Saturday, March 20, 2010

Counting my blessings

It's a good day here in Korea. It's a Saturday. I haven't gone outside my room to meet with any untoward Koreanness today. I've just been catching up on my TV. What's with TV these days anyway? It seems to be yet another thing that's passing me by. The Friends are no longer friends; Old Christine isn't old in my books; the race isn't so Amazing any more; I only watch the Daily show about once a week; Hockey Night is in the morning and it's not in Canada; Lost lost me long ago; House isn't up in dis here house; I scrubbed Scrubs; Middle Man was cancelled while it was still in the beginning; pickins are slim.

I still have my old favourites: Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park (the new Tiger Woods episode was awesome!), 30 Rock, The Office, Big Bang, Cougar Town, Modern Family, Survivor, Daily Show, Colbert Report, and occasionally a Letterman or Man vs Nature. American Dad and the Cleveland Show are wearing a bit thin.

I watch America's next top model out of morbid curiosity as much as anything. To me it looks like Tyra always picks chicks who are nowhere near as good-looking as her. It's tough to find anyone as good-looking as Tyra Banks but these girls are just not attractive to me most of the time. When a few girls who I think are hot sneak through they get voted out early for reasons that are fascinating to behold. It's reminiscent of the old TV channel I watched in Calgary when I lived there, Fashion TV, mostly for the sexy outfits and occasional boob falling out but between catwalk models we were forced to sit through designers fashionspeak and if it wasn't such an affront to the intelligence of the average person I might have appreciated it a little bit for it's poetic, lyrical quality. They tended to shovel the shit like, I dunno, people who are trying to sell invisible clothes to the King. For a lot of money.

The judges on ANTM are exactly the same. They will tell one girl to stop doing the expected and to think outside the box and tell another that her traditional modeling poses are classically beautiful. In the same show. Two girls will do the exact same thing with their eyes and one will be told she is squinting while the other is applauded for "smizing", (which is smiling with her eyes). Today one girl was told she should stretch out her neck all the time and another girl was given compliments for the fragile feminine effect she got by hiding her head in her shoulders.

What's funny is when two of the judges say opposing things about the same picture or model. They're just trying to make an asbtract idea like beauty concrete and the more they talk the harder they work. But these beauties aren't usually geniuses so they get away with it. It's like me telling someone that hot dogs taste better than hamburgers and trying to create what seems to be an explanation as to why by stringing sparkly word circles together. It's sad to me that there are people who like hamburgers better than hot dogs who would BELIEVE me! These are the people who pay for and wear high fashion. The expensive prices are their punishment for being mentally impotent enough to allow someone else to convince them that this blue dress is $20,000 better than that other blue dress.

But let's talk about shows I like for better reasons. My favourite new show is the Ricky Gervais Show and, surprise, surprise, it's animated. It's the simplest idea in the world: three guys talking. But this Carl Pilkington they have on the show is a cottage industry of oddball insight that is absolutely hilarious. WIthout even trying to be! The other two just wind him up and watch him go. This show would be the greatest conversation teaching aid ever if there were any hope of my teaching a class that could follow even 10% of the conversation. It's tough for me to explain how conversation can be the most entertaining thing in the world if you're talking to people whose brains are not identically programmed. I don't know about this Pilkington guy but his programmers seem to have crossed some wires.

I also like the new show called The Marriage Ref. I can't imagine many people who aren't enjoying that one. I like it for the same reasons as most but much like the model show I also watch it from, shall we say a tangential viewpoint. A single man's angle which makes it all the more entertaining to me. It's not just that I am happy in the knowledge that I'll never need a marriage ref or have stupid fights about the things these people fight about. I am also noticing something that perhaps is my imagination but perhaps not. It looks to me like when the woman wins and the man loses, he will actually do what the marriage ref tells him to do. But when the man wins and the woman loses, in every case I can remember to this point the woman has looked like not only is she not going to heed the advice of the marriage ref but hubby is in the doghouse for a week, she's gonna throw out all the DVD box sets of Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and The Office, and burn all the Madonna cd's. And she will go on the trip they give couples on the show, but she's GONNA steal some bathrobes and soaps from the hotel.

This is not to say that I'm not married because women are too controlling. It's just a real plus about NOT being married. I don't want to win arguments, I just don't want to have them. And there's no such thing as a woman who could deal with me without changing things, or suggesting changes that would eventually result in fights. And I know now that she would always win because I can't stand the fighting. I'd be so whipped if I were married! This show makes me glad I'm not.

To bring this entry full circle there aren't many ladies who would have "allowed" me to sit around all day watching TV the way I did today if they were married to me. And if I could find this gem of a woman who would allow me to sacrifice a full day to the TV gods, 1. Would she spend it with me or would she work really hard around the house to shore up some guilt points for later? 2. Would she spend it watching TV with me and allow me to watch 50% of the shows I want to see? 3. Would she disappear for the whole day and make me wonder if I'd get my head bitten off for asking where she was? (You'd know if you weren't watching TV all day!/I can waste a whole day just as good as you buster!/I was out looking for a new TV cuz THAT one's gonna be worn out soon! and so on) 4. Would I be able to scratch, nap, fart, and eat spaghetti and meatballs TWICE like I did today?

It's probably the greatest blessing I have being single. I just don't think about that enough.

Another new show I think I'm going to like is yet another animated show called Ugly Americans. Looks like it's gonna be quirky enough to remain interested in.

Other than these shows I've been watching some old classics. Red Dwarf. Wish I had the box set of that. I found an old show that I didn't know ever existed called Strangers With Candy. It has Amy Sedaris and Steven Colbert. Every time she says, "I stole a Tay Vay" it kills me. ha ha ha. I like the Mind of Mencia too. Comedy all the time. I laugh so much I should have abs of steel. But I guess I'm more than compensating with the food I eat while watching.

I'm so lucky to be able to just waste a day sitting around on my own watching every show I want to watch, eating what I want, wearing what I want, just being me. In fact I can be me more often than most people I know. And people have told me that when they are around me they feel that same way. I don't guess there are many greater blessings I could give to anyone or have. I think I'll go indulge in this blessing a bit more.

See ya.

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