A Few Korean Oddities

Although Koreans seem to have all learned from the same lesson in the same book they all used at one time or another, that "Korea has 4 seasons!"; and although I have sometimes instructionally replied, "Canada has lakes and rivers!"; they seem to have it in their heads that we're in the tropics over here. Every winter several things happen that make you think it might be the first year of winter in Korea.

For instance, one of my favourites: "undol" floor heating. It's hot water pumped through pipes in the floor folks and for some reason there are almost always poorly insulated, (or uninsulated), pipes that lead to the source of the hot water: the boiler, which is almost always OUTSIDE. Water freezes. That's what you have in your cocktail to keep it cold. It freezes, or gets hard, when it's 0 degrees or below and, yes, every year just about everywhere in Korea it gets down to 0 degrees or below. That's Celcius for any Americans reading. I don't know from Fahreignhoit???

Every winter I go to stores or friends' houses or the pub to see people in a panic ripping styrofoam off the pipes and hitting them with the hairdryer or calling in the repairman, or locking the restroom and putting a sign on it that says, "Out of order..." And while we're on that, I sometimes think we've overgeneralized that phrase. I think it was invented for vending machines or restaurants or places where you choose something and order it. Now it's used for anything that's broken and it always makes me think, in situations like the toilet, "hmmm, (that's my thinking), What were you expecting me to order from the toilet?" Anyhoo, it's even worse when it happens at MY place.

Another oddity here in Korea is what I will call "door etiquete." I've blogged about some examples of this before. First, the bathroom door. In a public bathroom, (that isn't "out of order"), if you are using a stall, Koreans will knock. There is no need for a verbal response, just knock back. It's beautiful! A wonderful little slice of door etiquette that makes you think Korean people might just understand what doors are for. Then you are brought back to reality when some Korean just walks in on you. Not in the can but in your home. Usually some jagoff come to check the oil reading, install your cable internet or, you guessed it, to thaw frozen undol pipes or fix your exploded boiler. I'd say over the years about HALF of the Korean people who have had business in my house or apartment have not knocked before barging in. The hilarious part is after totally invading your privacy and walking in on you while you're surfing porn, taking a shower, playing with your Hello Kitty dolls or something like that, they ALWAYS take off their shoes! What is the reasoning? "I don't mind accidentally seeing this person having tantric sex with his wife on the kitchen floor, BUT I certainly don't want to get dirt on it." Or do they just take off their shoes to warm their feet on the undol? If so why does the guy coming to FIX the undol remove his shoes? Connundrum!

It's not just repairmen though. I've had landlords, pizzaboys, friends, students, church recruiters, advertisers and probably some others I have forgotten, walk in on me. It's worse when it happens in winter because, oddity number 3, they'll just leave the door wide open! People who are coming; people who are going. Sometimes they just stand in the wide open doorway. That's a VERY popular Korean passtime, blocking entrances and exits. Maybe that would be oddity #3 1/2.

So today is the coldest day of winter so far. I was up all night watching football. At about 8 AM I made some scrambled eggs and used a little water from the kitchen tap in them. But somewhere around 9:30 when the second football game is ending and I'm getting ready to start watching hockey, BLAM! My door sticks and it's made of sheet metal. It can't be opened or closed quietly. I go out to the kitchen and some stranger is looking at my sink full of dirty dishes. He demonstrates that there is no flow of water from the kitchen faucet. Again my dilemma of not knowing how to effectively relate sarcasm to Koreans. "OH! Well then it's no wonder you walked in without knocking, left the door wide open and checked the bathroom as a bonus knowing I was in the bedroom while you're snooping around my home. Please, make yourself a sandwich while you're at it. Or while you're costing me money by heating the outside why not put your foot through my TV screen? Oh wait, I know why, because you're not wearing your shoes! Thank you for removing your footware. You are SO polite!" It just wouldn't have any effect. And neither did the knocking gesture I made and the "KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK," I was saying over his Korean explanation.

But I didn't really even try to make my point. It's an exercise in futility. I'm a nub. So while EVERYBODY, and there were like 6 of them, was barking out orders in unintelligable Korean and asking me questions I didn't even try to understand or answer I turned on my boiler. My undol. I knew within an hour the water would be flowing again. Meanwhile I could see, THROUGH MY WIDE OPEN DOOR, a couple guys digging up the cement in the courtyard to get at some water pipes they thought might be the problem. They had all manner of equipment. And my poor landlady was gesturing to me saying, "Mool mool!" That means "water." And even pointed at the hole in the ground, shook her head and at one point said, "Whatchagonnado?" Ha ha ha. She's so cute!

Just nicely into the second period of the game I heard the water start flowing again. BLAM! A different guy this time triumphantly demonstrating the water flow in my sink full of dirty dishes. Again door wide open and shoes off. People came and went all through my place for the next half hour. Finally the action settled down. Then around the third period, BLAM! It was my landlady. Shoes off and door swinging wide open she turns on my kitchen faucet and demonstrates that I now have water. Then tells me some stuff I didn't understand. I think it was like keep some water running so the pipes don't freeze. A common practice in winter in Korea. You know, rather than installing proper heating systems just waste thousands of gallons of water every winter.

What I'm going to do is turn on the undol every now and then to make sure the water doesn't freeze in the uninsulated pipes. A costly, useless practice since I have a small electric heater in my room that keeps it nice and warm. The undol heats the whole house, which I don't need. Especially now that I'm not working. And why am I not working? Korean oddity number 4: The Korean "yes."

I tried to get a Kia Tigers official jersey made for me one time. Since all Korean bodies conform to the economic convenience of making all shirts one of 4 sizes, (95, 100, 105 or 110), I had to get a shirt custom made. I went to the custom made jersey store and asked if it was possible. He said, "YES." But I had to wait 2 weeks. I went back 2 weeks later and he had the right size and colour of shirt but he then went to the back room and started ironing on some letters and decals. I had made it clear to him that I wanted the real embroidered thing. So he finally tells me the truth, that he can't make a shirt like that after having wasted 2 weeks and gotten my hopes up.

"Do you understand?" YES "Will you abide by this contract?" YES "Can you handle this?" YES "Are you telling the truth?" YES It's an oddity I have grown accustomed to and again, I'm a nub. I've given up trying to fight it. This is what's happening in my work search of late. I was told YES I had a job at Dongshin for Jan and Feb but that didn't happen. The worst thing about that was there was another camp advertising that I could have done. 2 million for 11 days! But I didn't apply because I was waiting for the contract from Dongshin.

Anyway, before the landlady and her daughter left I asked the daughter, (who speaks a little bit of English), "Did they fix the problem?" She replied, "YES!"