A few parting boots to the groin from Korea

I went to the bank today to send money home to Canada to pay for my storage. What a demoralizing trip that was! The exchange rate is CRAP! For Korean to Canadian that is. I probably should have sent more money home over the years but I have been waiting for the Korean won to get back to a place where a buck is about 1000 won. When I came here my paycheck of 1.2 million won was worth more than 1800 bucks. Now a paycheck of 2 million won is worth less than 1800 bucks. My pay has been going up over the years but its value has been going down. So the price of storage has been going up in Canadian dollars and WAY up in Korean won. A boot to the groin.

Not only that but as is customary in Korean banks, I had to take the money out of the bank machine in cash, hand it to the teller who put it back into the bank in cash. I asked her to use my card but she couldn't. So I had to get up, go to the cash machine, get the money, come back, give it to her so she could put it back. Good thing there was no line-up or I would have had to take another number and wait for this nonsense. It's happened to me before. A boot to the groin.

Then I bought some American dollars. That was even WORSE! The exchange rate is 1311! And I exchange once here for a crappy rate then have to exchange it in Thailand for another crappy rate. Between the devaluation of the won against the dollar and the crappy exchange rates I'll be forced to agree to, I'm probably losing 20 cents on the dollar. A boot to the groin. And when I told the teller how much I wanted she told me to go to the bank machine and take out the money so she could put it back in. I said, "You know this is crazy." She just giggled. I asked if I could use my card and she said no but then I asked if I could use my bankbook and she said, "Oh we can do that." The bank book had been sitting there in plain view throughout both transactions. And even if it hadn't been, is this something really tough to think to ask for? A boot to the groin.

And I signed a new contract today. With a raise that won't even cover the nosedive the Korean won has taken recently. Still, I'm content since I can't think of anything in Canada I could do where I would get so much time off. With pay. So if I figure how much I'm paid hourly, I'm getting a pretty awesome wage.

HOWEVER, the "dean" of one of the programs I teach for where I work gave me the "new and improved" marks for the students I taught. I have agreed over the years here to give the businesses MY marks and they can do what they want with them to keep students and parents happy and ensure we get MORE students next semester who don't want to work for their grades. I've taught at businesses where they bump up every student's grade to at least 70%. Even the ones who never see the inside of a classroom. I told them I would not do that because in my country it's called academic fraud and it's illegal. But I'm fine with it as long as they don't involve me in it. One business insisted that I sign the phony marks so I did. Homer Simpson. That's one of the answers in my facebook "How well do you know Dave" quiz.

They asked me to do the same thing here. And the marks had all been jacked up to a minimum of 75%. I made it clear to them at interview time that I don't do these things. And this is the first time in my 2 years, (4 semesters), here I've been asked to do it. I refused saying that I'll sign MY grades not someone else's and I also asked why I am being treated differently this year than I have been treated before. This is the one school at which I felt I had been treated well. In my FIRST year here, not this year! I only signed the contract because of the year when I was treated well. So I asked the guy what gives. Why am I being treated worse than ever and he gave some lame-ass excuse that made no sense but you and I both know the answer. Read the last two posts if you don't.

A boot to the groin.

Am I nuts to stay here another year? Is Korea ripe for a recession that will make my savings here worth half of what they are now? Are conditions just going to get worse here for foreigners? What new surprises are in store for me in my third year at Seokang? The answers to these questions and more will be here soon. But before that, I'll try to get these thoughts out of my head by traveling, golfing, swimming, sightseeing and probably drinking like a madman for a month or so. After that things won't look so glum I'm sure.

Next post will probably be written from Thailand.

Nervous about traveling

I am officially on vacation!

I handed in my official marks and official attendance today so I'm off till August 24th. This is the BEST time of the year. I have my whole vacation ahead of me. Lots of fun will be had without a doubt and at this time I have the most time left until I have to work again.

It's not the work I dread so much it's the immigration process, living in the dorm, office politics, and dealing with administration. But even without all that vacation sure does beat hell outta work!

Tomorrow I (hopefully) sign a new contract and then I'm flying to Bangkok the next day. I'll stay overnight there and get a van to Pattaya Thursday morning. I'm hoping to hit the driving range Thursday and the golf course on Friday. MAN I can't wait!

I'll golf for as long as it takes to get it out of my system then I'm going to Cambodia. It's gonna be hot but I am prepared. I've been walking in the sun and humidity here for the last little while and I can feel the old body begrudgingly switching to summer mode. I hate the heat.

If I have the time, and the money, and I haven't found gainful employment in late July/early August back in Korea, the plan is to go to Viet Nam. I keep hearing good stuff about it so I just might end up staying there longer than intended. I wonder if I should bring my golf clubs. I think I'll look that up. I'm sure the Americans made some courses while they were there so Bob Hope could play during his U.S.O. tours.

There's just one thing I'm worried about. If you know me and my experiences in travel, you know there should be more than one thing I'm worried about. But that's all I'm worried about so far. Just one thing. But it's a pretty big thing. Money.

It's all about Korean banks. And, again, if you know me you should know by now that I think Korean banks should all be blown up. Two years ago when I was last in Thailand I used my Korean bank card without any trouble. Normally foreigners can't do that because those priveleges, along with many others, have been taken away from foreigners with no good reason since I've been here. Oh they'll tell you it's to stop "money laundering" but they're so full of shit they're eyes are brown.

While I can see where the concern comes from, (Koreans are EXPERTS at making money in other countries, whether leagally or not, and sending it all back to Korea.), the majority of us foreigners here just don't make enough to be a drain on their national economy. And because of that a healthy chunk of it is spent right here in Korea thus IMPROVING their economy.

I recently tried to wire 400 bucks back to Canada to pay for some storage fees and because I didn't have my passport I couldn't do it. The teller said it was because of "money laundering". Yeah right! First of all some tellers do and some tellers don't need the passport. I've wired money home without it before many times. And second of all, who in the wide wide world of sports "launders" 400 bucks?

No the reason is simple: and you can read the post below to find out exactly what that reason is. Jeong, chauvinism, moral unity, has brought about some panicky, spur-of-the-moment, ready-fire-aim law enactment in the years I've been in Korea. It seems like when one or two foreigners are caught with drugs, we all have to be tested for them. When one or two are caught with fake diplomas, we all have to get ours verified. When one or two pedophiles are caught we all need criminal record checks and STD tests. When one or two are caught bringing home a lot of money bank laws are changed. Did I say "it seems like"? It doesn't seem like, it IS!

Koreans are awfully lucky other nations don't treat visiting Koreans the way they treat visitors to their country. They're lucky they don't all have to get psychological tests to see if they might be like Cho Seung Hee, (the Virginia Tech. shooter). Or get lie detector tests to see that they aren't faking any information on their immigration papers like the great Korean stem cell phony, Hwang Woo Suck. Or ethics tests so they don't steal government or trade secrets like a couple Koreans have recently done in Germany and the States. Or even get sexuality screening to make sure they aren't gay like Daniel Choi.

At any rate, because I obtained my bank card before they could hastily enact the law to discontinue all international services to foreigners, I can still take advantage of the privelege to make my bank obscene amounts of money withdrawing from bank machines in other countries at ridiculously bloated exchange rates. And service charges apply as well. It sure is a good thing for Korean banks that ALL foreigners can't make them tons of money this way when they explore S.E. Asia while working here in Korea. As they ALL DO! Hypernationalism costing Korea money. It's what's IN here.

A couple of times bank tellers have asked me to give them my card so they can change its status but haven't been able to do so retroactively. But silly me, I don't feel like bringing a pile of American dollars with me on my vacation so I went to my bank to try to ask somebody if my card would work. I don't know what I was thinking.

I get to the teller and she speaks zero English. Another thing I find on the DEcrease here is English service. There used to be a guy at my bank who always dealt with me. Kim Young Soo was his name. He wasn't awesome at English but he could always get the job done. He's the guy that gave me my international card when I opened my account many years ago. I haven't seen him since. Maybe he's serving time for the seditious act of treating a foreigner the same as a Korean. Who knows?

The "help" I get at my bank now is pretty much non-help. I go there very infrequently. I probably shouldn't have gone on this occasion either. The teller doesn't understand what I'm saying even though I say it in imperfect but passable Korean. I told her I was going to Thailand and asked if my card would be okay there. Her answer was "YEH?" I had to mime it a few times before she understood and said, "No." So I told her that two years ago I used it in Thailand and it was okay. Her answer was, "No." "Yes," I retort, "EE cheon chil nyun quinchunaiyo." That means, "2007 it was okay." To which she replies, "No." I reply, "So you're telling me I DIDN'T get the money I got from the bank machine in Thailand?" To which she responds, "YEH?" * "Yeh" doesn't mean "yes", it means "huh?". So she gets up and goes to a guy who speaks better English. I gotta give her credit for not instantly panicking and finding him. That sometimes happens.

While she does that I phone my friend April who works at a bank here and is Korean. She tells me I probably shouldn't have asked. But I really don't want to get to Thailand and try to use the cash machine to find it won't work. THAT would be something that would happen to me!

The teller and April talk on the phone for a while. She wants to give me this new card that is for foreigners so they can bank overseas. Of course there are massive restrictions and April told me it comes down to sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. That is just too much chance for disaster for me.

April tells me on the phone to make sure I don't give them the card and both the female teller and the English speaking male she had called over are asking repeatedly for it, asking for the number, leaning over and trying to see the number for themselves and copy it down and I'm pretty sure they were salivating a little bit. So I hung up with April and walked out of the bank.

I really wish I hadn't done that! It's not going to be too hard for them to find my account since they have two pictures of me on file, (passport and alien card), and I'd wager they have no other customers that look even a little bit like me. How hard would it be for these zealots to put the kibosh on my international banking priveleges?

So that's another adventure I might have to look forward to. But it's bound to make for a good post right here. Watch for it in a few days.

I'm no Minerva but boy did I call THIS!

In June of '08 I noticed some news stories about the HSBC takeover bid of KEB. The deadline came and went and I started writing and article for the Gwangju news predicting that this deal would be used as an indication of Korea's lack of genuine commitment to globalization. It appeared as though I might have been wrong. The story faded away for a while and I got so wrapped up in writing my article that it got too big for the Gwangju news. I thought I may have heard the last of this deal. But now it's back.

In a June 27th post I mentioned the OECD's evaluation of Korea calling them xenophobic and citing negative sentiment against foreign capital as a problem that Korea needs to fix to make itself a more globally viable market.

At the time I was reading stories in U.S. and British financial magazines basically saying that the HSBC deal was a sweet one for KEB but the Koreans involved in the deal STILL let good business sense take a back seat to hyper-nationalism.

I wrote in my June 27th post about Sun Tzu's ideas of "moral unity", keeping soldiers well trained to act in one accord. I wrote in my article about the idea of "jeong", which was explained by two Korean doctors as, "loyalty and commitment without validation, logic or reason." This "jeong" is a socially perpetuated, collective emotion. People don't say in Korean that one "has" jeong, rather they will say, "Jeong deulda." which means "jeong has pervaded." This is identical to the moral unity Sun Tzu strove for in his soldiers. And it's still part of every Korean's training.

I wrote about Tae Won Kun who served as regent to King Ko Jung of the Yi Dynasty about 150 years ago in Korea. Tae Won Kun killed French missionaries and Korean converts, German, American and Chinese people who were trying to open trade with Korea at the time. He had stone monuments erected all over Korea which read, "Western barbarians invade our land. If we do not fight we must then appease them. To appease them is to sell off our land. Ten thousand generations of Koreans must always bear this statement in mind."

I wrote about a guy named Nicolas Chauvin who lived in France about 250 years ago, a century before Tae Won Kun, who was ridiculed and mocked for excessive nationalistic fervor. In fact, before the battle of the sexes, that is exactly what the word, "chauvinism" meant.

Call it chauvinism, jeong, moral unity, whatever you want but it was mocked in France 250 years ago. It is STILL not only NOT mocked in Korea, it's encouraged. I have seen some sad results in Korean individuals. Though they are all one group of like-minded people, they are without much sense of individuality and identity which makes them feel strangely isolated and lonely. I prefer to call the situation "subdivisions" after a favourite Rush song of mine. The lyrics are a scarily accurate description of Korea. " Growing up it all seemed so one-sided. Opinions all provided. The future pre-decided. Detached and subdivided in the mass production zone. Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone... Conform or be cast out."

While Korea has caught up with wealthy nations such as France economically, this is one way that their culture is still lagging 250 years behind. 250 years behing THE FRENCH! And it could be enough to keep Korea on the outside looking in on the global market that is gaining momentum.

The HSBC/KEB deal is one example of how this Korean chauvinism, jeong, moral unity or whatever "ruptured" the deal. And if my senses are correct, and I'm pretty confident that they are, this jeong is not in decline, rather it's getting stronger among Koreans because they perceive their country as wealthy enough now to afford the luxury of excessive nationalistic fervor even at the expense of overseas business.

There is only one way to overcome this potentially economically crippling characteristic and its ubiquity throughout Korea: education. I also wrote about that in my article stating that since 1919 when the Korean "education" system was provided by the occupying Japanese and its purpose was to classically condition students to mold them into honourable subjects of the Japanese empire not much has changed except now the students are being molded into subjects of the Korean empire. Since the end of WWII when Korea got back control over its own schools they have been far more concerned with taking advantage of Korean "education fever" and making a TON of money rather than trashing this antiquated system and starting from scratch.

The catch 22 of the whole situation is that because Koreans are not properly educated to question things such as the failings of their national education system, they are blissfully unaware that it needs a massive overhaul. In the last election of Seoul Education Superintendant, the place where a change like this must begin, the newspapers reported that 15% of the people of Seoul voted. 74-year-old incumbent Kong Jeong Taek won again. He has strong ties to Korean president Lee Myung Baek and they believe that Korean students need to learn more English, not tolerance of the various cultures around the world who speak it. They believe that students should study the same outdated curriculum, but they need to study it HARDER. It's a moronic educational platform and I asked a few people in Seoul whether they knew anything about the candidates to which they replied, "No. I just voted for Kong because I thought he'd probably win."

The opponent was a 57-year-old Konkuk University TEACHER, Joo Kyung Bok. A guy who WORKS in the education system of Korea. I checked Kong's resume and his degree is in economics. Later he got one in education ADMINISTRATION to make himself LOOK like he is interested in education but really that's still just the BUSINESS of education isn't it?

Joo's platform was, sure enough, to "scrap educational policies that undermine the public education." Now whether he'd do it or not is another matter. I'm not one to put my faith in politicians. What I was more concerned with was that the Korean people VOTED for the right candidate in recognition of this need for educational reform. But it didn't happen. I'm afraid it's going to be a long time before it DOES happen. Most likely too long.

This HSBC/KEB deal could very well be the rock that comes loose to start the landslide of Korean business partners moving away from Korea to greener pastures. There is a possibility that the Korean government will be sued for killing the deal. No doubt then the world will see what so many people have already seen: the COURTS of this country will stall, lie, fabricate "evidence" and pull all kinds of rabbits out of their hats to prevent Korea from losing. Because of the same jeong, chauvinism, moral unity, subdivisions or whatever that stalled the deal.

Yet somehow through these years the Korean economy hasn't crumbled and maybe for the same reasons, I haven't left Korea. Is it possible that despite all this, Korea is STILL a better deal than other countries? It IS for me. I just hope all the Korean money I'm saving won't be worthless by the time I leave this country. Certainly if they would mend the education system and get more global thinking and global business their currency would get stronger and I'd actually MAKE money. But that, I'm afraid, is wishful thinking.

The beginning of the end

Final exam week has officially begun. I gave two of my four exams this morning. (Monday). My big, good class and my small not so good class at 10 and 11 respectively. The final exam is proving to be VERY tough for them. I am over the moon about this! Let me splain.

As mentioned in the previous entry I get a little sick of rewarding the bad students and giving the good students nothing for their efforts. I have discovered one way to make sure things are evened out a bit and give the good students a little taste of what it's like to get bonus marks just handed to them: give a tough exam. I don't know if it's a really good thing to do but it's gonna make ME feel good.

See with the final being so hard the good students will get marks like 75 or 85 rather than 95 or 100. The bad students will get 0, 10, 15 like they always do. The bad students will still end up at 70 and the good students will still end up at 100 but the route there will be a little more even. The bad students' grades will still be jacked up the same amount but the GOOD students grades will be jacked up MORE. I'll get the pleasure of boosting my good students' scores 15, 20, maybe 30 percent because they earned it. This will make me feel just a bit better about giving such huge bonuses to students who haven't earned them.

Funny thing about the final exam though: there is just no reason for anyone to get a bad mark. First of all I covered jobs, present continuous, present and future tenses in detail during the year. In the review class I did about 10 examples of pictures from the text and I asked four questions: 1. What does he/she do? 2. What is he/she going to do later? 3. Where does he/she work? 4. What does he/she do every day.

One example was a doctor. She is a doctor. She is going to eat lunch/go home/help another patient/call her husband/whatever. She works in a hospital. She wears a uniform/helps people/stands all day/talks to patients/listens to hearts etc.

Another example was a cashier. She is a cashier. She is going to go home/eat lunch/watch TV/go to a movie/eat dinner/go to bed/whatever. She works in a store. She handles money/she counts money/she talks to people/she stands all day/ she wears a uniform/she takes money etc.

We did this for most of the review hour. On the test the second page has 4 pictures, one is a doctor and one is a cashier. One is a chef which I also covered in the review. The other is a bellboy if you are wondering. For all four pictures there are three questions: What does he/she do? Where does he/she work? and What does he/she do every day? A MASSIVE amount of my students completely skipped page 2. Left it blank.

Page 3 has a picture and a few questions about it. The first question is "What is the bee doing?" Answer is "It is flying." Present continuous. Should be easy. We covered that for a month. Then there is a future question. In the picture there is a man about to kill the bee with a rolled up newspaper and the question is "What's going to happen to the bee?" Answer: "The bee is going to die." In the instructions for page 3 I told students to "use full sentences." I understand that some don't know what that means so on the board I drew a picture of a sleeping dog and asked, "What is the dog doing?" I wrote "seeping" then XXXed it out. Then I wrote "It is sleeping." and put a check mark beside it.

Question number 2 on page 3 is "What is the dog doing?" In the picture there is a dog who is sleeping. A MASSIVE number of my students skipped number 1 AND number 2. In fact I have a pile of papers with pages two and three both blank. Oh well easier for me to mark I suppose. :)

I don't think this is just because my students are stupid or anything like that. As I said in the last entry the way things are here they just don't care enough to study. I don't think they care enough to exert the effort on the exam even if they CAN do the questions right. I saw several students who answered the first questions on page 2 or 3, and answered them RIGHT, but left the rest blank. They're just tired, lazy or not motivated. And if I knew I could get a good mark without doing any work, without even SHOWING UP, I'd most likely be the same way.

But I DID take a little bit of pleasure today in refusing a test to one of my students. First time I've ever done that. He came to one class in first semester and one in second. Throughout BOTH classes he was texting and even TALKING on his phone despite my frequent admonitions. I made a note in the margin on my attendance so I could remember him. The note read, "phone asshole".

He showed up for the final exam today about 15 minutes late with one of the other guys who had taken most of the classes off. I only had one exam left. Phone asshole tried to take it but I pulled it away and gave it to the other guy who promptly did the first page and gave it back. While he did that Phone Asshole texted somebody and waited. Then the other guy handed in the test and both left.

This is why I get down on my job at this time of year.

The parable of Kasia and David

It's the time of the year, or I guess it's one of TWO times in the year when I get really introspective about what exactly it is I'm doing here. I like to tell people that my life is all about reducing stress. And in that way I have been quite successful, but now is the time of year I feel the most stress. When I see the inequality and backwardness of the system here, the system that I enable, it makes me sad. Let me splain.

Lo, these great many years ago in the time of our forefathers at Seokang College Kasia and David, instructors in the righteous tongue of the Anglos, were moved toward an idea. They sought solace for their young apprentices from the rigors of final examinations in elective courses such as the righteous tongue of the Anglos. Such solace that they might strive to better themselves in the skills of their majors. Verily the wise instructors Kasia and David didst offer their final examinations in the week preceeding final examination week. This brought about exceeding great joy! The students exalted in spiritual delight for they achieved glorius grades in their majors and their works were chronicled in song. Parents sung the praises of Seokang College. College teachers delighted in the progressions of their young charges. College administrators revelled in abundant registration. Truly great joy did pervade.

Then, as is wont to happen, the Korean teachers did espy what the wise instructors Kasia and David were about and they coveted. They coveted that through their efforts the great and wise instructors, Kasia and David, did gain approbation of the people, (not to mention seven extra days with which to practice leisure of their choice). They were moved to derision and scorn. There was multitudinous backbiting and gnashing of teeth.

So it came to pass that in great dereliction of duty and their apprentices, Korean teachers did usurp the examination dates of that week before examination week and didst experience a surfeit of leisure. And there was much suffering at Seokang College. Students had narry enough time to prepare for major tests and did perform poorly. Then disheartened and spent they did bomb their examinations in elective studies such as the righteous tongue of the Anglos. Parents seethed at the failure of their progeny. Administrators trembled and quaked in fear of failing enrollment.

And so it followed that Seokang experienced great famine. And in despair for his people the great Pharoh of Seokang, Park, decreed that henceforward students grades shall not drop below the mean line regardless of effort or performance and instructors shall suckle their students on milk and sweet honey sparing them the meat that is hard to chew. And once again Seokang flourished. But the great instructors Kasia and David did never again deliver examinations in that week prior to exam week. And students did never again achieve the greatness that once was.

Thus is the parable of Seokang and the great instructors Kasia and David. Thus saith the Lord.

Anyway, I'm still giving exams next week during exam week and everywhere I look this week I see Korean teachers giving their exams. My students are already telling me how depressed they are about bad marks. And in their depression they'll sleep, they'll drink soju, they'll call home and cry, they'll do just about anything but study for MY exam.

What I've tried to do this week is use it as a week of marking homework assignments and giving a review/hints for the final exam. I do that in the first hour. Then I give the students the next class off because it is the good students who made it to the first class. Only the bad students will miss the homework check and exam hints. But I go to class anyway just in case some stragglers show up who don't know the others have the class off. Then I check their homework and give them a watered down review/test hints. This is the ONLY reward the good students here get for being good. In every other way the BAD students are rewarded. This is what makes me question myself every year.

Next week I'll give exams and I'll be marking them getting more and more depressed. Some of my good students will ace the exam thereby earning every mark they get. They'll get like 95%, 90%, scores like that. But in every class there will be the bad students who somehow manage to get like 3% or 10%. What will happen is their scores will be jacked up to 70 so they get an extra 60% for being lazyass slackers while my good students get an extra 5 or 10% for being awesome. The moral? Don't try, it's not worth it. And by teaching here I ENABLE this non-education. This depresses me twice a year.

However, on the plus side I am planning a vacation to try to put this out of my mind. I think I'm finally going to make it to Angkor Wat! I'm gonna go to Pattaya and golf a bit and from there there are tours to Angkor Wat. Then if time and money permit I'm gonna try to get to Halong Bay in Viet Nam. I'm sure that'll make me forget about how crappy I'm gonna feel for all my best students this session. And at least this week I have given them a class or two off. That's all they get for coming to class every day, listening, taking notes, doing their homework and doing the right thing.

Sigh.

The nature of the beast

I believe that any important lesson we could possibly need to learn about life can be learned directly or through analogy by looking at nature. I love nature! If you asked me my religion and forced me to reply I'd say the most accurate answer would be that I'm a Pantheist. I believe nature provides all I need and all I want. I feel closest to God in nature. Nature is pretty much God.

I also believe that if you want to know the nature of the beast, observe the beast in its natural environment. Like most foreigners here, my spare time in Korea has been an extended sociological and anthropological study on the Korean. Whether or not we take notes, publish papers or write books, we are all gathering data on the Korean while we spend time with them in their natural environment, that being the streets and highways, classrooms, in front of computers and in the restaurant/bars.

It's rare to find a tourist in Korea so without too much generalization, foreigners in Korea are engaging in business with Koreans in some way. In almost every case we are shocked when our Korean business partners do something outside the boundaries of what would internationally be considered good honest business. Had we taken the time to observe them in the wild, (so to speak), there would be no shock short of finding a Korean business partner who believes good honest business exists.

Let me give you a few examples. I started playing Starcraft because it is by far the biggest thing to hit Korea since, I don't know, chopsticks. When I first got here it was an industry of its own. People were making entire internet cafes for ONLY Starcraft. It remains a very popular game here. A guy could make a good living playing Starcraft professionally. In fact the best players are asked for autographs and undoubtedly GET LAID!!! I had to see what all the fuss was about so I tried it. It IS fun. I was going through the levels and I got to the last one but tried maybe 10 times and failed to make it through. I asked a Korean friend to help. He said, "Oh that level is really easy. I'll show you." He hopped on my computer and started punching in cheat code after cheat code. "Power overwhelming", "There is no cow level", and I forget the others. I said, "No, no no. No cheat codes. I don't use them." The look he gave me was a wondrous anthropological study in itself. He could not conceive of doing that. He asked, "WHY?" Instead of saying something like I prefer to do things honestly or work for what I get or earn the victory, I simply asked him why he used cheat codes. I think I saw smoke come out his ears. It is just not DONE any other way. You MUST cheat! I eventually figured it out without his help or cheat codes. And it felt really good to win honestly.

The other day I was walking down the street and I saw another anthropological gem at a three-way stop light. There was a car going through a red light across the horizontal top part of the T intersection. There was also a motorcycle going through a red light going up the vertical part of the T and turning left onto the top horizontal. They met in the middle of the horizontal both wildly blowing their horns and cursing at each other. Let me clarify, both were breaking the law and inconveniencing another person and both were FURIOUS at the other for breaking the same law they were breaking because it inconvenienced them. Again I wished I had a movie camera.

Once I was working at a school and it was final exam time. The Korean teachers all got together and made the exam schedule without the foreign teachers input. Of course foreign teachers got every single one of the dreaded morning exam times and we also got the exams latest in the week. I had three subjects that all had exams Friday, (the last day of exam week), at 8:00 A.M. Of course there is no way for me to proctor three exams in three different rooms all at the same time. Conflicts were not a priority at the meeting. I could have easily switched times with another teacher because I noticed the conflict early in the week with enough time to adjust the schedule. However, the eventual solution was for me to combine all three of my classes into one giant room so as not to inconvenience any of the other, (Korean), professors who already had their schedules and didn't want to disrupt them.

These are not isolated incidents, they are daily occurences for myself and every other foreigner in Korea. It's not that I haven't gotten used to it, after all I've been here 9 years, it's just that I can't wrap my head around the idea of Korea's economy, more specifically international trade here, continuing to grow. It's either a tribute to the acting skills of Korean businessmen in the boardrooms, or a sad statement about every other country in the world that they aren't preferable to Koreans. Either way it's a wonder to me.

Sleepless in Seokang

It's 2:00 in the morning. Here I sit having been awakened for the second time in two sleeps by people who I can't blame. They are the products of ersatz education and a marred social system that might make Korea the only country today that is an ultra-industrialized, capitalist society moving AWAY from globalization.

I'll deal with little Lord Fuckpants outside banging on MY window at 2:00 while I'm sleeping. He's not a little late for curfew, it was 2 hours ago. He's a little EARLY for when the doors open at 6. A normal human being would realize that his decision to have not one, not two but THREE extra bottles of soju with the boys on a Monday night by the unspoken international rules of conduct disqualifies him from any claim to compassion particularly from anyone who he has just awoken out of a deep sleep by knocking on their window. But little Lord Fuckpants knows nothing of the unspoken international rules of conduct. In fact he has been sheltered from them, among MANY other things, during his upbringing.

I was having a dream. The kind of dream I have in the Seokang University dormitory. It's a kind that's not uncommon in Korea. The kind that comes from pent up aggression and feelings of helplessness to change one's situation. I was with a group of people. Four of us. We were having a fight with four other people. My comrades were captured by one dangerous looking guy with a knife. He was yelling at me and challenging me to come out and fight. (I think that probably the shouts of the student outside to get someone to let him in were translated into his shouts of challenge in my dream.) So I came out with my single shot lever action Rifleman rifle, aimed and shot this guy right in the chest. I think it must have only been a .22 cuz the guy kept yelling and he kept coming. I pumped, aimed and shot again. This time I got him in the leg. But he kept yelling and he kept coming. I shot him a third time in the belly to no effect. The fourth shot was to be a head shot but I didn't see the results because I was shocked out of my dream by the knocking on my window.

I can't tell you how often I am shocked out of sleep in the dormitory at Seokang University. It's not nice and I'm pretty sure it's not healthy but it happens almost every night to me. Often more than once a night. So anyway, little Lord Fuckpants proceeds to knock on several windows at ground level and yell to anyone who will awaken and let him in. The thing is it's not possible for an ordinary student to let him in. Only the caretakers or teachers who have keys to the entrances can do it. Students all have cards to the main doors but they are useless after curfew. If our little Lord is privy to this knowledge it does not dissuade him from waking up twenty, thirty, fifty people if need be, to satisfy HIS needs.

Because his folks are the owners of the third largest tire store in Gwangju, (or some shit like that), one of the Idon'tcaretakers or teachers has just let him in. Unspoken approbation of his misdeeds and encouragement to do them all again. Not only will he be late many more times for curfew, this boy will be an hour late for his final exam. If you think this is exaggeration for effect, I had SEVERAL students, (I'd guess about 20), who were anywhere from 15-30 minutes late for their midterms and one guy and one girl who were one hour late! And I let them write too! Cuz that's what we do here! And despite the fact they both failed hideously, they're both gonna PASS! And little Lord Fuckpants he's gonna be successful. His childish, narcissism will translate into what people call gumption, auspiciousness, drive to succeed, singl-mindedness of purpose, upward mobility, (a divorce or two), and MY favourite, a word that used to be bad but is now good: ambition.

The things that kills me is there is probably another kid who missed curfew by 10 minutes for reasons beyond his control who is now paying for his own hotel room or sleeping outside getting bitten by mosquitoes all night long. Or maybe he's sitting with a friend WHISPERING! I don't recall EVER hearing a Korean whisper so as not to wake someone else up. THIS is the kid I want to point down the path of success. THIS is the kid who could do himself and his country proud. This is a kid who was probably raised right or at least he/she somehow discovered right. This is a kid who'll be driving taxi or selling snacks or Chinese toys on the highway, or collecting cardboard in Korea. So sad!

The FIRST time I was awakened today, (or more accurately, yesterday), was at 8:00 in the morning by the Idon'tcaretaker who had dragged the hose out presumably to water the grass in the courtyard and decided to turn it on MY OPEN window! Only mine noone else's. Of all the 100 windows in the dorm, mine was the only one he chose to "wash". Of course since I don't work until 4 PM on Mondays I was asleep. The water on the window woke me up and I was pretty sure some of it had made its way through the screen, through the blinds and into my room but I did my best to keep from turning over and investigating. I did this for two reasons, firstly because I don't want to go to jail for murder and secondly to see if I could maybe put it out of my mind and go back to sleep. I tried but couldn't. I turned over and there was water all over my drying laundry, a lamp, a couple of my books, my heater, my floor. I was pissed off.

But I waited. I waited a while. I didn't want to go out before I calmed down. With all the run-ins I've already had with the Idon'tcaretakers here I tried my best to avoid yet another. So I calmly walked out to see who the jackass with the hose was. It turned out to be the guy I was hoping it wasn't. You see earlier in the week my TV had exploded and I had asked this guy nicely and in an adult fashion how and when I could dispose of it. That was my first mistake. These guys don't respond to that approach. They take it as a sign that they can be lazy and just lie to you and make an appointment they have no intention of keeping. That's what this guy had done. Tomorrow at 1 was the time and, of course, tomorrow at 1 he was nowhere to be seen. Also, this guy has been on a footwear crusade the whole time I've been here this year. If I take a step outside my door without shoes or slippers on this mouth-breather is on me like white on rice, "Shin pal! Shin pal!" like I'm committing a crime. "Shin pal" means shoes.

So I told the guy to follow me. I pointed at my still dripping, open window and asked him, "What the fuck?" My calmness was eroding. He tried to look at me like he didn't understand the problem! The balls! So then I said, "Come here." I stormed into my room, picked up my TV and started taking it out to the lobby. He was in my room. Like all the Idon'tcaretakers, this guy just loves coming into my room. He was blocking me from taking the TV out. I was pushing him backwards with the TV getting more and more pissed off. I pushed him right out my door, slammed the TV on the floor where he wouldn't conveniently forget about it then went back to my room. I tried to close the door but he blocked it and again came one step inside my room. I don't know how I refrained from clocking this guy. In fact a tune job might have been exactly what he wanted. But I put my hand on his chest, pushed him out and saying, "Sudegi," which means garbage in Korean I closed my door and locked it. I heard him say two or three times through the door, "Sudegi. Ah sudegi. Sudegi." Like he had no idea what I wanted done with the TV even though I'd told him already two times.

Ignorance is the cause of racism and chauvinism. These Idon'tcaretakers are not hired for their intellect. These days without exception, every time I leave my room I have somebody say to me, "Hello, I love you, I am fine, how are you thank you and you?" to the amusement of the crowd of friends they happen to be with at the time. If not that I get the Koreans who DO whisper. They whisper things like, "Look at the foreigner." "Here comes a foreigner." "He's your boyfriend. NO he's YOUR boyfriend." This would be whispering for the preservation of SELF, not others. When I came to Korea in 1996 these things happened but they were not happening EVERY SINGLE TIME I went out amongst Koreans.

Not too long ago I was recruited by my boss to make a little promotional video for Seokang University. I had this line, "Encouraging global thinking for the future!" or some dumb shit like that. I realize now that it is the perfect slogan for this place and this country. It's like "Deluxe all natural, home-made goodness in a can." It's the exact opposite of what they are doing. The slogan should be "Promoting selfish thinking for our own future!" But as long as you give the appearance of doing the right thing, you'll be okay. And as long as thinking like this produces good capitalists, good soldiers and good consumers the training will continue. Why fix what ain't broke.

I'll tell you why: because it IS broke. And soon Korea will learn the meaning of globalization the hard way. It seems to be the only way they learn anything. And because of their one-sided business practices people will simply shop elsewhere and Korea will be the student knocking on the windows of the world markets pleading to be let in. Only they WON'T be let in. At least that's the future I see for Korea if they don't start educating their people. I could be wrong. They DO have a program by which children of the rich get educated in foreign countries so maybe these kids will have the smarts to think glabally while the rest of their country continues to be trained to look inward. Ahhh, I'm no economist and I'm pretty grumpy from being woken up. I could have a slightly jaded view here.