Bye Bye Bob

And the Dick Clark award for guys who no longer make us feel young goes to Robert W. Barker. But he deserves to retire. He's only been at it 35 years or so. He started the Price is Right in 1972. And he started Truth or Consequences in 1956. So he's been in Television for 50 years. I can give him a break.

I think retirement's gonna be tough for Bob. It's gotta be tough to stop doing what you've been doing for 50 years. He'll have to try to find ways to ease out of the Price is Right routine. Like asking clerks at places where he buys his groceries, hair dye, Viagra etc. to total up his bill and say, "The actual retail price is...!" Or randomly stopping people on the street to try to guess how much loose change they have on their person. Or maybe every week he'll have to go out and buy A NEW CAR!

But there will be change. It's inevitable. Instead of banging Barker's beauties he'll have to settle for playing bingo with them at the old age home. Not HIS old age home, THEIRS. Or maybe he'll just have himself spayed or newtered.

All joking aside, I downloaded the last Price is Right and watched it. The first prize up for bids was a big screen TV and they had one of Bob's original Price is Rights playing on it. Today's Bob looked just as good. Maybe better! Old Bob was chunkier and not as happy looking. Of course he's happy. What a life he's lead!

So the question that now has to be asked is who will replace him? Who can walk out onto the Price is Right stage without feeling like a total phony? Just a replacement. Like when Adam Sandler guest hosted for David Letterman. Ugh! I like Sandler, don't get me wrong, but that was painful to watch.

And Letterman isn't getting any younger either. Feb. 1, 1982 Dave started. A little trivia, Bill Murray was his first guest. He used to be a weatherman for WTHR out of Indanapolis. Dave, not Bill. So before silly stunts like the guy who recently jumped over a NYC taxi cab, he always gives the weather. Wind from the southeast at 2 km/h and visibility is virtually unlimited. And when an audience member told Dave he lived just south of Seattle, Letterman commented that the weather there was highly affected by the Humboldt current or some damn thing. Monday's episode is number 2773. The show has received 67 Emmy nominations and they've won 12 times. But he's still miles behind old Bobby.

Bob Barker has taped 6482 episodes of The Price is Right. 3524 episodes of Truth or Consequences. That's a staggering 10,006 episodes of TV! It's estimated that he's given out over 200 million bucks worth of cash and prizes to the contestants who have come closest to the actual retail price without going over. He has won 19 Emmies. He has kicked Adam Sandler's ass. He's in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most generous and most durable TV performer. And these are just his accomplishments OUTSIDE the bedroom! Bob Barker is a stud. Period.

So who should replace him? I've read that George Hamilton's name has been suggested. I guess because he's tall, tan and kinda looks like Bob. But how many good years does George have left?

Jerry Seinfeld is mentioned when ANY host looks to be retiring. Leave Jerry alone. He's a gozillionaire and he made one of the best sitcoms ever. No matter how well he hosts a show it'll seem like a hobby for him.

I think a good host might be Rosie O'Donnell. She DID have a talk show but I think she's better suited for a game show. She says she'd love to do it. Donald Trump would never be allowed to come on down but he has no idea what things cost anyway.

Or how about Frank Caliendo? He could DO Bob Barker better than Bob!

Speaking of Frank Caliendo, how about John Madden? That would be great! He's got white hair and a tan like Bob. And he could use the telestrater to explain the games.

Whoever they pick to fill Bob's, (or Dave's), shoes, I wouldn't give the new host's problems to a monkey on a rock!