Survivor Gabon

As mentioned in the last post, I'm a huge fan of Survivor. I don't consider it a true "reality" show. In the same sense that Shakespeare called all the world a stage, I think most of the players are just actors playing the roles we play in everyday life. However, I take a kind of peeping Tom pleasure in watching what usually turn out to be real feelings and interactions taking place between survivors and the concept of how a huge chunk of money makes them forget they are playing a game. It's something like the fiendish enjoyment I get out of watching people threatening each other online. I'm not even above fanning the flames a little bit when two idiots start threatening violence against each other from the safety of their comfy computer chairs like anyone is the least bit impressed by their courage. "You're not gonna let him call you that are you?" "Yeah, and furthermore you spelled "decapitate" wrong!" I sometimes even divert their pointless overemo by typing something like, "Why don't you two get a room?" Yeah, I know. Social life is a bit limited for me. But it's kinda fun sometimes.

If we're playing Monopoly and I put a hotel on Boardwalk, you land on it and it breaks you, it doesn't mean I would send you to the poorhouse in real life. If we're playing Chess and I kill your Queen it doesn't make me a murderer in real life. But in every season of Survivor the players, (except for the infamous Johnny Fairplay), always make these alliances and trust people only to have teary-eyed, namecalling fests at the end where they accuse liars and cheaters in a game where lying and cheating are not only "fair play", they are actually good strategy. Since the motto is "Outplay, Outlast, OutWIT" you might even say dishonesty is encouraged!

Because of these alliances, the athletic contestants usually don't fare too well unless they are lucky enough to be in an alliance of their own. The people who work hardest around camp and win all the challenges are usually voted out because they are perceived as a "threat." Just once I'd like to see the most deserving player win Survivor. But it usually doesn't work that way. However, it's a VERY interesting psychological experiment every season to see all the contestants fabricating reasons to vote people off when in the end the real reason every survivor loser gets voted off is not because the others don't want them around, it's because the others don't want to go home. THAT'S another thing I'd really like to see: "Sorry, dude, I just wanted the million bucks more than I cared about whether you stuck around any longer or not." Or I'd really like to see somebody say something like, "Look, only one person can get the million bucks so if the alliance has more than two people, its whole purpose is to eventually screw everyone else." But I think that might take the fun out of the game.

It isn't the people who lie or look in other people's backpacks or steal shoes or whatever who are the Machiavellian schemers, it's the alliance formers. I seem to remember that Rob and Amber were a good example. Amber ended up beating out Rob for the mil. but I think they were intent on being the final two from the get-go and anyone else foolish enough to join their alliance, effectively escorting Rob and Amber to the million bucks deserved to be voted out. It worked. We'll see if we have any two-person alliances this season. I think there are some pretty good prospects for that.

I did this once before on the blog and was pretty accurate about the game playing characters of the participants but was totally wrong about the eventual outcome. Let's see if I can't do better this time, shall we?

Ace - He's a salesman. A former CAR salesman. I once worked at a car lot and every one of the guys there would turn back the mileage on a car they sold their own MOTHER! A perfect candidate to enter into a crafty alliance like the one described above. Unfortunately for him, nobody's gonna trust him. He figures everyone will see him as the arrogant, stuck-up Brit for the simple reason that that's what he is. I'll be interested to see if he just rolls with this and is a conniving scumbag from the beginning. If so I just might vote for him. hee hee hee.

Bob - Physics teacher. Gotta side with the fellow teacher. And he's old, an outdoorsman, a builder and most intriguingly, head of his local teacher's union. If the teacher unions in the States are anything like the unions in Canada, this guy's gonna be tough! However, I happen to know that teaching is not the awesome job in the U.S. that it is in Canada. He says a couple things about himself that make me think he might be kept around till the building's done then turfed: "I'm wicked smart!" and "I'm the oldest one out here." The fact that the second statement is wrong probably shows the first one to be wrong too.

Charlie - Gaydar goes beep beep beep! A lawyer and from what I get on first impression, the token gay guy. Ivy league marathon running LAWYER. I instantly dislike this guy. If the number of lawyers on Survivor is representative of the per capita occupations in America I can see bad things in their future. However, he says he will try to ally, take risks, and not be the best. He wants to win like the last gay guy won, (Todd). Good strategy I'd say.

Corrinne - Has to be one of my early favourites. She's a drug dealer, (pharmaceuticals), and a self-described bitch. Says it's idiotic when reality show people find romance and doubts it'll happen without alcohol or tooth brushes. Said she's only in it for the money. She will say what the others only think. It'll probably get her voted off unless she only says it to the cameras. If THAT'S the case GO CORRINE! My favourite quote of hers was, "I'm gonna be really phony." I think an alliance between her and Ace would be fun to watch. But romance - doubt it.

Crystal - Olympic 4x400 track gold medalist. (2004). Now single mom. Grew up with 4 bros so she'll be tough. Says she'll lie if she has to cuz she'll never see these people again. She's got the athleticism to get her voted off in a hurry and she seems to be the standoffish type who won't ally. But at least she gets to visit "the Motherland." Roll eyes and sigh.

Dan - Another freakin' lawyer! Sounds like he's a rich one too. Triathlete. Are there any lawyers who don't run? Triathleticism will get him voted off faster than Crystal's speed. Nobody wants an excess of slimy lawyers around camp,he doesn't need the cash, he seems boring and he's got a wonky eye. However, he says his Mom, a nurse, is his hero. I think he'll like Gillian and if he doesn't ally with her quick, he'll need the attitude he showed when he said, "If I don't win, at least I've seen Africa." But to ally with Gillian, he'll have to stand in a long line so I think he's out early.

Danny - Former homeless now maintenence man. Loves fishing. Would quit his job to live outside. So maybe he was homeless by choice. He seems to be a loner. He wants to help out but not stand out. Probably needs the money the most. He's a realist and that might put him at odds with the "you can do anything you put your mind to" crowd. Danny and I would add, "if your family has money" to the end of that statement. Maybe Crystal and "GC" will ally because they both dislike everybody else, (and because they're black but I would never say that non-parenthetically).

Gillian - 61-year-old retired nurse. She was a nurse since she was 20. Been to 46 countries, applied for the show 15 times, married to the same dude for 37 years, THIS lady doesn't give up! She IS a survivor by definition. You gotta love her! She'll be very popular no doubt and her S. African accent will just add to her popularity. I think she'll be very little threat to win the challenges but not so bad that she loses them for her team, and it's always nice to have a nurse around in the African bush. She SHOULD go to the late stages and on the strength of her Survivor studying could be the oldest winner ever. She's not in the boobs and butts club but she'll be the chairperson, (rocking chairperson), of the gumption and guts club.

Jaque - She's in medical sales like Corrinne but I doubt they'll get along. I doubt I'd get along with her either. May be the leader of the "anything is possible" crew. Hates people who talk about dreams but do nothing about them. Those would be poor people, Jaque. She works long hours in her male-dominated job. I'm sure her hard work, not her model looks, "unintentional flirting" and solid bod got her as far as she's gone. Could also be the leader of the requisite "girl power" club. I hope she goes early. We'll see.

Jessica - "Sugar" is a pin-up model/waitress at a 50's diner. Finally THAT demographic gets representation! I think she'll be likeable but useless at challenges and maybe dependant on others to carry her along. She expects that to be the case too and says she gets good vibes from Bob and Susie. But I think Bob and Susie will go early. Says she wants to lose her ass. I hope she sticks around long enough to do so. I'll miss her when she's voted off I think. Anyone who names her dog "Major P. Pants" is okay in my book.

Kelly - Her and Jaque are like two peas in the same pod. If they don't hook up for a bi-curious relationship during or after the show I'll be surprised. VERY overconfident in her abilities. The perfect example is the way she says she can "snooze" people. The "I can do anything!" "I'm gonna win!" will get awfully tiresome though. Especially coming from another young, gorgeous blonde with nice tits. But if her and Jaque can get a few more hot chicks to "snooze" the boys into a siren-induced destruction, good for them! It'll make for good viewing. I think the Survivor people always choose some babes for just this reason.

(to) Ken - Gotta have an Asian. A pro gamer. Super Smash Brothers god but a Survivor mortal. His only hope is for people not to notice him. If anybody can't handle the experience I'm guessing it'll be Ken. There are no pixelated tigers, snakes and spiders where they will be. I think the reality of the game show will hit him hard. But he might be tougher than he looks. He just might last long enough to impress a girl somewhere and finally get laid.

Marcus - Hottest bachelor in Georgia as voted in Cosmo. magazine. Doctor and a triathlete. He'll be good at survivor. Probably too good. I think he'll be voted off before he can find an Eve to his Adam. But with all the competitive, airheaded and even misandrist women he'll be out there with, it's probably good news for him.

Matty - Another early favourite of mine. He's a "foolosopher." Has a g/f who loves him, he thinks. Has a dog named Dink. I think Matty and Sugar should ally or maybe even hook up. He's done a lot of socializing so I think he might be able to read people. Surfer so he'll be good in the water. And he seems like a guy folks will like. I like his foolosophy.

Michelle - Music producer. Dad, (best friend), disappeared early in her life. Married and divorced by 19. Boxer, surfer, triathlete. Thinks she's a genius but I don't see it yet. Before show started she already seemed like she was competing with the other girls. Talking about girls reading power books and exercising and how she doesn't want anyone to see her power. That might be a good strategy or it might make people think she's weak. I think she might annoy a lot of people though. But that won't necessarily get her voted off. I don't like her yet but this may change.

Paloma - Student. Missionary parents. African experience. Lived in Kenya for no reason. Wants the mil. to start an orphanage in Kenya. She seems like a genuinely nice girl. AND she's pretty hot! But says she might make a transformation and lie for the show. Perfect plan! Could be ingenious! I can't wait to see what happens. Is lying to win a million bucks to help Kenyan orphans a sin? I don't think so. GO for it, Paloma! Eat the apple. Hoo hoo haa haaa!

Randy - Wedding Videographer? Considers himself ruthless and likes to pick on the weak and the dumb. Everyone disappoints him. A lot of bad defining moments in his life. He wants an alliance but that could be a tough move given his age and personality. I think I am gonna love this guy like I loved Rudy! I REALLY want him and Corrinne to ally and join with fellow dog lovers Matty and Jessica. But that would be too much to hope for. He's been in 100 triathlons! This guy is a a fo lete! He'll be abrasive to some people but I think the smarter ones might like him.

Susie - Hairdresser. Says she's a potty mouth. That's a plus in my book. She'll probably work hard around camp but not be so helpful in challenges. Not a good liar but has a cool gangster-type accent and a personality that'll make her popular enough so she won't have to. Says she WILL lie though. I think that's a bad strategy for her. She might be expendable since everything she has, Gillian has too and there will be more call for medical skills than haircuts. If she lies she's probly gone. But she feels guilty about leaving her family to do this anyway. Could even be one of those who gets homesick enough to quit. So I think she should be sent home early. But might not be.

In summation - GO Corrinne, Matty, Randy and Jessica! GO HOME Jaque, Kelly, Ace, Dan!
First to go - Ace or Dan. Bob if he jumps into leadership mode too early.
Winner - Gillian or Charlie. But I gotta vote for Paloma and the Kenyan kids.

I can't wait to see the first episode!