Sleepless in Seokang

It's 2:00 in the morning. Here I sit having been awakened for the second time in two sleeps by people who I can't blame. They are the products of ersatz education and a marred social system that might make Korea the only country today that is an ultra-industrialized, capitalist society moving AWAY from globalization.

I'll deal with little Lord Fuckpants outside banging on MY window at 2:00 while I'm sleeping. He's not a little late for curfew, it was 2 hours ago. He's a little EARLY for when the doors open at 6. A normal human being would realize that his decision to have not one, not two but THREE extra bottles of soju with the boys on a Monday night by the unspoken international rules of conduct disqualifies him from any claim to compassion particularly from anyone who he has just awoken out of a deep sleep by knocking on their window. But little Lord Fuckpants knows nothing of the unspoken international rules of conduct. In fact he has been sheltered from them, among MANY other things, during his upbringing.

I was having a dream. The kind of dream I have in the Seokang University dormitory. It's a kind that's not uncommon in Korea. The kind that comes from pent up aggression and feelings of helplessness to change one's situation. I was with a group of people. Four of us. We were having a fight with four other people. My comrades were captured by one dangerous looking guy with a knife. He was yelling at me and challenging me to come out and fight. (I think that probably the shouts of the student outside to get someone to let him in were translated into his shouts of challenge in my dream.) So I came out with my single shot lever action Rifleman rifle, aimed and shot this guy right in the chest. I think it must have only been a .22 cuz the guy kept yelling and he kept coming. I pumped, aimed and shot again. This time I got him in the leg. But he kept yelling and he kept coming. I shot him a third time in the belly to no effect. The fourth shot was to be a head shot but I didn't see the results because I was shocked out of my dream by the knocking on my window.

I can't tell you how often I am shocked out of sleep in the dormitory at Seokang University. It's not nice and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy but it happens almost every night to me. Often more than once a night. So anyway, little Lord Fuckpants proceeds to knock on several windows at ground level and yell to anyone who will awaken and let him in. The thing is it's not possible for an ordinary student to let him in. Only the caretakers or teachers who have keys to the entrances can do it. Students all have cards to the main doors but they are useless after curfew. If our little Lord is privy to this knowledge it does not dissuade him from waking up twenty, thirty, fifty people if need be, to satisfy HIS needs.

Because his folks are the owners of the third largest tire store in Gwangju, (or some shit like that), one of the Idon'tcaretakers or teachers has just let him in. Unspoken approbation of his misdeeds and encouragement to do them all again. Not only will he be late many more times for curfew, this boy will be an hour late for his final exam. If you think this is exaggeration for effect, I had SEVERAL students, (I'd guess about 20), who were anywhere from 15-30 minutes late for their midterms and one guy and one girl who were one hour late! And I let them write too! Cuz that's what we do here! And despite the fact they both failed hideously, they're both gonna PASS! And little Lord Fuckpants he's gonna be successful. His childish, narcissism will translate into what people call gumption, auspiciousness, drive to succeed, singl-mindedness of purpose, upward mobility, (a divorce or two), and MY favourite, a word that used to be bad but is now good: ambition.

The things that kills me is there is probably another kid who missed curfew by 10 minutes for reasons beyond his control who is now paying for his own hotel room or sleeping outside getting bitten by mosquitoes all night long. Or maybe he's sitting with a friend WHISPERING! I don't recall EVER hearing a Korean whisper so as not to wake someone else up. THIS is the kid I want to point down the path of success. THIS is the kid who could do himself and his country proud. This is a kid who was probably raised right or at least he/she somehow discovered right. This is a kid who'll be driving taxi or selling snacks or Chinese toys on the highway, or collecting cardboard in Korea. So sad!

The FIRST time I was awakened today, (or more accurately, yesterday), was at 8:00 in the morning by the Idon'tcaretaker who had dragged the hose out presumably to water the grass in the courtyard and decided to turn it on MY OPEN window! Only mine noone else's. Of all the 100 windows in the dorm, mine was the only one he chose to "wash". Of course since I don't work until 4 PM on Mondays I was asleep. The water on the window woke me up and I was pretty sure some of it had made its way through the screen, through the blinds and into my room but I did my best to keep from turning over and investigating. I did this for two reasons, firstly because I don't want to go to jail for murder and secondly to see if I could maybe put it out of my mind and go back to sleep. I tried but couldn't. I turned over and there was water all over my drying laundry, a lamp, a couple of my books, my heater, my floor. I was pissed off.

But I waited. I waited a while. I didn't want to go out before I calmed down. With all the run-ins I've already had with the Idon'tcaretakers here I tried my best to avoid yet another. So I calmly walked out to see who the jackass with the hose was. It turned out to be the guy I was hoping it wasn't. You see earlier in the week my TV had exploded and I had asked this guy nicely and in an adult fashion how and when I could dispose of it. That was my first mistake. These guys don't respond to that approach. They take it as a sign that they can be lazy and just lie to you and make an appointment they have no intention of keeping. That's what this guy had done. Tomorrow at 1 was the time and, of course, tomorrow at 1 he was nowhere to be seen. Also, this guy has been on a footwear crusade the whole time I've been here this year. If I take a step outside my door without shoes or slippers on this mouth-breather is on me like white on rice, "Shin pal! Shin pal!" like I'm committing a crime. "Shin pal" means shoes.

So I told the guy to follow me. I pointed at my still dripping, open window and asked him, "What the fuck?" My calmness was eroding. He tried to look at me like he didn't understand the problem! The balls! So then I said, "Come here." I stormed into my room, picked up my TV and started taking it out to the lobby. He was in my room. Like all the Idon'tcaretakers, this guy just loves coming into my room. He was blocking me from taking the TV out. I was pushing him backwards with the TV getting more and more pissed off. I pushed him right out my door, slammed the TV on the floor where he wouldn't conveniently forget about it then went back to my room. I tried to close the door but he blocked it and again came one step inside my room. I don't know how I refrained from clocking this guy. In fact a tune job might have been exactly what he wanted. But I put my hand on his chest, pushed him out and saying, "Sudegi," which means garbage in Korean I closed my door and locked it. I heard him say two or three times through the door, "Sudegi. Ah sudegi. Sudegi." Like he had no idea what I wanted done with the TV even though I'd told him already two times.

Ignorance is the cause of racism and chauvinism. These Idon'tcaretakers are not hired for their intellect. These days without exception, every time I leave my room I have somebody say to me, "Hello, I love you, I am fine, how are you thank you and you?" to the amusement of the crowd of friends they happen to be with at the time. If not that I get the Koreans who DO whisper. They whisper things like, "Look at the foreigner." "Here comes a foreigner." "He's your boyfriend. NO he's YOUR boyfriend." This would be whispering for the preservation of SELF, not others. When I came to Korea in 1996 these things happened but they were not happening EVERY SINGLE TIME I went out amongst Koreans.

Not too long ago I was recruited by my boss to make a little promotional video for Seokang University. I had this line, "Encouraging global thinking for the future!" or some dumb shit like that. I realize now that it is the perfect slogan for this place and this country. It's like "Deluxe all natural, home-made goodness in a can." It's the exact opposite of what they are doing. The slogan should be "Promoting selfish thinking for our own future!" But as long as you give the appearance of doing the right thing, you'll be okay. And as long as thinking like this produces good capitalists, good soldiers and good consumers the training will continue. Why fix what ain't broke.

I'll tell you why: because it IS broke. And soon Korea will learn the meaning of globalization the hard way. It seems to be the only way they learn anything. And because of their one-sided business practices people will simply shop elsewhere and Korea will be the student knocking on the windows of the world markets pleading to be let in. Only they WON'T be let in. At least that's the future I see for Korea if they don't start educating their people. I could be wrong. They DO have a program by which children of the rich get educated in foreign countries so maybe these kids will have the smarts to think glabally while the rest of their country continues to be trained to look inward. Ahhh, I'm no economist and I'm pretty grumpy from being woken up. I could have a slightly jaded view here.