Albatross. Get your Albatross here.

What a difference the weather can make! I woke up this morning with a song in my head, (Scorpions-Where the River Flows), WELL rested, full of energy and not cranky. I went for my usual Flandersish 6 Km. night walk last night, (by the river), and came back sweaty, not half melted. It was gorgeous! I was the only one wearing just shorts and t-shirt. I actually saw my breath, (and some steam coming off my head when I took off my hat), a couple times. I also saw something that blew me away: a river otter!

If you don't know how cute these little critters are check out this website. They're smart too! I saw a few of them during my trip to Thailand. There was a guy in the water with them feeding them fish and they did tricks for the fish. I read that in Malaysia they are trained to fish. I went to Undersea World in Pattaya and saw the river otters there. When I left I said to myself that I wanted a few of my own. They are just that cute. Kinda like Thai girls. Heh heh.

So I'm just about finished my walk. I get to about the 5 K point when the trail gets a bit darker and less used and I see something that looks like a cat on the trail way ahead of me. It sees me coming but keeps walking along the trail away from me crossing occasionally. I get closer and closer and see that it's not a cat at all. I've seen a couple cats on the trail before and they're much more skittish than this guy was. You have no idea how rare actual wildlife is in Korea until you come here. I've been hiking all over this country and seen snakes and rodents. That's it. So the little otter stops on the side of the trail and just stays there. I moved over to the other side as I walked by so as not to scare it away but no chance of that. I think it was just as curious about me as I was about him. Maybe, like all the people I passed on the trail, it was thinking, "Look, there's a foreigner! And he's only wearing shorts and a t-shirt."

As I got a little past it I stopped. Then it went a little way into the bushes beside the trail. But it was still watching me. Then I made the noise I make to call any animal. The kissing noise. Like every animal speaks two languages: its own and this kissing noise. I saw the foliage move a little deeper in. I didn't see it again.

I remember one other time seeing a rodent on the trail at about the 2 K point. It was bigger though. More like a prairie dog. And it didn't run away until after I had past it either. I sure hope these animals mate. Well, not with each other. Although that would be okay. Plenty of foreigners mate with Koreans. I've never been one to object to that. Anyway, it would be so cool to see wildlife on my walks once in a while! I'm gonna bring my camera next time. And I might buy a little bag of fish. That's not gonna make my walk any easier but if I can get some pics of this little guy I might be one of the first wildlife photographers in Korea! Besides, I don't imagine there are enough fish in this river to keep the otters fat. I've seen one fish in the river once and it was floating moreso than swimming. Maybe this'll encourage me to walk more too.

This is just making my favourite time of year even better. It's settled: my favourite time of year is the fall. For so many reasons. NHL and NFL are starting. (NHL today!). MLB playoffs. Chuseok holidays. Halloween, Thanksgiving. Lots of family birthdays. New TV seasons and shows. How bout that first episode of the new Office season? And Survivor is going fine. They got rid of the one I wanted this week. Even though I loved it when she said to Dave, "I don't need your life lessons, just tell me what to do," Ashley just had to go. But the best episode of anything I've seen for a while was the most recent Family Guy. I had a sore stomach after that one. Even though fall IS back to work season, I like it best while over here in Korea. Maybe when I get back to Canada where the winters are a bit harsher and summers not so unbearable, I might change. But we'll blow up that bridge when we get to it.

Hmmmm. Bridges, walks by the river, water rodents, perspiration, "Where the River Flows", there seems to be a theme in this entry here. Water water everywhere.

Happy Chuseok!

It's Chuseok here in Korea. Or to be more accurate, Chuseok has just finished. But for me, since I don't work on Fridays, it is a break of 10 days during which I only have to work one. That day was yesterday. A Thursday. A Thursday after Itaewon Pool League Wednesday, unfortunately. Let me splain.

Chusoek is Korean Thanksgiving. It is the end of summer and usually the weather makes a miraculously sudden change on one day during Chuseok and never is summer heard from again until the following year. I think today is that day. I actually used my blanket while sleeping last night for the first time since last spring. The modifier in the previous sentence is intentionally dangling because for all intents and purposes, I DON'T sleep in the summer in Korea. I just sweat, toss and turn, wake up 10 or 20 times to take on or unload liquid, exchange wet bedding for dry, towel off, or turn on the air con for another hour, get hungrier and grumpier. I hate Korean summer with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but it's Chuseok, it's Chuseok, thank God it's Chuseok!

Chuseok is the harvest time celebration for Koreans. They celebrate with family. They usually go away from Seoul and into the "country" to an older relative's house clogging roads and polluting the air with car exhaust so that Korean towns almost resemble large, Chinese cities. But not Seoul. Seoul is awesome during Chuseok! It's relatively empty. No traffic, no line-ups, no hustle, no bustle. Many businesses close and conveniences like transit and taxis are cut back but everything needed, (7-11 and bars), is open during Chuseok. So despite offers to join the mass exodus away from Seoul and visit friends in the nether regions of Korea, (something I swore off after about a 14-hour trip from Kangwha Do to Yong In, normally a 4-hour trip, during Chuseok my first year in Korea), I stayed close to Seoul this Chuseok.

Itaewon, a sort of foreigner district of Seoul, is a lot of fun during Chuseok. I hung out there this year and played pub sports and drank with friends. It was great. The only problem was the one day of work. It happened to be the day after pool night. I take a 2-hour trip into Seoul from Yangju on Wednesday nights so that I can play, (lose), two or three games of pool for my team, (Woodstock Rocks), in the Itaewon Pool League. After the match finishes up, (10:30-11:00 pm), I can hop on the very last subway for a 3-hour trip home. But the prospect of 3 hours on or waiting for subways is far less appealing to me than most tortures. The alternatives, which I usually end up choosing, involve chemical mind alteration, sleep deprivation, dehydration, personal hygiene neglect, forced labour and therefore literally ARE torture.

This past Wednesday Woodstock Rocks played the Wolfhound Pub. After my two hour trip, rushing to the Wolfhound pub to make it exactly at 7:30 I waited an hour for my first game. In my first game I sunk 5 balls in my first shot. The guy I played sunk all HIS balls plus the 8 on his shot. So I lost having only shot once. Then I waited another hour for a game of doubles that was more competitive but which Chris and I lost. That was it. You can understand why I decided that taking a 3-hour trip home after that would have made all my efforts seem not at all worth my while. What the hell, I don't sleep during the summer anyway!

So I went back to Woodstock to play some pool on a familiar table in a familiar bar and vie against, (lose to), familiar people. Since I am a drunken pool master I felt some chemical mind alteration via C.C., Smirnoff and Sambuca was in order. PLENTY of mind alteration. Then some time around the hour of 5 the owner of Woodstock, Mr. Woo, offered me the use of his drunk bunk, which I gratefully accepted considering myself lucky to be getting any sleep at all. Some Wednesday nights, including the previous one, I don't sleep at all. So after closing my eyes for an hour or two I washed my face and hair with cold water, ate a Macdonalds big breakfast and went to work. I taught from 10-6 dehydrated, unshowered, hungover, tired as hell and in the same smoke and alcohol scented clothes I had worn all night.

As luck would have it, one of the workers at H.U.F.S. was going from classroom to classroom with "surveys" for the students to take. I use the quotation marks to imply that these surveys were fake. Chuseok is the biggest holiday of the year in Korea. It was Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this year. Lots of my students had told me that most of their other teachers, (the Korean ones), had cancelled classes on Thursday and Friday. And on Thursday it was obvious to me that this was true. The school was deserted. Nobody with half a brain would choose this day to do any survey. But at the beginning of this term we, (the foreign English teachers), were given a memorandum with instructions not to cancel classes or shorten them in any way. The "surveys" were probably just an excuse to check up on us. And while the "surveyor" was in my classroom looking into my blooshot, hungover eyes and probably smelling my sweaty, smokey stinkiness, one of my dear students came up to me and said, "David! David! Is only one hour class today?"

I have an hour-long class and a two hour class in the morning and the same in the afternoon on Thursdays. I had let the students from my morning two-hour class go home after an hour and was planning to do the same with my two hour afternoon class. Aparently my student, Na Ra had found out from a member of my morning two-hour class. But with the "surveyor" now fully aware of the possibility of my doing this, I had to teach the whole two hours just in case she DID give the survey to my class. You see she WAS in my class but she left without giving the survey, then told me she would be back "later" to give it. She never came back but I taught the full classes in the afternoon.

I have sworn several times to quit the damn pool team. We had too many players last week anyway. Mr. Woo, our best player, only played one game because of it. I'm very close to picking up the phone right now and quitting. But after a nice long weekend and Wednesday off, I'll probably be ready to go through this nonsense again next week. Arrgh! But at least it's finally fall!

Happy Chuseok!

Surviving

I just finished watching the first episode of Survivor China and I'm not one to complain but... well okay, I AM one to complain, so I will.

We were only seconds into the episode when I started making a list of things to complain about. Can somebody please teach Jeff Probst that there are 5 vowels, (sometimes y), in the English language? What does he have against the letter U? "Oltimate challenge", "Oltra modern Shanghai", "ancient colture". During the last Survivor I thought that maybe Skoal chewing tobacco had paid him to call Skull Island "Skoal" Island, but I guess not.

And already we're starting with the ever-present mysticism and reverence inexplicably attached to all things Chinese. Probst called it one of the oldest countries in the world and commented on the ancient culture, (or "colture"), that dates back 5000 years. Maybe this is where all the wide-eyed awe comes from. Folks there has been no material evidence found to prove that the Huangdi, Yao, Shun, Yu or Xia dynasties ever existed. That would shave about 1400 years off this 5000 year claim. And we're just taking the Chinese at their word on the other 3600.

Given the facts that a) Chinese people are the ones proudly telling everyone about their 5000 year old culture and they just might have a bias, b) they are well known for being superstitious, and c) deception is not only regarded as allowable, but actually described as a MORAL in China, you would think people might have a bit more healthy skepticism about this. Jeff Probst actually gave both teams The Art of War by Sun Tzu which is one of the places where deception, (lying), is promoted as a moral. I'm not saying lying won't help in Survivor but geez they're sure getting punk'd by the Chinese. Pei Gei, (who I will call), P.G., (cuz I can't spell it the other way), was even crying for Buddha's sake!

"This is not a religious ceremony", says Probst, "the people of this land want you to feel welcome." So they force you to go into a hot, sweaty temple loaded with idols where you bow to them and pray in very specific style for a long time. Boy THAT must have made about the same impression of WELCOME as, hmmmm, I don't know, the Great Wall? And by the way, somebody used the moral of deception on Probst. That WAS a religious ceremony and I don't blame Leslie for getting the hell out of there. And I kinda liked Courtney for showing a bit of backbone there and talking about the monks as "dudes" who probably aren't able to fly through trees a la Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or any Kung Fu movie.

In fact Courtney was the person I liked the best in episode one. Talking about her own private hell full of Sunday School teachers and flight attendants. And how they are all so faux upbeat and ersatz positive about everything. I may have misjudged her calling her a lame-o. * You can see my "Survivor Sandwiches" post where I made my early predictions if you scroll down a bit. But in my defence, she WAS one of the ones I felt most unsure about. At first I was going to write that I liked her artistic nature. But I'll admit, that's one wrong for me so far.

My early fave was PG and she was sucked in by the transcendency of China. But she quit smoking, studied, worked out and after all her efforts her team was loafing around and exchanging dance moves when they should have been building a shelter. Then after an unsheltered night in the cold rain they lost the challenge. I can understand her bawling for a second time. Unfortunately she was soothed by Dave's embrace and false platitudes. I wasn't wrong about him. He's a scoundrel. "I did not want to step into this position. At all." he lied about being cast as a leader. Another person he is already working is Ashley when she was sick telling her she won't be on the block then turned around and hoisted her up onto it. Voted for her too. After THAT I was almost glad she didn't get booted first.

I still want to see Ashley make an early exit. Even though she posed for Playboy, those balloons she is sporting are, strangely and for the first time, making me actually GLAD for the Survivor smudgers. But that's not the reason. She's just not an average person. A WWE star is about the last person who should be on REALITY TV. However, she scored points with her comment about PG barking out orders and taking a position of authority. "If you're gonna do that, you shouldn't be crying after challenges." she said. That was cool.

And speaking of boobs, Jaimie has already brought them into play. "I'm not wearing a bra!" she says. That was all she needed to do to survive this week. But she went ahead and added the briliant survival tactic of, "Anyone wanna find stuff with me?" I think I made THAT call right.

And staying with boobs, Sheria stood out for that reason. They might be a handicap in some challenges for her and her team. I think she's trying to be invisible though. So far.

It was Ashley who told Chicken to stop being negative and start being proactive. I'm with Courtney on this one. Stop the bubble-headed cheerleading. Being proactive is solving problems through action. But you can't solve them if you don't first identify them. That's what Chicken was doing. PG and Chicken were the only two who had the sense to think about survival and I have a feeling PG is next off the Fighting Tigers. It's strange that they both wanted the same thing but ended up not liking each other. I do agree with PG though that Chicken was a little too chicken. He should have stopped being a baby and started building a shelter. But as I predicted, he didn't want it badly enough. And I don't think he liked his tribe. I don't blame him that much. I think he woulda liked James, Amanda, Courtney, Denise, Leslie, but they're all on the other tribe.

I might have been wrong about lunch lady Denise being tough. Am I wrong or was she missing her family and crying BEFORE they even got to the location? That might be a new record.

John Robert says one of his strengths is reading players. If anyone has read Sun Tzu's book before, it's this guy. The art of deception is huge in poker. Getting people to believe you actually know what they're thinking, (not actually knowing what they're thinking), is how they get into people's heads and win at poker. But what was it that made him think Todd was NOT a flight attendant? I wonder if he's "read" that Todd is gay yet. Maybe I was wrong about him and he WON'T be a mental threat. But he won't help physically.

Eric and Amanda have been invisible. Probably according to their plans.

Finally, how bout that grave digger? He beat Frosty at the wall climbing! That was impressive. He reminds me of the Green Mile prisoner. Simple and harmless cuz a mountain of a man like that doesn't need to be mean. I sure hope he breathes some flies down Aaron or Dave's throat to get them to shut up.

Aaron and Dave. The fearless "leaders". These guys are the western practitioners of the Chinese moral of deception. Basically, all this eastern mysticism amounts to is a very common effect we get from psychology in the west: it doesn't matter if what you say is the wildest, most outlandish lie you can imagine. If people believe it, you now have a very powerful placebo effect going for you. There's a reason every Chinese movie ever made includes characters with superhuman abilities: they believe that shit! You should hear the fairy tales told in the Chinese media about "The Party"! And IF this powerful belief could be used for good, where's the harm? This is why it can be called a "moral". Sun Tzu called it a "moral" because if a battle can be won by deception alone then the leader has saved soldiers' lives and the lie was a moral one. A white lie.

We'll see how well Aaron and Dave can spin shit into shinola as the leaders. The placebo effect, (or the moral of deception), doesn't work if the leader isn't believed. I have a feeling these guys are gonna crash and burn. We'll see.

The PGA Tour Playons

I like golf. You can tell by my charicature and my recent pics from Thailand. So I was pretty excited to hear that the PGA tour decided to have its version of playoffs this year. Well, after the opening two rounds of the "playoffs" the excitement has disappeared for me. They can no more be considered playoffs than the race for the leadership of the Chinese Communist Party. You think they didn't know Hu was going to win? Ar ar.

In fact, while playoffs create extra excitement in fans and desperate, balls-out, do-or-die play in the participants, the format for the "playoffs" in the PGA has accomplished the opposite. So they're anti-playoffs. Instead of calling them "playoffs" I'm going to call them "playons" from now on. Cuz that's what they are. Let me splain.

There ARE some things that make the playons look like playoffs. I'll start with those. There are some players who are knocked out of the playoffs based on poor play during the year. Only 144 players collected enough Fed Ex Cup points during the season to reach the playons. The other players have 4 weeks to steal tournaments from the lower level players on the Nationwide, Nike, or the Canadian tours where players sleep in cars, wives caddy and guys often spend more on travel expenses than they win. Screw the "have-nots". How much more capitalist can you get?

I'll tell you. There are four rounds in the playons. Like the NHL, my personal favourite playoff format. But it's just not the same. The first round is the Barclays at Westchester. Purse 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26. Bottom 24 players are cut. NOT the bottom 24 scorers at the Barclays but the bottom 24 after the screwy Fed Ex point tabulations. Next is the Deutsche Bank Championship. 7 mil. purse. Winner gets 1.26 mil. Bottom 50 players are cut. NOT the bottom 50 scorers from the Deutsche Bank but the bottom on the list of Fed Ex points. Then comes the BMW Championship at Cog Hill. That's this week. The top 70 vie for a purse of - you guessed it - 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26. 40 are cut and the top 30 play in the final. The Tour Championship presented by Coca Cola. Purse 7 mil. Winner gets 1.26 mil PLUS a bonus of 10 mil!!! That's capitalism!

There is a trophy for the winner. The Fed Ex Cup has never been kissed. Look at the sponsors of this travesty. Fed Ex, Coke, Barclays, Deutsche Bank, BMW. All huge corporations. Do they like golf? Nope. Do they like money? Yes. This whole thing is designed as a promotional gimmick to draw more attention to golf, their tournaments and their businesses. Huge corporations don't put up huge amounts of money unless there are even HUGER amounts of money to be made by doing so. Do you think they want little known players like Steve Stricker (-24), Rory Sabbatini (-23), Arron Oberholster (-20), Aaron Baddeley (-16), Rich Beem (-15), Sean O' Hair (-13), Heathcliff Slocum (-13), or Fredrik Jacobson (-9) to be the first to touch their lips to this shiny, silver trophy? Of course not! That would cut the profits significantly. There is a short list of guys who are supposed to win. The only two of the big guns performing well are Phil Mickelson, who won this past week and leads in combined score with -27 and Geoff Ogilvie who is -22. Way to go Phil and Geoff!

The scores accrued by the golfing elite over the first two rounds of the playons are: Tiger Woods -14 (since he took the first week off that's pretty good); Vijay Singh +5 with one missed cut (shameful); Charles Howell III +4 (terrible); Zach Johnson -9 (not too bad); John Rollins -3; Adam Scott -14 (great scott); Boo Weekely -7 (pretty good). And some players out of the top 10 the sponsors would like to see win: Ernie Els -12 (excellent considering, like Tiger, he took one week off); Sergio Garcia -11 (so far so good); Padraig Harrington -2 (pretty weak for the open champ); Retief Goosen +2 (pedestrian); Luke Donald +2 (boring); and Davis Love III even (that score sounds more like a Davis Like III).

Now for the reason I said the Fed Ex point system is whacky. Three of the top four guys have taken a round off! Woods just wanted to relax, K.J. Choi got hurt and withdrew and Phil is relaxing at the top of the list THIS week. And no matter what happens they'll all still be there or thereabouts for the Tour Championship next week. But they'll be well rested.

Come on! I mean COME ON! Who takes a round OFF in the playoffs??!!?? Guys in REAL playoffs like NFL or NHL have been known to play with broken legs, concussions and such.

Vijay Singh who I love but who has stunk the course out both weeks dropped from 6th place all the way down to 6th place! Jim Furyk, who shot the cut line with even par last week and was beaten by 55 guys went from 7th place all the way down to 7th. Ernie Els wasn't even there and he went from 10th down to 14th. Conversely, Phil Mickelson, who won the tourney and played spectacularly only moved up 4 places.

Rich Beem has played better than seven of the top ten and he's already been eliminated. Same with Fredrick Jacobson. A lot of the guys playing this week will play better than the guys who make it to the Tour Championship but they'll have to watch it at home on TV.

I don't think this is the playoffs. I think it's just a promotional scheme. It certainly isn't any more exciting than regular golf. If the bottom guys can't win and the top guys can't get knocked out, where's the excitement?

None of the players are really playing harder because their fates are pretty much sealed. Jose Maria Olazabal, who dropped from 98th to 100th last week, has the right idea. He hasn't played at all in the playons. Until they make the playons into playoffs I just might take the month off of watching them. Might that is. I don't think the new NASCAR or LPGA playoffs will do any better if they make the season points so important. The regular season should give a small advantage to the top players. That's it. The playoffs should be an entirely NEW season where everyone has a chance to win and everyone is also vulnerable.

I hope they change it next year.