And with that title I'm gonna have to admit I'm playing right into his hands and giving him just a little bit more internet buzz. I'm not sure if he's trying to be serious yet or if he's just a shockblogger. Or shock columnist. But for the love of GOD!!! If anyone TRIED to make a stupider list of things foreigners like about Korea, I don't know if they could. Hmmmm, maybe I should try. It is my destiny.
Aside from number 1, which I mostly agree with, I can't get through this list without being overcome with this strange sensation that I can only describe as my body deciding between laughter and vomit.
What I am going to do is discuss his list, give my genuine list, (and not assume that it is agreed upon by all expats here in Korea), and try my best to create a shockingly stupid list that I think would shock and anger people into reading my blog and be worse than Jon Huer. That'll be the hard part.
Huer #1. Street Safety. I agree. The streets are safe. From crime. I don't feel like I'm going to get mugged as I walk down the street anywhere in Korea. I've never seen a gun or person with a gun except a soldier at the DMZ. And you just don't get the kids that are so bored they decide to vandalize or terrorize. And if it was anything but video games and hagwons that was keeping the kids busy I'd say kudos to Korea for that. But driving or even walking in those streets is dangerous. And if you get hit by a car you are pretty much left to your own devices to solve the problem. Police, ambulance, hospital and fire services are abysmal. But yeah I agree.
My #1 K.B.O. The Korean Baseball Organization.
My shockblogger #1 The way people of other blood are treated as absolute equals by all Koreans.
Huer #2 The sweetness and charitable disposition of Korean women over 60. I gotta say I like the ajjumas. But sweet? Charitable? Holy shit! Has this guy never stood in line to get on a bus or buy a ticket or pay for food or any fucking line in the country. The ajjuma elbow will get them right to the front. And people never do anything. It's accepted. Would YOU argue with that lady? There's a reason why the term "ajjumonster" was created by foreigners and the phrase, "third sex" was coined by locals. They are something to see. And the salmon-like metamorphosis from "beautiful, cute, quiet, anassuming, bashful, shrinking violet" agashi to ajjuma is a biology study just waiting to happen.
My #2 Drinking culture. I love being able to walk around outside with a beer. Show up for work hungover, they UNDERSTAND. (not that I ever would...) And there is always beer close by. You don't need to get it at a beer store. Drinking customs, drinking games, drinking songs, I love everything about the Korean drinking culture except soju.
My shockblogger #2 The intrepid Korean mosquito. These voracious little vixens are a superspecies of nature to be revered. Korean national treasure #564.
Huer #3 Korea's countryside people's unique attitude toward foreigners. Is he referring to how they demand, "Hey! Hello!" And then when you acquiesce, "Hi." they laugh their asses off? It's not unique since lots of people drive by herds of cattle, moo out the window and laugh their asses off when the cattle reply. But I suppose it IS a unique attitude toward PEOPLE.
My #3 Korean food. Nuff said.
My shockblogger #3 The lovely holiday togetherness one experiences on highways and thoroughfares throughout the country during Chuseok and other national holidays.
Huer #4 The Korean fighting spirit. Refusing to accept fate or impossibility. The Korean heart seethes at injustice. They have a pretty easy time accepting MY impossibilities. Like getting my visa renewed without leaving the country. Impossible! #5 pizza with olives, green pepper and mushroom instead of boiled egg, corn and sweet pickle. Impossible. Transferring money without producing my passport. Impossible. Cutting the hair on the top of my balding head. Impossible. All those things were in fact possible, (and I had them done), but those and MANY others are termed "impossible" when somebody just doesn't feel like doing their job. Probly hungover because of the drinking culture. And as for seething hearts is that what you call that shit-eating grin they give you when they reneg on promises in the contract while reminding you that YOU are still bound by it till the end of the year?
My #4 Winter, spring and fall. Not too hot, not too cold. Juuust right.
My shockblogger #4 The healthy, sauna-like conditions in Korean summer when laundry can take a week to dry and 30 can feel like 50 degrees. Korea has four seasons you know.
Huer #5 Spontaneity Yes the Koreans I know make it a point to be spontaneous. In fact they pencil it into their busy schedules after Tae Kwon Do hagwon on Thursday from 5-6 PM and Noraebang on Friday from 9-10. Or before sexual intercourse from 3-3:02 Sunday afternoon. The average Korean won't do anything spontaneous today except unnecessarily changing a lane. Without looking. But since it was done 75 times on their 10-minute commute to work, yes they are spontaneous.
My #5 It's a cheap place to live. Mostly because the good teaching contracts come with housing but I can save a lot more here than anywhere else I've lived. And I don't skimp either.
My shockblogger #5 The pleasant introspection and single-mindedness of purpose Koreans engage in that is so accute they can sometimes transcend their surroundings. Like when they are choosing gochujang with their shopping cart blocking the entire aisle for 10 minutes. When they walk across the road during the don't walk signal with their thoughtful gaze skyward. Or when they slam their article down on the check-out counter, get into a taxi or bark their order out when you are in front of them in line.
Huer #6 Lyrical songs of Korea. I have to admit if he's talking about "Bong JJack" or "Trote" music, it IS something uniquely Korean and, like Reggae, it's hard to feel sad when you're on the bus or buying a sweet potato on the street and hear it. At least for me. Bong Boing ba Boing. I WILL buy a CD before I go home. Who am I kidding I'll download some.
My #6 The babes. (externally). They are nice to look at until that tragic agashi-->ajjuma stage.
My shockblogger #6 The awesome, well thought out, intricately poetic, highly sophisticated Korean pop music. Not to mention the ingenious choreography that invariably goes with it.
Huer #7 Sense of humour and gaiety. Someone called Koreans the Irish of the East. I can't even finish this one. Korean humour is as clever as a sack of hammers. At any given time in Korea you can turn on the TV and there'll be a "gagman" dressed as a woman, pulling an exaggerated face or falling down. Pure genius! There is no political humour, wordplay, wit. Make yourself or someone else look stupid and you're hilarious. When I was living in Seoul a TV producer asked me to play a comedic character on TV. Even had a contract. I refused with relish for this reason. And I gave up teaching lessons involving jokes or humour a LONG time ago. I'll leave the "gaiety" part alone.
My #7 The mountains. There IS some good hiking to be had here.
My shockblogger #7 The lovely, helpful people and solid organization at every immigration office throughout the land.
Huer #8 Pansori. There's no real way to describe it, (or enjoy it). You just have to witness it. Okay, okay, yes the singers make huge sacrifices to get their throats into shape for the songs. If they were singing the high note from Boston's More Than a Feeling THAT I could appreciate! But I guess if a guy's looking for a cool and pretty slack job you can't do much better than a Pansori drummer.
My #8 I Tae Won Not for the shopping. I Tae Won is like a U.N. meeting every night. It's a great place to meet interesting people and they DO have pubs there. And although they're expensive you can find some great restaurants there too. My favourite place in Korea to eat drink, play pool and sometimes get my funk on.
My shockblogger #8 The myriad friendly, hospitable souls you can meet, share a pint or play darts or pool with at all the fine pubs across Korea.
Huer #9 The way the lower class is treated. Koreans are extraordinarily forgiving toward those less fortunate than themselves. This one actually made me a bit angry! Forgiving!?!? We forgive you for being the underpaid scum who make US rich. The thing is, and this is a good thing about Korea, I don't see many less fortunate people. However, you are less important than me if you have less money. Belee dat shit!
My #9 Everland I've been there about 6 or 7 times and will go a few more before I leave Korea I'm sure.
My shockblogger #9 The ingenius "undol" floor heating and the coziness of sitting on the comfortable, piping hot, cement floor while entertaining guests, drinking or eating and the wonderful tingly sensation in the lower extremities that comes with it.
Huer #10 The noteworthy achievement of being able to create new English words and concepts. Konglish. "Skinship" is the one and only achievement of note I can think of in this category. The annoying, confusing, nonsensical, and downright stupid achievements in this field: unending.
My #10 Friends Although there are many losers who come here to work and genuinely unlikeable people who live here, I have made some good friends in my years in Korea.
My shockblogger #10 It really should be number one but since it is integral in all the top 10 best things about Korea, (except the mosquitoes and the weather), I put the highly advanced, education system as my number 10.
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