I gotta say it's good to be back in Korea. Since coming back I've been practicing my own version of the Taoist discipline known as Wu Wei. This is an exercise that roughly translates to "without action". I've combined Wu Wei with surfing porn. I call it Woo Weee! Now if I can just open a school and charge a couple hundred bucks a month to train rich, Asian wannabe students in the art of Woo Weee... No, Grasshopper. Avoid the pay sites. They are the evil black dragons that inhibit our oneness with the e-universe.
Other than Woo Weee, I've been doing the usual post-vacation things here in Yangju: growing hair, turning oxygen into carbon dioxide, regaining bowel consistency, metabolizing pasta and fighting the friggin ants. I thought a 3-week holiday might get rid of the little bastards but, alas, they have multiplied. I've squashed hundreds of them already. But they seem to have spread out. They're all over the house now. And now they are on the offensive. I have found several brave warrior ants crawling up my body. I usually don't catch them until they reach my shoulder. I suppose this is because these devious little critters can swing from hair to hair.
I've located a couple of the holes through which they seem to be entering my apartment. I did my best action hero voice while spraying Raid into the holes saying, "Suck on that you little shits!" I've sprayed high ant traffic areas with mentholatum, which I'm told they hate. I think it just gives my ants a pleasant high. I have been vigilant in the war with the ants, but they seem to be winning. I'm afraid because in a week I'll be off to teach at a kids camp in Naju, Korea and the ants will have two weeks to fortify their presence here once again. Anyone with advice on killing ants, feel free to post it here. Please!!
On a brighter note, while in Thailand at a popular Pattaya watering hole, one of the bar girls told me to open my mouth and close my eyes. Being foolishly optimistic and happily inibriated, I complied. She stuck a fried grasshopper in my mouth. After crunching on it a while and identifying it as an insect I instictively spit most of it out. However, and this is the bright note, the parts I couldn't spit out were pretty tasty! Now if I could just get that recipe, substitute ant where it calls for grasshopper, I may solve my ant problem while saving tens of won on groceries!
Other than the ants, nothing news in Yangju. So far there is only rain, not North Korean missiles in the skies. The Kia Tigers are still holding their own in the Korean Baseball League. I plan to go to the Naju area a little early so as to watch a Tigers game or two before camp starts. I hope I can.
Anyone with good anti-ant advice, (or good recipes), lemme know. See ya.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
Back in Korea
Well, first things first, as promised, here's that 5-dollar pic of me feeding the little tiger. Isn't she cute? She had really huge feet. That was the cutest thing about her to me. I'm sure she will have grown into those feet by the time I go back to visit her again. And I WILL go back. I had a great time in Pattaya. And I am fully educated on the place now. I went to Fatty's Restaurant one night and while waiting for my meal I read a little Pattaya guide book called Money Number One. Even if you aren't a single man, or aren't planning to visit the place, give this book a read. And it's now been updated too. I was laughing my ass off in the restaurant reading it.
Last entry, I was moving from room #2 to room #4. It was a bit of a downgrade, but still really good accomodations. I talked to the cook at my hotel and she turned me onto these little, yellow pills that allowed me to venture out more. If you know what I'm saying... So I managed to squeeze in three rounds of golf at three different courses in the Pattaya area. I golfed Phoenix, Thai Navy and Treasure Hill. They were all absolutely gorgeous courses. I think I liked Phoenix the best but I golfed my best at Treasure Hill. Even got a birdie! Woohoo! But I still spent a lot of time in the woods and in the sand, "looking for the treasure".
But I think the best part of the golfing was the group of guys I golfed with. Loads of fun. And none of them are gonna be on the tour any time soon so I wasn't intimidated by their golfing expertise. Just a casual group of Singha-swilling hackers who all have the whack-fuck sickness as bad as I. I'm sure I haven't seen the last of them.
I had a blast in Pattaya! I highly recommend it. I even got to use my new snorkelling gear down at the beach. Next time I'll go out to Ko Lan and do some real snorkelling. But I was quite content to watch the soccer and play bar games and pool with the girls at the Atlantic Club just down the street from my hotel. Apart from some small problems like not knowing whether the locals were saying "seventy" or "twenty" baht, (they both sound like "teventy" to me), it was a trouble-free vacation. A first for me!
Now it's back to the old grind in Korea. I'm choosing between two kids' camps here starting next week. I'll be sure to take pics and tell you all the details. See ya later.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Pattaya Paradise
Hello everybodeeee!
Well, I didn't make it to Kanchanaburi with Kasia. We went in opposite directions. She went north and I went south. As it turns out it was a good decision for both of us. She told me she had a great time up there seeing the bridge over the river Kwai, the tiger temple and the historical sites where all those people died. I, on the other hand, took a van to Pattaya and checked into the Welkom Inn. They gave me room number 2. Fitting because that's almost all I've done in the room to this point - number 2. I have had the wicked runs since I've been here and NOTHING is helping. However, somebody has room number 2 booked for tomorrow so I have to change. I'm hoping the room change will coincide with a change in bowel consistency.
I have managed to get out a little bit. I bought myself a snorkel and prescription mask at a nice dive shop here called Mermaid's I think. I have yet to use them due to the diarrhea, but I've extended my stay here in the hopes that I will overcome this ailment.
On a brighter note, I did have one good day while here. Good constitutionally speaking. So I went to the Million Year Stone and Crocodile Park. Or something like that. What a cool place that is! I just happen to like rocks and they have some petrified trees that are guestimated to be like a million years old. Plus some really interesting old rocks. And the gardening is unreal! Also they have some animals there that were a hoot! I actually fed a baby tiger. That was a thrill. They are just like really big cats. Very little difference that I can see. Boy was she pissed when I stopped feeding her too! Plus I made friends with some elephants and a couple birds. I fed some HUGE catfish that reminded me of prehistoric monsters. I saw some yahoos sticking their heads in crocodiles' mouths and I even got to feed the crocks myself! They put a rotten chicken on a long fishing pole and you hang it over the water and watch the crocks crawl all over each other coming way outta the water to get it. That crock puts up a helluva fight lemme tellya! Took the bait and snapped the line though. But I'll get her next time after she grows some. heh heh.
Unfortunately, my camera ran out of juice JUST as I bought a picture of me feeding the little tiger. I paid 40 baht, (a buck), for the chick to take a pic of me with my camera. When she pushed the button, the camera shut down. What a pisser! However, unbeknownst to me, whilst I was feeding the little feline there was an enterprising young Thai chick taking my pic with her own camera. Then while I was wandering around eating these AWESOME honey/orange popsicles they have here and sharing with a particularly friendly cockatoo who would lick it and then shake his head then come back and lick it and shake his head again, this young chick rides up to me on her bicycle and takes a really large photo out of the basket and hands it to me. I instinctively went into polite refusal mode but then I saw the photo. It was great! I paid 200 baht for it. (5 bucks). When I get back to Korea and my scanner, I'll be sure to include it here.
Unfortunately, I didn't get pics of the crock show or the really cool elephants I met. I was watching some guys getting a pic being lifted up by one of the elephants and suddenly I hear this huffing and puffing about an inch from my face. The other elephant smelled my Dentyne Ice gum I suppose and she was sniffing me. Have you ever had a trunk an inch in front of your face? It's a moving experience lemme tell you. So I bought up a basket of bananas and started feeding them to the two elephants one at a time. But my gum sniffing friend wasn't gonna stand for that. She reaches her trunk right into the basket of bananas and tried to get them ALL! ha ha ha. Bananas everywhere! So I'm trying to pick them up and feed them to the elephants and there were two trunks trying to beat me to the bananas. It was hilarious! They had a good feast though. And they thanked me by doing a little dance lifting one leg and swaying it back and forth in front of the other. I'll miss those old, grey, wrinkled girls.
I've met a couple of INSANE British guys here. They want to go out tonight to the shooting range. I think that sounds kind of cool so I think I better go. Wayne and Cy. I'll try to get some pics of us toting .45's or rifles or something. If I can. I hate to say this, but apart from the green apple splatters keeping me chained to my hotel room, this holiday has been relatively disaster free so far! Now I've just gone and jinxed myself. But that'll make for an interesting next entry. See ya then. I would include some pics but I am having trouble doing that from here. I can't figure out why. I will try from my computer when I get back to Korea. See ya then.
Well, I didn't make it to Kanchanaburi with Kasia. We went in opposite directions. She went north and I went south. As it turns out it was a good decision for both of us. She told me she had a great time up there seeing the bridge over the river Kwai, the tiger temple and the historical sites where all those people died. I, on the other hand, took a van to Pattaya and checked into the Welkom Inn. They gave me room number 2. Fitting because that's almost all I've done in the room to this point - number 2. I have had the wicked runs since I've been here and NOTHING is helping. However, somebody has room number 2 booked for tomorrow so I have to change. I'm hoping the room change will coincide with a change in bowel consistency.
I have managed to get out a little bit. I bought myself a snorkel and prescription mask at a nice dive shop here called Mermaid's I think. I have yet to use them due to the diarrhea, but I've extended my stay here in the hopes that I will overcome this ailment.
On a brighter note, I did have one good day while here. Good constitutionally speaking. So I went to the Million Year Stone and Crocodile Park. Or something like that. What a cool place that is! I just happen to like rocks and they have some petrified trees that are guestimated to be like a million years old. Plus some really interesting old rocks. And the gardening is unreal! Also they have some animals there that were a hoot! I actually fed a baby tiger. That was a thrill. They are just like really big cats. Very little difference that I can see. Boy was she pissed when I stopped feeding her too! Plus I made friends with some elephants and a couple birds. I fed some HUGE catfish that reminded me of prehistoric monsters. I saw some yahoos sticking their heads in crocodiles' mouths and I even got to feed the crocks myself! They put a rotten chicken on a long fishing pole and you hang it over the water and watch the crocks crawl all over each other coming way outta the water to get it. That crock puts up a helluva fight lemme tellya! Took the bait and snapped the line though. But I'll get her next time after she grows some. heh heh.
Unfortunately, my camera ran out of juice JUST as I bought a picture of me feeding the little tiger. I paid 40 baht, (a buck), for the chick to take a pic of me with my camera. When she pushed the button, the camera shut down. What a pisser! However, unbeknownst to me, whilst I was feeding the little feline there was an enterprising young Thai chick taking my pic with her own camera. Then while I was wandering around eating these AWESOME honey/orange popsicles they have here and sharing with a particularly friendly cockatoo who would lick it and then shake his head then come back and lick it and shake his head again, this young chick rides up to me on her bicycle and takes a really large photo out of the basket and hands it to me. I instinctively went into polite refusal mode but then I saw the photo. It was great! I paid 200 baht for it. (5 bucks). When I get back to Korea and my scanner, I'll be sure to include it here.
Unfortunately, I didn't get pics of the crock show or the really cool elephants I met. I was watching some guys getting a pic being lifted up by one of the elephants and suddenly I hear this huffing and puffing about an inch from my face. The other elephant smelled my Dentyne Ice gum I suppose and she was sniffing me. Have you ever had a trunk an inch in front of your face? It's a moving experience lemme tell you. So I bought up a basket of bananas and started feeding them to the two elephants one at a time. But my gum sniffing friend wasn't gonna stand for that. She reaches her trunk right into the basket of bananas and tried to get them ALL! ha ha ha. Bananas everywhere! So I'm trying to pick them up and feed them to the elephants and there were two trunks trying to beat me to the bananas. It was hilarious! They had a good feast though. And they thanked me by doing a little dance lifting one leg and swaying it back and forth in front of the other. I'll miss those old, grey, wrinkled girls.
I've met a couple of INSANE British guys here. They want to go out tonight to the shooting range. I think that sounds kind of cool so I think I better go. Wayne and Cy. I'll try to get some pics of us toting .45's or rifles or something. If I can. I hate to say this, but apart from the green apple splatters keeping me chained to my hotel room, this holiday has been relatively disaster free so far! Now I've just gone and jinxed myself. But that'll make for an interesting next entry. See ya then. I would include some pics but I am having trouble doing that from here. I can't figure out why. I will try from my computer when I get back to Korea. See ya then.
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