Saturday, July 15, 2006


I gotta say it's good to be back in Korea. Since coming back I've been practicing my own version of the Taoist discipline known as Wu Wei. This is an exercise that roughly translates to "without action". I've combined Wu Wei with surfing porn. I call it Woo Weee! Now if I can just open a school and charge a couple hundred bucks a month to train rich, Asian wannabe students in the art of Woo Weee... No, Grasshopper. Avoid the pay sites. They are the evil black dragons that inhibit our oneness with the e-universe.

Other than Woo Weee, I've been doing the usual post-vacation things here in Yangju: growing hair, turning oxygen into carbon dioxide, regaining bowel consistency, metabolizing pasta and fighting the friggin ants. I thought a 3-week holiday might get rid of the little bastards but, alas, they have multiplied. I've squashed hundreds of them already. But they seem to have spread out. They're all over the house now. And now they are on the offensive. I have found several brave warrior ants crawling up my body. I usually don't catch them until they reach my shoulder. I suppose this is because these devious little critters can swing from hair to hair.

I've located a couple of the holes through which they seem to be entering my apartment. I did my best action hero voice while spraying Raid into the holes saying, "Suck on that you little shits!" I've sprayed high ant traffic areas with mentholatum, which I'm told they hate. I think it just gives my ants a pleasant high. I have been vigilant in the war with the ants, but they seem to be winning. I'm afraid because in a week I'll be off to teach at a kids camp in Naju, Korea and the ants will have two weeks to fortify their presence here once again. Anyone with advice on killing ants, feel free to post it here. Please!!

On a brighter note, while in Thailand at a popular Pattaya watering hole, one of the bar girls told me to open my mouth and close my eyes. Being foolishly optimistic and happily inibriated, I complied. She stuck a fried grasshopper in my mouth. After crunching on it a while and identifying it as an insect I instictively spit most of it out. However, and this is the bright note, the parts I couldn't spit out were pretty tasty! Now if I could just get that recipe, substitute ant where it calls for grasshopper, I may solve my ant problem while saving tens of won on groceries!

Other than the ants, nothing news in Yangju. So far there is only rain, not North Korean missiles in the skies. The Kia Tigers are still holding their own in the Korean Baseball League. I plan to go to the Naju area a little early so as to watch a Tigers game or two before camp starts. I hope I can.

Anyone with good anti-ant advice, (or good recipes), lemme know. See ya.

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