple and harmless cuz a mountain of a man like that doesn't need to be mean. I sure hope he breathes some flies down Aaron or Dave's throat to get them to shut up.

Aaron and Dave. The fearless "leaders". These guys are the western practitioners of the Chinese moral of deception. Basically, all this eastern mysticism amounts to is a very common effect we get from psychology in the west: it doesn't matter if what you say is the wildest, most outlandish lie you can imagine. If people believe it, you now have a very powerful placebo effect going for you. There's a reason every Chinese movie ever made includes characters with superhuman abilities: they believe that shit! You should hear the fairy tales told in the Chinese media about "The Party"! And IF this powerful belief could be used for good, where's the harm? This is why it can be called a "moral". Sun Tzu called it a "moral" because if a battle can be won by deception alone then the leader has saved soldiers' lives and the lie was a moral one. A white lie.

We'll see how well Aaron and Dave can spin shit into shinola as the leaders. The placebo effect, (or the moral of deception), doesn't work if the leader isn't believed. I have a feeling these guys are gonna crash and burn. We'll see.

The PGA Tour Playons

I like golf. You can tell by my charicature and my recent pics from Thailand. So I was pretty excited to hear that the PGA tour decided to have its version of playoffs this year. Well, after the opening two rounds of the "playoffs" the excitement has disappeared for me. They can no more be considered playoffs than the race for the leadership of the Chinese Communist Party. You think they didn't know Hu was going to win? Ar ar.

In fact, while playoffs create extra excitement in fans and desperate, balls-out, do-or-die play in the participants, the format for the "playoffs" in the PGA has accomplished the opposite. So they're anti-playoffs. Instead of calling them "playoffs" I'm going to call them "playons" from now on. Cuz that's what they are. Let me splain.

There ARE some things that make the playons look like playoffs. I'll start with those. There are some players who are knocked out of the playoffs based on poor play during the year. Only 144 players collected enough Fed Ex Cup points during the season to reach the playons. The other players have 4 weeks to steal tournaments from the lower level players on the Nationwide, Nike, or the Canadian tours where players sleep in cars, wives caddy and guys often spend more on travel expenses than they win. Screw the "have-nots". How much more capitalist can you get?

I'll tell you. There are four rounds in the playons. Like the NHL, my personal favourite playoff format. But it's just not the same. The first round is the Barclays at Westchester. Purse 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26. Bottom 24 players are cut. NOT the bottom 24 scorers at the Barclays but the bottom 24 after the screwy Fed Ex point tabulations. Next is the Deutsche Bank Championship. 7 mil. purse. Winner gets 1.26 mil. Bottom 50 players are cut. NOT the bottom 50 scorers from the Deutsche Bank but the bottom on the list of Fed Ex points. Then comes the BMW Championship at Cog Hill. That's this week. The top 70 vie for a purse of - you guessed it - 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26. 40 are cut and the top 30 play in the final. The Tour Championship presented by Coca Cola. Purse 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26 mil PLUS a bonus of 10 mil!!! That's capitalism!

There is a trophy for the winner. The Fed Ex Cup has never been kissed. Look at the sponsors of this travesty. Fed Ex, Coke, Barclays, Deutsche Bank, BMW. All huge corporations. Do they like golf? Nope. Do they like money? Yes. This whole thing is designed as a promotional gimmick to draw more attention to golf, their tournaments and their businesses. Huge corporations don't put up huge amounts of money unless there are even HUGER amounts of money to be made by doing so. Do you think they want little known players like Steve Stricker (-24), Rory Sabbatini (-23), Arron Oberholster (-20), Aaron Baddeley (-16), Rich Beem (-15), Sean O' Hair (-13), Heathcliff Slocum (-13), or Fredrik Jacobson (-9) to be the first to touch their lips to this shiny, silver trophy? Of course not! That would cut the profits significantly. There is a short list of guys who are supposed to win. The only two of the big guns performing well are Phil Mickelson, who won this past week and leads in combined score with -27 and Geoff Ogilvie who is -22. Way to go Phil and Geoff!

The scores accrued by the golfing elite over the first two rounds of the playons are: Tiger Woods -14 (since he took the first week off that's pretty good); Vijay Singh +5 with one missed cut (shameful); Charles Howell III +4 (terrible); Zach Johnson -9 (not too bad); John Rollins -3; Adam Scott -14 (great scott); Boo Weekely -7 (pretty good). And some players out of the top 10 the sponsors would like to see win: Ernie Els -12 (excellent considering, like Tiger, he took one week off); Sergio Garcia -11 (so far so good); Padraig Harrington -2 (pretty weak for the open champ); Retief Goosen +2 (pedestrian); Luke Donald +2 (boring); and Davis Love III even (that score sounds more like a Davis Like III).

Now for the reason I said the Fed Ex point system is whacky. Three of the top four guys have taken a round off! Woods just wanted to relax, K.J. Choi got hurt and withdrew and Phil is relaxing at the top of the list THIS week. And no matter what happens they'll all still be there or thereabouts for the Tour Championship next week. But they'll be well rested.

Come on! I mean COME ON! Who takes a round OFF in the playoffs??!!?? Guys in REAL playoffs like NFL or NHL have been known to play with broken legs, concussions and such.

Vijay Singh who I love but who has stunk the course out both weeks dropped from 6th place all the way down to 6th place! Jim Furyk, who shot the cut line with even par last week and was beaten by 55 guys went from 7th place all the way down to 7th. Ernie Els wasn't even there and he went from 10th down to 14th. Conversely, Phil Mickelson, who won the tourney and played spectacularly only moved up 4 places.

Rich Beem has played better than seven of the top ten and he's already been eliminated. Same with Fredrick Jacobson. A lot of the guys playing this week will play better than the guys who make it to the Tour Championship but they'll have to watch it at home on TV.

I don't think this is the playoffs. I think it's just a promotional scheme. It certainly isn't any more exciting than regular golf. If the bottom guys can't win and the top guys can't get knocked out, where's the excitement?

None of the players are really playing harder because their fates are pretty much sealed. Jose Maria Olazabal, who dropped from 98th to 100th last week, has the right idea. He hasn't played at all in the playons. Until they make the playons into playoffs I just might take the month off of watching them. Might that is. I don't think the new NASCAR or LPGA playoffs will do any better if they make the season points so important. The regular season should give a small advantage to the top players. That's it. The playoffs should be an entirely NEW season where everyone has a chance to win and everyone is also vulnerable.

I hope they change it next year.

Oh how I love Korea!

I thought that title might catch the eye of the few who read this once in a while. Because I don't often say anything positive about Korea. But hey, I don't often say anything positive about Canada either. I bitch about them cuz I want them to be better. Only love can lead to true anger. I'm not the smartest guy to ever write THAT.

So I must love Korea cuz it makes me soooo angry sometimes! Like the other day. I had just returned to Korea from Thailand and I was out on a walk to the local Lotte Mart to pick up some groceries. It's about a 2 Km. walk through rice fields and gardens. It's actually very pleasant. And I was soaking in the rural odours and sounds and thinking of how many much worse places there are where a guy could live. I even took a video with my brand spanking new camera. The country in Korea really is nice! Trees and greenery don't come to mind when the average person thinks of Korea but with all the rain and heat they had had, things had been growing while I was away!

It was a hot, sunny day but not quite as humid as usual. The smell of the rice roasting in the fields mixed with fertilizer and car exhaust to make the not so unpleasant signiture Korean countryside summer musk. It gave me a somewhat nostalgic feeling of being home.

I remember when I went to Thunder Bay for university. I hated it. For 7 years I hated it. Then I started to like it. Just before I left, I had finally grown accustomed to it. Thunder Bay has its own grain elevator/Lake Superior/car exhaust musk that is not unlike the Korean countryside's. Well I've been in Korea for 7 years now. I have hated it for long enough I guess. I'm finally accustomed to it.

I was feeling rather positive. I really have to be careful about that. I should know better. Just as I was leaving the trail and crossing the street that leads to Lotte Mart I saw a mother and her little boy who was riding a bicycle. The little boy saw me and informed his mother, "Omma, waegook saram imnida." This means, "Mom, here comes a foreigner." I'm positive the kid wasn't even of school age.

I tried not to let this spoil my good mood because it's happened countless times. I was even impressed that the kid didn't say, "Migook Saram imnida," which means an American person is coming. Not so long ago in Korea, THAT is what all the kids used to say. Baby steps.

And before we leave the topic, yesterday while walking past the soccer field at HUFS where I work I was watching the little kindergarten kids playing soccer. It's just incredibly cute. They all had on their colourful uniforms with extra large shorts and soccer cleats. The whole shebang. I couldn't help but smile. And while doing so I looked at a little girl on the sidelines. She gave me a big, pigtailly smile back. She then pointed at me and turned to her teacher to say something, but didn't. Then she looked back at me and said, "HELLO!" I literally sang, "HELLO!" back to her.

Goes to show that HUFS kids are just a bit further along. One of the reasons I like working there I suppose.

So I got to Lotte Mart and ANOTHER girl said hello to me. THIS time my response differed, however. I was looking at MP3 players and saw her approaching with her boyfriend. Or possibly just a male friend she WANTED to be her boyfriend. At any rate she was quite keen on the idea of impressing him with her humour. So as she approached she said, in Korean, "There's my friend over there," and proceeded to walk up to me, give a syruppy sweet smile and say, "HELLO."

This is a phenomenon I have explained before on the blog. It's exactly the same thing as a person driving by a field of cows and mooing out the window. If one of them looked up and mooed back, it would be hilarious, right? Well probably a hundred times in Korea people, (usually younger people but not always), who are with at least one other friend, NEVER alone, have said hello to me and laughed uproariously when I said hello in return. The little 3-year-old soccer girl didn't laugh when I said hello to her! She had more maturity than that.

But here was a high school aged chick trying to impress a boy by having a laugh at the foreigner's expense. I wasn't about to oblige. I have learned a trick that squelches the joke quite effectively. When a Korean tells a joke that bombs, (or even if what they said WAS funny but someone wants to appear funnier by insulting them), the response will be something like, "That isn't funny." or "There's a cold wind here." or "I'm feeling chilly." or "I have goosebumps." I have learned how to say these things in Korean. So I pierced a hole right through the girl, (just with my eyes), and said, "Jaimee eopsoyo." It literally means "not interesting" but it tells you a great deal about the Korean culture and its relatively recently acquired appreciation of humour when you realize that they don't even have a word that means "funny". This also contributes to their inability to distinguish between the English words "fun" and "funny". But if you talk to Koreans in English you'd think they were laughing their asses off all the time! "We do funny excise and play game in David class. David is funny teacher." Little do they know how funny I really am. Hoo hoo ha ha.

Back to Lotte Mart. The girl was shocked. The boyfriend gave her a look that seemed to mean, "That's what you get for assuming he can't understand you." or at least, "Oh well. You lost THAT battle of wits." Then they both speedwalked the hell out of there. I hope he realizes that he's too good for her. lol

I wish I had learned that trick a long time ago. But better late than never I guess. Now I practically look forward to little bastards playing the ubiquitous "hello" joke on me. The "not interesting" response hasn't yet failed to trump it. Always trying to improve Korea... even if it's one "Jaimee eopsoyo" at a time. I really must love this country!

One thing's for sure: I will never moo out a car window at a cow again. I feel for those poor cows. Me and Gary Lawson. (Far Side) Not enough to stop eating them... but I feel for the cows.

If that wasn't enough to make me fully aware that the holidays were over, the next day was Monday. Work! But we had a meeting before work. I had to go in earlier than usual. I thought I might have seen a bus waiting across the street at the stop. So I made sure no cars were coming and crossed on a red light. Unfortunately, (VERY unfortunately), the bus was the wrong one for me and I missed it anyway. So I sat down on the bench to wait and this Korean woman comes over to me. She was out excercising and her clothes and hair were wet with sweat and rain from the quick rain shower a few minutes before. I'd say she was in her mid twenties. "You KNOW red means stop don't you? Don't you know that law?"

I looked up at her angry face and said, "So you jaywalked right over to tell me that?" She really HAD gone diagonally right through the same intersection. I saw her. Either she ignored the question or didn't know what "jaywalked" meant but she still figured she had the high ground. "You'd better not cross the street during red lights."

I said, "Hey, when in Rome do as the Romans do." She probably didn't understand that and kept at me. "This is VERY dangerous. You'd better be careful." Now she wasn't angry at me but concerned for me. Right.

The intersection is one of so many in Korea where the light timing is ridiculous. There has been a lot of development in Yangju and just past the intersection there is a huge apartment complex. Nobody lives there but they thought they should time the lights optimistically. So generally I DO wait for the walk signal but while waiting I see one or two cars go through towards the apartments and ten pedestrians cross the crosswalk because, (and rightfully so), they aren't going to wait 3 minutes for some stupidly timed light. Maybe if there weren't so many silly lights like this Koreans might obey traffic lights? Ummmm... nah.

So I say, "So Koreans always wait for the lights?" She replies that she agrees and this is something she really hates about her people. Then she says, "So do you need any help? You look like you need help." I'm not sure what that meant but I'm sure she was trying to turn this accosting into something more like a polite gesture. Telling me I needed help was accomplishing the opposite.

"No thanks. I don't need your help." She was upset. "Oh so you KNOW every bus and every number? Where are you going?" Another pretty rude question. I told her I was going to the subway station and I know which buses to take. Just then bus 31 came and she asked me where it goes. "It doesn't go where I'm going." I replied.

"Okay, well I just thought I'd try to help out. Have a good day." she said. "Yeah, you too." I said.

It wouldn't be blogworthy if this was over. Two days later it was Itaewon Pool League night. I was at the subway station around 5 PM and no sooner did I step onto the platform when the woman in front of me turned around and said, "You know who I am don't you?" It took a few seconds because she had make-up on and wasn't wet. "Oh, yes I know who you are." I took my Ipod earphones out but kept them in either hand hoping she could take a hint. She couldn't.

"Where are you going?" "Oh I'm going to play pool." "Are you good at it?" "Sometimes good, sometimes not so good." "Most Koreans aren't very good even though we have lots of water." She had made the common mistake of thinking "swimming" pool when I said pool. Koreans all learn the word "pocketball" and think we English speakers use it. But she was going on and on defending Koreans' inability to swim. I had to interrupt her to explain that the "Konglish" word "pocketball" is what I had meant. She didn't like the word "Konglish" and started in on me about how long I've been in Korea and if I speak the language. I said I didn't speak it very well so she asks me which language I thought was harder to learn, Korean or English. She might as well have said that I was a dummy to have been here so long without learning the language and that even though she had made a mistake, at least she speaks English better than I speak Korean. She even made mention of my walking across the street on a red light. AGAIN! And asked what I would do if I died in Korea.

I sighed, dropped my earphones and tried to explain the "when in Rome" cliche. I even explained to her that I had owned a motorbike in Korea for two years and despite wanting to drive it like a Canadian, other motorist were constantly honking at me and motioning for me to ride on the sidewalk and between cars. Her response was, "So if I'm in America I should have lots of sex and do drugs?" Yeah, cuz that's all they do in America. She wasn't scoring any points.

She then asked, "How do you think about Koreans?" I answered that I really didn't like Koreans who were rude and argumentative. She launched into another defence which ended with, "You really don't like Koreans do you?" I said, "It's not that I don't like Koreans, it's that I don't like YOU. Please go away." She started blabbing some more so I said, "I have a better idea. You stay here and I'LL go away." So I move like 5 cars down the platform.

STILL not over. While riding the train I looked up at the sliding door that separates the cars and thought I saw her peeking through. I opened my phone and sent my friend, and captain of our pool team, Mr. Woo, a text saying that I thought I had a stalker. I was in the middle of that message when she came up to me and smilingly dropped a note on my lap. It was to the "good teacher".

In the note she explained that she just wanted to practice her English and appologized if she had made me feel weird. She had been spoiled by her parents. She explained that not ALL Korean people are rude and proceeded to warn me one last time about the dangers of disobeying crosswalk signals.

I haven't seen her since but have no doubt that I will bump into her again. Maybe if you look closely at the video you might be able to spot her following me down the path to Lotte Mart. Geez I hope not!

Survivor Sandwiches

I had a summer job at a military museum one year during my lengthy education at Lakehead U. The guy in charge was a really cool guy named Myles. He was a corporal and his wife got promoted before him to captain. The reason I mention this to you is because his wife probably broke the news to him something like this: Hey, honey, I'm gonna be making more money so we can move into that new house we've been looking at. I'm being promoted to captain and I WILL outrank you but as Colonel Nathan R. Jessup says, "If you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well you're just letting the best in life pass you by."

I don't want to give away Canadian military secrets but this is what is called the "sandwich". The meat in the sandwich is the bad news and you cover it up with two slices of good news bread so that it'll go down more easily. Myles taught me that. And it has served me well in my teaching career. I think if you are in just about any position of authority, (or perceived authority), there will be occasions where you would be well served to make a few sandwiches. Like me: "You have a really great attendance record! You're never late. Your overall average in my class is 10% so you are going to fail. You aren't equipped with the intellectual wherewithal to learn a second language and I have no idea why you bothered to take this class or how you managed to get the admission department to allow you to take it. Hey by the way, that's a really nice shirt you're wearing today!"

See? Works like a charm! I think life throws sandwiches at us now and then. Like today. It's my last real day of holidays. That's the meat. But the weather is cooling off and Survivor China and NFL football are both just around the corner. That's some nice bread. In fact when I got back to my beloved computer after using the crap you get in most of the internet cafes in Pattaya, I didn't plan a lesson or look at my class schedule. I checked out the 16 contestants on Survivor China. Quite a crop this time! I'm now going to give them all my VERY preliminary evaluations in sandwich form. I am gonna do this because it'll be cool to look back and see how I did. I could be totally wrong or I could be right. We'll see if I should go buy a chrystal ball.

Aaron the surfer- Likes blunt, honest people. I wish everyone were honest and blunt so I like that. Stuck up asshole. He thinks he's all that and baloney sandwich. How's that for blunt? He wants to be a leader, thinks possibly that surfing qualifies him for that position, but he doesn't want others to know he wants to lead cuz that's suicide on Survivor. No problem with lying, cheating and stealing. I hate this guy and hope he gets Kung Fu ed by a Shao Ling monk. But he might do well if he hooks up with some blunt, honest people like Courtney, Jaime and/or Denise.

Amanda the hiker- Almost a Canadian! Camps every weekend and has been to China twice. The first, (but maybe the best), of the "slash model" contestants. Evidently Survivor thought more about beauty than race this time. Thinks it's important to have an alliance in the beginning with an old, loyal person. She could get screwed this way especially if she allies with Dave or Jean-Rob. Chicken or Lunch Lady Denise might be better for her. She's more than just good looking. She's a true adventurer and should go far.

Ashley the Diva- Posed for Playboy. She says, "No tapping out," but she will get knocked out. She's rich and famous already and that makes her an obvious target. She better hope her team wins the first immunity challenge or she'll be first to suffer a three count. Posed for Playboy.

Chicken the farmer- Rudy-like popularity here. He'll make plenty of friends with his downhome wisdom and he'll get lots of alliance offers. He's too good to win. He's already satisfied just with making it on the show. Makes a good living so isn't hungry enough although without three squares a day he'll likely have more physical hunger than most. He'll probably deserve to win but won't. But I always like the farmers. I like his four F's: friends, family, fun, food.

Courtney the lame-o- Very honest. Seems like her life motto might be "whatever!" Not ready for reality TV. Or reality. China is as real as it gets. Has no idea what she's in for. Thinks there might be egg on spoon or three-legged races. Admits she's not strong, not athletic, will suffer from the heat, will cry a lot, has a big mouth that will get her into trouble. Strong candidate for 16th place if Ashley's team doesn't lose the first immunity challenge. Could extend her stay by staying out of arguments and allying with Aaron.

Dave the cereal box psychologist- Has been to China and likes the outdoors. Another of the "slash models". Thinks he's Dr. Phil. Says he deals with conflicts and solves problems well. Really chicks don't listen to his psychobabble, they're too busy looking at him. Could avoid an early exit by hooking up with the young and stupid who mistake his bullshit for pearls of wisdom.

Denise the lunchbuster- Tomboy. Tough. Survived hard times. Looks like every lunch lady I've known. Says she likes sharp objects but isn't one herself. I think she has a temper and could have a big blow-up with, for example, Courtney or Jaime. Will score points with her accent. Seems honest and real.

Erik the Christian rocker- Very pretty. In a band. You KNOW he gets more ass than a toilet seat. BUT, being a Christian he probably wastes it. He seems WAY too nice. His band will get much more popular because of this so he doesn't need the money. He's too soft. WILL get very hungry. He could quit, get kicked off for shaggin', or win the whole dang thing. He and Leslie could lead a Christian alliance. Christians don't fare too well in China though...

Frosti the snowcaulk?- Nobody but Heather and Mike will get that nickname. Well travelled. Good attitude. No dummy. He's young and may be naiive enough to get screwed by one of the bad guys. Probably a huge threat in physical challenges. This should be a plus but he might get voted off because of it. But if he's smart he'll only give 70-80%. Could win if he's got half a brain.

Jaime the rack- Camps a lot. Outdoorsy. Great tits! Says she wants to test her mental ability but will fail that test. Wants to win Miss Congeniality. Unfortunately Survivor doesn't have that prize. I think she has a temper and she talks too much. Could be fun to see the "nice" mask fall off if her looks, (tits), don't get her exactly what she wants. I'll be sad when they, I mean she get voted off.

James the undertaker- Sounds and looks dangerous. Has lots of Chinese friends from his work in bars. He's a loner and probably doesn't have a lot of mojo to work. Has Chinese friends, works in bars, buries people. Can you say Shinjuku? How bout Triads? I knew you could. If he doesn't win, maybe some people literally DON'T survive.

Jean-Rob the gambler- Big mental edge. Nobody will know what he's thinking. Impossible to trust. Used to air conditioned casinos and hotels. Out of shape. No physical value. He wants to use early days to evaluate others and find their "tells" then adapt to them. Probly won't last till the "adapt" stage. May be the first survivor voted off because of MENTAL threat. Very tall.

Leslie the zealot- Into fitness, sent 11 applications to Survivor, people person. I have a feeling she'll get on a lot of nerves pushing Jesus. Says she has a "dependance on God." You can't depend on God to get you the million. Seems very determined. Could lead a strong Christian alliance.

Peih-Gee the jeweller- Likes travel. Dancer. Hot bod. "Tiger raised in captivity released into the wild." Best quote of the preview. Quit smoking and drinking for the show. Exercised a lot. Watched previous seasons. But, her friends immediately thought she'd be the bitch when they found out she'd be on Survivor. She'll face a strong test to refrain from "bitching out" with this cast. She's very prepared and has home field advantage. I wanna do some things to her that ain't rated Peih-Gee if you know what I'm saying... My early favourite.

Sherea the volcano- Loves China, ready for adventure and SAYS she has great social skills. Says she suffered a great deal when HER MOTHER survived breast cancer. Claiming an ancestor's suffering as her own. Hmmm. Your Momma ain't the one in China Sherea. I doubt her 4th grade social skills will be enough to win the day. Seems very nice but her 4th graders probably don't oppose her the way the other survivors will. I called her the volcano cuz I think she could explode into the biggest beatch on the show. She doesn't trust anyone till they earn her trust. This could cost her. But it might help her too. There are some people not to be trusted. She may end up being a sweetheart. We'll see.

Todd the token- Positive. People person. Huge Survivor fan. A flight attendant? Never would have guessed. What would Survivor be without homosexuality? Gay Mormon is interesting though. Todd and Jaime seem to be a hyperpositive match made in Heaven. I think Dave and Jean-Rob will be licking their chops to ally with them then screw them. But he'll remain positive when he gets voted off. Very likeable though. Could go far if he is smart enough to avoid being BRAINLESSLY positive.

And there you have it. Next entry will be my football prognostications. Ha ha. No, not really. So in summation: Go Chicken, Amanda and Peih-Gee, Go home Ashley, Aaron and Dave. Watch out for: Frosti and James.

The tribe has spoken.

I Made it Back

I'm home from Thailand. The trip was murder as usual. Left Thailand at 12:30 and got to Korea around 6 AM. Didn't sleep a wink. Even on the luxury bus to Ui Jung Boo I couldn't sleep. Got home around 8:30 I think and my house was a holy mess! I guess it had rained a lot while I was gone cuz the house was full of mold. But there was also DUST everywhere. How the hell does that happen?

So before hitting my bed with all my comfy pillows I missed so much I washed the floors, did some dishes that had beards on them, and, (NOOOOOO!!!), killed some ants. They're back.

I also flashed up the old computer. It too has suffered from the month I was away I think. I got some weird problems. Like when I went to a site where I could type as soon as I hit a key it was freezing. Couldn't use the mouse or the keyboard. But that problem seems to be slowly going away. As you can see. Could the humidity have caused that? I did some computer cleaning and reset the keyboard drivers but I really think it was just a month of sitting that caused the problem.

But now I can do another entry. Where to begin...

The trip was relatively, (for me), low on disaster. Apart from being chased by a pack of wild dogs... TWICE, getting dinged for 1000 baht because I overstayed two days, (really they stamped my passport for 28 days even though they knew I was staying 30), almost getting bit by a snake while looking for Ray's ball in the rough, and shooting my worst round of golf on the day of the tourney it was a lovely vacation. Spent way more than planned but I got a new set of clubs and a cool new camera.

The camera has a few problems but I think I'll iron them out soon. I can't seem to take pictures in focus even with the thing on auto. So I may have to learn how to focus manually. The movies are all in focus but they come out all grainy when I watch them on the computer. And a lot of the settings seem to be bogus. Taking a picture through glass doesn't seem to work better on the "through glass" setting for instance. But I hope to experiment and improve as I go along.

Yes, I did get chased by a pack of dogs. They live just beside a fairly busy street in Pattaya called 3rd Road. The driving range is just past where the dogs hang out. And I don't know how I managed to get past them but I went fishing at a fishing pond down their road. I only caught a couple of small ones but some people there were landing big ones. The guy beside me got a bite and his pole went into the water and water skied behind the fish for a while before sinking out of sight. That was funny. But coming back from the fishing hole I had to go out to 3rd road past a field. I saw a dog in the field and said hello as he walked closer to me. Then two more and two more and two more came out of nowhere. Pretty soon there were like 20 and they were all growling and showing their teeth. I started running. Luckily I was pretty close to 3rd road before they organized their attack. And a guy on a moped saw them chasing me and cut them off, revved his engine and scared them away. I don't know how I managed to get TO the fishing hole past their field. They would have eaten me up if I ran AWAY from 3rd road.

Then a few days later I was walking back from the driving range and the same thing happened. One then two more then two more then two more. I had my clubs with me so could have defended myself but I just found an opening and ran across the road to the other side. Another falang was walking behind me and he did the same thing. "Falang" means foreigner. They weren't old dogs either. They weren't puppies but they were like teenagers I guess. Bored teenagers who aren't enrolled in any sports and don't have doggy Playstation to keep them busy. But I didn't get bit.

I would rather get bit by a dog than the snake I nearly stomped on at Kow Kiau golf course. I don't know if it was poisonous but it had about a foot of its body off the ground and it was swaying like a python. I was looking along a nice trimmed bush, (something there is a lot of in Pattaya : ) but I was pretty sure Ray's shot went past the bush into the unmanicured rough. I was just lifting my leg to hop over the nice shrubbery and into the rough stuff when I saw the snake. Lucky I looked before I leapt. Ray took a lost ball penalty. And didn't feel as bad about it as one normally does.

I saw a ton of monkeys on the Monkey Course where we had our best ball tourney. I'm told they like to go through pockets in golf bags and take stuff so we didn't let them get too close. Even saw an elephant on the way home from golf one day. A logging elephant I think. No crocs though. Didn't get my hand bit off like Chubs from Happy Gilmore.

I managed to get two birdies, (not including the ones in the best ball tournament), and a whole pile of pars. My best round was 45/43 on Thai Navy course. 6 pars and a birdie there. And a triple on both the front and the back. About a 40 foot chip and run for the bird too. It was sweet!

I didn't get to fire a fully automatic weapon like the M 16's the have in Cambodia but shot a couple handguns. I started with the .44 and did okay. All my shots missed low and right so I think the site was off a bit. I took 12 shots with that. Then I tried a Gloc. What a tough gun to shoot that is! I couldn't hit the broad side of the barn with it. But then I tried the .22 to see if I still had the old dead eye. I like .22's. And even though they moved the target back so I couldn't even see the holes I was making, when they reeled the target in the holes were all in the right places. In the pic the big holes are from the Gloc and the little ones are the .22.

I DID get the new camera into the water and took some pics of fish with it but they're all blurry. That was disappointing. Still not bad though.

I went to the go-cart track with Pen, the accountant at Gordon's bar. We had a fun time. Pen had no licence so she went for a nice Sunday drive. I was smoking around the track. Had a couple of really good laps. Pen and I were both dirty afterwards. The carts are pretty close to the ground. We both had oil or rubber on our pants after we left. But it was worth it.

I spent a whole day at the Crocodile Park again. I went last year but my camera battery died so I couldn't get all the pics I wanted. I went with the new camera this year and wouldn't you know it, the battery died after only a few pictures again. I DID get a pic of the little tigress I fed last year. She has doubled in size. Don't think she remembered me though. But the elephants did. I fed them a huge pile of bananas. The little baby elephants came right up to me and said hello with their trunks. They're so cute! I like the big ones too. Elephants never forget. And I must have fed 10 bowls of food to the giant catfish. I still want to get a movie of those babies. They are monstrous!

I went to the Ripley's Believe it or not museum. Ennnnhhhh... Not bad not great.

I went to Underwater World. They have lots of rays, tortoises, sharks, huge groupers and cod, tuna and even some river otters. They were my fave. But I didn't get pictures because the camera died. They had a tank where you could touch a stingray as it swam by. And I did. A few times. Croikey that was fun mate! Sorry.


Caught a little Muai Thai action. Even went toe to toe with a couple practitioners myself. Afterwards I felt a little like visiting a general practitioner I'll tell you hwat. Those boys are in unbelievable shape to do what they do in the heat they do it in. Just watching them makes me sweat. More. And order another drink.

And I even found a bar that had a really HOT rock band. I spent a lot of time and money there. It was called Climax Bar on Walking Street. I'd recommend it.

I DIDN'T spend, (waste), a second on the beach. Well, I did walk there at sunset and after hours but no suntanning for me. Not even swimming. I was too busy doing better stuff. And I didn't go to a single temple. Seen enough.

Out of the whole month there was ONE day I spent in the hotel room. That was the day after I discovered Climax Bar. I think I was doing shots with the band. Ugh.

Met a lot of new friends and caught up with some old ones. In both senses. Ar ar. I ate some spectacular food. Only had a few bad meals. And had a really great time. These are just some of the pics. And finally, I had to throw in a little porn.

Isn't she little? Porn? Cute as a button though. That's Pen with her. Porn was our waitress for breakfast before the go carts. Ha ha ha.

A few more pics

I made another major purchase. It was kind of spooky how it worked out. I was using my old camera to take some pics down at the beach and it just jammed. The lens can't go all the way in or out. So now it's completely useless. But I was just around the corner from the place I saw the camera I wanted last year. So I went back and there it was. The shockproof, waterproof Olympus 770 SW. I like it already. So I'm gonna show you some pics from it:

To your left you see the scorecard from my latest round of golf. Just yesterday, (Thurs.). Well the front 9 anyway. I'm "D". Not bad eh? Bogey golf. I'll take it. I golfed with Gord, Mel and Storm. Storm was hilarious. He owns one of the bars across from Memories/Gorkles. He improved a lot on the back nine. I did okay on the back too but had a couple of holes I couldn't finish so don't know my real score. The course was super busy. So we were being rushed by everybody. I absolutely hate that. It's like those assholes who blow their horns in traffic gridlock. Like it's gonna help at all. On my first hole I put my drive into the woods. Not deep though. I could see the ball from the tee. But while we were driving to it I saw a guy from a hole beside us playing a ball from where mine was. I think it was mine cuz I couldn't find mine. But while I was looking the dipshit course marshall told the other guys to hurry up. So I dropped a ball and shot. It went over the green. When I got to it everyone was finished the hole and the guys behind us were firing at the green. So I had to pick up my ball, go to the next hole and wait for not one but TWO groups ahead of us to tee off. Gord was scoring and he gave me an 8. No way I woulda got an 8. Then it happened to me AGAIN! I hit what felt like a really good shot but nobody including my caddy and me, saw it. It just disappeared. And you can't spend a minute looking or you forfeit the hole. Cuz we all had to hurry up and wait. I really HATE golfing like that. But I'm happy with the front nine.

Above are two holes from the course I've golfed most here. It's called Phoenix. I've been there twice this year and did it once last year. Gorgeous eh? Look closely at the mountain in the pic on the right and you can see a huge Buddha carved into it. All I've done so far is golf and drink here. But I ain't complaining. I'm going out again Sunday and then Tuesday I'm entered into a Texas Scramble tournament with Gord, Joe and another guy. Should be a blast.

Below are a couple shots of the beach area. I was testing my new cam's night ability. Boy, you need a steady hand lemme tell ya. The bright lights out on the water are boats. I think they might have casinos on them but I'm not sure. Walking street is a street that's lit up like a Christmas Tree at night. Other than that and its multitude of fish and seafood restaurants, there is really nothing else about Walking Street that could be related to Christ or Christian ethics if you know what I'm saying... Heh heh heh. But I DID find an awesome rock bar called Climax underneath a go-go bar where half naked girls stand outside on a stairway and beckon in foolish men. The band at Climax was superb. I WILL return. It reminded me a lot of Woodstock in Seoul. I promise to get better with the new cam so I can get some really good underwater shots. See you then.

The golfing is good.

Hey everybody. I just thought I'd post a couple of pics from the courses around here to show you all how nice they are. I'm at a computer that costs a baht a minute and the space bar doesn't work every time so this won't be a long post. Been out twice and going again tue. I would have golfed more but there's some kind of holiday here now. Courses are closed. First round I shot 52/53 105. The new clubs are great! Bought a full set from Gord, the guy who owns Memories bar. Actually that's where I'm staying too. He gave me a great deal on the room and the clubs. (That's him in the beige shirt on the left.) BUT, Memories is now a memory. An Australian guy bought it from Gord and it's now called Gorkle's. Anyway, the second round I got 48/48 96. So I'm getting better. My putting and chipping sucks too. So when they get better I should be down to bogey golf or better.

The other guy in both pics is Danny. I golfed with him both times. We went to Phoenix, (pic 1) and Greenwood, (pic 2).

And that's Danny putting all his weight on his partial foot in pic 3. But he got a good shot out of it. I met a new bunch of golfers through Ray, the owner of Gorkles so I should be able to go out more often. I'll try to take more pics. Anyways, farewell to Memories and hello Gorkle. And in golf, farewell hundreds and hello 80's and 90's.

I made it

Just to let everyone know, (and gloat just a little bit), I am now in Bangkok. After a few hours of sleep constantly interrupted by noisy drunks and slamming doors at the Kaosan Palace Hotel, and a one hour delay on my ticket to Pattaya, I'm at the Sawasdee waiting for breakfast and the bus.

They sure do slow you down here! This internet is a great example. Not only do I have time to read a book while I'm waiting for net pages to come up, I can read a few words while waiting for the words I type here to come up too! Who knows if this post will work? So I better keep this short.

It doesn't suck to be me right now.

I'm going to Thailand!

Folks I gotta say I'm a bit surprised to be typing this but I am going to Thailand. There were many moments when I thought I wasn't gonna make it and the process of getting a passport caused me enough stress on its own to warrant me a vacation but it'll all be forgotten the second I make my first "whack-fuck".

I played pool Wednesday night. One game of singles. Lost to a chick. She was good! She almost ran me out off the break. I actually played well but while I was coming back from her tremendous break run I had it down to two balls to one for her. I made a bad shot on one of my balls, which hit her's into the pocket so all she had to do then was sink the eight.

Then, like an idiot, I stayed up all night drinking. I took the first subway home at 5:30, fell asleep and passed my stop, took the next subway back, fell asleep and passed my stop, got out to street level to stop the nonsense and take a taxi home. While walking in a sea of humanity to a bunch of waiting buses and taxis I stepped on a really dangerous 5 or 6 inch dip on the sidewalk that was hard to see in a crowd of people. I really hurt my ankle bad and taught the entire subway load of people a lesson in English expletives. Free of charge. I took an 11,000 won taxi ride home and slept from about 8 to noon then started the passport frustration again. With a hangover. And a twisted ankle.

The last instructions Mike gave to me were, "Call us Thursday to see if the temporary passport is ready." If that sounds like an easy thing to do you haven't dealt with any Canadian government agencies. I have about 10 numbers for the Canadian Embassy in Seoul on a page taped to my wall beside me and none of them work. However, Mike told me how to call and I tried that. The obligatory Canadian government answering service labyrinth. "If you know the extension of the person you are trying to reach press it now." Nobody has extensions you fucking assholes! If Mike had one I'm sure he would have told me.

Luckily, I was having this conversation with my friend Annaliese just a week earlier and she told me her friend had discovered that if you just press zero you get to a human being. I gave it a whirl. It WORKED! Sort of. I mean it wasn't really a human being, it was a Canadian government employee. In my hangover scratchy lowered voice I told her Mike had told me to call and see if my temp. passport was ready. She says, "Please hold I'll connect you." I get another answering machine. A woman saying she's not in, please leave a message. Oh I left a message.

I call back, press zero and get the same chick. "Please hold, I'll connect you." I say, "Wait. Please don't connect me. Last time I got an answering machine. Is there someone there I can talk to?" She tells me she thought my call was personal so she patched me through to Mike's wife. Mike's WIFE! I say, "No. I told you twice it's about my temporary passport." "Okay, please hold I'll connect you." ANOTHER answering machine. I left a message asking why Canadian gvt. SERVICES are so fucking unserviceable, told the person to call back, gave my number and a very long sigh then said, "I'm not expecting much."

Lo and behold, she DID call back! Not much later! Told me the passport was ready and to come get it by 4:30. I limped in to the embassy and got it by 3:30, had a classic Italian sub and broccoli cheese soup at Quiznos too. Why is it that when I get anything accomplished involving my country's government I feel like the intrepid Edmund Hillary reaching the summit of Everest? And I did it all alone. No Shirpas helping me. Schirpas? How do you spell that anyway?

Across the street from the embassy is a KB bank. It was only a little after 4 so I figured I'd go in and get some Thai cash. Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire. From a Canadian govt. agency to a bank! What a day!

I had also heard from April, who works at a bank, something about bank cards no longer working overseas. I thought I'd ask. I got to the teller on the second floor and he told me that foreigners were no longer allowed to withdraw funds from their accounts using their bankcards outside Korea. I said it was a really racist rule and that I doubted there were any "developed" countries other than Korea that had such a policy. I said it was pretty silly to have Cirrus or Maestro without overseas service. But he said what bankers always say, "It was the decision of the head of the company." In other words, "IT'S A RULE!" I also told him that last year my card worked fine in Thailand. He looked puzzled. I can understand because being a bank employee I'm sure he's not used to his company actually having provided helpful services like that.

I go downstairs to withdraw some money from the bank machine. You see, you can't use your card to get the money removed electronically even though they have all the necessary equipment to do so, you have to physically take money out of the machine, take it upstairs and physically put it back. Why? Cuz it's a rule. I knew this rule from before. So I get back to the guy with a fistfull of cash and he's on the phone. He asks me for my card which I foolishly give him. He reads the number into the phone over my protests and thwarts my attempts to take the card away from him. He hangs up the phone and tells me that since I got the card before April 14th, (my birthday), 2006, I can still use it overseas. Any cards acquired after that date can't be used by foreigners overseas. So despite his best efforts he couldn't deactivate my card. Little prick.

Incidentally, the guy who made the racist rule and the stupid musical cash machine rule, (and countless other jaw-droppingly vacuous such rules), qualifies to be a guarantor for my passport. This is the kind of person Passport Canada wants certifying our citizenship!

That my bankcard was gonna work came as especially good news to me since recently my Canadian account, (which I set up so that I would DEFINITELY have access to my cash overseas), has been frozen. The good people at TD bank have been forcing their protection onto their customers. There are few things I hate worse. I was told to choose not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE extra passwords for my account. I don't want or need them so I had been bypassing the page where I was ordered by my bank to choose them. So they froze my account. Fascists!

So I went to the page that was supposed to reactivate my account. I picked my five new fucking passwords then pressed enter. I got a message that my session had timed out and I was to call the bank at this number...... No fucking way was I falling for THAT trick again. I ESPECIALLY hate doing the telephone gymnastics long distance. So I tried the page again and timed out again. So I can't do anything with my money in Canada. This trip might just end up being more adventurous than expected.

Next I had to go to work and return all the papers from the summer course I had taught. The students' exams, attendance, that sort of thing. I also had to input the syllabus for NEXT semester. I had tried the day before but after doing it THREE times most of it just kept mysteriously disappearing. So I sent an email to my supervisor saying that I couldn't meet the deadline, which was that day. I got an email this morning from her that said my syllabus had been entered and thanking me for doing a fine job. Wonders never cease.

So aside from a bit of a sore ankle and a frozen bank account I have no problems to think about in Thailand. I really need this vacation.

I Just Might Make It To Thailand

Well, events have warranted a new post.

I got an email from a guy named Mike who works at the Canadian Embassy in Seoul telling me that I could get someone at the office to be my guarantor. Again, someone who doesn't know me from Adam Sandler and who doesn't do the service for free. This was Thursday I got the email.

So I filled out all the forms. I got my friends Scott and Annaliese to be my references and got all the details about their addresses and phone numbers. I went to a photographer at the front gate of HUFS, where I work and with a little explanation through pigeon Korean and body language I got him to stamp and date one of the pics properly. Then after work I decided, just in case, to go see if I could find this embassy.

I knew it was in the downtown area right behind City Hall but it's never easy to find anything in that mess of buildings. Lucky I went on this reconnaissance mission! It took me just over an hour to find. I asked the information guy at the subway station where it was and he directed me to exit 3. I found it odd that the Canadian Embassy wasn't marked on any of the maps they have in the subway station that show the nearby buildings.

I exited through exit 3 and I asked several other people for directions. One security guard gave me directions and told me I had about 700 meters to go. I was pretty close. So I walked exactly where he told me and came upon the Nanta Theater. I guess when I was saying "Canada" (embassy) he thought I was saying "Nanta" (theater). But curiously enough I asked another security guard near the Nanta who also told me he knew where it was and pointed me to a building where it definitely WASN'T. Sometimes I just wanna teach Koreans to say "I don't know."

It was a very hot and muggy afternoon and I was carrying a full briefcase with me and still dressed in my much too heavy work clothes. I was sweating like a whore in church. But I figured I'd go out to the main road and try again. On my way out I saw a brick wall with a fence on top of it and a nicely cut lawn behind the fence. On the wall was the seal of Canada. But there was no building that resembled an office where one might find the Canadian Embassy. And there was no easily aparent way into the area where the lawn was.

I got out to the main road and wandered around some more until I found a tourist information kiosk. I went inside and asked for some info. The girl there spoke English and had a map. On the map I saw that it was exactly where I thought it was, exactly where I'd been, right behind City Hall. She said it was in the Kolon building. Nice name eh?

So I went back to where I was and wandered around some more. I think I went down every street and cross-street before I finally found the Kolon building. Right around the corner from EXIT 4! Nowhere near exit 3! It was 4:30. The embassy closes at 4:30 so there was no chance for me to go in and get anything ready for the next day. Mike had told me there would be a form to fill out called the "in lieu of guarantor" form or something like that. I thought maybe I could pick that up before closing time but no such luck.

Besides there was a Quiznos Subs right across from the Kolon Building and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. So I got an Italian Classic sub and a bowl of broccoli cheese soup. And I dried off a little bit while in the air conditioned restaurant. I got some Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a book from Kyobo Book Store too. So it wasn't a complete waste of time. But I asked about 20 people where the Krispy Kreme doughnuts store was too and think I could have found it more easily if I had just used The Force.

I figure I walked farther than my 6K fitness walk and sweat about as much. My pants were all salty in the ass when I got home and took them off. Man I hate that!

Next morning bright and early I went to the embassy and got the in lieu of guarantor form. I needed extra identification, two more references and I had two tiny lines to list my employers for the past 5 years. I wasn't about to go home and get all the addresses and phone numbers of employers and references so I did the best I could. I gave them my friend Kasia as a reference. She won't be reachable until September. I also gave them Scott's wife, Minju because I already had her address on the other application. And I just faked the past employers. I told them I had worked at Seogang College for 3 years when actually it was only one.

I got in to the window behind which Mike was sitting. We talked about where I was going and low and behold he goes golfing in Pattaya too! He told me about a good hotel I'm thinking of staying at. Lek Hotel it's called. Anyway, he said I could get the temporary passport on Thursday the 19th. That's the day before I travel. When I get back from my month in Thailand my real passport will be ready and all I will have to do is go to the NEW office and trade the temp. for the new passport. He did say, however, that they will only be able to get me my temporary passport on Thursday if everything goes smoothly. Like if they can reach all my references and if they don't find any discrepancies on my application. heh heh heh.

But screw them if they are that picky! Yeah I lied about my past employment cuz I didn't have all the info, (the thoroughly useless info.) that they asked for. So I cheated once. THEY gave me a stranger for a guarantor who charged me money to sign my forms. So THEY cheated TWICE! But I doubt that will be a good enough defence if they ask me why I lied on the guarantor form. Neither will, "That form will be a dinosaur in three months anyway!"

But we'll see how things go. Fingers crossed.

I already sent an email to one of the guys I golf with and since he was in charge of the golfing trips and had a bad scooter crack up, the club is in a bit of a shambles right now. But he says there are still some guys who go out.

SO the Thai vacation is STILL not a positive but I have paid for my ticket. I asked my travel agent to fax my itinerary to the embassy. That was one of the things they needed to speed up the passport. I hope she did that.

Yeah! This is the kind of frantic planning and stress a good trip ought to have! I feel like I'm on vacation already!

Oh, and that mysterious Canadian seal I found? (I mean seal of Canada. I guess a seal of ANY origin would be mysterious in downtown Seoul in mid summer!) THAT is where the NEW Canadian Embassy is going to be. So I already know where to go to get my new passport. I hope I don't have to scale the wall and climb the fence though.

Vacation Time Again

Well it's vacation time again. I have two days of teaching left and then it's time to head off to golf and drink and swim and relax in Thailand.

GOD! If only it were that easy for me! No, as you can read in my brief bio on this blog, travel adventures are my forte. In fact people sometimes ask to hear my travel nightmares even if they've heard them before. And to me they are like bad old memories: they suck when they happen but they're great stories. I've had luggage lost; I've been robbed; conned; stranded at the airport; forced to beg for money; picked up by a tranny; ripped off by fast-dealing money changers; snorkelling and lost my home apartment keys; sucked out to sea by rip tides; debilitatingly sunburned; confined to my hotel bathroom because of Bali Belly, Dengue Fever, West Nile disease, diarrhea, malaria or whatever; in the airport watching my plane take off ripping up my non-refundable ticket; air sick; hustled at pool; lost countless times, but sooooo many things can happen to a person while on a trip! That's why I keep going. Still no plane crashes or shark attacks. But my traveling days have just begun.

THIS time the troubles are starting before the trip. I guess since I didn't go on a trip during the last school break my travel curse has been dormant too long and is raring to erupt.

I have reservations to go to Bangkok on the 20th of July. I haven't paid for the ticket yet because I have been waiting for news on my passport. You see, my passport expires in November and customs officials "have the right to refuse service to you if you have less than 6 months remaining on your passport." What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

EVERYTHING about passports and customs and all things to do with them, (especially in Asia), are governed by hard, fast, written in stone rules. You know that if, (like me), your key chain is a tiny Swiss Army knife you forgot to put in your luggage, or like the lady who told the customs official that in her bag she had some knitting needles, yarn and a giant Afghan and was strip searched before she could explain.

Just look at the Canadian passport application someday. Photos must have neutral expression, have natural skin tones, chin to crown of head 31 mm. to 36 mm., no shadows, no hats, no texturing, have the name of photographer on the back and date taken, not date developed, and one must be signed by the guarantor indicating that the pic is a good likeness of the person they know as the above signed.

The guarantor! He/she must be easily contacted, have known you for 2 years, live within the juris diction of the issuing office, be notarizing your application for free, and be a doctor, lawyer or officer of the law, banker or politician because everyone knows these professions are chock-o-block full of the most veracious, ethical and unimpeachably honest citizens of any country. PPPPpbbbbbbbtttttthhhhhhbbbtttt!!! They might just as well ask you to get your application notarized by a car salesman, professional wrestler or a hagwon boss.

You must provide proof of citizenship, (I mean aside from the passport that is good enough proof of citizenship to every OTHER country in the world, (and which you had to provide plenty of proof of citizenship to get like birth certificate, SIN number, driver's license etc.)), like birth certificate, SIN number, driver's license etc.

BUT if you have less than 6 months left on your passport, the agent has full discretion. MAYBE he/she will pass you, or MAYBE he/she won't. This is the only thing about passports, customs etc. with any flexibility at all and it's obviously been perpetuated by customs officials for one reason: bribes. Don't kid yourself, you can't get into some countries without bribing customs officers.

And if they would just be clear about things like they are in Lonely Planet guides to places like Cambodia or Viet Nam and say the customs officials will expect a bribe of around... yada yada yada that would be cool. But I'm here thinking maybe they won't accept a bribe. Maybe I won't be able to go at all. Maybe I'll pay 800 bucks for tickets and not be able to fly to Thailand at all.

This is my kind of trip! Drama even BEFORE the get go!

But good news! Passport Canada is implementing a new "Simplified Passport Renewal Program". The program includes a shorter application form, no supplementary identification or proof of citizenship, and (halleluiah!), no friggin guarantor!

I was so excited when I read this! But it starts August 15th. And the criteria exclude anyone who has resided outside Canada on their previous passport. Basically it's for people who wanna go to the States.

HOWEVER, I also read on the Passport Canada webpage that there is a new guarantor policy! Yay, yippee, yahoo.com! Under the new rules a guarantor may be any passport holder. Even a relative or someone who lives with you! Boy was I relieved to read that! Cuz I was thinking pretty hard about who I could use as a guarantor here in Korea.

But then, I read, "Effective Oct. 1, 2007."

See what I mean? This is really sucking right now but I'm sure I'll get a kick out of this when I recall it someday.

So I HAVE thought of one possible guarantor. A doctor friend of mine here in Korea. I WILL have to make a 5 hour trip to get his autograph on the back of one of my photos but if I can do that, fill out the rest of the application, dig up my birth certificate, find a couple friends who are willing to be character references, find a Korean photographer who can a) understand the photo rules and b) perform his duties properly and get to the Canadian Embassy in Seoul between 8 and 11 am, I MIGHT be able to get a temporary passport. I think this might be more dependable at customs than my old passport.

However, I have a week and two days before my flight and the temporary passport takes a week...if there are no delays. I work for the next two days from noon to 3.

And, oh yeah, one more thing, (remember this is ME here!), the Canadian Embassy in Seoul is moving soon. They're closed from the 20th to the 23rd after which they will be operating out of their new office in Jeong dong, Jung gu, and not the old office at Mugyo dong, Jung gu. I just KNOW they are in the process of moving now and won't be operating at normal speed. Or if by some miracle I make it to their office with all my documents they will have already moved the passport lamination machine or the official seal of the Consular General or some damn thing. And who knows WHAT will happen with the move?

My timing is absolutely uncanny isn't it? So basically I'm fucked for getting a new passport, temporary passport, or passport extension. But I am giving serious consideration to the prospect of making a really great future blog entry and just trying to get to Thailand on my old passport. Given my travel record it's a ridiculous risk to take but this has the makings of a heck of a travel story!

Anybody know anything about foreign extradition?

STILL not finished. I briefly considered just traveling to Canada so I can get a passport in Vancouver. Surely they'd let me out of Korea and into my new country to do that! Last passport I got 5 years ago I went to the notary public across the streeet from the Vancouver passport office. He hadn't known me for 2 minutes never mind two years, and didn't do it for free but was able to be my guarantor anyway. That guarantor rule is so stupid! Then I paid extra money to have the passport done as soon as possible and got it the same day.

BUT, (again timing), since Canadians now have to have passports to get into the States, (a new rule cuz they don't want us spending too many of our strong dollars there), there are tremendous line-ups and backlogs at the passport offices. I've been reading posts about offices in Vancouver. People waiting in the rain in lines where there were 150 people in front of them OUTSIDE the office. Waiting 11 weeks for a rushed passport. It would be more expensive and slower to do this in Canada.

So it looks very much like the only choice I have is to cancel my reservations, get my temporary passport sometime in August, (if I can find the new embassy and if their schedule is not delayed), and spend maybe 2 weeks in Thailand instead of a month.

Still I guess it beats spending my entire 6 weeks of vacation time in tropical, hedonistic, exotic, action central, South Korea? It's bad enough I'll probly have to waste 4 weeks of it here farting around with my new passport. And even with the price of a ticket, golfing in Thailand is cheaper than downtime in Korea for me. Simply because golf, beer, and whatever else I will do here in Korea will be like 5x the price.

Updates will follow as events warrant.