The Convalescent Critic Top Ten

Yes I have a cold. I'm pretty sure it's a cold and not H1N1. First cold in a long time for me. I suppose it's better that I should get it when I'm not working, (I'm on holidays now), because although I like missing work, if I don't miss exactly a week it's a real hassle trying to get everybody back on the same schedule. More of a hassle than dragging my sick arse in there.

But even so it's not such a bad thing. I don't mind so much having a cold. I haven't tasted food in a few days. There are positives to that. I bought some pretty disgusting hamburger patties from Costlyco last time I was there. And, of course, since it's Costco I had to buy about 18 hundred of them. Since I can't taste them and I have to eat them to make room in my freezer I've had burgers twice in the last three days. I used lots of the crappy Yoshida's barbecue sauce on them of course because I bought about 9 gallons of that at Costlyco too. I also made some leftover vindelou. Just used veggies that were getting old, added some meat that had been thawed for a while and some packets of boil in the bag curry and voila: getting rid of leftovers in a healthy way. It's too bad though cuz I think it would have tasted pretty good, that curry. It might have been spicy too but who can tell when you're breathing through your mouth while eating?

Still, try as I might, I just can't eat a lot of food. This too is a plus for a guy like me. I have what you might call a few extra pounds that I'd like to pare away if I could. Loss of appetite is a bonus. Only it's kind of offset by the loss of energy that goes along with it. I don't do a lot of exercise when I am convalescing.

However, I DO get LOADS of ab work. And when I exercise abs are never a target area for me any more. So this cold is really making me feel the burn. No kidding! Wake up, cough for an hour. That's a great ab burn! Eat a meal, cough for another hour. I'm blasting my abs three times a day! At least! And then to keep the burn going between workouts I blow my nose every 10 minutes or so. I washed clothes today. ON MY ABS thank you very much!

I haven't left the house really in 3 or 4 days. That forces me to get some tedius stuff done that I just haven't wanted to do since last cold. I fixed some of the error messages I've been getting on my computer. Actually going into safe mode and deleting stuff from the registry! I am pretty proud of myself for that! And I upgraded to a gig of ram. It has sped up the old computator a little bit. I scanned for spyware, defragged and cleaned disks. But the thing that probably helped the most is when I blew a small, grey tumbleweed of dust out of my computer. It's UNbelievable the dust that builds up in this place! That's another thing I've been doing is dusting and vacuuming areas that I usually don't. Like under the bed, behind the computer and such. The dust in this place is the reason why I'm always at least a little stuffed up in the sinuses.

But I don't want to give the impression that I was as energetic as all that. The main thing I've been doing while recouperating has been downloading and watching about 20 movies. Maybe even more. Some old classics like Treasure of the Sierra Madres, Doctor Strangelove, Cool Hand Luke, The Philadelphia Story, Old Man and the Sea, The Public Enemy, The Eiger Sanction, The Revenge of the Pink Panther, The Omen, The Meaning of Life, The Maltese Falcon, High Noon and some others. And I've seen some fairly new movies that might be classics in 10 or 20 years like Son of Rambow, Appaloosa, Felon, Resurrecting the Champ, Superbad, Cashback, Food Inc., Ghost Town, Wall E, Couples Retreat, World's Greatest Dad, Paper Heart... how many movies is that?

This has got me thinking. Not about what it is that makes a good movie. No that just wouldn't be me. I got to thinking about what it is that makes a real stinker of a movie. Things that if I saw them in the movie trailer I wouldn't even bother going to see it because, much like shopping at Costco, you go into a movie pretty much blind. And it's usually a pretty big investment. Those burgers and that barbecue sauce looked good enough. They were attractively packaged. I had heard no negative buzz about them. Now I wish I had. That was probably about 40 or 50 bucks I'll never get back.

And when I watch a really bad movie I often wish somebody had warned me about it so that I wouldn't spend money on it. Or even if it was free, the time spent watching it was 2 hours I'll never get back. So here comes another of Dave's Top Tens. You may disagree. I know some of these there will be people who COMPLETELY disagree. Maybe even a majority of people. These are just MY hints.

The top ten things in a movie that give you a strong feeling that it's not going to be good. I'm not going to list actors or actresses because even the worst like Keanu Reeves has been in some good movies although they would have been better with almost anyone else cast in his place. Rene Zellweiger, same. Never absolutely necessary to a good movie but often the cause of bad ones. The stinker movie/stinky acting royalty in my books would be Vin Diesel and Paris Hilton. I don't think either has ever acted well or been in anything good. (that wasn't filmed with a night vision camera).

But that's not what this list is about. It's about scenes, cliches, situations, characters that we see quite a lot and almost never in good movies. These are not necessarily in order but I'll do my best to save the best for last.

Top ten things in a movie that give ME a strong feeling that it's not going to be a good one.

10: The Mexican Standoff- When two macho characters or more are pointing their guns at each other waiting for someone to flinch so that somebody can blow somebody away and remove all doubt about exactly how UNmacho they are! This is becoming very popular in modern movies about gang violence in the hood. Only diff. is the guns are tilted 45 degrees. A "good guy" who "heroically" blows people away just doesn't do it for me very often. Exception: Dirty Harry.

9: Singing- Now I know some great movies like Rocky Horror Picture Show, Little Shop of Horrors, The Blues Brothers and a few good Disney flicks had singing but that's why this is only number 9! GENERALLY, Chicago, Dreamgirls, West Side Story, Cabaret, Moulin Rouge, faaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrttt!!!

8: Martial Arts- Take a movie like Kung Pow. Compare it to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I don't see a difference. I am not sure which got more laughs from me. Martial arts movies are COMEDY, people! If you take it serously when people spin around in the air kicking 5 or 6 guys out cold, fly through the treetops, do a horizontally spinning drill move that knocks over several people, I have some very cheap but high quality electronics and some pills that will increase penis or breast size to sell you! These movies are Oriental musicals. The fights are choreographed and augmented with a soundtrack. Nobody can really fight like this. And if they could, it sure wouldn't sound like that. But it IS much better than people singing and dancing if you approach it as comedy.

7. "I'll have a beer."- Now I now a lot of people are going to think I'm nitpicking here but this has become such a pet peeve of mine that it distracts me to the point where I can no longer appreciate the movie. And it's not just the ordering of "a beer" like you're at a fraternity kegger and there's only one kind, it's the fact that 9 out of 10 beverages in movies, alcoholic or not, are rarely touched much less finished! It takes me half a reel of film before I forgive the characters for this. And the director? Forget it. Most movie heroes are from the world where people buy specific beverages and finish them. Maybe the Hollywood cinematic elite don't, but in the interest of realism, get this right, will ya?

6. Two beautiful people who hate each other- Come on! Though I think a lot of love scenarios are lame and often out of place, this has to be the worst. Okay, maybe only second to the superhero who messily kills 15 heavily armed and trained warriors and then in the arms of his girl turns into, "Hi Honey, Poopsi, Sweetiepie! Mwuh mwuh mwuh I weely weely missed my girlfwiend!" Alright so these two will share number 6. You can pretty much bank on the characters who hate each other the most hooking up by the end of the movie. If they're both attractive. Simplistic movie making and it needs to be accompanied by ingenious, Taming of the Shrewesque character development if it's to be at all stomachable. And usually it ain't.

5. A friggin vampire!!!- Just exactly how are goths and vamp kids obtaining the cash to support all these damn vampire movies? It's often true of kids in middle school and high school that intelligence is directly proportional to amount of black worn. Eye make-up, nail polish etc. But if these kids are so smart then they will have to realize sooner or later that the vampire genre has it's limits and they were eclipsed sometime WAY before stupid movies like Blade or Underworld. I think after Interview With a Vampire I was pretty much finished. But I'll probably get my blood sucked for saying this.

4.Willful destruction of property- Another of these things that is just a personal distraction. I really feel bad for the bartender whose bar gets trashed in a barfight and nobody pays him anything. At least in the old western movies the hero would likely flip him a couple coins and appologize. No more! Now people overturn fruit carts in the street with regularity and without even so much as an apologetic backwards glance. And car chases. Forget about it! The cops are supposed to be good guys. It is strongly discouraged for cops to chase bad guys in reality. Again, when are movie makers going to choose realism over gratuitous destruction? Car chases don't happen because things get damaged and people get sued. There could be a huge volume of movies about a personal injury lawyer who sues movie characters for all the destruction visited upon the general public. And I'm only talking about the GOOD guys!

3. Hand grabbed over the edge of a deadly drop- How many movies can you name? Heck how many CLASSICS? To Catch a Thief, Cliffhanger, So I Married and Axe Murderer, there are too many. But this is something I've personally tried. The physics of it STRONGLY favour BOTH people going over the cliff or off the roof or into the crater or whatever. The faller has the inertia. Unless the hero is considerably larger than the person rescued he/she will just topple right over the edge with the other person. Furthermore it takes a TREMENDOUS amount of strength to hold someone hand to hand like this for a long enough time to squeeze any drama out of it. I'm talking about world class arm wrestler hand strength. There have been a few movies in which someone was swung over to a safer place and dropped but usually there is a cutaway and we see that the hanger was pulled up by the rescuer. This is another feat of superhuman strength we are supposed to suspend our disbelief and allow. And I'm not even going to talk about all the people who almost go over the edge and grab onto a tree branch, shingle, eaves trough, girder, pontoon or whatever.

2. The gorgeous ass-kicking woman- While I have known quite a few physically tough women, (hell I'm from a land abounding with them), exactly NONE of them have been physically attractive. These days the ideal body for a woman, (and for a man for that matter), is in need of a sandwich, folks. Annorexia does not equal strength! You ever seen a female bouncer? You ever seen a gorgeous female bouncer? Nuff said.

1. The defused bomb with one second remaining- If I'm a bad guy making a bomb I'm certainly not going to provide anyone who might want to disarm it the convenience of a timer that lets him know how long he has. Sure some bombs need timers but why hasn't any bad guy yet set the bomb to go off at 00:03 or 00:04 or if it's not in a movie, how about 10:00 or something? It doesn't have to be 00:00! It probably NEVER IS! Again, how good can a movie be if the director doesn't know this? This is a cheap ploy to create tension. Stop it! It doesn't work any more! Like all the others here I don't want to watch these things in movies any more UNLESS they are being lampooned.

Hope you enjoyed my list. I have to go watch a movie. What are the odds it'll have one of these in it?

Shirts and shoes

It's the Christmas season here. I've sent out some Christmas cards, put up my Christmas shrubbery and done some Christmas shopping. I'm listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas specials and thinking Christmas thoughts. I figured it was high time I started drinking Christmas drinks. At this time of year I like to drink Spiced Rum and O.J. It just tastes Christmassy to me! But I dare you to try to find Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum here in Korea. Or any kind really. I went to Homeplus, E-Mart, Shinsegae. Nothin'

Incidentally, how bad is Shinsegae getting? I went there with a 50,000 won gift certificate. It was a Teacher's Day gift from my Physiotherapy class. I used to like going to Shinsegae for the various items I could get there that were really hard to find anywhere else. Like Kraft Dinner, dill pickles, Japanese sour candies, good spaghetti sauce, Kraft Parmesan Cheese etc. Now they have nothing there I want. Try as I might I couldn't even spend 10,000 won of my 50. I bought a bag of Poco Loco Nacho Cheese chips. Yuck! The little "Sool" store they have there is massively overpriced and has nothing I can't buy elsewhere. Shinsegae used to be pretty good. What happened?

I remembered a little alcohol shop I used to buy Canadian Rye from when I taught at Chonnam University. It was in the Chun Dae Hoo Moon area. Expensive, but a good little place to find something other than beer and soju to drink. I decided that since I'm on holidays and have nothing to do, why not walk? It's a good hour and a half from Seokang to Chonnam the way I go. I do a LOT of walking and I love a nice LONG walk from time to time. And it's perfect fall walking weather these days. So I slipped on my trusty Reebok runners, the heels of which have been reinforced with duct tape. I've had them for 2 1/2 years and they've been ratched for about a year. The soles are gone so I put in an insole. The heels are always the first thing to go on my runners because I usually don't tie them tight so my shoe slips around a lot. Hence the duct tape. Don't chuck it, duck it, right?

The reason I don't buy a new pair is because they are size US 11. The only places that have this size are shoe stores located near army bases. I bought them in a shoe store in Eui Jung Boo. There's a US military base there. I've been looking for over a year but still haven't found a pair of runners that fit. Pretty sad. We'll come back to this recurring sadness.

So I'm in Chun Dae Hoo Moon looking around at all the brand new stores that have gone up since the last time I was there about a year ago. The place changes every day! It's crazy! But I get to the Miller Time/Bob's Noraebang corner. This, unfortunately, is where a lot of my evenings in Hoo Moon ended up. I say unfortunately because of the caterwauling at Bob's that usually punctuated those evenings with vocal finality. The little alcohol shoppe was just around the corner from Bob's. I walk around the corner and to my mild surprise there is now a restaurant there. A spicy food restaurant with an English name something like "Willy Nilly Chilli" but not quite as good as that. Heh heh. I just made that up! I like it!

Anyhoo, that was disappointing because I knew that if I didn't manage to find some spiced rum there, I could always get some rye and I had just run out of Crown Royal. In fact that bottle of rye may have been what had brought me to Hoo Moon the last time I was there a year ago.

To cut a long blog post short, I ended up settling for Smirnoff Ice. It's new to Korea. I've always liked it especially over ice after a bit of exercise in the summer. It was awesome after a ball game! They also have this tasty new product they call Smirnoff mule? It's vodka with ginger ale. I like that too. And they have T-shirts in every 4-pack! T-shirts! Extra LARGE T-shirts! Tee shirts are not easy for me to find.

I think I paid about 20 bucks for a 4-pack of each but considering I had expanded my wardrobe, the booze was a bonus. So I got home and opened up the cases. There was a bottle-shaped extra inside. THAT was the T-shirt. After unwrapping it and unfolding it, sure enough, it was a wrinkly white t-shirt and on the tab it said, "XL," so I put it on.

My head barely fit through the head hole and my arms barely fit through the sleeves. The wrinkles don't look like they'll ever go away and if this shirt doesn't expand after washing then I'd say it's an XL for kids. And kids really shouldn't be buying Smirnoff Ice.

If you look in the picture I am holding the OTHER tee shirt in my hand. That's how it comes. If you zoom in you can see all the wrinkles in the shirt I'm wearing. Even though it's stretched pretty much to its limit. Disregard the belly hanging out the bottom.
So on goes the adventure of finding good booze and big clothes. If anyone has some shoes that are too big for them I'll trade you for two T-shirts that are too small for me.

Kids time

Now that I'm off work for a while it's kids time! I'll probably be teaching at a kid's camp for a while and I'll be visiting the Jacksons which means Alex and Justin will be my play buddies for a while.

I don't like kids. I LOVE them! I don't like teaching them because it doesn't take them long to realize that I'm a pushover and they can take advantage of it. THEN I have to do something I hate: I have to play the bad guy. And after showing them how much you love them, discipline is tough. I'm like a big, purple Barney to kids. They usually love me! But Barney is only a half hour show, isn't it? There's a reason for that! It's make believe. You never see one of Barney's little buddies having a temper tantrum. They never punch him in the nads or pull his tail on the show. They never cry when he shows another kid more attention than them. And Barney never gets tired. He never says, "Go away kids I don't feel like singing right now." They never bug him while he's chowing down on the carcass of a sabertooth tiger or a caveman. He never growls at them when they bother him while he's dropping a Barney bomb in the woods somewhere. Barney is make-believe.

I usually find the little foibles of childhood to be the reasons I like them so much. Kids haven't learned to be fake yet. That's mostly what I mean by "foibles". When they say things like, "You have stinky breath." Or they stroke your arm hair like a pet. Or they want a red crayon but another kid won't give it to them so they cry. They say what they feel; fart when they need to; get angry when they're pissed off; and they show extreme joy and happiness at things that please them because almost every pleasure in life is pretty new to them. This is the kind of non-regulation of nature that makes me love kids. And so often I will smile at behaviour that would anger other grown-ups they know. I guess it's because I don't want to discourage it. Especially if they're really young kids. I want them to be kids for a while. Maybe even retain some childish behaviour throughout their lives. But I know this won't happen. Also, I have vast reserves of patience because I don't have kids of my own. So I tend to encourage them to be kids more than to behave.

Now the negation phrase: Having said that; however; that said; on the other hand; buuuut; you choose your favourite, adults nowadays aren't doing ourselves any favours to make dealing with kids easier. In fact we're making it more difficult all the time. We try very hard to create these consequenceless, sterile, safe, morally neutral environments that are pretty similar to Barneyland. I think we're just setting our kids up for a bigger crash when Barney finally shows his teeth.

What is Barney anyway. He's a T-Rex, right? Not a creature I'd want to make angry! Just imagine one morning Barney's baby wakes him up three hours before the alarm clock and is teething. He tries for a few hours to calm the kid down and finally it gets back to sleep. Beep beep beep beep! His alarm goes off and wakes the kid up again. Now Barney has to go to work. His wife is grumpy too from lack of sleep and now they have a crying baby to deal with during their morning routine. Not only that but Barney didn't wipe the scum ring off the bathtub after draining it last night. Mrs. Barney says she can't understand how the bathtub ring could be so red in colour when they live in the brown soil part of town. Unless he had business over on the red soil part of town with, umm, hmmm, his young, sexy secretary, who lives over there! So they have an argument over breakfast. Barney is late and the boss gives him shit because it's not the first time this week. His secretary ignores him as he arrives because he WAS visiting her and THEY had a fight too! Then during the taping of the "I love you, you love me" song one of the kids steps on Barney's tail. He turns on the kid, opens his toothy mandibles of death to snake-like capacity and utters a gutteral blast of sound that blows her hair back and makes her face wet with fang slime!

THAT's how a kid feels when I finally have to put my foot down and discipline them. I hate to do it. I try to keep my exposure to children short enough so that it's not required. But it's getting tougher to do. Camps are getting longer and kids are getting so shut in and overprotected that this eventuality comes much sooner in the relationship.

I've said many times that if I don't have kids of my own I won't be disappointed because I don't think society will allow me to raise them the way I want. For instance I think of myself and one of my best friends growing up named Grant. We were both very sickly kids. My friend's family doctor said he was allergic to everything. I'm not sure what the doctor said about my symptoms but I was always sick. My Mom says I was always underweight and it was impossible to keep any food in me. Hard to believe but I'm not kidding.

Both my friend and I would be overmedicated and maybe living in plastic bubbles if we were kids today. But our parents decided that if our bodies couldn't build up immunities, we'd die. Either was preferable to a life in a sterile, germless environment. NO WAY they'd even have that option today. That's tantamount to child abuse, isn't it? Maybe even manslaughter or murder!

I'm happy to say that both Grant and I are healthy as horses today. I can't remember the last time I had any health trouble that wasn't a cold or hangover. Same with Grant. We found the cure, folks! You know what it was? It was "Get the hell outside!" That's what it was. Both Grant and I LOVED sports, camping, hiking, swimming anything we could do in the germ-infested outdoors with other germ-infested kids. More often than not we did it UNsupervised! Though I didn't know Grant until high-school, our childhoods were spent outside naturally increasing our antibodies and white blood cells.

People are all paranoid nowadays about their kids' health. They are too often given medicine that is supposed to help but I believe it only prolongs the health irregularity that the body would naturally eliminate if it were untreated. I'm not going to say that it's a massive money-making conspiracy by doctors and drug manufacturers, but I do so love a good conspiracy theory!

And worst of all there just aren't many kids whose parents prescribe the tried and true medicine known to me as "Get the hell outside!" The fewer parents that send their kids outside, the less fun it is to be out there. And the more of an outcast the kids are going to be. While they're talking about playing soccer and trading Pokemon cards, most other kids are talking about playing FIFA 2K10 and trading magical items online.

The worst thing about this in my opinion is the social growth the kids are missing. In video games if you cheat, you win more easily! In a person to person social situation if you cheat there are consequences. This is just one of many very valuable lessons that kids can't learn in the classroom. They need to be learned in social interaction with REAL other kids in REAL life, not real time.

And think about the parents! Or at least the supervisors of the kids. It gets them out of their hair for a while. It allows the kids to expend their energy in more productive ways and it gives the supervisors and kids time away from each other. This increases guardians' patience with the kids and vice versa. It just makes it easier for everyone!

I have to admit I'm seeing a few more kids in Korea playing outside but not as many as there should be. Parents just don't trust kids outside on their own. Germs, child abduction, traffic accidents or other play-related injuries - these are smaller risks than robbing your child of the chance to develop personality. In MY opinion.

But rather than tell their kids to go outside and play, parents here tell their kids to get out of the house and study. That's what they want out of the kids camps. What I want is to try to infuse as much desperately needed PLAY into the camps as I can. I just hope I can find a camp at which I'll be able to let the kids play without having to growl at any of them. I think two weeks is the magic window for this situation. But the camps all seem to be a month now. This has me worried.

Anyhoo, here's hoping kid season will be a success this year.

Finished!

Another semester comes to an end! I turned in all my marks and filled out the unbelievably tedius attendance sheets for all my classes. Now it's time to concentrate on finding a good camp or intensive program to teach sometime in January or February. Preferably January because I'll be watching Olympics all Feb. Hopefully.

A lot has happened since I last posted but I wanted to come to the end of the drama before posting about it. It's over now I think. Not yet sure if I'm better off or not but... Jung is no longer my supervisor. I now report directly to the director. It's been a stunning lesson on the futility of face for me. The events that led up to the loss of Jung. Stunning! I can't get into the details and I'm sure nobody thinks I understand what went on. But I probably know better than everybody but Jung why and how he gave up his position as advisor to the English Language Department. Maybe even better than him. He did a LOT of crazy things and when I asked him why he could only say, "I don't know." Maybe this is another. This is directly related to my topic today.

It bugs me when people think I'm dumb. It riles me when people think they're smarter than me. It really pisses me off when I can tell they think they're smarter than me. Even if they ARE! I believe lying is only done when one assumes the person lied to is stupid enough to believe the lie, which means stupider than the liar. In this way lying qualifies as extreme arrogance. It especially burns me when I know people are lying as the words come out of their mouths. I will never like this or get used to it and I will never accept culture or tradition as an excuse for this arrogant behaviour. I don't think I'm alone in that.

This behaviour is at the heart of Korean society. Almost every day almost every Korean has some other arrogant Korean lie to their face. The Korean who is smarter than the liar has to act like he/she doesn't know it's a lie if the liar has seniority, position or age. But that's not all! He/She has to bow and give some fake signs of respect to the prevaricating scumbag. This would be excruciating for me. It has been the source of almost every problem I've had in Korea. I DON'T accept this as reasonable behaviour. I don't care if you're my boss, filthy rich or if you're 100 years old. If you lie to me, you insult me and in most cases I won't just ignore it or act like I don't realize you are lying.

Most foreigners share my feelings. They may not believe them as strongly but they agree. Foreign teachers are difficult for Koreans to deal with because they're difficult to lie to and it has become an issue that the Korean "education" system is planning to take action on. First the geniuses in the Korean "education" system decided to call it a problem of underqualification. They spread word throughout the highly suggestable populace that foreign teachers are not qualified. But because of the abysmal state of education here that causes me to put that word in quotes so often even the least qualified foreign teacher here is vastly overqualified for what we are doing.

So now there have been suggestions made that foreign teachers in Korea need to take "cultural sensitivity" classes. This is just another colossaly idiotic idea to come out of Korea! For so many reasons!

These courses will no doubt be disguised as opportunities to teach foreigners about Korean history, traditions, geography, maybe some language, and things like that. These are things that every last Korean thinks he/she knows everything about and is trained to be fiercely proud of making it literally impossible for any foreigner to walk among them without being thoroughly informed in like a week!

Nobody comes to Korea without learning about the culture. Ignorance of the culture is probably NEVER the cause of the problems Koreans are having with foreigners. But because of our education and healthy skepticism that comes with it, we have the ability to weed out the propeganda and we actually have a better idea of the TRUE Korean culture than most Koreans do. But most Koreans are too blindly convinced of the wisdom of their ways to accept that anyone who understands them would NOT believe them and act in accordance with them. Because they've been systematically programmed from childhood to be that way. The people who want to run these stupid training courses may or may not be aware of this. Either way, the courses will be nothing more than attempted indoctrination and there is no reason to believe they will be successful. We foreigners are too old, too smart and we already know Korean culture, we just choose not to practice certain aspects of it that are absurd.

Aye, there's the rub! Koreans don't see any aspects of their culture that are absurd. I have been lied to with regularity here in Korea and while I'm still not desensitized to it, it doesn't upset me as much as it used to. Maybe that's bad. But I can't think of a single time when the lie made things easier. Lying invariably causes more work for everybody, disorganizes, confuses and makes things remarkably LESS efficient. Koreans don't see the absurdity of perpetuating dishonesty, even being PROUD of it as part of their culture! It'll take some pretty strong mental re-programming for them to see it. Likewise it'll take some pretty strong mental re-programming for foreigners to espouse constant deceit as a necessary part of living.

So the end result is that these courses will be a waste of time and money that could be SO much better spent trying to legitimize the "education" system they have here. But this is the familiar catch 22. They don't know their "education" system sucks because they are trained to believe it's just another thing that's superior about Korea.

It could be much more accurately said that Koreans need to be educated in Korean culture. That's how bad it is. There are so many things they are trained to believe in that just aren't true!

Or what about a program of sensitivity to foreign cultures taught to Koreans? Or even basic concepts about us like we are NOT exactly the same or as same as Koreans. I've had so many students who have shown interest in my culture! They ask me things like, "What do you like better, chicken or pork?" I say, "Chicken." So it's not long before I hear that student telling someone else that all foreigners like chicken better than pork.

Foreigners are not a new thing in Korea. We've been here a LONG time. Given the lightning speed at which Korea's economy developed you might expect a speedy attitude of tolerance toward foreigners to develop. Not the case. It's been shamefully slow. In fact I believe it's going backwards. Every year they make tougher new laws with flimsy reasoning at best that seem to just be attempts at making things more difficult for foreigners here. And now they have the gaul to suggest to people from countries like America, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, England etc., countries where we really don't even USE the word "foreigner", to be more culturally sensative when we come to Korea.

OINK!

The cartoons at the top are taken from Korean newspapers. I don't know why but I can no longer move my pictures around on my blog. The Korean words in two of the pics mean "unqualified". The other pic is of a stoned teacher. We now have to be tested for AIDS and drugs EVERY YEAR. Cuz that's what all us foreigners are, right? Sex crazed, druggies.

What am I thankful for?

Even though I'm not American and Canadian Thanksgiving was a long time ago, I didn't really sit down, watch football, eat turkey and contemplate the things that make me thankful. Today I watched football, ate other stuff and decided to contemplate what it is that makes me especially thankful this year. As you may know from reading this blog this will be a hard thing for me to do. I'm not one to ramble on about how wonderful life and the world are. But give me a little bit of adversity and I'll blog about that till the cows come home.

Incidentally why are the cows out to begin with? And aren't they technically "cattle?" Who sends their cattle away from home? And what are they homing cattle? Why would they just come home? And, okay, okay, Who let the cows out, moo moo moo moo!

See what I mean? Give me a small opening like a strange turn of phrase and I'll run with it. As long as I can make it sound like a complaint. This could be my calling. I really should be a critic. It really doesn't matter what needs to be criticized, I can do it all. So like all critics Thanksgiving is especially hard for me. Can you imagine Thanksgiving in the home of a famous food critic? That'd be something! Imagine the pressure every year on the person who does the cooking!

Anyway, let's get on with it so I can finish up and leave blog space for another scathing entry about something else. What am I thankful for? I guess I have to say first of all I'm thankful to be working. It's impossible to survive without a job and I really can't complain about my job. Well, I've proven that statement false numerous times in this blog. But all in all I DO like what I do. And the hours are great! In fact after Monday I will just have to do all my marking, grading and attendance recording for the session and I'll be off till March! Pretty sweet. Of course I will be trying to find something to keep me busy in that time and make me some money. I am not planning a vacation during this break. But I still have a pretty sweet job. At times like this I feel like it's worthwhile being away from my country, family and friends, dealing with the crap I deal with, the people conning me and fighting against me every step of the way. Still wish I could bypass all of that but at least I'm working. And I like my job. Not everybody can say that.

I have a pretty good body. I'm sure I couldn't do a Calvin Klein ad but what I mean is I could still do any job out there. I am smart enough to do any thinking job and strong enough to do any labour job. That's a real blessing. Right now I'm doing a job that requires NO strength at all and I'm never intellectually challenged unless it's to figure out what the administration is trying to do to make my life difficult. One of the things they are doing is keeping me trapped in the dorm and that is actually HURTING my health but not to the extent that I can't work. But other than recurrant acid reflux that I will probably never lick, I am healthy as a mule. That's another big blessing.

I'm thankful for my computer and for email, facebook, skype and sites that keep me in touch with friends and family. I can't say I'm thankful for friends and family this year because I'm as socially isolated as I've ever been in my life, and for that I'm NOT thankful. But thanks to computer chatting and email I still keep in touch a little bit. And when I can once again say that I'm thankful for friends and family it'll be my computer that made it so I still HAVE friends and family.

I'm thankful for other internet sites like this one, sports and sports pool sites, comedy central, youtube, and google that make life for a socially isolated person a bit more bearable. I just found out that I lost a very valuable site like this today. Goodbye mininova.org and thanks for all the fish.

I'm thankful for my favourite TV shows that I used to download from mininova. I'm thankful for all the Thai and Filipino people who animate them for ridiculously low wages I'm sure. Family Guy, Simpsons, American Dad, Cleveland, Sit Down Shut Up, King of the Hill, Southpark, I love them all. I also like The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Survivor, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Fringe, Dexter, Big Bang Theory, 2 1/2 Men, 30 Rock, The Ultimate Fighter, Merlin, Man vs. Wild, How I Met Your Mother, Deadliest Catch, Mythbusters...OH MY GOD I need a life!

Who is thankful at Thanksgiving for a list of TV shows?! You know who I'm most thankful for? Two people. Named AXXO and EZTV. These are the people who upload and share the TV shows and movies I spend my down time watching. They're about the most important people in my life right now. That's sad.

But I'm thankful for the Jacksons. Cuz after a long semester like this last one, I can always go visit them and get out of my funk. Some real people time. In fact with the two boys it might be a little TOO much people time at times. But it's a nice change. So that's a sincere one. It's nice to have them to spend Christmas with every year while we're all still in Korea.

Even though my other friends are mostly moved away it's nice to have a few good friends left here in Korea. But because of the isolation at Seokang I'm not making new friends to replace the ones who leave.

I've had jobs that involved isolation before. I was taking care of a logging camp during break-up one spring and it was just me and the camp dog, Rocky. That I didn't mind too much. I drilled and camped in the woods for a few months solid seeing only 3 other guys. That I got through okay. I did lots of security work where I was the only guy in a grain elevator or construction site. But even though I see my students almost every day it's been a really slow year socially. Really slow. Slowest ever. So I'm thankful for every email, chat, letter, blog comment, phone call, text message or communication of any kind I get.

I'm thankful for having a life that even though I bitch about it is better than the lives of most people on this earth. There are a couple billion people who would be WAY more thankful than I am to have my life. I guess I need to try to be more thankful. But don't worry, I'll be complaining about something new soon. Probably next post.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans and people who are being thankful today!

Team Canada 2010

It's a little early but I have been watching a LOT of hockey since I got NHL Gamecenter and I can watch any game I want to online. So I am better informed than I have been in the past few years since now I can WATCH instead of just listen to NHL games online. There has already been a lot of speculation as to who will make the 23-man Canadian Olympic Hockey roster. I think I have some good suggestions.

First and foremost, since you can't win a game when you score no goals, are the forwards. Every team is only allowed 13 forwards. As in Olympics past there will be 13 Canadian boys NOT playing who could probably win the gold for Canada. That's just the depth we have in Canadian hockey. However, if I had to pick 13, these are the guys and possible line matches I would pick:

Line one would be Joe Thornton at center, Patrick Marleau on RW and Dany Heatley on LW. All from the San Jose Sharks. At this time the Sharks are struggling to score a bit but that's just because I loaded up on them in all my hockey pools. These guys have all been producing. Marleau is a center but his speed would be much better utilized on the wing. Take a look at the San Jose power play statistics and you have these three guys to thank for a lot of that scoring.

Line two is more contraversial. You gotta have Sid the kid centering at LEAST the second line. So I put Sidney Crosby at center with Jarome Iginla on RW and the bold choice of Jeff Carter on LW. Why Jeff Carter? He's a center for Philly, true, but he is a right handed shooter. For some reason they are rare in the NHL. And two secrets are becoming aparent to the "experts" in the NHL who are always the last to know and implement them: 1. You should NEVER take a slap shot from the point because these days it'll be blocked over half the time and a wrist shot is hard enough to go in, easier to deflect for a goal and impossible for defencemen to read and drop in front of. 2. A right handed goal scorer playing left wing is more dangerous than an angry tiger with ebola! I played some hockey before and I loved pumping one timers in while playing left wing and shooting right. That extra fraction of a second it takes for the pass to get across the body of a lefty is enough for the goalie to slide across the goal and block the shot. Elementary folks! Jeff Carter is a dangerous goal scorer and Sid the kid will feed him and Iginla all tourney. I doubt this will ever be a line on Team Canada but it sure should!

Third line is iffy. Iffy because there's no way of knowing how healthy Marc Savard will be by Olympic time. He's got a busted foot right now and coaches say he's two weeks away from play. Will he be in shape for the Olympics? I think he will. So he's my choice for third line center. Look how dismal the Bruins are without him! On his left I would put Shane Doan because he's ANOTHER right handed shooter and he's played left wing before although he's on the right side this season in Phoenix. And on the right is a guy who can play with anybody: Rick Nash. It'll be awesome to have Nash and Doan on the same line because they are two guys who regularly score a lot playing with very little support. What can they do with two all star players on their line?

The fourth line will probably have checkers. I hate that. It's the Olympics! Think skill. Score the other team to death! My fourth line center would be Ryan Getzlaf. On his right wing would be his teammate and massive scorer, Corey Perry. These guys are magic together. Left wing for this line is another guy I doubt we'll see in the Olympics but who I think deserves to be there: Dustin Penner. On EDMONTON he's piling up the stats and when I watch the Edmonton games it's HIS name I hear most. He's been a force in the NHL this year and is a natural left winger. I think he'd fit in well with the other two.

As a back-up you can't do any better than Captain Canuck, Ryan Smyth. He's played for Canada MANY times before and he can play any forward position. He's having a great year this year too! I think he'd be the best choice for the 13th forward.

LW C RW
Heatley Thornton Marleau
Carter Crosby Iginla
Doan Savard Nash
Penner Getzlaf Perry

Man that's beautiful!

Defensive pairings are pretty easy to choose in comparison.

Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermayer know each other well and are two of the best in the NHL.

Danny Boyle is great at joining the rush and Dion Phaneuf has a cannon from the point.

Mike Green is another offensive defenceman and he'd be great with Jay Bouwmeester to back him up.

And you can't go very wrong with veteran Rob Blake as the 7th man on defence.

The goaltending situation is going to be quite different from what I have in mind but I think the best bet for starting goalie has got to be Martin Brodeur. He's got the best save percentage and goals against average of any Canadian goalie this year and he's been steady for Team Canada forever.

For goalie number two I'd pick Marty Turco but I doubt he'll even be considered.

For my team it's a choice between Luongo and Fleury for third goalie. Neither has been outstanding this year. With Luongo you have a guy who could easily be number one but he's been injured and not very spectacular this year. Shooters have found a weakness over his left shoulder. Still I'd have to go with him. Most likely he'll be goalie number one or two and somebody else will get the third spot. But I don't see things that way.

So here is my Canadian line-up:

Centers: Thornton, Crosby, Savard, Getzlaf
Right Wings: Marleau, Iginla, Nash, Perry
Left Wings: Heatley, Carter, Doan, Penner
Extra forward: Smyth
Defence: Pronger, Niedermayer, Boyle, Phaneuf, Green, Bouwmeester, Blake
Goalie: Brodeur, Turco, Luongo

I'd give all four lines, and all defensive pairings, even ice time including penalty kill and power play. For captain I might choose Rob Blake. But there are quite a few good choices. I think I'd rotate the goalies too, but I doubt that'll happen. What a pleasure it would be to coach this team!

Smells like GOLD to me!



Just in case EVERY SINGLE player on my list is injured at Olympic time, I thought I'd make a second Team Canada. I think it's pretty good too.

Centers: Danny Briere, Eric Staal, Vincent Lecavalier, Jonathan Toews
Right Wings: Mike Cammalleri, Jordan Staal, Martin St. Louis, Devin Setoguchi
Left Wings: Simon Gagne, Ray Whitney, Brad Richards, John Tavares
Extra: James Neal
Defence: Ed Jovanovski, Shea Weber, Drew Doughty, Robyn Regehr, Michael Del Zotto, Duncan Keith, Brian Campbell
Goalies: Marc-Andre Fleury, Cam Ward, Steve Mason

The line of Briere/Cammalleri/Gagne will rock because Briere and Gagne were teammates on Philly at one time so they'd have chemistry. I wonder if Cammalleri can speak French.

Eric Staal and Ray Whitney are awesome together and it would be cool to see two of the Staal brothers on the same line.

Vinny Lecavalier and Martin St. Louis have played together for years! Brad Richards didn't usually play left wing but he's versatile and he's played with these two guys in Tampa Bay.

The young guns on the fourth line might make it their highest scoring line. And speaking of scoring: James Neal!

The defence would be more defensive than I'd like but there are a couple young fellas who might make mistakes so they need someone to stay at home and bail them out.

The three goalies are just as good as the three goalies on the first Team Canada.

These guys could win gold! I'd put a few bucks on them.

Only three more months! Only three more months!

Dave's top ten: Brian vs. Bon

It's been a while since I made one of these. Since I'm sitting at home tonight, "saving money", (that's what I call it nowadays when I am doing absolutely nothing), I figured I'd make a top ten list.

Youtube is awesome! Sometimes when I'm saving money I get on youtube and let it take me where it may. It's always different. That's one of the things I love about it. But even though it's always different, I am always the same and I focus in on my favourite things. Oddly enough I usually end up using youtube, a video site, for one of two things, neither of which you need video for. Stand-up comedy and music. Tonight it was music. And before long it was exclusively AC DC. I saw a couple documentaries, listened to a ton of songs and read a lot of comments. It seemed to me like no matter what song or video I watched there was always at least one comment about how Bon Scott was awesome and Brian Johnson sucks.

Well I don't find that at all! Back in Black was Brian's first album and it's still their best selling to date. I think it's the second highest selling in history behind "Thriller". Of course there are those who will say that Brian Johnson just cashed in on the popularity explosion that Bon Scott led AC DC up to. There is even some argument as to whether Bon Scott was the writer of some or all of the songs. "What Do You Do For Money", "Giving the Dog a Bone", "Shoot to Thrill", those titles sound a lot like the randy, rakish Bon Scott that's for sure. But I think the singing is solid and Brian Johnson had a VERY difficult job of replacing a legend and pulled it off. Something few could do. I like Brian Johnson and just about all the AC DC stuff he's done.

However, let's face it, he's not worthy to clean Bon Scott's bagpipe spitvalve. Bon Scott was made to sing rock and roll! While Brian screeches into the mike lyrics that are becoming more nasal and harder to understand as the years roll on, Bon had a lyrical character that few vocalist could match. He told stories. And we understood them. Most of them were filthy and therefore super cool! He was a hard partying, womanizer. Again, super cool! And it gave a ring of authenticity to his songs about sex with the gigantic Rosie, violence like in TNT or Problem Child, ravishing young girls, and then little bit TOO young girls like in Love at First Feel or Squealer, and it made us wonder a bit about his sanity when he sang songs like Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and Night Prowler.

He had that uncanny knack that is impossible to teach of being able to ad lib a noise, say "Wooo!", growl, howl, bark like a dog or throw in a few extra words between lines that are so perfect you can't even humm the songs any more without including them.

The following is my top ten list of songs that are loaded with Bon Scott character and prove that he was one of the best rock vocalists ever. Not necessarily my favourite AC DC songs, (I doubt I could pull that off), but some are definitely amongst my faves and they are in order. So here we go...

1. "It's a Long Way To The Top If You Want To Rock and Roll"

It's also a long way to the end of that title! But bagpipes in a rock song. How many examples of that do you know of? Bon played the pipes in this tune. And they weren't just a gimmick, they ROCK! It's the one and ONLY good use for bagpipes I can think of off hand. Oh yeah, "Mull of Kintyre". Okay I stand corrected. By myself.

2. "Ain't No Fun Waiting Round To Be A Millionaire"

"Hello Howard. Friend. Next door neighbour. Get your fuckin' jumbo jet out of my airport!"

3. "Whole Lotta Rosie"

"She ain't exactly pretty. She ain't exactly small. 42 39 56 you could say she's got it all!"

4. "The Jack"

Just a little tiny bit of sexual inniendo. "She was holding a pair, but I had to try. Her deuce was wild, but my ace was high. How was I to know that she'd been dealt with before?" and it goes on like this.

5. "Let There Be Rock"

Oh sacrilege!

6. "Dog Eat Dog"

"Woof!" I'm not kidding. Just before an awesome guitar solo. Phil Rudd is at his best in this song on the drums. This song has some pretty good lyrics too! "It's a lie and that's the truth."

7. "Squealer"

It's one of the filthy ones but the way he goes from a dramatic whisper to 'squealing' is great!

8. "Problem Child"

The first lyrics are, "Fuck this!" What a way to get into a song! "I'm a problem child. And my Mother hates me!"

9. "Love at First Feel"

Another song on the Dirty Deeds album that makes you want to wash your hands after listening to it. Then listen to it again. "You never told me where you came from. Never told me your name. I didn't know if you were legal tender but I spent it just the same." One of their first tours was called the "Lock up Your Daughters" tour. Is it any wonder?

10. "Touch Too Much"

The only song on my list from the Highway to Hell album. This was the first AC DC album produced by Mutt Lange and I think he tried to reign in Bon a little bit to make the songs tighter. But he shows some of his personality here. "She had the face of an angel smiling with sin."

I have probably forgotten one or two songs that really show Bon's abilities so why not go on over to youtube now and give them a listen. I think AC DC tunes got better and better but the lyrics and singing really weren't the same after Bon. But I WILL say that it's a VERY lucky thing they got rid of their egotistical first singer, Dave Evans. His voice was good but I can't find too many pics of him without his eyes closed in rapturous delight at his own voice. I saw a pretty good vid of Angus and Malcolm Young talking about that guy. Neither one of them could stand him. BOTH Brian and Bon are better than him!

But that's just my opinion.

This may piss some people off but I've been known to do that.

I'm having mixed feelings right now. It's Remembrance Day in Canada tomorrow. It's already November 11th here. Americans are observing Veteran's Day then too. And for I guess about 90 years the significance of these ceremonies has been diminishing every year. And that bugs me folks. It really does!

I can only imagine the emotion of the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month at the end of World War I. People all over the world were happy that the war was over but gutted about all the friends, family and innocence they had lost during the war. I think they truly believed that they were fighting for the improvement of the future in their respective countries. And as a testiment to that they went home and promptly got busy bringing record numbers of new people INTO that future that they had fought for. This is when I start thinking, "Little did they know," instead of, "Lest we forget," because at this time, (our fighting ancestors' future, and our present), I wonder if this is what they wanted. Is this what they fought and died for? And more importantly, are we getting closer or farther away from their ideals?

I don't want to be too negative because even with the limited world travel I have done, I have seen first-hand that Canada IS a better place to live than a LOT of other countries. And if I were able to live in my own country I'm sure that I'd appreciate it.

The most significant tidbit of knowledge, and by far the most shocking thing I've learned from my world travel is that in countries like Indonesia, The Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, in the country, (not so much in the cities), the happiness of the average person seems to go far beyond the happiness I see in ANYONE in Canada. I've seen people in the rice fields of Thailand working long hours in the sun that made me sweat just watching them. While I was on vacation cursing the heat, they were the happy ones. I've seen people on the beach in Indonesia who had never owned a pair of shoes selling pineapple to tourists for subsistance incomes. While I was sweating they were smiling. And in the Philippines I danced with an island full of fishermen and farmers in one of only a few pubs they had and while I was SWEATING they were singing, dancing and making me jealous.

I think when, (and if), the day comes that I can finally afford to return to Canada I just might try to manufacture a situation for myself that comes close to what these happy people have. I'll get a small house with a little land. Maybe plant some crops. Get a few dogs. It will not be anything like the situation I'm SUPPOSED to have in Canada, but maybe that's the point I wanna make here. Maybe we owe it to ourselves and our ancestors who were fighting so that we could find happiness, to stop chasing the almighty dollar and start looking for it. Happiness that is.

And here in Korea, to complicate my thoughts even further, November 11th is a day they call Pepero Day. Pepero are chocolate covered cookies shaped like sticks. Because November 11th is 11 11 and the ones are kind of stick-like like Pepero, everybody buys each other Pepero to celebrate. They have a Pepero song and games. They even do what we call, "air quotes" to signify Pepero Day.

So everybody here is in a good mood today and I'm kind of morose wondering if my our people have appropriately honoured the efforts of our ancestors. I made myself a poppy and wore it to class and my students asked what it was for. They showed interest in our tradition. They have the same thing here on June 25th. They call it "Yugeeoh", which is not to be confused with "Yugioh" the famous Japanese superhero, collector cards and cartoon. Yuk is 6, Ee is 2 and Oh is 5. 06 25.


So it's a bit of a confusing day here. Nonetheless I hope we never do forget what "The Greatest Generation" did for us. Support your local Royal Canadian Legion. And happy Pepero day!

Halloween in Korea

It's just past Halloween here in Korea. Two nights ago I entertained the idea of turning on the air conditioning and tonight the heater. However the addition or removal of clothing and/or the repositioning of windows and blinds has been sufficient to alter the temperature to my liking. If none of the above works tonight I'll just get fetal under a couple of long unused blankets on my bed. Cold has ever been a friend to me. It's the heat I despise. The transition from one to the other, (rather the other to one respectively), has been almost instantaneous this year. Apart from foliage discolouration and a slight drop in temperature Korea has been all but cheated out of an autumn. And it's tied for my favourite season here in Korea!

I saw a few snowflakes as I walked to the corner store to photocopy homework for my classes today. A five-minute walk that included no less than 15 Korean exclamations of, "Oh chuweoh," which means, "Oh it's cold!" Although, in my experience, this not so hale and hearty younger generation starts with the "oh chuweohs" as soon as you can keep your butter out of the fridge. It wasn't more than a few days ago that the same trip wetted a dry T-shirt with sweat. As I type this my feet are in need of woolen socks and I feel a sudden and overwhelming urge to eat something covered in maple syrup. It's cold folks. In MY room anyway. The air coming in the window has that familiar, full-bodied diesel exhaust bouquet. It's pretty much winter today.

On Halloween night in the German Bar in downtown Gwangju I was sitting directly beside the open door in order to have the coolest seat in the house. And it was raining outside, hot, muggy and there seemed to be no sign of fall. Things changed in a hurry.

But it's not the weather I stumbled out from under the covers to type about on this night. It's not the temperature or precipitation that has made me tear myself away from the good book I was reading. Or re-reading. (The Picture of Dorian Gray). It is an often pondered mystery of this, my adopted country that puzzles me to distraction. Why don't Koreans do Halloween?

Indeed on the very night I did query a few costumed respondents and this is what several of them had to say, "Halloween isn't traditionally Korean." A solid answer in that if it is traditional, Koreans ALL do it. No matter how ancient, antiquated, outdated or inconvenient. Right? I am not so sure of that...

How traditional are cell phones? And if you think for a second that Japan or any other country comes close in cellphone culture, you'd just be wrong. It is a firmly entrenched part of the Korean identity. Cell phones and accessories are pieces of flair in modern Korea that have replaced the societal cues such as clothing, hairstyles, fans, servants, family seals etc. You may not score a date with the best looking guy or girl just because of your cellphone but you could lose one for dropping a call, having last year's model or exhibiting slow texting skills. My phone is about 6 years old. My students think it's "cute". But it's better than when I didn't have a phone and my students thought I must be a serial killer or worse, a "wonkda." That's the Korean word for a social misfit or outcast.

It's anyone's guess as to how social culture will transform in any country, but I think I've been here long enough to give a few opinions. I think Koreans would love Halloween! Here are a few reasons why:

1. Koreans love free stuff and they love candy. Free candy is a no-brainer. And it's not something that's limited by age in any way.

2. Korean girls absolutely love to get dolled up, often to the extreme. Now here is an area where I would say Japan DOES eclipse Korea. But only in a manga, cartoon charactery way. Korean chicks just dig getting dressed to the nines. When I show pictures of girls in Halloween costumes that would qualify as being dressed to the tens or elevens, (like the ones above), my female students moan longingly. You know the princess, angel, cat, French maid, naughty nurse, student, cheerleader, and maybe comic book character etc. costumes I'm talking about. The ones Koreans just couldn't quite get away with on any other day. I'm sure they'd get right into those on Halloween!

3. Korean guys would get into those costumes too! Not so much the wearing of them but supporting the girls who wear them.

4. Drinking! Nuff said.

5. Spooky things and ghosts are a bit different but I would say Koreans like to get creeped out just as much as any culture going.

I've seen a lot of kids wearing costumes and having school parties here so it's starting to catch on. But trick-or-treaters are still non-existant. Every year I buy candy and hope, but nobody comes a-knocking.

There is all kinds of conjecture. Maybe it's just too dangerous to send kids out into the streets here. Not that they'll be abducted so much but I think the fear would be more of kids being hit by vehicles.

Maybe everybody's working, or at least at work, all night so nobody can stay home to hand out treats.

Maybe people are loathe to espouse another foreign ritual.

Maybe it's still more attractive to be too "shy" to wear a costume.

Maybe trick-or-treating or Halloween partying just needs the immeasurable boost of being featured in a Korean drama or music video before it's safe for people to do it here in earnest.

Who knows?

Really, who knows? Anyone? If you have any ideas don't hesitate to post a comment. I just can't figure it out.

And so another Halloween has come and gone and there are no signs that it is catching on yet. Oh well, maybe next year...

Kia WINS!

I hope this link will work.

These are the highlights of maybe the best game of baseball I've ever seen. I remember when Joe Carter hit his World Series winning home run for the Blue Jays but I don't remember the game being quite as exciting as this one.

I was at home watching it on my computer with my friend Guns. We had a few beers and were planning to go watch at a bar somewhere after having only a couple at my place. We didn't want to tear ourselves away from the game. It was that exciting. We finished all our beer and had a couple White Russians before the game finally came to its AWESOME conclusion. It was a long one. I think it was over 4 hours.

So after jumping around, high fiving, high tenning and yelling a lot, Guns and I went to a place downtown for further celebration. There were a couple VERY unfortunate things about the game, however. It started at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I talked with a few people who had tried to watch it in a bar and they said there really weren't that many people watching in bars. Because of the time. One guy said he was the only one in the place he was at and the owner said to him that he was sad the game started at 2 since he wasn't getting that much business. At 6 PM the day before Gwangju's Olympic Soccer Stadium was opened up and some fans watched game 6 on the big screen there. But the fact that the stadium was opened wasn't very well advertised so not many people went. And, of course, Kia didn't win game 6. I would have gone if I'd known though. The soccer stadium wasn't open for game seven again because it was at 2 in the afternoon.

The other unfortunate thing was that the final was played in Seoul at Chamshill Stadium. I guess that's where all the Kia fans were because when we got to downtown Gwangju after the game there was no sign that the home team had just won one of the most dramatic victories ever. It was pretty dead.

We went to the German Bar. It's one of two foreigner bars in town. Really the only pub in Gwangju. There was nobody there when we arrived at about 8 PM. And there are plenty of foreigners here who are big Tiger fans. But, undeterred, we asked the waitress to put the game replay on the TV and we watched it one more time while drinking German beer.



Above is a good pic of the game 7 hero, Na Ji Weon and the guy I thought should have been the Series MVP, Aquilino Lopez. Na is a second year player for the Tigers. If you scroll WAY back in this blog to find my season predictions for the Tigers I wrote that I thought Na Ji Weon might just "bust out" and have a good year this year. Talk about busting out! I don't think he deserved MVP but it was a popular choice and I can't say I'm sad to see him get it. I've seen a lot of Tigers games and usually I'm there for warm-ups a couple hours before the game. It's pretty clear that Na Ji Weon is well loved by his teammates. He's a funny-looking, clumsy, player with a bad, Kirby Pucket-esque body. The other Tigers often joke around with him on the field. He's got that kind of mascot-like position on the team. Because of this a LOT of people were pulling for him to do well this year. I really like him.

He had a very good year. He wasn't a regular starter but despite that he got 384 at bats. That was fourth on the team behind former major leaguer Choi Hee Seop, this year's league MVP, Kim Sang Hyun, and Tiger superhero, Lee Jong Beom. He got over 100 hits 73 RBI's and 23 homers. I'd call that busting out.

In the first game of the Korea Series he didn't start. But he came in for 2 at bats. He got out both times. Then in the second game he got up 4 times, had no hits and one sacrifice bunt. (which of course didn't work). He didn't start game three but he looked better getting a walk and a strike-out in two at bats. In game four he started. I was nervous that Jo Beom Hyun was going to keep him out of the game but was happy to see him play. He got two strike-outs and an out before FINALLY getting his first hit up the middle and knocking in his first run of the series.

So in the first 4 games he went 1/11, 3K, 1RBI. Not MVP type numbers. I thought he wouldn't start game 5 but he did. Gotta give credit to coach Jo for sticking with him. In game 5 he got another hit, another strike-out and another sacrifice. (which didn't work). In game 6 he got a hit and a walk in 4 at bats. So his numbers were 3/17, 4K, 1RBI, 1BB. Still not overwhelming but he was looking more and more comfortable.

In game 7 he hit TWO homers, got 3 RBI's and even threw in a walk. His final numbers were 5/21, 4K, 4RBI, 2BB. His average in the series was less than .250. Just about the entire SK lineup had a better average than that. But he DID win the final game for Kia pretty much single-handedly. And I didn't see any envy at all from other players. They were all happy for him. And I sure was!

Lopez got 2 wins and a hold in game 7. I thought he shoulda won MVP. But I kinda like it when the MVP is not a pitcher.

Choi Hee Seop hit .320 in the series, (8/25), including 4 walks, 6 runs, 5 RBI's. These are better numbers than Na Ji Weon and his two RBI's in game two won the game 2-1 for the Tigers. I suppose the reason I wouldn't give him the MVP was that he hit zero homers and struck out 5 times. He supposed to be the Tigers' home run guy.

An honourable mention goes to An Chi Hong. I noticed this rookie in pre-season and said he'd platoon with another guy at second base this season. Well the other guy is now history. An Chi Hong was voted to the All Star Game and got the MVP of that! A rookie! Too bad I was in Thailand when that happened! In the Korea Series he hit .286, (6/21) with 2 runs, 2 RBI's, 2 stolen bases and a homer. Not spectacular but it was a defensive series. And his defence was STELLAR as you can see from watching the highlights of game seven at the top of this page. He's number 8 on second base. I think he got about 10 outs in the game.

My two favourite players did well also. Lee Jong Beom hit only .238 but won game one to get the Tigers off to a good start. He also had 4 walks, 4 RBI's and 2 runs. Yoon Suk Min pitched 12 innings giving up 14 hits, and 3 runs. He struck out 11 batters but in all that time the Tigers gave him 2 runs worth of support. He won game two but lost 3-2 in game six. However Yoon won the All Star game and Lee Jong Beom was runner up for MVP.

What a great year it was for the Tigers! I can't wait for next season!

Tigers 2, Wyverns 2

The Korea Series is in full swing and for those who just don't give a crap about Korean baseball, stop reading now. I tried starting a new blog just for my favourite Korean baseball team, the Kia Tigers, but I couldn't keep up with it during my vacation to Thailand/Cambodia and I just couldn't find a good way to pick up afterwards. The Tigers were in 3rd or 4th when I left and first place when I got back. They never left first for the remainder of the year although the SK Wyverns put on a MASSIVE run of 20 games unbeaten to end the season. One was a 2-2 tie, which stupidly counts as a loss in Korea, but they still weren't beaten in their last 20 games. You would think that'd get them into first but the Tigers won 7 of their own in a row to finish out the year.

I really like the way they do things in the KBO as far as their playoff format. The 3rd and 4th place teams slug it out in a best of 5 to play the 2nd place team in a best of 5 and the winner of that takes on a very well rested season champion in the Korea Series. That well rested champion was Kia this year. They sat back and watched while the Doosan Bears beat a feisty Lotte Giant club 3 games to 1. Then they got a 2-0 lead on SK. I was shocked given the finish SK had! They hadn't lost two games in like two MONTHS! But SK came back to win the next three.

So as expected it's the SK Wyverns vs. the Kia Tigers in the Korea Series. The first two games were Tigers home games in Gwangju. OF COURSE I went to see them, right? Nope. I ended up going to my friends' restaurant grand opening that weekend. (which was this past weekend). I had a great time though! Met some nice folks and I was very impressed with the restaurant the Jackson family has set up. It's a breakfast restaurant in the Peng San area. That's near Pyeong Taek. I think they'll do all right. Likely within 6 months there'll be 4 or 5 copycats down the street. Already several people have said they were "thinking about" doing that...


Above is a pic of Moodeung Stadium, the Kia Tigers home field, as I went by in a taxi on the day of the first game of the KBO finals. Known as the Korea Series. I went to about 30 home games this year so I'm pretty comfortable in old Moodeung. It was about 1 in the afternoon when I passed by and already the crowd was REALLY thick for the game at 6 in the evening. I think I'm probably lucky I didn't try to go.

It was good to see the family again and I even went to church with them. A nice cozy, little church that sings songs that I remember from MY church-going days. The pastor is a retired military man and his sermon was on something that has been coming up again and again lately for me. It's not something good. It's the idea that when the shit hits the fan, don't sweat it cuz it just makes you stronger. It actually says that we are to "count it all JOY when we fall into divers temptations and persevere." That's in the Bible. Maybe not exactly like that, but it's there, man. Trust me.

I've been struggling with a supervisor who is doing his best to make things as tough as he can for me. He told me I could teach at camps during vacations, that I'd get my own private internet in my room, and that I'd be getting a raise so I make the bare minimum salary here in Korea:2 million won a month. All three were contract promises and all three were lies. It's VERY hard to count that kind of stuff JOY! Kicking his scrawny, spineless, prevaricating ASS would be a joy though. But not very Christian of me. Just one of the divers temptations I have to power through.

Also this semester, AS ALWAYS, he gave me my schedule without classroom numbers and as always I went to a couple of the wrong classrooms and taught at least one class full of students who sat there for 20-30 minutes before telling me I was in the wrong room. But because this happens every single time I had asked my supervisor if he was absolutely positive of the room numbers cuz they didn't sound correct to me. He assured me, (lied to my face), that they were correct.

Then this past week during midterm exams I had 3 of my 4 exams scheduled at the same time: Monday at 10 AM. The one exam that wasn't conflicting with any others was, of course, the exam for my supervisor's class, the flight attendants. Since I knew what to expect if I asked him to help with the other conflicts, I solved the problems on my own by going to the various offices of the three other departments I teach. Between the deans of the physiotherapy and dental assistant departments we were able to hammer out a revised schedule so that dental was at 9 and physio was at 10. I couldn't find the dean of the E.M.T. program so I arranged with the students to have the exam at noon on Monday. My supervisor assumed I wouldn't be able to do this, (because he thinks his job is actually hard), and he sent me a message around 11 saying, "EMERGENCY! Your class is waiting for you! Where are you?" I called him back and said, "Relax they know the exam is at 12." Sure enough they all showed up at 12. This PISSED my supervisor off!

That's what I'm dealing with here. And there are dozens of other stories I could tell. In fact scroll down my archives and read. You'll find some of them. But it has been really good recently to be talking with some of my friends about this very subject. I have actually been encouraging OTHERS to stay positive in the midst of trials and tribulations and now it's ME who has to take my own advice. I wrote a letter today to my supervisor's supervisor explaining what a jagoff he's been but because I have a pretty sweet deal here, (all things considered), and I like the hours, my students, my long vacations and I don't have a wife or kids so don't need a ton of money, I'm still happy. I'd better just accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. I haven't sent the letter to anyone although I have the email of the guy who could probably fire my supervisor's ass. I don't think I will either. Why fix what ain't too badly broke?

But back to baseball. I'm hoping I don't have to use this strategy with the Tigers although, here I go. The Tigers won the first two games. Aquilino Lopez, (a former Blue Jay hurler), started game one for the Tigers and I have to admit, I am BLOWN AWAY by how well he's done this year! Early in the season I said he'd probably crap out and be sent home. But he's not only stuck around, he's become one of the best pitchers in the league. He's now known for getting stronger as the games go on. He's the one and ONLY pitcher on the Kia staff that the coach leaves in past the 7th inning because around about that time he's virtually unhittable. I saw some stats on a broadcast that were astounding! Like opponents' batting average after the 6th inning is like .090 or something ridiculous like that! So he pitched game one. He pitched 8 innings giving up 6 hits including one solo homer. It worked out to 3 runs. Not spectacular but it was as dry as the Sahara Desert for the SK hitters on the night. They're not used to that kind of low production.

The offensive hero of the night for the Tigers was the veteran Lee Jong Beom. Everybody's favourite player. He's been around for ages here in Gwangju. The people of Gwangju know him as "The Son of the Wind", (I think it's "Param Adeul" in Korean), for one season when he hit .393, stole 84 bases and got 196 hits. (He was only caught stealing 15 times.) But that was back in 1994! Nobody expected him to star out now, but he had a good season this year and even at 38 he's producing in the playoffs. On a night when the Tigers only got 6 hits, he got two of them and they were clutch hits that earned him 3 R.B.I.'s and were the difference in the game. The final score was 5-3 for Kia. I watched the game at Scott and Minju's new restaurant. They have a big screen there. It wasn't open yet, (they were setting things up while I watched), but next day was opening day.


Above is a pic of the restaurant interior and the TV upon which I watched this historic game. That's Alex in the foreground. Because Peng Sang has a big military presence he got an American quarter and flipped it over to the heads side and asked me, "Uncle Dave, that's Barack Obama, right?" If you blow the pic up you might be able to read the extensive menu. It's mouthwatering. You can also see it in the pic on the right.

On opening day, Scott was all by himself in the kitchen cooking for an army of friends and family that ALL showed up at once. A nightmare for ANY restaurant never mind one that hasn't cooked a single meal yet. But he did admirably. There were even some walk-in customers but it was, of course, too slow for most because of the huge backlog brought on by the festivities. The customers understood. I think.

I couldn't get a picture of Scott. He was a blur in the kitchen making waffles, bacon, eggs, French toast, you wouldn't believe the menu. I wish I could post it but I lost the site. It's online. He takes phone-in orders too. That's gonna be popular.

Anyway, it was a long wait for most but for most we didn't care. We were all socializing and enjoying ourselves while Scott whipped up his magic and Min Ju distributed it all and collected the money. I think they're both going to be exponentially happier now that they don't have to teach any more. Not that they won't miss the teaching, but, like me they're gonna LOVE getting rid of the shit that comes with it. Like having to be nice to students' parents who are unreasonable and crappy supervisors and so on.


Here's Jeff, the Jackson's upstairs neighbour, eating the first order. It was the Hungry Human Breakfast. That's what I got too. And trust me you have to be very hungry or not quite human. And here's Minju waiting on tables. I KNOW she's loving every second of this new restaurant!

But back to baseball, Kia and SK played on opening day for "Bacon 'N Eggs": October 17th at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This is closing time for the restaurant. We watched the first inning at the restaurant and the owner of the building came by, took a look and said, "Let's franchise!" Then we went home and watched the rest on TV. ANOTHER big Screen! Scott and Min Ju have done well for themselves in their businesses!

This time, MY favourite pitcher on Kia was pitching: Yoon Suk Min. Internationally for Korea he has the best record, PERIOD! But he's largely overlooked by Koreans. Same thing in the KBO. He's respected but not considered elite. I DO consider him elite and in game two he made the SK hitters his bitches! He scattered 7 hits over 7 innings giving up ZERO runs and striking out 7. The reason he's not a pitching GOD in Korea is because his team never seems to give him run support. He's like a Korean Dave Stieb. Boy THAT'S dating myself! I'd like to date myself. I'm a good guy. Good sense of humour. Not bad looking. A pretty good catch really. Eehhhh anyhooo, Kia only got 5 hits in the game and two of them went to their former major leaguer Choi Hee Seop. He knocked in one run each and that was enough for the win. Very dependable closer Yoo Dong Hoon gave up a homer in the 9th but the final was 2-1. I nearly pooped my pants when the home run was hit in the ninth. I even told Scott, who was in another room, "OH NO! Tie game," because I thought there was another guy on base. But I forgot he had been thrown out on a close play. During the season Yoon Suk Min LOST close games like this because of little tiny mistakes by relief pitchers or fielders or whatever. He didn't have a stellar season this year. He went 9 and 4 with 7 saves during an inexplicable stint as the best pitcher in the league being used as the CLOSER! Man that was frustrating for me! And for him! I think I even saw him purposely trying to be bad so as to be removed from that role. Don't blame him. Anyway, I think he'll get to pitch again and I'm hoping he'll win, it'll be for the championship and I'll be there in Seoul to watch! Maybe, just maybe THEN he'll get the respect he deserves.

On to game three. The scene now switches to Incheon, the home of the SK Wyverns. The starting pitcher for Kia was my personal acquaintance, Rick Guttormson. I met him at a pub in downtown Gwangju. We drank for a while together and chatted a bit. I still don't consider him a "friend" because he said he'd give me a signed ball at the game the next day, but he wasn't the starting pitcher even though he though he would be. So I got no ball. Not HIS fault at all. But I don't know if he'd know me from Adam or not. Next time I drink with him I'll consider him my friend. Then maybe he'll overtake Yoon Suk Min as my favourite pitcher on the team. Unless I happen to meet Lopez... I sat beside Guttormson's younger brother at one game too. Nice guy.

Anyway, he had a VERY uncharacteristically bad outing. He gave up 4 hits in the first 2 innings, which doesn't sound that bad, but he also surrendered 2 walks and by the time he was yanked he'd given up 4 runs including one homer. I've watched him all season and I KNOW he's a bit of a slow starter like most pitchers. His worst innings are the early ones. But because of the shitty internet I have here in the dorms and the TV I used to have that exploded, I was unable to watch the game so I don't know if he should have been pulled or not. I'm guessing NOT. The coach Jo Beom Hyun is far too willing to go to the bullpen even though he's got the best starters in the league. And NOT the best bullpen. Suffice to say the next guy, Seo Jae Eung, (another former major leaguer), gave up 4 runs in the next two innings and the guy who has been the darling of the coach and the scourge of the bullpen for a few seasons: Son Young Min, gave up 3 more in his one inning. The Kia batters piled up 6 runs in a late-inning comeback attempt that Son Young Min made sure fell short. Kim Sang Hyun, the league's shoe-in M.V.P. got two hits, a homer and 4 R.B.I.'s but his efforts were wasted by bad pitching. I'm kinda glad I missed that game. I went for a bracing walk after trying fruitlessly to bring it up on my computer. Probly better for me anyway.

Yesterday was the best game of the series. By remarkably good luck I had enough bandwidth to get the game. The starter for Kia was Yang Hyun Jong who had no wins and 5 losses last year. Also a 5.83 E.R.A. Thing is I remembered him from last year as being a pretty good pitcher. I got him mixed up with Yoon Suk Min a few times. Only he's a lefty. I went to a couple pre-season games this year and he was pitching and he was VERY impressive. The games were VERY boring because of him! That's why I remember.

Not that pre-season usually means anything but I wasn't that surprised to see him bust out this year and have a great season. He went 12 and 5 with a very solid 3.15 E.R.A. And he had a very good outing yesterday as well. He went 5 2/3 giving up only 4 hits. The coach, as usual, pulled him WAY too early. I was watching and he should not have been pulled. Only 88 pitches! He DIDN'T deserve to lose either! He gave up one home run on a 3-0 pitch. What kind of megalomaniac swings at a 3-0 pitch? I mean honestly! That went for two runs. Luckily for the megalomaniac. Then Kim Sang Hyun, (Kia's MVP), hit a ball that probably would have been a homerun if not for a spectacular catch by the SK fielder. I think given the right circumstances this will be the Korean equivalent of "the catch". For those of you who don't know just google it. Dwight Clark would be a virtual unknown otherwise.

Yang struck out 6 and walked only 2 in 6 innings of work. Those are awesome numbers. He just made that one mistake probably thinking, "There's no WAY this guy's gonna swing at an 3 and oh pitch!" Or in Korea, an oh and 3 pitch. And that was all she wrote. Lee Hyun Gon went 3/4 with a homer and Na Ji Weon, (who I really like), got his first hit and RBI but it was all for naught. In the 9th inning with two out the third run for Kia scored on an error. Then 3/3 Lee Hyun Gon stepped up to the plate and hit a solid ball RIGHT AT the shortstop. The real difference in the game was that catch. It would have been a two-run homerun and Kia would have won the game if it were like an inch higher. But it ended as a 4-3 loss for the Tigers.

But, oh well. Count it all joy! Now I know for SURE that there will be a game Friday. Today is an off day while the teams make their ways to Chamshill Stadium in Seoul, (a money-making scheme I really hate), which is one of the few things I don't like about the KBO. I have ONE class tomorrow. A bogus hagwon class that was just piled on to fill out my sched. Probably only one student will show! Because of that I can't go to the game in Seoul tomorrow. Unless I just say fuck it! And nothing against this one guy who shows up but, he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He's the REASON the other 40 people dropped out of this class. I don't think it'd be too hard to think something up...

But before I get any idears... there WILL be a game on Friday! So I don't have to neglect my duties here. Even though my beloved employers have already breached the contract 3 times I am STILL going to teach a class of one weirdo rather than be a part of history tomorrow. Count it all joy! See what I mean? There's no doubt in my mind that this theme has arisen at an appropriate time in my life. And although I squawk and squeak like a greasy wheel I really do like my job. So I don't think it'll be too big a downer to miss the game tomorrow. Who knows, maybe there'll be TWO games I can catch in Seoul! And the winner of the Korea series will be Kia and I will be there to watch it! Then this will all sound like useless whining.

But I'll have to keep that in mind while I'm teaching my ONE class at 4 PM tomorrow. Oh to clarify, the game is at 6 PM and it takes 4 hours plus to get to the stadium in Seoul from Gwangju. If not for the one student I'd go. But because of him I can't. I am guessing Lopez will be pitching tomorrow and if he makes it past the early innings before getting the nervous Jo Bum Hyun hook, he'll probably win. Then more than likely it'll be my favourite pitcher Yoon Suk Min on Friday. I can't complain.

So anyway, that's how things are this end. Sorry if you are not a fan of baseball but... I warned you.