Proverbs 16:18 Part I

You've probably heard the old proverb "Pride goeth before a fall." It's not just a proverb, it's a Proverb. Proverb 16:18 is pretty much the same although I like it better because it has more detail. It reads: "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." If you don't know what "haughty" means it's being overly proud of yourself to the point where you look down on others.

For years I've talked of Korean people and said that there is a fine line between "Hooray for Korea" and "Boo for everybody else." This is the difference between good national pride and haughtiness. For a long time I used to admire Korean national pride and wish we could exhibit something similar more often in Canada. Then I started noticing a lot of signs that it is something a bit beyond.

Signs, literally, that read, "Global Elite" or some similar oxymoron are ubiquitous throughout Korea. How can you be thinking globally when you consider yourself elite? "Elite" is a huge seller in Korea. You see it on places you might expect it like universities or travel agencies but then you might see it on something like, (and I'm not making this up), a factory that makes pencils. Again, another fine line being crossed here is that between trying to do your best and considering yourself the best. (particularly when you're SOOO not!) "Elite" is a word that will be a few paragraphs away from the word "education" in reference to Korea as long as it remains a profitable business here cranking out degrees for a price. And that shows no signs of changing. I was thinking about just this today when I saw a sign on the side of a bus that read, "Gwangju Metropolitay City". Very metropolitay. Also erite.

On the other hand you constantly see Korea at the top of lists for education. How can that be? I've explained a few of their methods before like cheating on standardized testing. I am talking about teachers helping students during the exams. And I'm sure a great deal of those lists are compiled by Koreans or at least highly sponsored by them. Their education system is shyte. You learn that when you're in it. That's why ALL the rich folks in Korea send their kids the hell out of the country to get educated and why degrees from Korean universities are considered second rate IN KOREA. Yet, Barack Obama was praising the Korean system. What is up with that? Talking about quantity I might point out, not quality, a major FLAW, not strength of the Korean system. Obama also praised the internet and trade in Korea. Aside from the internet, which is fast, (when it works), here Obama is either not well informed and falsely praising Korea, or VERY well informed and falsely praising Korea.

This is their weakness, their hubris. You have to be in Korea all of 5 minutes to figure that out. They sure don't hide it very well. Mirrors on hiking trails; girls putting on make-up an everyday sight; 76% of women get plastic surgery; men have the cleanest cars in the world; they are always upgrading fashion, phones, cars, girlfriends to outdo their friends; and the measure of a man is money. Of course this is very general, but not inaccurate. And as I've said a few other times here, there is nothing that touches their "pride" in their country. I enclose that in quotes because it is not a strong enough word. Hypernationalism would probably be closer. And this kind of intense national pride leads to paranoia, ethnocentrism, xenophobia and all kinds of hostility toward people who are trying to help. Korean pride is making Swiss cheese out of their feet. If you know what I mean. (bang bang ouch ouch) Let me show you what I mean:

I teach ESL. It's what I do. No ESL teacher really wants to have classes with a wide variety of English levels. This is why they are separated by English proficiency in the good schools. But sometimes we have to deal with the problem. The higher level students DO get kinda ripped off because they don't learn as much but it's not as bad as all that. A good swimmer improves his best time by hundredths of a second whereas a beginner might improve by full seconds. Every learning situation is slower for the advanced. I don't believe I've had a single class where the highest level student couldn't learn anything from the lowest level student. But what I HAVE had are some really arrogant, swelled heads who think they are the greatest at English and will not accept any instruction from other students. Some who wouldn't accept it from me. In my early years anyway. Those kind of guys and gals are only hurting themselves. Sometimes simple improvements in English can make massive improvements.

For example imagine the practically fluent speaker was told by a low level student that his intonation didn't match his punctuation. This could be crucial advice. It could change his life or even save it! But if he says, "YOU are trying to teach ME? Ha ha ha ha ha. Don't make me laugh." Then kicks linguistic sand in the low level students face and steals his girlfriend. It'll serve him right when he says, "Woman without her man is nothing," with no intonation at all and that girl he just stole kicks him in the crotch and pushes him into oncoming traffic. Then as the low level student stands over his body now bloody and mangled by traffic the last thing he hears is, "You should have said, 'Women: Without her, man is nothing.' But don't listen to me, I'm just a low level English speaker..."

I went into the Gwangju Immigration Oraface on Friday to do two things: 1. Try, (and of course fail), to start the application for a new work visa to work in Naju and 2. If in the very likely situation that that didn't work out, extend my stay here. My 180-day visit finished the next day, Saturday. A third, and kind of side-purpose would have been to inform immigration that there was a pretty simple solution to all the recent problems Canadians are having with the backlog of criminal record checks. This advice I wanted to impart would help thousands of Canadians and literally millions of Koreans.

So in I go with Johan, a young Korean guy who speaks English pretty well. I can't exactly remember where we started but I DO remember she stood. Every immigration worker I've ever had before sat at his/her computer. She stood and never once looked at the computer. I think Johan gave her the pile of documents me and the school had put together and she pulled out the criminal record check I had from over 2 years ago and rather confrontationally said, "Not acceptable! Not acceptable!" I had applied for a new one about 108 days before so I KNEW it was not acceptable. The thing is it should have been and I was gonna try to explain to her why. I was not being rude or raising my voice at all. The problem was I was talking to Johan and he was translating and I have learned over the years that a guy who is younger than the person they are translating to will NOT do it accurately, just politely. That's probably what he was doing. But I remember saying that this criminal record check is identical to the one that I am unnecessarily getting right now from Ottawa. I know this because I worked for the R.C.M.P., I understand the criminal record check procedure, and this is something immigration workers like you should know. I didn't say it in an accusational tone at all but it was then I realized she obviously COULD speak English, just chose not to. She acted like I had stabbed her with a fondu fork.

"NOT ACCEPTABLE! NOT ACCEPTABLE! Must be R.C.M.P." My criminal record check was ORDERED and documented by the Calgary police but it says right on it that is based on a search of Canada's National Repository for criminal records. So she probably doesn't know what that means so I say, "Okay, National means country. This is not a city criminal record check. It's a federal check and those are all done in Ottawa by the R.C.M.P. our national police. Then like a little girl she says, "Show me R.C.M.P. Where R.C.M.P?" and folds her arms, (and I believe held her breath). I remember thinking that this was getting us nowhere and that I probably should move on. It really didn't matter if she accepted it or not, I had ordered another one. Just another in a lengthy list of useless exercises in obedience immigration workers love to punish foreigners with.

But, I couldn't resist. I said something like, "What would you do if I showed you R.C.M.P? Would it make any difference? Would you change your mind?" She just kept repeating, "There IS no RCMP!" So I flipped the page over and on the back it says, "The National Repository for criminal records is located in the Ottawa R.C.M.P. office. I flipped it over and back a few times so she can fully understand that this meant she was looking at a federal CRC and telling me it wasn't. Well that just made her MORE angry.

I then asked how old the CRC is supposed to be. I had read on the Canadian Embassy website that in Korea they want it to be less than 3 months old. Johan asked her that and she said yes. So I then said that I had ordered a new one 108 days ago. Even if I had that now it would be too old, wouldn't it? Again she got angrier as though I were insulting HER or her country or something. All I was doing was explaining the problems that so many Canadians are having right now across Korea. She just pulls the first thing out of her ass. "Oh, no, SIX months okay." I say, six months is NOT okay according to my country's website. Also the RCMP told me that the current processing time is more than 120 WORKING days AFTER the receipt of application." SO let's round that off to "much more than 4 months."

She says, "When did RCMP say that? They did not. Show me. Prove it." I said I CAN prove it if you just let me use your computer here I'll bring up the email they sent me. "NO! We don't allow!" She ALMOST touched the computer screen THEN but didn't. I think it might have had a picture of me on it with the words "Give this guy a hard time" below it. Also she knew I'd just prove her wrong again.

So I said, "So your government is asking thousands of Canadians to get something that takes more than 4 months in less than 3 months. Isn't that a bit crazy to you?" This is why across Korea immigration offices are waiving the CRC's and processing visas without them. This has happened to lots of my friends. Again she wanted me to provide a list of names of my friends who this has happened to. I just said probably 100 of my friends. She says, "Show me." Boy I guess she had me there! Probably felt proud of herself. Then she dropped the bomb and told me that she was going to make me go back to Canada to get a new criminal record check from Ottawa RCMP and get it stamped at a Korean consulate in Canada.

After that things deteriorated. I said to Johan that she's just not interested in helping and we should find another person to deal with. Like there was anybody there now who would treat me objectively. She says, (and by now she was livid and saying everything 2 or 3 times like a crazy woman), "You want another? You want another? Here!" And she grabs a guy right beside who had of course been listening and in Korean fills him in probably telling him that I was an asshole. The guy instantly started baiting me. Like he was heroically defending the fair maiden or something. Because I had said that going back to Canada would just be "crazy" he leans over and says to me, "Watch your mouth!" Oh this amused me. First of all "crazy" is not in any way bad enough language to describe the ass-raping I was getting and secondly being told to watch my mouth by a Korean is like being told to be celibate by Charlie Sheen.

Now I know that the word "michin" is commonly, but erroneously translated in Korea as "crazy" and it's a pretty rough thing to call somebody, THIS was not the problem. He was just trying to get me to take a swing at him. Koreans are ALWAYS doing that! They ARE crazy! But I wasn't going to give them any evidence that I was the criminal they perceived me as even though my mouth was dryer than a popcorn fart. That's what happens when I get really mad. So this guy goes over to ANOTHER computer and brings up something and then leans over at me and says, "You are a CRIMINAL!" My reaction again was Whaaat? Yes you broke Korean law! And he's shouting this so everyone can hear and flailing an accusing finger at me. I said, "What are you talking about? What law did I break?" He says, (and I'm not making this up folks), in 2006 you overstayed your visa by 2 days!" I just laughed. Again not a good way to calm the situation.

He starts freaking out like the girl. "You think this is funny? Breaking Korean law is funny to you?" I said, "No but it is funny that it took me 5 years to be informed of it. Not to mention I have signed 5 contracts and visited immigration offices many times since and nobody has brought it up until now." and then I started realizing that the chances of me getting anything done on this day were screwed so I started getting a but vindictive. I said, "Don't you think that's just a little CRAZY?" Again, for about the 4th time he said I should "Watch my mouth." So I said to him okay where was I working then? Was it at Hankuk Wae Dae? Was it HUFS? He goes into his computer, not the one on the desk in front of me mind you, and he pulls something up and says in 2006 I was working at Pagoda Hagwon. I just laughed again.

PAGODA HAGWAN was 1997and 98! "You are off by almost a decade!" I remember the reason I overstayed my visa and it was the fault of an incompetent immigration worker who kept making me go home for extra papers one at a time. A very common occurrance. And when I got to the airport immigration and announced that I had overstayed my visa, did they want to put me in jail everybody had a laugh and told me to pay a little fine and be on my way. Dude at the immigration office thinks I'm Charles Manson or something. I don't know where they find them.

The last straw was the girl who had taken over the computer where dude had searched for my heinous crime. She pipes up and asks me, "Hangul mal chadashinayo?" I know it means "Do you speak Korean?" but didn't answer because it had no relevence. She says to me in the English she refused to use during the visa interview, "How long have you been in Korea, 10 years?" I said yes. "And you still can't speak Korean?" Oooh two points for bitchy pants! Really nailed me there! So since this bridge was pretty much already torched I said, "I didn't learn Korean because I don't want to talk to people like you." And that's the truth.

At around this time I gave it up and me and Johan went to another girl to ask for an extension of my stay. You can imagine the answer. First she asked what I needed it for. I said to buy a stupid ticket to Canada. How long. Well I don't know because I have to wait for my CRC and there's no telling how long that will take. Then to punish me for not taking the abuse the other two were dishing out she said, "No you have to get a plane ticket before I'll give you an extension." Big surprise. So after being told by the berserk guy to respect the Korean law more and being informed of the seriousness of my terrible crime of overstaying my visa, she forced me to overstay my visa again. So then we left.