Late Night Monologue

Another week, another few dollars. Well John Mark Karr isn't guilty! What a surprise that is! This is one of the very few times I wish I had a wife or roommate. I was talking at my TV for the past month telling those dumbasses not to spend any more money on champagne or plane tickets to wine and dine this wannabe "killebrity", but they didn't listen. And all along I was right! But I have nobody to say I told you so to. Dang it! I just looked at him and saw a man, (and I use that term as loosely as possible), who would rather be hated than unknown. This guy feels like he deserves some sort of celebrity despite his mediocrity. He's so confused that he was refused a sex change operation in THAILAND! I think you can practically get them at vending machines there. Insert money and vital organs. Hold breath.

This Karr guy is SOO messed up in the head that he teaches English in Asia! No friends, no skills, no life? Teach ESL in Asia. What a racket I'm mixed up in! What a pile of losers you can meet in this racket too! But not all of us are zeroes! Just want you to know that. I'll never claim responsibility for any murders. At least not ones I haven't committed. But anyway, after Karr resolves some pesky child porn charges he fled America to escape, he'll be back teaching the youth of Thailand again. That is if he isn't waylayed by people offering him personal appearances on talk shows, or book deals. What a world!

I heard a comedian talking about the recent Emmy awards. Did you see them? Conan's trip to the Emmy's was hilarious. But I agree with the comedian who said about the only worse person they could have found to emcee Dick Clark's lifetime achievement award would have been John Mark Karr. Simon Cowl? Can you think of any more hated man in music? Dick Clark started thousands of musical careers, Simon Cowl killed thousands. What were they thinking?

And speaking of murder, (I'm sounding like a late night monologue here, (again, too much TV)), I bet the makers of that new movie about Bush getting assassinated are tickled pink that it has been banned in the States. What better way to make sure it becomes bigger than Spider Man? I'm sure it's already the most popular google. If a guy could sneak into the showing of that movie in Toronto and cam it, he could make a mint hawking it on the internet I'm sure. But I doubt Bush'll really be assassinated. He deserves it too much. It's never the reverse Robin Hood, scumbag presidents that get shot. Things that make you go hmmmm...

Not much is happening here, hence my rundown of current world events. Still battling the ants. I started teaching again last week and if anything my students have even less English skill than last session. Before too long I'll be teaching the alphabet song. I'm only kidding a little bit. Man I can't wait for football and Survivor!

Now say hello to Paul Schaeffer and the Late Night Orchestra.