Back To School

A shudder literally went down my spine as I typed those three most dreaded words of my childhood. Old habits die hard I guess. Cues from childhood kick in. I still can't get used to the sound a wooden spoon makes either when someone twirls it in their hand. In my childhood that sound was almost invariably followed by a good, (and always well deserved), whack with said spoon. Mom always twirled before whacking. Like a batter's hitch. And if ever I see someone put a fork into their mouth upside-down then pull it out through closed lips, I sometimes flinch. That was the warm-up for a fork to the head in my house. So here's some parenting advice from father Dave: if you're gonna whack your kid with the kitchenware, don't hot dog it, just grip it and rip it. Your kids will thank you for easing future trauma.

Those were three of many very similar feelings I got during my childhood life which all contributed to a general sensation of flightlessness. I ached to get out into the real world and make my own rules. I had simple desires. I wanted to drink directly from the milk carton without looking both ways first. I wanted to walk around the house all day in my gotch. I wanted to watch exactly everything I wanted to watch on TV. I just wanted to do a whole bunch of those things that usually led to whacks with the kitchenware. It turned out I never really DID get free from school but two out of three ain't bad. I drink heartily from all my beverage containers. So here's some advice from host Dave: If you're at my house and I offer you a beverage, it's safer if it's from a previously unopened container. I'm in my underwear right now. More advice for visitors: knock or call before opening my door. And I just watched The Apprentice, Big Bang, Amazing Race, then because I fell asleep the first time, watched Amazing Race again. I'm airborne, man, I'm flying!

This is one of the aspects I kind of enjoy about working at a college here in Korea. I get to see kids with their first taste of freedom. For them it's nowhere near as total as mine was but it's still fun to watch. It might be interesting for people out there to read where I notice it the most. It's not in cooking or eating because every last students eats every last meal at a restaurant, at the cafeteria or they get it delivered. So not a whole lot of change there. You might think it's in the area of drinking. They certainly DO take advantage of not having to pass the soju breathalyzer when they get home late at night. Kids are getting drunk and getting busy here! But I don't think that's the biggest adjustment. Not the sex either. Or having to get their arses out of bed and into class without being forced by Mommy or Daddy.

I'd say the biggest transformation in these kids is in the area of fashion. This includes make-up, (boys and girls mind you!), hairstyles, and clothes. It is in keeping with the spirit of this country that kids spend way more time trying to LOOK like adults than ACT like adults when they get out on their own. It's a natural thing though in a country where most college aged kids still look like middle school children. And not in just MY opinion, they behave at a similar maturity level too. I think less than half of my male students shave. Some of the girls look like they haven't gotten used to puberty yet either. So I guess it's just natural to overcompensate. And the results are hilarious to me. It's all I can do to keep from laughing in the face of it as I walk amongst them.

In the mornings the boys all take their showers in the shower right across the hall from my room. And like clockwork as they enter the bathroom area they all give a high-pitched, phlegmless, amateurish hock that I suppose had been passed down from male to male in their respective families. And ostensibly to improve that very hock in the morning about 90% of them smoke. Even some of the girls have started that. Unfortunately sheer loudness of voice must also be regarded as a right of passage to adulthood here too because no matter what the time might be there's nobody talking quietly.

And just months ago these kids wore the same clothes 6 days a week. No make-up and no hairstyles to speak of. Now it's time to make up for all the school uniformity. It's a sight to see! Particularly the shoes. I saw no less than 4 students who almost took a bite out of the pavement today because they were wearing their new high heels. One girl fell down a few stairs but managed to right herself before disaster. And I purposely look sometimes - almost every girl is wearing high heels! I even saw a dude today who looked like he had blisters on his blisters wearing a brand new pair of shiny brown shoes that were thin and about 6 sizes too long.

The make-up on the girls is outlandish. I try not to get too close to my female students. It's good practice in case I teach back in Canada anyway. But it's like taking a rocketship to the moon. It looks like a smooth round circle from Earth but as you get closer you see cracks, scars, craters, and scarification in the crust. I had a few female students who tried coloured contacts. That's just spooky. Extended eyelashes that could take out an eye with black mascara snow chunks falling off now and then. It's not yet to the point of Japan but a LOT of kids get their hair coloured. I think I would do that. I mean EVERYBODY has the exact same hair all through school! Perfume is getting more popular. I don't NEED to get close to smell that.

And then there are the clothes! As different as a backpack is to a Gucci bag! We just got a new building over the winter vacation for the Hotel Management courses but I think the school could just as well have installed catwalks between the dorms and the buildings. That's what the roads here are. I could look out my window and be a fashion announcer at almost any time. Here now is Shin Ae sporting her splashy spring colours and saying, "GO AWAY WINTER! I'm in the mood for bikinis and beaches!" Shin Ae has a daringly cut McGuire hunting tartan minikilt with matching Chanel sporran. She has on a blindingly fuscia top and sensible black beret. She is walking Lassie her mini schnauzer. Shin Ae is a Capricorn and she enjoys bubble tea and paper folding. Whoops! Be careful with those 8 inch Italian heels, Shin Ae! Well at least she won't step on a hemline.

Next we have Yong Hwan. Doesn't he look businesslike in his, umm, pants and shirt. And old guy socks and shoes.

There's not much to men's fashion in Korea other than men don't wear t-shirts, running shoes or white socks after the age of 18. Except sometimes when they play sports offline. That's all I ever wear. But I can pull it off because I'm a foreigner.

Anyhoo, these are some things I noticed on my first day back today. Today I taught a class that I teach 3 times a week that only needs two lessons in my opinion and a class that I teach twice a week that could really use 3 lessons. But I'm still not sure if the second class was actually supposed to be mine. I might have walked in on a dozen students using an empty room to relax and taught them all about my hometown, hobbies and intruducing yourself to a stranger. It wouldn't be the first time. Nobody will say anything if you're teaching the wrong class. And they won't get up and leave either. I would't be surprised but I would be happy cuz they were pretty low level even for Seokang.

I asked the dean of the department what room I was expected to teach in and he showed me on the schedule I was in 103. But after teaching an hour my boss called and told me some students had been waiting for an hour in room 204. So I asked the people in my class how many students there were in their class. They told me 30. I had only 10 I think. So I assumed there were 20 people upstairs. I went up and there were two guys and they showed me on their class/book list that they were in a TOEFL class. I don't teach TOEFL. I hate it with a passion! But I'm still not sure where I was supposed to be or where all my students were. That's okay because there were a bunch of other people in the classroom as well and one was the dean. He had no clue what was what. And, bad news, there were some cleaning ladies and maintenence men. One was the tall Idon'tcaretaker! So damn, he didn't get the boot! He just got transfered to the new building. But I guess that's better than having him in the dorm.

But that's the way things usually are on the first day. Organized confusion. I'm sure by mid semester we'll have all the bumps ironed out. It's okay, they're all just here to try to convince the world that they're adults now anyway. They're so cute! Hee hee hee.